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Mr. Crimson

Attack on Port Williams

7 posts in this topic

indexed.gif Vig. 45c

Here is my contest entry! Additional photos will be found at my brickshelf homepage: http://www.brickshelf.com/cgi-bin/gallery.cgi?f=354253

:jollyroger:

EDIT: Here is my revised entry. Enjoy! Thanks for the suggestions!

Port Williams was a perfect town. It had a lookout tower, a gunpowder store... and even hidden treasure! The treasure, though, had been hidden somewher under the town and was unable to be found.

The disappearance of the treasure, however, did not discourage pirates from searching for it. Enter Captain Crimson. A ruthless tyrant, he decided to completely annilhilate the small town. Unprepared for such a cruel attack, the soldiers weren't ready. They decided to stand their ground against the menace.

ptvrevised1.jpg

ptvrevised2.jpg

ptvrevised3.jpg

ptv3a.jpg

ptvrevised4.jpg

ptvrevised6.jpg

Please leave comments! Feel free to critisize where needed, but I doubt I'll have any time to fix them. :pir_laugh2:

Thanks!

Edited by SlyOwl

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My opinion:

A fairly good entry, it lacks some finishing and details though, I would advise to rework it a bit and then you're ready to compete with the top-entries :thumbup: !

Possible improvements:

1) I just don't like the long white 'smoketrail' of the fired cannon, I think it is overdone. I would remove it, but off course it's your MOC, not mine.

2) Do you have more pirates and/or boats? The water looks a bit empty IMHO. In this case I personnaly would have prefered using SNOT, just to make it appear less empty by adding waves and stuff. I would also add a few rocks in the water.

3) I would really tile up more space, like the white bricks above the statue.

4) Some additional details to finish it better: adding animals like birds or fish, a few more plants and an extra palmtree, plumes for the tricorne hats,...

5) Minor point: I see much bombarding and some fighting, as well as destroyed walls and houses. But what I miss is blood and victims that are ripped appart :pir-devil: ! Not for me, but a lot of people like it and just might give you extra credit for it.

Non-brick related advise:

1) you really should try deeplinking your pictures. Read this tutorial to discover how, else your entry might not even be judged!

2) Try to show off your new guards and minifigs a bit, it is something to be proud of and it is always better to show as many faces as possible on your first picture.

Edited by zorro3999

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I think that you did a nice job with your entry.

The buildings are lovely, the brown building's roof is superb and so is the fire.

Your palm tree is nice as well and adds a lot of color where it is. Lastly, great work with the minifigs flying off of the buildings and road. It really has lots of exciting action.

Some improvements you could make are:

1) You definitely should deep-link your pictures. The tutorial Zorro posted will certainly help you with that.

2) The red pieces on top of the palm tree look very out of place. If, you don't have the appropriate green pieces, just not putting any on the tree would work fine.

3) Your water lacks a bit of detail. I would suggest tiling it all, or just leaving it un-tiled. Adding some white plates or tiles placed randomly near the shore would look nice as waves.

4) Some more plants and animals would be a welcome addition.

5) Tiling some of the exposed studs on the white building, and on some other areas, would give your entry a much smoother look.

6) Some more blood and dead bodies would add cruelty, along with filling up your entry a little.

7) Adding some more boats in the water if you have them would be great.

=============================================================

You've done a good job so far, and with a few more touch-ups, it will be even better!

You'd better hurry though, only 1 more day until the end. Good luck in the contest! :pir-classic:

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The problem is that I have a very little amount of pieces, like more boats and animals. And I have barely any white tiles. :pir_bawling:

The exposed section, though, was meant to be cannonball damage. :pir-sceptic:

I'll try to add the rest, though it would have to be the three hours I have tonight. I'm going away this weekend, so I will probably not have a chance to post final photos.

Thanks for the suggestions!

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that's a good entry, the upper part of the principal building is not well built, if you see what I mean, we can see some studs betweens the bricks ^^

also, if you don't have enough tiles to entirely tile the sea, I would suggest to just remove the tiles, it gives it a strange looks

apart from this, I like your cave and your canon smoke ^^ that's niice!

you did a nice job with this entry, if you improve it just a little you'll have a really nice entry for this contest^^ good luck man! :thumbup:

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Opinion

You have a decent entry here Mr.Crimson. The battle scene looks very brutal. I like the cannon smoke following the cannonball. I like that there is a lot of blood pouring out everywhere. The tan building roof is pretty nice. It reminds me of the Krusty Crab roof. I like that the pirate is throwing a villager of the side of the dock. I like that you have included a rainbow parrot and a monkey.

Possible Improvements

1) It looks like you have started to put tiles on the water, than stopped. I would finish putting down blue tiles.

2) I would put a cannon with a guard on the top of the white building.

3) Put a shark or shark fin sticking out of the water.

Non-Brick Related

1) I would re-take you forth and fifth picture because they are a bit fuzzy.

2) Some grammar/spelling mistakes to fix. An example, annilhilate, somewher. It should be annihilate and somewhere.

Overall- You have a good MOC, but it looks like an average MOC to me. I would try to add some more detail into your MOC to make it look better. I wish you the best of luck!

LegoKing

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