blackpyre

Thanks for all the comments. I don't know what happened to the picture I put up. I'm guessing it has something to do with BrickShelf reviewing it. Oh, and the spaces between paragraphs was a technique I learned to employ when writing for the web. It's used for the reasons you stated. And I know what you mean by the last line. I originally did not have it, but decided to make the joke a bit more obvious. I tested the ending out on others and I got more people understanding it with the ending than without. I personally feel it is extraneous but it seems to serve a purpose. Not sure if I'll leave it in or not at this point. Will

I think people are having problems with the picture because the first lines of the story say there is no land in sight. But in truth, the story is what matters. Your strenght seems to be the style in which you write. You have an epic story telling style that does a lot for this story. Since this is a short story, I'd suggest tightening up the character's actions. For instance, he considers his rum shortage, he makes a decision, he finds his compass, he uses his compass, then he uses a telescope. These actions point to a course of action, but the intension of what this might be is muttled. This is normally something you want in a story (i.e. showing not telling), the problem is you don't have the space for this. Try combining unseen actions like thinking and making decisions with the more physical actions of checking the compass and using the telescope. This should also help in cutting the word count down. I hope some of this advice you can use. And good luck in the contest. Will

That's a nice story. Wanted to point out "lighting flash" should read "lightning flash." Also agree with TazManiac. I'm not sure why it bothers me about how Jack breaks out just kind of niggles at the back of the mind. I have to say description is your strong suit. Since that is the case, was it intentional to give no description to Jack? Since he is only revealed at the end of the story, it was a bit hard to picture him. Lots of luck on the contest! Will

This is a rather complex story you've created in 300 words. Let me see if I got all the references. Old Pirates POTC Board Game Pirate Plank Belvile And I think something about a budget which tells me this is happening at a convention? Then there's a costume contest and the fact that this is all started by entering the bermuta triangle. Honestly, I really like the story since I get all the references. The only thing I want to mention is that the more references you have, the more likely it is to lose a reader. This is really excellent work. Just remember it may suffer from being too complex. My suggestion is to consider what you have: LEGO characters playing a LEGO game at a LEGO convention on a LEGO pirate day. Then ask yourself if this description would confuse someone. If the answer is "yes," you may want to slim down the layers. I really hope this helps. ;) Will

Silva does know what she's talking about. She's entered quite a few flash fiction contests and has done consistantly well in them. Also, I wanted to point out what your strongest elements are to help you keep in mind what should remain. 1.Above all your story plot is powerful. You have a great idea with the first brick which drives all the actions in the first part and leads to the cliff hanger at the end. In short, it's solid. 2.Your point of view is strong until the end. A good story will often have a centralized point of view. This is especially true in short works like this. For your story Gibbs seems to be the point of view you have chosen. At the end, he kind of disappears though. This would be a major point for revision to keep good consistancy. 3.Characterization is believable. Some people can not capture the voice of a character from a movie, show, or other piece of fiction. This is not your problem. Keep up the good work. My suggestions for strengthening your story. Given all the strong elements, I'd really suggest cutting the word count of course and probably slimming down the amount of scenes. You currently have three scenes here. One before finding the brick, one finding the brick, and one in LEGO Pirate world. I'd suggest cutting down to two scenes since you don't have the proper space for solid transitions. Perhaps Gibbs and Jack could be talking about everything as they row to the solitary isle and then jump to LEGO Pirate world. This should give you room to build solid scenes without ruining the best content of your story. As with all my advice take anything or nothing. My goal is to offer help in any way I can. Good luck in the contest. Will

Hey thanks, I used to enter contests on a writing site. The contests I entered there made you write a story in 100 words without repeating a word. Now that really hurt the head. Also, I have to give credit to my wife for the excellent editing help. She also wrote an entry for this contest. Thanks again for the well wishes! Will

Hey I'm Silva's husband. The article you're refering to is one I wrote. That technique was first used in this MOC. My wife wanted globes for lights and I had to figure a way to get those darn things up there. I really wanted to do more with the canopy. Unfortunately, it barely fits as it is. I wanted to build a fourth and fifth layer all comprised of branches, but space and money conspire against us. Oh, the studs on the side of the tree is something I do want to mess with. Originally, it is there to cover up tan pieces that would show through but it seems like an excellent spot to add something. My original thought was to make a hinging tree. But again space proved to be an issue. As it is, this entire MOC is a free build project. I imagine we'll end up with a few more elven creations like it in the future. Thanks for the comments. Will

Here's my contest entry. I finally decided on version 2. Jack Sparrow Can’t Escape the Classics By William Reed Jack Sparrow was flung into the center of the cell, landing on his back. The dark bluish gray studs scraped his backside. He propped himself up in time to see the bar doors slam shut. A throaty laugh issued from a silhouetted figure standing in one corner of the poorly lit cell. “So, the Imperials found themselves a sea rat,” remarked the shadow. Jack shook his hair out of his face. In a slurred voice he said, “I’ll have you know mate, I resemble that remark.” The shadow chortled louder. Stepping from the dark recesses, the man revealed himself. A large bicorne hat with skull and crossbones sat upon the man’s head. He wore a patch over one eye and his beard was the color of blood. His left hand was nothing more than a wickedly sharp hook. The rough cadence of his walk betrayed his wooden peg leg. Putting his face next to Jack’s, the man grinned. “Why, I do believe you’re right.” His fowl warm breath crawled across Jack’s skin. Jack briefly considered changing his expression to his scared face. Opening his mouth, the cliché pirate barked with more laughter. “The name’s Captain Red Beard.” “Your pleasure I’m sure. And it looks as though they closed the cage on you before you were completely in.” Jack smirked as he hopped to his feet. “But let it never be said that Captain Jack Sparrow would not help the disabled.” Red Beard shook his head. “No need my boy.” With his hook he pointed behind Jack. Spinning around, Jack found himself face to face with a void. Where a wall should be was empty space. From behind, Red Beard commented, “Great pirate hunters these Imperial dogs may be. But they make awful prisons.” “It’s probably for playability,” Jack muttered. Word Count: 299