Matsuoka Nui Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 (edited) Epic: This link Review the story here! Edited July 20, 2009 by Toa Mata Nui Quote
Avohkahs' Sparks Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 (edited) It is a very good and interesting story. The only problem, if you even count it as a problem, is that it is excessivelly confusing. Edited July 26, 2009 by Avohkahs' Sparks Quote
Matsuoka Nui Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 excessively?? Like what do you mean? That the fact that MN and S are parents? If so.... This story is like "human" bionicle, kinda like an anime/manga (well...w/o the pictures) But the flow of this story kinda goes back and forth between human and set like characters... If not, then I'm not sure what you're saying... Quote
Avohkahs' Sparks Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 excessively?? Like what do you mean? That the fact that MN and S are parents?If so.... This story is like "human" bionicle, kinda like an anime/manga (well...w/o the pictures) But the flow of this story kinda goes back and forth between human and set like characters... If not, then I'm not sure what you're saying... I just mean that it is hard to follow with so many characters and individual plots to keep track of. Plus, there are many twists which add to the confusion. It is very good if you are able to comprehend all of it, but the simpler it is the easier it is to enjoy. Quote
Matsuoka Nui Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 I just mean that it is hard to follow with so many characters and individual plots to keep track of. Plus, there are many twists which add to the confusion. It is very good if you are able to comprehend all of it, but the simpler it is the easier it is to enjoy. I must warn you this, I might make this story go through a "Time Paradox" and make it more confusing...but I haven't decided yet... Quote
Avohkahs' Sparks Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 BTW, did you like the revised story I sent you? I think I've finally got the ending down. Quote
Matsuoka Nui Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 I'll start reading soon. I just got back from vacation and I'm really tired. But not to worry, chapter 6 will come out tomorrow, hopefully in the morning because I'm going to a cooking camp around 10:00 A.M. (I'm learning how to cook special recipes that you don't normally find in stores) Don't worry. ;) Quote
Lord-Koji Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I had a few problems with it. 1. I didn't quite follow the beginning, with how Sakarai was a baby, then, apparently, aged... 2. Syarix fell in love with her a bit fast it seems. 3. The flashbacks were a bit confusing to just throw in. At times I forgot they were flashbacks and was lost in some confusion. I think were were better ways to use flashbacks, like...go to Youtube and type in "Ranger Green" "Ranger Red" "Ranger Blue" or "Ranger Yellow" or "Doctor K" and take a look at that. The flashbacks fit seamlessly because there was a purpose for flashbacks, that something triggered one of the titular character's memories, like, in "Doctor K", K: "Tell me, what's it like?" Ziggy:"What's what like?" K:"To be stupid your entire life?" Cut to flashback of her, as like a five year old, doing large amounts of codes and stuff, like math and science, with chalk and being abducted by a government group just because she's so smart, and then, being forced to work for around a decade to make them weapons and stuff, all under the ruse of this being her life, including her having amnesia or something. The flashbacks there fit seamlessly, like I said. These are kind of blatant with the flashback "timestamp". While it's not bad, the better way would be definitely to find a seamless way. Also, the Tsubasa references and stuff were easy to spot. Not that it's bad, just easy to spot. And Kenax City seemed to go quickly with a sort of quick ending I guess. Just that swift duel that had quickly ended everything. Not quite Deus ex Machina, but lackluster. The quest also seemed a bit short. More "countries" may have been nice, and focusing some chapters solely on Sakurai and her adventures as a result would probably help. All in all, I enjoyed it. It was a great read, and worthy successor of the Skralla series. Quote
Matsuoka Nui Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 Not only that...the flashbacks explain more about Agarax and Garaxial...that's what they're about....and they will take a major role when everything ties together in the third story... As a result of Skralla giving Sakari part of her necklace, it aged her in order to prepare for the battle to come...(which will take place in the third story also) now that she has the cloak, she'll be kept at her current age without going back into a baby... I knew that this would be a confusing story...but I thought it would be interesting as well... Quote
Lord-Koji Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 It is interesting, which fights the confusion. I'll give you that. Quote
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