(OOC: Okay, I really should've posted by now. Also, I find it ridiculous that it took me two days to write this.)
Throlar sighed, "A lot, I'll try to cut it down to the bare minimum but be advised it'll take a while."
"Recently I've had cause to think about the first few quests I undertook as a member of Heroica. On my first quest, the one in R'kilf, I killed three people, one in a fight I was responsible for starting and two more who were drunk at the time in self defense. In addition to that I also lead several fighters into battle against the Pongcanis bandits that had taken over the town, a task I was not prepared for and my choices lead to several of them being killed. These are actions for which I felt the need to punish myself somehow. I was given a task to complete by lady Calaryl of R'kilf as some sort of penance for my actions but until recently I have not been able to complete it, and to be honest it didn't seem like enough. A later quest brought me to Babeleth, that one was also a complete failure, as you know already know considering that you and the other veterans were the ones who sent us on it. And you also no doubt had a hand in it's failure." here he stopped to briefly glare at the man in front of him.
"I suppose you know that I had a hand in the deaths of Orokai, someone who I rather liked, and Detraehd Loc, who I didn't like at all. Do you know that I had someone else traveling with me at the time of that fateful encounter? She was a zombie named Nazgulie who was acting as my guide at the time. She died in the battle and I wasn't able to prevent it. And after that was another quest where we had to transport several unpleasant artifacts to be destroyed by the paladin order. That one was weird and nightmarish in the extreme, and the paladin accompanying, a man named Rollinger, was killed in his sleep, within a very short distance from my own sleeping form, in mysterious circumstances that I've been unable to learn anything about since. Now isn't that a charming cavalcade of misery?"
"As you can probably tell these things were weighing rather heavily on my mind when I chose to become a Warden. I chose that particular path because I felt that it's protective abilities gave me a chance redeem myself for my... actions, and for my failures, while also giving me a way to, well, punish myself by putting myself on the receiving end of attacks meant for others. And because I'd recently met a druid and I was interested in the ability to talk to animals, but that's not important currently. Anyway, I've recently begun to feel that my choice was a mistake. I often find myself unconscious and unable to help, and I feel that my ability to aid my allies is hampered by a lack of choices available. But at the same time most of the quests I've been on recently have been left unmarred by any further events of the kind I've just described to you. It's given me some time to come to terms with my past. I still want to redeem myself but I recognize that there are better and less self-destructive ways of doing so. I've actually been thinking of becoming a paladin, especially after seeing you help Petaldan become one. Though I don't know who I'd be a paladin of as of yet. Do you think that would be possible?"