Lord-Koji

Wasn't Gresh's a chain, not a necklace? Or did you mean a chain necklace? I thought it meant a weapon chain. Anyway, the Erax cameo, the Certavus/Escalus relation, and Certavus's death are all nice to see. The civilization of Bota Magna is more interesting as you write more on it as well. But...a root or tree that lets the planet live. If it's just Bota, it'll make sense. If you pull a RomeoxJuliet and make it support the entire world, and that they both end up dead to keep it alive...then I'll be annoyed. You do well now paying homage, but not copying too much. Copying an ending like that would be terrible. But we have yet to get that far, so I can't really say anything yet.

At least if they had kept it alive, we'd have gotten a proper relocation, instead of just one year of BM and then the end.

Bota Magna? Interesting place for Paradise. And Lein lives? Interesting. Can't wait to see the war between the villages, that'll be good, I'm sure. Though Gresh saying he's bored at the end, I think you could interpret that multiple ways. Most of them involving sex.

A few problems I found were one translation seemed off. It had Kiina and Gresh in the Italian, yet nothing in the translation. Act 8 I think. 9 had a few gramatical problems I noticed. But, enough of that. The chapters have been good. The wedding and other Malum/Vorox scenes were good. It was a good way to handle the entire situation with the wedding. As for Tajun and Tesara, I'm glad that things are getting bad between them. A battle is going to end up being a good plot for it, and I can't wait to see how this situation plays out, especially with the Ice Tribe as well.

Psionics

Nice to finally get a name on Sand. Anyway, the sanctuary, interesting, based on what we heard of it from Malum's scene. Sounds like that'll be an interesting location to read about if we ever get there. And, with the Lords free, any battles we see will be a lot more interesting.

I haven't had a chance to read it yet.

Tensions are about to rise between Jungle and Water. Sounds like a good conflict is about to come to pass. An interesting look into the Skrall and how they once were, under Starax (sp), and some new information from Tajun and Raanu's group. Covered a lot of bases, and worked well for each one.

Why not just post the DA version on here as well? Or are the rules allowing swearing, but not anything mature (which I am guessing is going to be a prelude to a sex scene, or something)?

I still wonder why Kiina wears a dress under her armor... Anyway, the Italian conversations got a lot better. I commend you for that. However, referring continually to Kiina's disguised form as "he" or "him" outside of speech seemed off. Once we knew it was her, you should have switched it back to "she" and "her" and stuff like that. Good chapter, though. The sword is interesting, and I wait to see what else it can do.

I'm not going to vote, I'm just going to make my point. Yes. This should be made. After 10 years, this should be made. And Smeagol erasing the data on BZP for the polls is just low. He can go screw himself. The BZP admins/mods/whatever are just flaunting power almost every time I see them. This isn't an exception.

Ah, Vastus's venom, more focus on female characters, which is something I associate with your writing now, and the EL's. This was a well balanced chapter and got enough information across, wrapping up the cave, the battle, and starting us off with Brutus, good work. My main problem is once more, you portray the Skrall as corrupt from some other medium, it seems. Once more portrayed as once good, or loyal beings. Some people are just inherently evil, and that's what the Skrall really are. But then again, you just said loyal, that doesn't equate to "good". I hold judgment until more is learned.

The Element Lords aren't composed of their elements, so I don't know if that was a mistake for Fire becoming steam, or if that was of his will or something. Anyway, the names are interesting. Brutus...what's that from? A Shakespearean play, right? And Escalus was the prince of Verona, obviously. One thing I'm not so sure of is these "children" part. But I'll reserve all judgment on that until I see exactly what they are. No need to start commenting on anything yet. I half expected Kiina, somehow, to be Gresh's opponent. While Vastus is a good opponent, I think Kiina in her disguise would have been a good choice, that Gresh wouldn't have known during the battle, or something. Well, good chapter, all in all. The Italian really improved, and this was probably the best chapter yet.

Just a word of advice. Even in tags, don't reveal plot points like that. It's usually not appreciated, and is best left to be learned via reading. That's why I never said anything on BMC in the review topic, like never saying the names of the arcs, or revealing that no characters are safe, or what the Heaven's Disaster was (instead, waited about sixty something chapters to reveal that in story). It's just better to wait than to give information ahead of time.

A good chapter. The interactions were well written. But, I must say, the Romeo x Juliet stuff is not expected. Reading the RxJ stuff in there just turned me off a bit. Borrowing from it isn't bad, using "Capulet" and "Montague" isn't bad (unless it really starts to copy). The end of RxJ with the wings, though. That's turning me off of this, just like the countless Tsubasa parallels that started to pile up. I think you need to work on your homages.

Damn. The only reason I hate that is because I wanted some new summer sets. Now I have to rely on MOCs alone for my 2010 installment of the Bara Magna Chronicles-my BM epic. Oh well. I don't get sets anyway. As long as the story goes on.

The Italian titles are great, I give you that. What I'm saying is you need to give more Italian lines to characters, in my opinion, or actually give them an Italian conversation. The lines as they are now seem random, like "English" "Italian" "English" "end of scene". It should flow better, like "Italian" "Italian" "Italian" "end of scene", or something like that.

This was a good chapter. I think you accomplished more in this chapter than in various chapters of your other six that were more or less just events. I think you got that down better now, it felt like I was actually getting somewhere, faster, and with more information. My concern was the Italian. It seemed sporadic to have one character speak an Italian line, and then for the rest of the conversation, nothing, or maybe just one more line. I think you need a better balance of the languages, so the Italian doesn't feel tacked on.

That's starting to make more sense. And why did Kiina need to disguise herself? So the Skrall would hopefully pursue a figure who doesn't exist, based on how she appeared then?

I see you threw in your KiinaxAckar love in there. Nice job with that. What I thought could have been done better was explaining why there's a dance going on. This is a time of war, and two villages were just massacred. I fail to see why they would want a dance or celebration of any sort in Tajun.

I'm not sure what I enjoyed more. I'd have to reread a lot, and don't have the time to do that (hell, hardly have the time to write what I need to anymore now that I'm watching Garo and trying to catch up on Kamen Rider W). Can't wait for the new one.

You mean the dimension hoping journey? More complicated to follow, but I think less worlds, wasn't it? Well, both were good. I don't prefer one over the other.

How would you forget? And personally, I think even putting "Tsubasa" as a name in there did nothing for the story. They were called that for all of what, one panel in the manga? Even if Syaoran and Sakura are assumed names, it's what they went by for the entirety of the series. It's much better to simply used assumed names if those are more commonly used than the real names.

The memorial ceremony was brief, but it lasted for some time. Ok, that just doesn't sound right. Brief is short, it can't be "some time" since that's usually used to mean a fairly long span of time. Well, the epilogue wrapped it all up nicely. I can't speak much for it, since like a good epilogue, it wrapped things up very well. Although, lack of detail is something I happened to notice this time, like when they went to the temple. That was it. No explanations of things around them, what the statues looked like, etc. By the way, continuing to type "Sakura/Tsubasa" or "Syaoran/Tsubasa" was annoying. I don't think you needed to do that every time. Just call them by "Sakura" and "Syaoran" and you should have no problems, especially since the clones never spoke as "Clone (insert name)", but rather as "Syarix" and "Sakari". That's the advice I have for you, and the review that I formulated through it.

A long exposition that wrapped up both this and Tsubasa, more or less. Good job with that one. It's been a long and enjoyable read thus far. I'll be awaiting the epilogue, and closure.