[SoNE Ep. V] Death From Above

[Lord Tyrus]

Sin: I hate Endor. Sir, can I get the next shuttle off this stinker of a planet?

Nom Carver: Not until we've cleared an area for the shield generator. Scout, you over there, keep strimming you slacker!

Nom Carver: And you, with the SaberSaw, clear that tree out of my way!

Stormtrooper: Yes sir!

Nom Carver: Good work.

Sin: What's that sir, in the treetops?

Nom Carver: It's an Ewok glider! GET DOWN!

Nom Carver: It got a scout with a pebble it threw! That's gotta hurt!

Nom Carver: Lord Tyrus, do you copy? Are you in your Low Altitude Deforestation Vehicle?

Sergeant Tyrus: It's Sergeant Tyrus actually, the Empire promoted me for my efforts at Sullust, anyway, of course I'm in my LADV!

Nom Carver: We need you down here, we got a glider and one of us is already hit!

Sergeant Tyrus: Certainly sir, I'm on my way!

Sergeant Tyrus: He's in my sights!

Sergeant Tyrus: Got 'im!

A little while later...

Nom Carver: Thank you Sergeant Tyrus, you saved mine and my squad's lives I will ensure that High Command knows about your efforts.

Sergeant Tyrus: Thank you sir.

Nom Carver: We must continue with the mission. I will see you later...

Sin: If we ever get off this mudball...

[Nom Carver]

Your "LADV" looks very nice, and the setting works great with the natural vegetation, I also like the way that light beam hits the orange "saber saw" (?), it makes it look very deadly, oh and thanks again for saving us, I will get you transfered back to a civilized system as soon as posible .

And one more thing, the judges may want to see your scene standing alone without the real plants, but I am not sure.

[MontyPython]

It's very interesting idea, mixing nature with bricks. Fire-plane looks very nice.

[markus1984]

YES, BURN down Endor .

Great MOC and nice Story!

Love it that you take the MOC in the real landscape - looks very good!

markus

[Wat Tambor]

Nice creation and I also like the fact that you have taken the pictures outside, that works quite well.

The story is also good, it's always great to see when someone includes another character from SoNE besides his own in the creations.

[Lord Tyrus]

It's very interesting idea, mixing nature with bricks. Fire-plane looks very nice.

YES, BURN down Endor .

Great MOC and nice Story!

Love it that you take the MOC in the real landscape - looks very good!

markus

Nice creation and I also like the fact that you have taken the pictures outside, that works quite well.

The story is also good, it's always great to see when someone includes another character from SoNE besides his own in the creations.

Thanks, I'm glad you all enjoyed the story and the outside pics. As you can probably tell, I'm not much of a storyteller, you should see BEAvER about long stories!

Your "LADV" looks very nice, and the setting works great with the natural vegetation, I also like the way that light beam hits the orange "saber saw" (?), it makes it look very deadly, oh and thanks again for saving us, I will get you transfered back to a civilized system as soon as posible .

And one more thing, the judges may want to see your scene standing alone without the real plants, but I am not sure.

Ah... well there's not much of the dio left I'm afraid. I can try and rebuild it though. BTW, Thanks for the feedback, and I'm very glad I'm being transferred! I think it's best if Sin is moved too!

As for the lighted SaberSaw, it was a pure accident, I didn't realize until I looked at the pics and a mistake became a good effect!

Edited June 16, 2014 by Lord Tyrus

[BEAVeR]

I can also write long comments, if that is good for you . But your story is already pretty nice. You have some exposition, sudden events and a bit of character development in there, so well done. You're still writing in cliches (I think in each and every episode, some one has complained that he hates the planet!), so try to go for something more original next time. It's very hard to give suggestions about it, but maybe some more fleshed out dialogue with actual content rather then just this bickering (which is quite realistic though, I imagine) could give you the opportunity to further deepen your characters and situation. Anyway, I trust your capabilities!

The build itself is really nice, and in fact it's very hard to tell where the build ends and real nature takes over. Well done! I like the sheer variation in landscape, with the foliage covering the ground, the bare earth, little trees and bigger ones. The touches of color are really nice and set you scenery apart. It may not have appeared in the movies, but it works and there is still room outside the movies. I like those blackened tops of the tree stumps, and the fact that there is foliage before you, but clear ground where you come from. Those details really help to tell the story of the troops cutting and burning their way through the forest, and I really like that kind of story-telling as well! the glow of the saw fits in this theme as well, and it is beautiful as well! The Ewok glider - while simple - is very nice, maybe even because of its simplicity. Some damage would be nice though, since it would be very unlikely to see such clean vessel out there in the jungle. You already modestly began with such detailing, as I see some relief with plates. Some tiles and grills would be nice, and some different shades like dark red. Maybe even a little hole... but all in all I really like that glider, and that shape is very Ewok-like, but again different from the movies. I really appreciate this kind of creativity . I also like the contrast in color with the LADV. That one is more complicated, and rather utalitarian looking. The two containers at the back with the hoses to the front are very good finds. But... I think it might look a bit too Rebel-like, and it doesn't look very appropriate to navigate through thight jungle with those broad wings. Something more slim could be appropriate, but then you would loose the ironical resemblance to a firefighter plane . Maybe foldable wings would bring the best of both worlds?

I already said that I like the varied landscape. But they don't coexist very well... the transitions between the different facets are a bit too harsh. Some cheese slopes on the soil, and some height difference, and some olive green and dark tan near the border would sooth it out, both in color as in texture. Also, keep the logical height difference in mind. The bare soil should be on a bit lower level than the foliage, obviously. So you can't just place those plant pieces right on the base plate. You could raise that foliage a plate or two (consuming a lot of parts...) or working with more vertical but dense foliage. This could hang over the soil, making for a more irregular edge. Even wedge plates could be employed to get rid of the hard edges. The foliage in the distance could also be a bit higher (a little trick could be to set the plate where they're standing on at an angle). And the foliage near the trees could be a bit denser, maybe with some climbing plants. Finally, the short but thick trees aren't very realistic, especially considering the very natural background. I prefer to see them narrow and tall. The foliage on the tree could even be absent, considering the way you shoot it all.

On the whole, a very nice creation. It only needs some brushing up, and then you'll have both a nicer MOC and a nicer story. And an even more impressive entry for the Empire!

[Dapper-D2]

I see you’ve updated the thread and added a ship when I wasn’t looking, I love it! The ship is very nicely done and the way you’ve made the cockpit open is brilliant. Great entry!

[Lord Tyrus]

I can also write long comments, if that is good for you . But your story is already pretty nice. You have some exposition, sudden events and a bit of character development in there, so well done. You're still writing in cliches (I think in each and every episode, some one has complained that he hates the planet!), so try to go for something more original next time. It's very hard to give suggestions about it, but maybe some more fleshed out dialogue with actual content rather then just this bickering (which is quite realistic though, I imagine) could give you the opportunity to further deepen your characters and situation. Anyway, I trust your capabilities!

The build itself is really nice, and in fact it's very hard to tell where the build ends and real nature takes over. Well done! I like the sheer variation in landscape, with the foliage covering the ground, the bare earth, little trees and bigger ones. The touches of color are really nice and set you scenery apart. It may not have appeared in the movies, but it works and there is still room outside the movies. I like those blackened tops of the tree stumps, and the fact that there is foliage before you, but clear ground where you come from. Those details really help to tell the story of the troops cutting and burning their way through the forest, and I really like that kind of story-telling as well! the glow of the saw fits in this theme as well, and it is beautiful as well! The Ewok glider - while simple - is very nice, maybe even because of its simplicity. Some damage would be nice though, since it would be very unlikely to see such clean vessel out there in the jungle. You already modestly began with such detailing, as I see some relief with plates. Some tiles and grills would be nice, and some different shades like dark red. Maybe even a little hole... but all in all I really like that glider, and that shape is very Ewok-like, but again different from the movies. I really appreciate this kind of creativity . I also like the contrast in color with the LADV. That one is more complicated, and rather utalitarian looking. The two containers at the back with the hoses to the front are very good finds. But... I think it might look a bit too Rebel-like, and it doesn't look very appropriate to navigate through thight jungle with those broad wings. Something more slim could be appropriate, but then you would loose the ironical resemblance to a firefighter plane . Maybe foldable wings would bring the best of both worlds?

I already said that I like the varied landscape. But they don't coexist very well... the transitions between the different facets are a bit too harsh. Some cheese slopes on the soil, and some height difference, and some olive green and dark tan near the border would sooth it out, both in color as in texture. Also, keep the logical height difference in mind. The bare soil should be on a bit lower level than the foliage, obviously. So you can't just place those plant pieces right on the base plate. You could raise that foliage a plate or two (consuming a lot of parts...) or working with more vertical but dense foliage. This could hang over the soil, making for a more irregular edge. Even wedge plates could be employed to get rid of the hard edges. The foliage in the distance could also be a bit higher (a little trick could be to set the plate where they're standing on at an angle). And the foliage near the trees could be a bit denser, maybe with some climbing plants. Finally, the short but thick trees aren't very realistic, especially considering the very natural background. I prefer to see them narrow and tall. The foliage on the tree could even be absent, considering the way you shoot it all.

On the whole, a very nice creation. It only needs some brushing up, and then you'll have both a nicer MOC and a nicer story. And an even more impressive entry for the Empire!

Thanks a tonne for the long comment, I really appreciate the time you spend to write these mammoth texts! Thanks for the feedback, although I don't think I would be allowed to edit the build now that the episode is over. I would have liked to build better trees, but like many others, my greys and blacks far outnumber my greens and browns. I thought I'd be able to let the size of the LADV and the distance apart of the trees go without being noticed, and I was successful until you commented!

Anyway, thanks for the comment!

I see you’ve updated the thread and added a ship when I wasn’t looking, I love it! The ship is very nicely done and the way you’ve made the cockpit open is brilliant. Great entry!

Have I? I haven't changed anything since I first posted as far as I know... Anyway, thanks for the feedback!

Edited June 29, 2014 by Lord Tyrus