"To Mr. Leo Aragon,
It has come to my attention that you are in search of a soulmate yet failing miserably. Here's a few tips
1) Make sure that your target is within 2 years of your age. Our heroes aren't cougars.
2) Never ever rush the girl, you'll get rejected most of the time and you sound desperate.
3) Make sure you have an exotic accent. I.E. "What are you doing tonight" would sound better as. "Je t'aime, ma chérie, what are doinnng ze tonighhht?"
4) Don't hit on someone if they are a sword swinging, head lopping Xena.
5) Look at you, now at me, now back at you, now back at mmeeee. Sadly, you'll never look like me but if you stopped spamming ZMail and followed my tips, you can date like me. Where am I? I'm on a battlefield, fighting the people you hate. Look again, the elves are now Althior and Alexis, because anything goes when you don't fail. I'm on a horse.
Best of Luck
Harkenshire."
"I've got ZMail!"