The Covenant Empire:Dark Beginnings

[JoeMI6]

This story is based loosely on the Halo videogame and universe. As i am not a huge fan, there may be some errors and such. But don't base your judgements on those please. Hope you like, criticisms are welcome, as i know there might be some areas for improvement.

The Covenant Empire: Dark Beginnings

The Prologue

His heavy breathing could be heard through the cover of the foliage easily; he could have been invisible and still have been detected. He paused for a moment to let the jabbing pain in his side subside slightly. His MJOLNIR mark 8 battle suit blended into the background flawlessly, but he still wouldn

[Sarg_Kulo]

Hey you added some more to it, huh?

I'm just about to go on my paper round so when I get back I'll read it :-)

[JoeMI6]

Come on guys, the competition entrys need to be in soon. I hate to beg, but i might have to. Help is needed. PLEASE :'-(

[Sarg_Kulo]

I just read some more (tis a bt long to read in one), I got to the part where Cobalt gets into the archeangel

Some of the sentences are very well written, however there are a few with a few grammar errors, make sure to check your work :-)

As for the story, I like it but it seems a little like your rushing, Cobalt escaped the whole structure in a sentence, I feel it would have been better if you'd drawn it out a bit or made it a little more suspenceful, maybe he could have seen some flood and be forced to fight the before the timer ran out.

Any way good luck with the contest. I will read the rest later ;-)