Fight for Forbidden Island.

[Scouty]

"The Fight for Forbidden Island"

It was a dark and stormy night, and the captain was furious. He had an aching problem that wouldn

[Mister Phes]

Egad! Its a block of text without any pictures! Methinks many aren't going to tackle this story in its current state.

Imperial Scouts, would you allow me to format this story so its easier to read?

[Scouty]

Yes! Thank you! I had no clue how to. It is a short story after all Mr. MisterPhes. Usually no pictures ;-)

[Mister Phes]

Don't be absurd! A picture is a perfectly reasonable for a small story, you really should have made a vignette! to go with it :-D

I'll format your story later because I'm working on something else right now. And that reminds me I've got to finish writing that review for Brick Miner's MOC.

[Scouty]

Thanks once again. I had it tabbed and stuff, but for some reason, it didin't show it here. I tried to do it but it didn't work.

oh yeah, I'm looking on feedback, even if it is just a *y*

If you insist, I'll make a picture or two. Though, I'd rather you use your imagination

[Mister Phes]

Imagination? What imagination? I don't have an imagination? Do I?

[Scouty]

You must have one. For how could have you created most of the pictures and backgrounds on the Pirate forum?

Anyway, back to the story.

[Mister Phes]

I'll admit I haven't even read the story yet but I've been working on a website so I can't really devote my full concentration to it - not to mention its early in the morning here. So I'll read it and reformat it after I have some sleep otherwise I'll do a poor job.

[Col. Whipstick]

Read through the story and still waited for something to kick off. Yeah, even something that short would be good with some pics. I've found other sites where some people have made their own lego pirate comics. I'm planning to do something like that myself but at present my lego collection is on the other side of the world... you can't imagine the withdrawl symptoms! :-(

[Mister Phes]

Aye Carumba! What's your LEGO collection doing on the other side of the world Col. Whipstick?

As for the story...

I've reformatted it so its easier to read but I might have made the text too big for users with smaller monitors so someone will need to let me know if the size needs changing.

Now Imperial Scouts, are you looking for feedback or questions regarding your story? I've got plenty, but I'm going to check first before I begin firing them off.

[Scouty]

Both, whatever you want to know :-) . Those pictures will come soon.

[Governor Broadside]

My resolution is 800 x 600 and the text looks fine.

[Scouty]

Read through the story and still waited for something to kick off. Yeah, even something that short would be good with some pics. I've found other sites where some people have made their own lego pirate comics. I'm planning to do something like that myself but at present my lego collection is on the other side of the world... you can't imagine the withdrawl symptoms! :-(

What do you mean? Do you not get the end of the story? Not sure if this has anything to do with pirate lego comics? Really, it's just a short story, not a comic. Not script, a story. Just lego, somewhat, interpereted into it. I kinda imaigined it real people, but it can also be lego people. Pictures are, of course, going to be lego people.

[Mister Phes]

Both, whatever you want to know :-) . Those pictures will come soon.

I find this story quite difficult to read because the sentences are so short, in fact I'm not sure they have the appropriate structure to be classified as sentences. Because of this the flow is very stilted and somewhat annoying.

To me it seems like this should be set up like a children's book with a picture on every page then the short sentence underneath it. Is there any particular reason for having sentences which are so short?

[Scouty]

I purposely made them short. But if they must be longer or connected, I'll change it.

Hmmm, :-/ .

[WesternOutlaw]

Interesting story IS. I esp. like the first line.

[Mister Phes]

I purposely made them short. But if they must be longer or connected, I'll change it.

Hmmm, :-/ .

That's just my opinion, so don't change it because of what I think. But what you can do is save it as a different file and then change it, this way you'll have two version.

But before you make any changes read it out loud, if you haven't already done so - I'm leaning towards no but I'll ask just in case: have you read it out loud yet?

[Col. Whipstick]

Mr Phez, it goes like this... I am originally from South Africa although I'm British but have only been living in England a few years and not planning on being here forever so almost all my fleet, my fortresses and men have being held in captive in an evil attic in deepest darkest africa. I will be going back there for Christmas to rescue my men but alas I may have to leave them there again.

[Scouty]

My apologies, I did not fully answer your question. :-$ . One reason the sentences are short is that I wanted to give it a more feel of suspision. That was one of my main goals. I'm pretty sure there are inproper sentence structures, but changing them makes something I don't want it to be.

Your second question. Yes I have. I read over it again making some gramatical errors. Only did I connect one sentence.

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I didn't really execute the result to the suspision very well. However, I did say an ending result. Something the main character wanted, the island, even though he doesn't know he wants it.

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That's terrible Col. WhipStick! I hope you get your men safely!

[Mister Phes]

Your second question. Yes I have. I read over it again making some gramatical errors. Only did I connect one sentence.

You'll have to read it out and loud and record it so we can all hear how the story is supposed to be read. X-D

[Scouty]

I'm sorry, I really don't like my voice recorded, it sounds not very good. I can do it with the computer voice :-P . Just pretend it's in a low dark voice :-P .

Any way, picture is up.