Shadows

Hey, I interviewed myself once, I might as well be the first alternate personality guest and first death also.

Looks like you people managed to attract the attention of the local media ... The whole story.

Welcome to another exciting episode of EB News Presents! I'm your host, Imperial Shadows, and tonight is going to be a very different episode of EB News, as we're actually going to present ... news! Yes, that's right, an actual news broadcast! EB News: We Bring You the Real News ... Whenever We Feel Like it!™ Tonight, we're going inside a secret military operation to expose corruption, murder, and other nasty things that I won't spoil by telling you now. Let's get started! It has recently come to the attention of the EB News Team that Rebel and Imperial forces are in negotiations to bring peace to the galaxy, but can they even bring peace to their own ranks? It doesn't seem like it. Apparently, in the course of the negotiations, both sides have come to the conclusion that there are spies in their ranks, and are actively voting to kill these spies, despite having no evidence as to their identities. Yes, that's right, they're simply guessing who might be a spy and then murdering them in cold blood. Don't believe me? We've managed to tap into the internal security cams and captur one such murder, that of Ivy Shadowspark. From what we've been able to determine, Miss Shadowspark was a loyal and brave member of the team who, at one time, dated none other than the painting of Luke Skywalker. She also had fabulous hair. How could they make a mistake like this? How could they condemn this noble and incredibly hot woman clearly in her prime? Now, here is the shocking footage. Sadly, the audio track was unusable but we were able to assemble what we hope is a reasonably accurate transcript that will appear below the footage. I will also add comments to describe the action. As the footage begins, it's obvious that Miss Shadowspark was awakened in the middle of the night by a knock at her door. She rises and prepares to answer. Ivy Shadowspark: I'll be right there, I'm just putting on my ... um ... I'll be right there! At this point, she moves to her wig stand and puts it on. Who knew that fabulous hair was a wig? Ivy Shadowspark: I'm almost decent, one more second! Miss Shadowspark goes to the door, but is cautious. Ivy Shadowspark: Who is it? Unidentified voice: I brought you a birthday gift, I'd really like to give it to you! Ivy Shadowspark: A gift? For me? YAY! As she opens the door, she recognises the visitor, but we are unable to see who it is. She invites him in, thinking it's a friendly visit. Ivy Shadowspark: Oh, do come in, it's so nice of you to stop by. Unidentified Voice: Just turn around and I'll give you your surprise. Ivy Shadowspark: OK! Poor Ivy, unable to see what the man had behind his back, turns to await her 'surprise'. Unidentified Voice: Hold still! Ivy Shadowspark: I'm so excited! You all are so great to get me something special for my birthday! I can't believe it! Unidentified Voice: Uh huh. Happy birthday! This next scene is pretty disturbing. I would suggest that our more sensitive viewers look away. Unidentified Voice: Do you remember when the commander said we had to catch the spies or heads would roll? Ivy Shadowspark: Yeah. But how do you roll a head? I never got that. Unidentified Voice: You'll get it now. :skull: The axe comes down quickly, Ivy's head bounces to the floor, her body still frozen in place momentarily. You can see the grimacing expression on her face as she realises that the gift isn't anything she'd want. This next part even disturbed me, but I'll let you be the judge of it. Unidentified Voice: Wow, she was pretty hot in this outfit. It's so lonely out here on this mission... At this point, the unidentified murderer covers the security camera. We are unable to accurately say what happened after that, we'll leave it to your twisted imaginations. So there you have it, the death of Ivy Shadowspark, and an inside look at the type of corruption that surrounds these 'peace' proceedings. With a peace like that, maybe we'd be better off with war. Thank you for joining me for this very important episode. If we are able to gather any more inside footage, we'll be sure to share it right here, but don't count on it, it's a lot of effort. I'm Imperial Shadows, and you're not. Goodnight! *camera fades*

I'm telling you, he must have jumped under that carriage, and before it's over, we all will!

No reason. Oh, well, you know, valkyries are hot, not like elfgirl hot, but pretty hot and all with their big, round, firm ... shields. Ok, seriously, we've go to get started on our various tasks before someone says something embarrassing our poor black death patient dies in the train there. We can't forget about her. Er. Him. Yeah, him. *whispers incredibly quietly* Watch her, she's as crazy as the townfolk ... *

Admiral Blaire: "Me too, but don't tell him..." Admiral Blaire: "So, the Jedi says to the Wookie bartender..." Somewhere in the distance a voice rings out. A loud voice. ADMIRAL!!! Admiral Blaire: "Gotta go now!"

... enough crap to weigh the train down. No wonder we didn't make it to LA. It's a good thing this wasn't a Mystery Cruise or we'd be sloshing on the bottom of the ocean by now. Do you have any little painted valkyries in there? You know, the kind with the ... oh, um, nevermind. I don't know anything about that stuff. Dork.

We kept hearing about a master key in the possession of two of the crew, so I had reason to wonder. I would certainly hope so. Perhaps, if it isn't too much trouble, I might have a private word with you, which would not require dynamic movement, but might be enlightening.

Given the amount of hanky panky that took place around the lockers, are you absolutely certain that everything you think is there, actually is? I wouldn't rely on what you think you have. ... or crush them to death with books.

Commander Blazer: "We don't do do-overs in the Rebellion!"

Could we have roast beast for dinner, please?

It's 'chauvinist', dear. She gets so cute when she's upset.

Does anyone know if Quarryman is at the event?

Yeah Howie, that one is mine, unless Big Rig turns out ok, or the farmer has a daughter, or ... Maybe you should go in Eleanor's group.

*The Imperial March plays in the background* Well well, look at what we have here, a bunch of so called Imperial troops who just sit around doing nothing all day. I'M NOT HAVING IT! We're Imperials, dammit, we're better than this! Do you know that those confounded Rebels have almost completed their voting for the day, yet NOT A SINGLE ONE OF YOU HAS VOTED! NOT ONE! YOU'RE ALL IN DEEP BANTHA PODO! Except you, Pepper, er, um, Pvt. Fletchman, you're doing a damn fine job, keep it up. Now, if I hear one more joke, one more snide little comment, especially about me, one more bit of useless rambling, I'm going to kill one of you on the spot. ON. THE. SPOT. *points at the ground* THAT SPOT. RIGHT THERE. DO YOU HEAR ME? GET TO WORK! 36 hours remain before the end of the day. USE THEM WISELY!

*whispers loudly* It's that uptight one who calls herself Eleanor. She's all yours!

How to upload pictures to Brickshelf How to post and deeplink pictures Good luck!

I'm sure we can make some kind of arrangement.

I thought that was Herman.

That might be your best choice of all, the group with the mayor, I'm sure they could use your insight into his insanity.

Geez, I had the weirdest dream... whatever team has Hell-anor, watch her, she might be violent. I'm going with team 1, clearly the important thing here is to get the train back up and running, and that's the only group that seems to be doing anything in that direction. You all go play on the farm or go shopping.

Voting update: 6 of the 8 surviving members of the team have voted, with 3 different targets selected. A consensus is not possible. Nice job, doofuses.

Oh great, she likes me too. How am I going to deal with two women? (Ah, the true value of being staff comes when you need to make a post that can't be replied to)

We can't let you in, as much as we'd love to. There's a sick patient aboard, case of um, black death, haven't seen one like it since, oh, before your grandpappy was born. We need to get him up to the hospital in, er, Ma, Mer, Mocha Grande! Yes, Mocha Grande! It's a fairly new town up the way a bit, has one heck of a nice hospital and they say the coffee is great all over town. So, it's better you don't come aboard, and maybe the sooner we could get moving on, the better, you know, for the patient. But we'll come back and visit, honest.

Um... ok. Well, that's interesting Howard. We sort of forgot about you. Bet that happens a lot and all, but we didn't mean anything by it. Where are my manners? Did we offer you anything to eat? Schmelt! Could you maybe come up with a big heavy metal platter of some kind of really disgusting food that no one else wants to eat so I can hit Howard in the head with it a nice plate of food for our guest? That's how you whisper! He can't see anything but the normal part, it's the law. While we're waiting for your food, why don't you tell me some more about this fine town. Oh, but first, do you recognise anyone aboard the train? For some reason, I get the funny feeling that one of us has been here before.