Sparhawk Posted February 1, 2016 I don't know how long I have been here! I can't remember what I did so many years ago do deserve this! All I can remember is my name - Sparhawk... I do know they want something from me, they think I know something and keeping me here will gain them some leverage - but with who and why, I just don't remember. Years of torture have robbed me of my memory, but not my wits. I will leave this place, I will remember my past, but for now I bide my time - looking for the right moment... image by Sparhawk-1, on Flickr Oh great, I guess it time for another session in the courtyard of pain... I don't know why they keep bothering, I DON'T REMEMBER... I have been leaving some smeared food grease around my wrists, hoping that the rats might just take me out of my misery... image by Sparhawk-1, on Flickr Hmm, I guess today I just hang, but that poor soul... I don't remember when all three of them were here at once, it must be pretty important... and they already have the cauldron under him, I guess all that is left is for me to watch what happens... "You better talk Louis, this is you last chance. Either you tell us where you hid it or in the cauldron you go... " - "I will not submit to you buffoons and you will never find any of... you will never!!" - "ok, Louis, have it your way" image by Sparhawk-1, on Flickr "light 'em up, let's see if you will be a bit more talkative after a warm bath... ha ha ha!!" - What the devil, what is that behind me... it's nibbling at my wrists... oh, maybe I will finally be free of this world and won't have to watch that poor man get cooked alive... image by Sparhawk-1, on Flickr Whaat just happened, oh my... the rat must have eaten through the bindings, am I finally free!? "AAAAaaaaa... AAAaaa...." I can't let that man suffer, maybe he has a way off this place... image by Sparhawk-1, on Flickr Let me get you out of there... image by Sparhawk-1, on Flickr "Oh... thank you, I am Lois de Bastion, I was on a very important mission when I was captured. I don't think I am going to make it, I feel the life seeping out of me. Please, I implore you to help me fulfill my mission. I have a ship waiting for me, the Crabby Cyclopse, I purchased it before I set out to get the final piece of the puzzle. Its is crewed by a reputable band of mercenaries - the best part is, they have never met me directly, just tell them you are me and show them the token I hid in my helmet... and now to the mission - listen very carefully..." image by Sparhawk-1, on Flickr The dying Spaniard's story was hard to believe, but why lie on one's death bed... I guess I will see about it's merits when I get out of here... I don his clothes and cutlass ---- and now to find that ship - Crabby Cyclopse, what a name... This is literally my first MOC, I have never done one... I will take all constructive criticism, though a lot of the issues are probably because I lack the parts (plus that part about never doing it before :) ) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bregir Posted February 1, 2016 First, I really like your story - rather than giving us a presentation or a background story, you have given us a lot of questions and a killer kick-off action sequence! I really like your first person narrative style - really puts us in the shoes of Sparhawk. And now to the builds The first picture is really nice. While we only see a part of a rather simple build, the sails in the background gives it a really nice atmosphere. It really looks like we are standing in front of the prison, with a view to the harbour behind it. I can almost count the pieces, but for some reason it just works! As to your torture chamber, I think you have included a lot of great details with the different torture instruments. The posing is great, and really accentuates the story as it progresses. I think you have done great with the pieces you have used, but the surrounding structure does seem to suffer a bit from a lack of bricks with its less than solid appearance and differences in colours. Nonetheless, you have managed to tell the story very well, and really conveyed the feeling of a torture chamber. I would suggest some sort of background, as we are currently seeing a living room (I think ) behind your pics, and often people include an overview picture of the build in the end. You may have your reasons not to, but generally people ask for it! Good work, and good luck in your continuing adventures here! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sir Stig Posted February 1, 2016 It does not look like your lack of parts hinder you in conveying your story. You've added a lot of flair to your story. The white tiled roof is effective. The first shot has depth and is dramatic. Good choice of token piece. The only thing I found strange is that the pirates was suddenly gone. What happened? Did they flee? Were they slain? Apart from that, a great first MOC and it seems we are in for an adventurous story. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sparhawk Posted February 1, 2016 You guys are both correct and thank you for the comments... the living room part was, for lack of a better excuse, just timing - I had about 10 minutes to set it up and completely forgot to close off the background. The build was definitely lacking parts, I hated the somewhat mismatched walls etc, hopefully I will obtain more bricks or will just figure out a better way of utilizing the ones I have. The pirates disappearing part - well they are still walking on the second story, they just left the courtyard to let Louis soak... BTW can someone please tell me how to link this entry to the main free build page? How do I do it without copy pasting the long URL? thanks Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Captain Dee Posted February 4, 2016 Good intro. The story is well told and the builds are pretty good to match. You have some nice details and overall the scenes look decent; you've already received some good building/presentation advice so I won't address what could be improved. Keep it up. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blackdeathgr Posted February 4, 2016 That torture chamber photoshooting was really "to-the-point"!!! I wish you all the luck in your journeys from now on!!! And welcome to BoBS! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
