Avohkahs' Sparks

I just think it should be longer so you can add a little more detail. With the Perditus thing, he is completely focused on being the best at what he does, so you might want to just edit that in a little. With the battles, I think you should just make them smaller scale so that way they are easier for readers to focus on and you can describe the entire battle without it being overwhelming.

Poor misunderstood Gelu...

He was taking revenge by leaving Surel to live alone for thousands of years like he did.

This is a good story, however, I feel not good enough. It seems like it is focusing on too many various battles that don't really tie together that well. I mean, the whole Jungle Tribe part seems like it was thrown in, and doesn't even affect the rest of the story. With Surel, I think you could change his personality a bit, and though original I think it is rather boring for Surel to get wound just by his leg accidently getting run over. It was a good idea to include how Perditus got his vehicle, though that scene needs a little work. I think you should focus on either one or two opposing groups in greater detail, and make the story between 500 and 1000 words longer.

Thank you very much.

I agree.

It's okay. How did you like the story?

Just making a joke.

I spoke with Shine, he said the story was fine.

Ya, that's logic right there. Off-Topic: Please read my story and post a review in the topic?

He's not part of the Ice Tribe at the time, so his armor was a different color then.

Who is enter the Core War Contest?

Who is entering the Biosector01 Core War Contest? I am, my entry is Treachery Peak.

I made him that way to be in character. He hates everyone for shunning him, and he saw Surel as a perfect opportunity to take revenge. Anyone else have a take on the story?

So far they are really good. I really like the animation.

Thank you. I hope I did a better job in potraying Sahmad or not. Please let me know if I did. :-)

Would you mind reading and reviewing my story Treachery Peak?

K, thanks.

I sure hope it is.

It is a very good idea you've got here, and the most original by far. However, the story is a bit scattered, and the characters do not seem to match their normal personalities. I think you should do the story partially revolving around one character, and partially revolving around the female Skrall.

When I went to Toys R Us, they had every single set except Baranus. So is it exclusive to Target or Walmart?

BTW, did you like the revised story I sent you? I think I've finally got the ending down.

K, thanks.

I am not exactly sure what this whole thing is.

A mace and flail.