The Hugging Thread

[Amset-Rah]

If a post like this exists, I apologize, but I didn't immediately see one.

In another forum, I made a Hugging Thread, which basically works like this: You vent and let out whatever frustration you have, and others will come and comfort you the best they can. It's a nice, positive environment I want to bring here.

Now for me in the inaugural post, and the reason I made this to begin with: I suffered a pretty terrible break-up yesterday with my ex who I've been with for a year. She basically dumped me for another man who I know is going to treat her like trash. I feel rejected, like I'm not good enough for anybody, and in a way, I am at the bottom of the barrel.

Since then I've been a wreck. I've cried like a baby last night and today, and I even contemplated suicide (I know, pathetic, but the pain is unbearable)

But I don't want this thread to be exclusively about me, if you guys are having issues and need a helping hand, post them here.

[Zerobricks]

/me glomps Amset-Rah

I wish I had more money to buy myself the Volvo and the Arocs and some bits I need for future projects, but the job I currently have is not payed well and may end this year...

[ilikeboomerang1]

/me glomps Amset-Rah

I wish I had more money to buy myself the Volvo and the Arocs and some bits I need for future projects, but the job I currently have is not payed well and may end this year...

Don't worry. Just save your money and you will finally buy them. Maybe you can find them in the future at a price that's lower than the MSRP at eBay!

[Amset-Rah]

Don't worry. Just save your money and you will finally buy them. Maybe you can find them in the future at a price that's lower than the MSRP at eBay!

Yeah, just cut back on a few things for a bit until you save up for what you need.

[Zerobricks]

Yeah, just cut back on a few things for a bit until you save up for what you need.

I was unemployed for a year, I pretty much learned to cut back on almost everything... At the end of the month I may have 200€ left, and I need to save money because no job is pernament (this is my sixth and I'm 28)...So yeah sometimes i wish I lived up north where wages are much higher...

[rodiziorobs]

I've cried like a baby last night and today, and I even contemplated suicide (I know, pathetic, but the pain is unbearable)

Long post ahead:

I can sympathize in part with this, and I guess that this story could apply to lots of people so I'll share it here. About three years ago I was going through a serious struggle with depression that lasted over a year. There was no big crisis or event that triggered it--although I have been through periods of rejection before--but I found myself feeling completely worthless. I am a religious person, but was unable to find solace even there; I actually felt even worse because I felt guilty for my feelings.

Embarrassed and feeling worthless and guilty, I didn't talk to anyone about my feelings. I put on a pleasant face and ignored the issue publicly while dying inside. A few months into my depression I started considering suicide seriously. The notion had occurred to me before, but never as an actual possibility. I didn't think much about how I would do it, but instead couldn't help but think about what would happen after I was gone--I honestly thought I might be of more worth to my family dead than alive.

A strong part of my religious conviction is that death does not end life, but is merely a transition to another period of eternity. Even at my lowest I understood that and believed it unshakably, and that I would have to be accountable for my life before my creator. I knew that I could not bear to stand and answer that I had tossed aside the amazing gift of the life I had been given. Even if I felt like my life was nothing, that perspective slowly helped me see things differently. Involuntarily, I found myself mentally taking stock of what I did have that was good, and how much good I was able to do for others. It took awhile, but helped me see that my pain, while great, was not greater that what I had, and that I would lose a lot more than I would gain, both short and long term.

I am really grateful that the past two years have been completely different. I learned much, and I hope that I never have to go through something like that again.

I really feel for you. It's especially hard to see someone you care about making choices to hurt themselves. Don't make a similar choice; you'll come through it.

[ilikeboomerang1]

If a post like this exists, I apologize, but I didn't immediately see one.

In another forum, I made a Hugging Thread, which basically works like this: You vent and let out whatever frustration you have, and others will come and comfort you the best they can. It's a nice, positive environment I want to bring here.

Now for me in the inaugural post, and the reason I made this to begin with: I suffered a pretty terrible break-up yesterday with my ex who I've been with for a year. She basically dumped me for another man who I know is going to treat her like trash. I feel rejected, like I'm not good enough for anybody, and in a way, I am at the bottom of the barrel.

Since then I've been a wreck. I've cried like a baby last night and today, and I even contemplated suicide (I know, pathetic, but the pain is unbearable)

But I don't want this thread to be exclusively about me, if you guys are having issues and need a helping hand, post them here.

Don't do that. Everything will be OK. I'm sure will be able to find someone else. I also think another way for you to feel better would be to find hobbies. You already have LEGO, I'm sure you can find something else that you'd like, like a sport, or a game, or vehicles or something. But just calm down. Maybe you can do some meditation.

I was unemployed for a year, I pretty much learned to cut back on almost everything... At the end of the month I may have 200€ left, and I need to save money because no job is pernament (this is my sixth and I'm 28)...So yeah sometimes i wish I lived up north where wages are much higher...

Hmmm. That's a bigger problem. Have you tried working at a restaurant? Maybe you can find a job there. Or, do you have any degree on something? Maybe someone might hire you because you have a degree on what they need. Or, make your own job. Sell some stuff. Help people. And, I know this might sound a bit weird, but resell LEGO.

[Velut Umbra]

Since then I've been a wreck. I've cried like a baby last night and today, and I even contemplated suicide (I know, pathetic, but the pain is unbearable)

Yes. It's pathetic. Is she everything you have in you life??

There are people around the world suffering of war, disease, hunger, poverty, crime, corruption.... and yet, they keep fighting

If you want to kill yourself just because a woman doesn't want you, then do it: kill yourself.

You don't deserve being alive. You don't appreciate it enough. You don't even care about the pain you will cause to your family.

[Robianco]

...and with that the hug thread lands with a bump.

I think the point of the above post is to realise that all things are relative. Being with someone for a year feels like a long time... but isn't really. It depends on how old you are and how experienced you are with relationships. Iv'e been with my wife for 17 years and had several 1+ year relationships before that. Shit happens. Depression is a terrible thing. I've never suffered from it but my wife has and I know how hard is was for her... she's much better now but I don't think people ever get 'over it'.

I lost my job a few years ago and my mum was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease almost the same time as well as my wife's dad being diagnosed with Cancer. It's still no reason to end it all. My mum is doing fine and my wife's dad is also doing OK with constant medication... I work for myself and have never been happier. Different stresses but that's life. Having a 6yr old also gives you a lot to do and think about and you don't have time for moping around.

With a pinch of that perspective I talked about earlier... I do work for an international charity and have done several reports from war torn places around the world... in the Central Africa Republic there's atrocities that happen every day... you probably don't hear about them because there's no oil in C.A.R. so the usual suspects don't give a shit and you won't have the US or Russia looking to intervene... but kids have seen their parent's die and have been abandoned by older siblings just in the hope that they can survive. Children are raped and murdered. Families are raped and murdered in front of children. Some of them get out and get help... and they learn to come to terms with what's happened. The lives each of us have are like a dream to them.

While Mr Umbra's comments may seem harsh I think people need to take a step back... see the bigger picture. See what they have and appreciate it. Relationships end. You'll have people that you care more for than you care for your ex and you'll lose them It happens every day and as much as it hurts now it won't after a while. It's either a hug or a kick up the big behind you need... I think this thread should offer both.

By the way... I don't want a hug... I'm not posting here for one and the things I've mentioned above are just something that have been part of my life. My friends in the real world outside of this forum are part of the reason I'm the relatively happy person I am. That and every other thing that has happened in my life to get me to the age of 42... that and some sense of perspective on life. Don't focus on the negative and sometimes just accept it when someone tells you to cheer the f**k up.

Sod it. Buy Lego.

[Amset-Rah]

Long post ahead:

I can sympathize in part with this, and I guess that this story could apply to lots of people so I'll share it here. About three years ago I was going through a serious struggle with depression that lasted over a year. There was no big crisis or event that triggered it--although I have been through periods of rejection before--but I found myself feeling completely worthless. I am a religious person, but was unable to find solace even there; I actually felt even worse because I felt guilty for my feelings.

Embarrassed and feeling worthless and guilty, I didn't talk to anyone about my feelings. I put on a pleasant face and ignored the issue publicly while dying inside. A few months into my depression I started considering suicide seriously. The notion had occurred to me before, but never as an actual possibility. I didn't think much about how I would do it, but instead couldn't help but think about what would happen after I was gone--I honestly thought I might be of more worth to my family dead than alive.

A strong part of my religious conviction is that death does not end life, but is merely a transition to another period of eternity. Even at my lowest I understood that and believed it unshakably, and that I would have to be accountable for my life before my creator. I knew that I could not bear to stand and answer that I had tossed aside the amazing gift of the life I had been given. Even if I felt like my life was nothing, that perspective slowly helped me see things differently. Involuntarily, I found myself mentally taking stock of what I did have that was good, and how much good I was able to do for others. It took awhile, but helped me see that my pain, while great, was not greater that what I had, and that I would lose a lot more than I would gain, both short and long term.

I am really grateful that the past two years have been completely different. I learned much, and I hope that I never have to go through something like that again.

I really feel for you. It's especially hard to see someone you care about making choices to hurt themselves. Don't make a similar choice; you'll come through it.

Yes. It's pathetic. Is she everything you have in you life??

There are people around the world suffering of war, disease, hunger, poverty, crime, corruption.... and yet, they keep fighting

If you want to kill yourself just because a woman doesn't want you, then do it: kill yourself.

You don't deserve being alive. You don't appreciate it enough. You don't even care about the pain you will cause to your family.

Dude, I know you mean well, but isn't that a little harsh? I was not in the right state of mind when I wrote that, and honestly this is not the kind of environment I meant to have in this thread. It's supposed to be a place where people vent and get support, not trashed on and told to go through with it. Sure I was depressed I lost someone near and dear to me, but I'm mostly over it. I understand you're a newer member, and this is the first real caustic comment I've come into contact with here in my years on this forum. Try to tone it down, m'kay?

*words*

I really do appreciate the support (Even if some of it was pretty bitter) but I don't want this thread all about me. If that was the case, I'd make the title reflect it. I want this to be a place for everyone, not just me and my sad little self. What I didn't say is that there were a lot of other stresses I was contending with and the break up was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back, on Thanksgiving no less, but the past is the past, and like I said, this is everyone's venting zone, not my own personal punching bag. Feel free to let loose.

[Robianco]

None of my post was meant to come across as bitter... more realistic. I don't think any of us move on properly until we're at least realistic about our situation. About where we are and what has happened.

I'm interested in whether the forum as a whole does actually use this space as somewhere to air grievances or seek reassurance. I find cyber friendships can be a little odd. We feel like we know people... we read their posts and form opinions on them / friendships with them but invariably never meet them. I think it's just feeling there's an ally somewhere... an ally with at least one common form of interest.

[Amset-Rah]

None of my post was meant to come across as bitter... more realistic. I don't think any of us move on properly until we're at least realistic about our situation. About where we are and what has happened.

I'm interested in whether the forum as a whole does actually use this space as somewhere to air grievances or seek reassurance. I find cyber friendships can be a little odd. We feel like we know people... we read their posts and form opinions on them / friendships with them but invariably never meet them. I think it's just feeling there's an ally somewhere... an ally with at least one common form of interest.

I was referring to the post above yours. You're fine!

I would very much like to see this place be a communal venting space instead of being my own house of self loathing. I've been here for years and I feel this is kind of my way of giving back.

[Hinckley]

And now locked for obvious reasons. Apologies to those who can respect others and keep discussion civil.