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GoH 11: Bob the Unemployed Avalonian Plumber, Trading Post
Grover posted a topic in Guilds of Historica
"Uh, I think I misunderstood the assignment!" Bob whined. -
The tower isn't the most amazing thing, but I challenged myself to build it out of dark and light grey (not dark and light bluish grey) for the historical sake of this part of the contest and the pieces were limited. Bob and the wizard passed a dark tower overlooking the road. It looked like one of those evil towers out of Lord of the Rings, and sure enough, it was filled with what looked like orcs on the battlements. Bob stared in amazement as they drove past. “Where the &*^# are we?” Bob asked. “We’re in western Nocturnus, as I explained before,” the wizard replied. “Yeah, but what state?” The funny man looked confused. “I don’t understand. This is Nocturnus, sometimes called the nightmare lands.” “This isn’t New Jersey?” “Not as far as I know,” the man replied with a shrug. Bob sighed. “Who are you?” “My name is Razin, the traveling wizard.” “I'm Bob. Nice to meet you.” “Likewise,” Razin replied. “And what do you do with these … things?” Bob asked, looking down at the crate he was sitting on. “I am a wizard by trade, so I use some of those things to cast spells. However, the magic business isn’t the most stable, I’m afraid, so I also sell components to other wizards, witches and spellcasters to help make ends meet.” “Huh,” Bob replied, now pretty sure this guy was nuts. “I’m not from anywhere around here and need to figure out how to get back home.” “I would suggest that you try Albion. Cedrica is the capital of all Historica, but there has been a lot of turmoil there with the many civil wars of late, and they have lost a good many people among the chaos. We have a new queen, but she is still trying to organize things.” “OK, sure,” Bob replied. “Hold on, my spell is about to expire. I need to re-cast it if we are to talk longer,” Razin told Bob. He muttered and waved his hands about again, then looked to Bob. “All right, it’s back again. I think we should try and teach you some of the rudimentary language so you can ask your own questions. I can get you to Albion, but I have a lot of other business, so you’ll be on your own after that.” Bob nodded. “Thanks for your help,” he replied, thinking that he needed to find a phone. Previously
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When Bob awoke, he found himself in some nightmarish Dr. Seuss book. He sat up and looked around. He was no longer in Philadelphia, that was for sure. His head was pounding from a hangover, so he must have slept for some time, but were it not for that, he would not have believed that he was awake. He was outdoors next to some sort of disgustingly colored pond in the middle of a bunch of black trees with purple leaves and red fruit. The vegetation had bizarre colors with odd flowers. Strange sounds from animals he had never heard filled the air and he swore he was being watched. The entire place was humid and smelled like the mens’ room at an Eagles game. Where on earth was he? He had no idea, so he tried to think about the last thing he remembered before finding himself here. He was working on that old gypsy’s sink and… ugh, he had been so drunk that when he stood up he puked up his breakfast of Slim Jims and Schlitz malt liquor all over that gypsy. And that’s when she cursed him. Yeah, he remembered that now. Everything had faded out after that though and he couldn’t remember anything else until he woke up here, wherever ‘here’ was. He thought he was either in some strange dream, or maybe that gypsy had just dumped him in a forest in New Jersey. Well, not much else to do but figure out where he was. He noticed his toolbox had somehow made it with him, and he grabbed it before exploring the area. Not far away he found a road of dark red earth. This was too weird. He checked his cell phone. No service. Great, he was probably even farther away than he thought. That gypsy may have drugged him and dumped him someplace in West Virginia. At the sound of approaching horse hooves, Bob wisely stepped out of the road, and a horse drawn cart approached with a driver clad in green colors with a funny hat. He slowed as he pulled up next to Bob and stopped, greeting him in some strange language. Seeing that Bob didn’t understand him, he waved his hands, muttering some odd words, and then he spoke again. His speech came out in English, but there was a bit of a delay and his words didn’t match his sounds, sort of like watching martial arts films dubbed in English. “Say, friend, what are you doing here? This is not a very friendly part of the world, and you don’t look like you’re from around here by your strange garb,” he said, gesturing to Bob's clothes. “Uh, no, I’m not from here. Where am I?” Bob asked. “Why, you’re in the forests of Nocturnus. How’d you get here?” the man asked. “I don’t really know,” said Bob, squinting his eyes from the hangover pain in his head. “I got cursed by a gypsy, and, well, here I am. Is Nocturnus near Philly at all?” he asked. “I don’t know where this Philly is, but I can take you with me to Albion, where you can get some help. Hop on in.” He gestured to the cart behind him, filled with crates and sacks. “Mind where you sit, I have some expensive spell components in there.” Bob looked around, and, hearing some growling from the brush where some weird whitish dog looking things were, decided to take the ride offered. Bob climbed on board with a “Thanks,” and thought to himself: ‘Spell components? Is this guy one of those LARPer freaks?', but decided not to comment, happy to be free of this weird area. He watched as the landscapes rolled by, but the scenery was far from normal. Strange birds flew through the air with calls he had never heard, and there weren’t any airplanes or traffic around. For that matter, there weren’t any electric lights anywhere. Bob checked his cell phone. Still no service. He was definitely going to pad his hours and charge mileage when he billed that gypsy. Bob's journey continues!
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The saga of Bob the unemployed Avalonian plumber continues... Bob stood ankle deep in water and looked at the ruined fountain, thinking about how he had gotten to this point. After he lost his job in Albion, he had gone from job to job, most recently fixing some ancient statue fountain in a cave in the middle of the woods. Having burned through his money from that job (mostly on beer), he had heard that there was work fixing up a rich guy's house across the sea in Vuhlaer.. Vayeiley... the place that sounded like it came from the Game of Thrones show that he had never gotten to finish after being stranded in this bizarre world. He'd puked his guts out on the boat ride over from Avalonia, but was happy when he had seen that this place seemed to have more modern conveniences. Of course, then all hell had broken loose and he found out these people were insane, murdering each other at the drop of a hat. Those weird plants and monsters in Nocturnus had been less scary than this! He made up his mind to try and get back to Avalonia, where it was a little more backward but he was less likely to be murdered in his sleep. A guard yelled at him, breaking him out of his reverie. He didn't understand the language, but he had been in his line of work long enough to have heard it many times before and knew what it meant: "Back to work, we're not paying you to be lazy!" He nodded and set back to work fixing the fountain. At least this place didn't smell like bear poop.
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The saga of Bob the unemployed Avalonian plumber continues.... "I've gotta get out of these one-off contract jobs," Bob thought to himself as he worked on the broken water feature in the subterranean cavern. The smell of the bear poop was overpowering, and, mixed with the dead bodies that were being carted off, was enough to make him wish he hadn't hit the bottle so hard the previous night. "I'll quit drinking tomorrow," he muttered to himself as he continued work.
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[Avalonia Mini-Challenge Joke Entry]: Bob the Unemployed Avalonian Plumber
Grover posted a topic in Guilds of Historica
As usual, Bob shows up a day late and a dollar short. One fine Sunday afternoon, while Bob sat around his apartment in Albion in his underwear, drinking cheap domestic beer, and trying to fix his toilet, he heard the town crier announce that the royal court would entertain claimants to the throne. Bob thought to himself: "F&$% it! I'll try and be king!" before promptly passing out drunk on his bathroom floor in front of the only throne he'd ever sit on.