Zilcho

Hi Matt, I like your storyline and appreciate it being a little more serious than other entries. I do feel, however, that you cold have replaced some of the speech with some narrative as the heavy speech makes the reader only aware of what's happening to the characters at hand. There are also a couple of grammatical errors I found: The me should be I as it is nominative, not accusative or simpler: Jack is doing something, not having something done to him. The whilst, for me, sounds better than and, but that's just personal preference. Other than that, this is a well constructed story, well done and good luck!

This is a very solid piece of writing, Whitefang. I especially like your accompanying picture, despite its lack of association with the story. I also like your use of fine vocabulary and description in your opening narrative. I think you have managed to create the perfect balance of speech and narrative in this story. I also think the cliffhanger at the end is very good as its not been used too much in this competition. Well done and good luck!

Thanks, I guess the inflation charges must have a big effect on PotC because it is quite popular and well known.

I think instead of Davy Jones + Fish dude it should of had some skeleton crew from the first movie.

I recently compared the £70 Medieval Market village with about 1200 peices to the PotC Whitecap Bay with the same price tag but about half as many peices. Why does it cost so much? Is this a set-specific thing, as it does include many rare peices? Or is it to do with the licensing of the set? Do most licensed sets cost as much? Thanks

Hi Legolooney, this is a very interesting story with a strong, original plot line. Unfourtunately, though, it is still over the word limit which means you won't be eligible for winning a prize. Don't let this daunt your spirit though, as this is a very good piece of writing and had the word limit been higher you sure would have had a good chance of winning. I feel your story could also do with a picture of either the first brick on the island or the point where Jack and Gibbs appear in the classics' pirate ship. Other than that this story is very well written and you have used lots of description and narrative as opposed to the speech which a lot of people have used in their stories. I like that fact because narrative helps move the story along whislt giving the reader a view of what is going on. Well done on a good peice of writing.

Thanks Mythos, this helps a lot!

Hi blackpyre! This is a very good story! It's very well written and it has a nice mix of narrative and speech which a lot of the other entries do not have. The thing I like a lot about this story is the reference to lego's way of building prisons and especially Jack's final remark which I found very funny. The only criticism I could make is not a very big one in my mind. I feel your picture could have added a bit more to the story by maybe having jack's head leaning out the back of a prison. As I said, though, this, in my mind, is not a very big deal as this is writing competition. Very good luck!

Thanks Captain Blackmoor, I've checked pick a brick but I don't think they have any cannons. If anyone has any information on ppick a brick cannons, do tell!

Does anyone know of anywhere to buy cannons other than bricklink? Also, which category are they in bricklink as I can't find them? Thanks!

Thanks yys4u and Benbrick, those pictures are very good. Although I would have prefered it to be a two-decker, it would have to have a bigger price tag. I think there should be at least 3 rows of cannons as the current state of the ship is a bit short and it reminds me of the recent pirate ship in 2008. I also feel the minifigures are out of place. The fish guy, Bootstrap Bill and Davy Jones should, as Wellington said, be on the Flying Dutchman. They should have instead added crew, whether they be movie-accurate or not. I feel having only 3 people on a ship is a bit empty.

Hi SilvaShado, I think you have a great idea for a story but unfourtunately its full potential was limited due to the word cap; With a couple dozen extra words you could have definatily made an outstanding story. The reason you could have done with some more words is that it is hard to follow the story because of the lack of description. If you had added more description, however, you would have had to have cut down on the speech which keeps the story moving. I also think grouping your lines into paragraphs would have made the story easier to decipher, such as: Although it would have had to been tweaked to make more sense by removing the first line and adding their names, this would make have made it clearer to the reader when something is beginning/ending. Other than that I think your story is very good and I also like the fact you included the pirate board game. I hope you appreciate my advice and I wish you the best of luck in the competition!

I like this story a lot because it is a lot different to most of the other stories. Whereas the other stories mostly include deceptions by Jack and boat battles, yours is... different, in a good way. I like the way you have related the story to real life in the sense of the PotC characters being put into a draw with random bricks. This design also makes me think of Toy Story, which was a good movie trilogy. I also like the unity displayed at the end of the story between the PotC and the classic pirates. Although the Fabuland dog is out of place I think it adds a lot to the story. As for the grammatical construction of the story I think there is a lot of speech which isn't too bad as there is no need for a description of a pile of bricks. However, I feel you could have shortened the speech just a bit to make room for a bit more narrative to allow the story to flow easier. I also saw that you mentioned yourself as a non-native English speaker and this story, to me, is very well written considering it is not in your main language. This is a very different story which definitely stands out from everyone else's stories!

Well done Bricks4Fun! This is an incredibly funny story. Before I read the story I looked at the picture and that itself made me laugh out loud. The picture also adds a lot of description to the story which it itself lacks due to the heavy speech. The speech was a double edged sword for your entry, on one hand it added most of the humor which is your story's main focus but on the other it makes the story harder to follow and comprehend. Other than that fault this story is very good and is very Jack-like. I especially liked the Captain "Backside" jokes. This is a very strong contender for the competition, very well done to you!

This is quite entertaining, Artifex. There were a few humorous parts, including the first couple and last lines. Overall I felt the story was a little hard to understand; the part explaining Brickbeard and Jack's past together could have been in one paragraph to simplify things. I also feel that the heavy speech means the story lacks in detail, this, however, was due to the 300 word restriction. If you had 400 - 500 words I am sure you could have created a funny and interesting story with a lot of detail making it clear what is happening. Having said that I do like your story. I especially liked how you took a scene from the second movie and mixed it with some of the classic pirate characters and sets. Well done and I wish you good luck in the competition.

I like this story a lot, it was very well constructed and easy to follow. The picture you added was also very good and it meant you could focus on more on the story as opposed to setting the scene in your text. Your description of their actions were very well written and gave the characters a lot more pirate-like feel. This is an excellent entry and you should be very proud.

This was a very strong entry, Buddy. I like the extensive use of descriptive words which made a clear image in my head. I commend you for being able to tell so much, in terms of story, whilst at the same time being able to beautifully describe the scenes. Despite the lack of action this is still a very captivating story and is something you could very well imagine Jack doing in one of the movies. Well done!

This is simply amazing! It is so big but at the same time it is very detailed! You must have spent many days on this! I think it would be awesome if, when you finished it you had a massive battle across the whole area.

My votes: 1 point to myself :) 1 point to "A new set acquired" by MstrOfPppts 1 point to "The Compass" by Rocket Season And finally: 2 points to Alaina Cillis' "No match". I found this story very entertaining.

This is a very good moc. The sails are simply amazing! Keep up the good work!

My entry for the POTC writing story, titled "Awkward Encounters". So without further ado: Captain Jack stood on the Queen Anne's Revenge's deck. He slowly pulled out his telescope and extended it to the its maximum extent. He looked into. Suddenly he caught sight of a boat approaching fast. "Bring her around!" Yelled Jack, "Set her on a course due west!" At this point Jack remembered all the crew of the Queen Anne had been tied to the mast of the ship due to their resistance of Jacks commandeering of the ship. Jack stared at them and saw utter hatred in each of their eyes. He then ran up to the wheel, which he turned to escape the now terrifying ship. After half an hour of drinking rum and forgetting about the pursuing ship, a loud bang erupted across the ship. Jack quickly ran out of the captains quarters in enough time to witness the middle mast fall into the sea. As Jack turned to the starboard side he saw the ship that had been chasing him. A man with a red beard burst onto the deck. He was followed by 20 more men each carrying arms. "This ship now be belonging to Red Beard!" proclaimed the leading man. "A Red Beard is in no way as intimidating as a black one." This coming from a man having recently released himself of Jacks binds. "Black Beard!" Red Beard growled, "I wanted to meet you!" Having said this, Red Beard drew his pistol and shot him. "That wasn't Black Beard." Jack pointed out. A cutlass sabre had appeared around Red Beard's neck. "That is Black Beard." Jack added. "You are my prisoner." Black Beard declared to Red Beard. At this moment Jack and Red Beard's crew jumped back onto Red Beard's ship. "I am your captain." Declared Jack. "Follow that ship!" Ordered Black Beard.