blackpyre

6) Minotaur Entry (Build by SilvaShado) - 3 points

Hey North American LEGO fans, If you have been looking for the right person to talk with about your LUG's involvement with LEGO then Kevin Hinkle is your man. I recently wrote a two part interview with him discussing his background that led him to the North American Community Coordinator position and his job currently. Part one is up which deals with his bio. Check it out here. Part two will deal with his job and how to get in contact with him. If you don't live in North America and would like to know who your community coordinator is for your region, Kevin can point you in the right direction. If you do live in North America and want to connect with a LUG that is active, Kevin can definitely help. Enjoy, Will

Here's what I noticed with a quick read through. “Of course, portal’s all closed up, obviously waited too long. Didn’t want to have to do it the hard way, but guess I have to.” What the hell? What was a portal, and what hard way was he talking about? Then came the phrase that made me shudder with fear. “We’ve got to get those damned boys, what were their names? Cody and Eric, that’s it, out of there immediately. What in the world could they possibly be doing in that cursed building?” We lived in a small town, and there were only two people named Cody and Eric. I was Cody Brackenheim; my best friend was Eric Aotheran. I wondered who this guy was. He was probably just a lunatic passing through town. But he went out of my mind as I passed Arriana, the richest kid in town. She was also the best-looking and most popular. She got straight A+ on every test, quiz, and preparation quiz. She even got 100% on the pop quizzes! She also was the snobbiest, most gossipy, meanest girl I had ever met. Finally, I got to Mrs. Jones’s room, which had curly letters that announced: Please Knock! I didn’t like that handwriting. Mine was no better, but I didn’t like that handwriting. It just seemed like evil handwriting. Mrs. Jones immediately opened the door and asked me to write my name on a form. One issue with formating. If those are not Cody's words than they should be in a separate paragraph to tell the reader that they're coming from someone else. Also it might help to beef up the description. There is kind of a lack of setting and small hints about what Ariana and the hand writing on the door looks like would help. For Ariana, you say she is one of the prettiest girls and then say a lot of negative things about her which make her very unattractive to the reader. For that reason there is a contridiction about her that the reader will have trouble with. I'd suggest describing her physical beauty would remedy the situation. As for the writing, it's hard to imagine when the reader just gets emotions tied to it like "evil." If you throw in describers like "It was sharp and straight block letters, the kind that look too perfect," would give the reader something to connect to. __________________, age __, has been to detention for the 8th time this year and therefore needs to be sent to a special class for delinquent students. ___________ agrees to any and all terms and rules that Mrs. Jones, Principal of Jackelin Middle School, sets. The only question I have here is, why is there a form that specifically states "8th?" The other blanks make sense to me. It just seems odd that this form points out a specific number. That would make it official. Once I signed that form, I would officially be put in an especially strict class. Yes, basically I had been kicked out of normal school and into hell. Now my comfortable life had turned into a disaster. I walked miserably out after signing the form. Another man was pounding against the glass of the clear hall. He was tall, but not muscular. If I were to describe him to someone, I would have described him as very shady, a little snake-like in features. You know, like his nostrils looked kind of like slits, and his eyes were kind of black and beady? That’s how I would have described him then. Little did I know that I was right in more ways than I thought. But right then I ignored him. I thought that he probably was drunk and had stumbled here thinking that this was his house. The police would come and pick him up eventually. I put the thought of the strange men out of my mind for the rest of the day. I finished the day’s classes. Boring dates to memorize in History, boring formulas to memorize in Math. Art was usually fine, but today it was just more boring history. In short, I was bored. Finally, the torture was over. I walked out the door with Eric, and thought. I suddenly noticed that I felt a prickling sensation at the back of my neck. Must be an aftereffect of the dream, I thought. But then I lost my train of thought when I was completely distracted by Eric. He was looking at me expectantly, as if he had said something and was waiting for me to respond. "Strange men" should be "strange man." All the variations of "Boring" is a bit repetitive as is the couple of instances of the word "thought." “What?” I asked. “I didn’t hear you the first time. I was thinking about other stuff.” “I said do you want to have a gang meeting tonight?” he said with sarcasm dripping from his voice. He doesn’t like it very much when I have my mind on ‘other stuff’. “Maybe we can actually do something this time.” Yeah, he definitely didn’t like it when I wasn’t listening. Eric was, well, different. I would almost describe him as someone eternally mourning a death. He always wore black, even on sunny days. His clothes had been ripped, torn, and patched. That was how many times he wore the same clothes. His face was usually a bit paler then normal people, and I had no idea why (I had my suspicions, though.) He also almost never smiled, only smirking, grimacing, frowning. “I’ll have to ask my mom if I can come over to your house tonight,” I said, smirking. “I don’t think that she’ll mind, since your house is just down the road. And thinking of doing something? I have something big in mind. Round up the boys, and tell them meeting in your backyard. They’ll know what to do.” “Roger that, boss,” Eric said, now all business. “What time shall we expect you? And by the way, there are girls in the gang, you know.” He said this last comment with a smirk that looked more like a grimace. Come to think of it, Eric always looked like he was grimacing, no matter how he felt. But I had learned how to tell his mood by the different types of grimaces he gave me. "Grimace" and all its forms is repeating a lot. “Tell them I’ll be there ‘round six-thirty,” I whispered. I ignored his other comment. But we couldn’t risk anyone hearing us, even though it looked like there was no one around. “Roger,” Eric whispered back. We got to where our streets split, and went our separate ways. I walked down my road, enjoying the crisp, clean spring air and the chirruping of the birds, Around 6:30, I walked down the road to Eric’s house. I knocked four times, part of the code that told anyone that it was a gang member, and Eric answered, “What’s the password?” Need to separate Cody's actions from Eric's words. Otherwise it seems like Cody is asking for the password. Also, this is a much cleaner way to describe the characters moving about. It does not feel like a bulleted list. “Passwords are for sissies,” I said, dead serious, in a dead whisper. “Enter.” I entered, followed Eric through the house, and went out the back door. It was all that I’d expected and more. At least five new recruits had been found since the last meeting, and everyone had shown up. Our gang wasn’t really a gang, since we were underage. But we were still tougher than we looked. Every person had a special strength that helped us as a group. For example, Eric was especially good at using what was around him for weapons and advantages over his enemies, whoever they were. Together, we could do almost anything. Now, as the leader of our gang of 13 or 14, I had to speak. I stood on the picnic table in Eric’s yard and said, “Attention! I need all of your attention!” Everyone’s eyes were now trained on me. I silently gulped, but I had to go on. Don’t think about it, stay calm. I knew that when I got nervous, everyone would know it. “You all know why you are here. We are going on our second-ever mission. And I think that it will live up to your thirst for adventure. Has anyone else noticed how many people have been going into our alleyway?” Everyone murmured their approval. I continued. “I haven’t seen any come out, but they sure go in a lot. I think that they must be a rival gang, trying to take our alley!” Now everyone was shocked into silence. “We need to do something about it!” I said, and got a yell from the crowd. “Let’s go then!” I shouted, and we marched. We found the alleyway, and sure enough, about ten people, all of them in their late teens, turned the first corner. We rushed around the corner, but they were gone. In the place that they should have been, there was a very old, wrinkled man. He was wearing black sunglasses and a straw hat. “Let’s get him!” I yelled, and we pushed as a mob toward the old man. He didn’t need to be in our alleyway. A muscular hand reached out and grabbed my shoulder. I froze, almost terrorized. “You’re too late, Flash! They’re mine now! I notice you put on a clever disguise, but you can’t fool me!” I looked at the old man. He was called Flash?!?! He certainly didn’t look like he was built for that name. Flash looked at the snake man, than at us. “Ahh, Norock. I see that you are as stupid and rash as the last time we met. Sadly, I have back up. Boys, get him!” Two other men, one extremely muscular, the other young and weak, stepped out. THAT WAS HIS BACK UP!?! I tried to struggle, but the man (Norock, I thought his name was.) holding me was a lot stronger than he looked, and the more I struggled, the tighter he held on. I saw that he already had Eric, so at least I had him for company. “Be still, stupid boy, or it‘ll be the last thing you do!” he shouted, but it was not the voice that had come from him earlier. This voice was shrill and unearthly, like a monster. His hand began to grow hot; until it was so hot it singed my shirt and burned my neck! Then, he started to get freezing cold. I was confused. All of a sudden, he his body "He his body?" Before going on, I want to point out the settup for this entire scene feels rushed. I feel unclear about the claim the gang has on the alley, where everyone is standing, and what things look like. hissed like a snake, sizzled like a frying pan, and began to change. I tried to scream, but he clapped a hand over my mouth. Wait, what? He was holding my shirt, holding Eric over his shoulder, and clapping a hand over my mouth? This realization came too late, for by now he had turned into a monster, an unearthly thing. He tied me up in a few seconds and hefted me and Eric both onto his shoulder. Where did the rope come from? I could feel thick muscles, moving and contracting underneath me. Then, the old man started to rise into the air, almost as if some unearthly spell had been put upon him. Then, he did the most unexpected thing possible. He jumped from his floating position, but as he jumped, he made a sonic boom and a blinding flash of light and energy. I could feel the snake-man’s body convulse underneath me as he tried to squirm away from the blast. I tried shutting my eyes, but the light penetrated the lids as if they were windows without curtains. The light seared my eyes, but it also seared me deep down. Now I felt…….different somehow. But by now my vision had returned. And in the place of the man Flash, there was a gigantic pterodactyl. The pterodactyl’s wings were thin membranes webbed over muscle and bone. The entire pterodactyl was covered with, thick, glossy scales. But now the creature that was holding me started rushing toward the creature that the old man had become. The snake-man dropped me and Eric, and completed his metamorphosis from man to monster. Now he was ten feet tall, had six immensely muscular arms that were as long as both my arms put together and had venom-dripping fangs as long as my index finger. All six of his arms had four fingers on their hand, and each finger had a six-inch long claw that dripped a substance that worked like acid on the pavement. Everywhere the liquid dripped, it made a smoking crater in the sidewalk. But, while this face-off was happening, people walked right by the alley as if they didn’t hear or see what was going on not ten feet from them. By now the gang had run for it, so it was just me and Eric left watching the battle take place. While the snake monster was facing off with the pterodactyl, I eased my knife out of its sheath on my hip. I quickly sawed through Eric’s bonds and told him quietly, “Run!” As soon as he took off down the alleyway, I began to cut my bonds. Yes! The last knot gave way, and I took off running. I heard the snake-man-monster yell after me as I ran. It's hard to imagine Cody cutting his friend's bonds before cutting his own. I think it would help to describe how he and his friend were tied. “Get back here, you ssscoundrel!” “Not likely, you serpentine excuse for a man!” After these words I took off for home, and I didn’t look back. Why isn't Cody studdering at this point? Earlier he couldn't get two words out when Ms. Smith caught him. He also mentioned that any time he was stressed the studder got worse. Also, this dialogue feels really cheesy. If you like it you might want to cheese up some of the earlier lines that the "monsters" have. I'm also detecting some inconsistancy with Cody's reactions to what's going on. At times he seems completely stunned, while other moments he appears as though this is all normal. Remember, Cody is acting as the reader's eyes into your world. If his feelings on the matter swing too wildly around, you'll lose the reader. As always, I hope this helps. Will

You know, RPGer brings up another point I completely forgot. Poetry is style and expression. By that fact alone it disregards most rules. However, there are certain styles of poetry that conform to their own rules. Those rules often dictate rhythm, measure, and other form. Of course a poet will tend to write whatever they want from whatever perspective. I would call it unbound expression. Will

The POV is definitely debatable especially on how it is used. If it is for pure entertainment jump in all the heads you want, but as soon as you look to any form of publication things may get a little tricky. Here's what I think on the subject. For online serialized adventures with friends play it fast and loose. Frankly, my role playing style involves putting everything from the player's perspective so I do have an omnipresent POV. Online with strangers same thing. Try to make the POV from the players view point. Stories online. This should work the same for any writen work. However, I realize online writing is very lax when it comes to quality. Personally, I try to give the best writen work possible when I'm presenting any naritive. For this reason each section of story whether it is a chapter, serial installment, etc. works better when it is writen from a single POV. This doesn't mean you can't switch characters between sections. In fact, that is a very acceptable approach. What is bad is when two people are in a scene and you hear what's in both their heads. The reason for this is because when someone reads anything they will associate themselves with whoever's POV it is. When there are more than one it breaks the reader's repore with the character they were getting to know. What ultimately happens is that the reader feels distant and becomes less interested in what is being read. So, if you have a serialized work and want to switch POVs, make sure you have solid breaks. For example, something important just finished or is about to begin, a turning point is at a critical moment, something important is realized, etc. I know I strive to leave the reader wanting more. This encourages them to turn the page just to see what happens next. One other thing of note when writing in most online venues, make sure to have a clear empty space between paragraphs. In addition, do not indent. Evidently, people unconsciously skim material when reading online material. Breaking up paragraphs make the process of reading easier to digest and simpler to skim. Of course, when you are writing a Kindle ebook all the writing rules for a book apply. It's sometimes hard to find and follow all the writing edicate. However, if you do, you gain a lot of credibility. Hope that helps! Will

Glad I could help. :) I found that editing the work was the biggest headache in the writing process. I remember finding small inconsistances that would actually make me rewrite nearly entire sections of the book simply for consistancy. As it stands, you have a lot more writing potential than some stories I've read from other writers just starting out. One thing I did want to point out are things you are doing right. 1. You have an outline and know where things will go. 2. You naturally want to describe people. This automatically make them more relatable. 3. Your consistant with your POV. I personally like to jump into everyone's head which is a no no, but you don't have that issue. 4. Your character does a nice job at shading whatever they see into their own perspective. That makes the naritive stronger. As for further recommendations for improving, I'd suggest looking at your character's actions. Do they move woodenly from place to place or do they glide, swing, and pounce into action? Readers will gravitate towards those characters who can fill up the page with interesting actions. Again, good luck and keep up the writing! Will

Hey Poison Ivy, Let's see what advice I can offer. I woke up with a sigh of relief. My messy bangs hung over my eyes, obscuring most of my vision in a brown haze. I brushed them away. My bed was drenched in sweat, already freezing cold. Want to point out that you want to focus on the most interesting things in your world. From the sound of it, the dream the boy was having was much more interesting and impactful, yet we never see it. Everything in my room was freezing now. Bright, clean snow outside made our house look like a ball of dirt and debris just waiting for a gigantic vacuum to pick up and demolish it. I almost smiled at the thought. Almost. Our house was the only thing we owned. My mom had no car to go to work, so she had to walk. I rode the school bus or walked to school. But I was thinking too much. I had to get ready to go to school. Another thing to point out is repeating word usage. In the last two lines the word "School comes up three times. This can detract from a reader's enjoyment. Then I glanced at my alarm clock and screamed. That ratted death machine read 9:59. I was so late to school it was detention for sure. Why hadn’t Mom woken me? Then I remembered. She had gone to work at 4 in the morning. Why did she have to work at such a dumpy office, that made her work on a job that was complete nonsense, and, although the job existed to torture people, she was expected to go to work early, and leave late. The last sentence is a run-on. Also, it says a lot without telling the reader much. We know that the job is bad and it makes her work awful hours. The reader is left wondering what job it is, why is it so bad, how does it torcher the workers, and so on. I don't think the readers would necessarily care about the mother. However, you're devoting enough lines to her that we feel like we should care. I knew that Mom had probably set my alarm, but I had forgotten to tell her it was dead and needed batteries. You may want to describe the ratty alarm clock. Most readers today will probably expect a digital clock. And if that's the case, how did his mom set the alarm with it being dead? I opened every drawer and threw on the first clothes I could find. Those happened to be a red shirt and a pair of green pants. I hastily put the pants back and grabbed a pair of blue jeans. My socks USED came from the pile of newly washed clothes by the door. I hurried to tie my green-and-black shoes, which had been given to me six months ago and now fit rather snugly. Finally, I was ready. I raced down the stairs, and on the way by the kitchen I grabbed a handful of sugar out of the sugar bag, and gulped it down, shuddering at the sickly sweetness of pure, straight sugar. At least it would keep me awake. I was still tired. Once I got outside, I took my bearings, turned left on Maple Boulevard, right on Jefferson Road, saw the school on the other side of the road, dashed over, down the school drive, into the school doors, and walked straight into my social studies teacher, Mrs. Smith. Another run-on sentence here. Not sure if all the detailed directions are a good idea. It bogs down your naritive and makes the reader feel like they're experiencing Map Quest. I'd suggest glossing over the directions and really set up the collision with Mrs. Smith. “Mr. Brackenheim, I believe the bell rang an hour ago, am I correct?” remarked Ms. Smith. Mrs. Smith became MS. Smith. “Y-y-yes, Ms. Smith, y-you are c-c-correct.” I hated my stutter. It always came up when I was nervous or in trouble. I could already hear the snickering starting from the classroom behind me. This is a little hard to visualize. The main character just ran into the school so I don't know how a classroom snuck up behind him. They're tricky like that I suppose. ;) This is something I struggle with in my own writing. How in the world was I going to live this down? I had never stuttered in school before, but this was the worst tardiness I had ever accomplished. I would be called names for weeks by everyone in the school that I couldn’t beat up, which meant the girls and almost all the boys in my grade or above. “And, Mr. Brackenheim, I also believe that you interrupted my walk to my morning class because you slept late, am I correct again, Mr. Brackenheim?” sneered Ms.Smith. “Y y-yes, Ms. Smith.” I still was stuttering! This was the most sentences I had stumbled over in a long time. “Then, if you know all of those are correct, why, might I ask, did you come to school late? What, Mr. Brackenheim, were you doing when you were supposed to come straight here? Did you figure you could play on some video game before school? Go to Mrs. Jones, please.” Ms. Smith already confirmed that the main character slept in. So, why is she asking about a video game? Great. Just great. I had to go to Mrs. Jones, the principal. As I had suspected, I would get detention. I hated school. Sometimes I wished that I could just leave it all behind.... Okay, a few more notes to keep in mind. Many writers today will encourage you to avoid the use of ellipses "..." Personally, I still use them. I want to bring it up since that will be some advice you recieve. Second, when you format your book, make sure that it is all aligned in "Full Justification. In other words, you have align "Left," "Right," "Center," and "Justified." This last will pull your words left and right to fill up a page. It's something I found out about when I published my first book. As for writing tips, I typically use two criteria for judging how good of a chapter I write. 1. Does the chapter have a point to make? 2. Does it convey that point in an interesting way? As for picking up the small stuff like I pointed out above, either get someone else you trust to read the section or hire an editor. Sadly, editors are not cheap. You can also join writer groups like Writing.com. That place is filled with experienced writers and readers that can help eliminate errors. As for writing courses, Writing.com has some. You can also go to your local public library. Chances are they have free courses available on the weekends. I found the thing that separates bad writers from good is their attention to details and making those details flow effortlessly. What it will ultimately come down to is practice. In addition, make sure whatever you write is something you want to read. I like the general outline you've set up for the story. Although I do have a major concern. If one character is looking for a hero and assuming that one of the other three is the hero, what purpose do the other two serve? If those reasons are not strong enough it may derail your story line. I hope some of this helped and I wish you luck on your book. Will

I have to agree. There are definitely some misses with the series. I personally wrote it off despite the few sets I did like. Strangely, the Mini Modulars set actually got me to give a second look at the series. Not sure I'll go back and buy older Architecture sets, but I'm definitely in the challenge of building these microscaled pieces of art. I am glad this series is getting more attention since it fills a very interesting niche for LEGO fans. I'm surprised that I find myself getting on board with it. Look forward to see what comes next. :) Will

Hey all, Wanted to give an update on my book. It is now available for Kindle here. I also have submitted my book for the Amazon Breakthrough Novelist Award competition and made it past the first round! Will

No problem. ;) I want to make a slight correction on what I said before. Create Space can make your book electronic for you for $69, but if you have the tools you can do it yourself through Amazon directly for free. The other thing I like about self publishing is it presents you with a lot of basics about publishing you should know without feeling dumb for asking. Like, the standard sizes of a book, dealing with special fonts, working with sections and custom formating, etc. Overall what sold me was the quality of the binding. I know this will sound like a sales pitch (cause it is :D) but you might want to buy my book simply to check out the quality of what Create Space does. I used the standard 6" x 9" size, but they do have others. Also, I could point out things I had control over vs. what Create SPace asked me to do. I think that the book's cover is the most restrictive part of the process without paying. Will

I'm hoping to get a Kindle version up in the next month or so. Then, if it works go through the expanded channels to have it available in local stores. I'll update when that happens. And thanks for the well-wishes. Will

No problem, This book I decided to self-publish. When I looked at literary agents many wanted some sort of body of work that they could show off. I figured that the first few books would give me what I need to have credibility and work out the flaws in my work. After looking at all the self-publishing options I decided on Create Space. It had several things I really liked. First, they hold the rights to the ISBN #. That means my book has one and I don't have to pay for one. I lose it only if I take my work down which I have the right to do. Second, It puts my work in one of the largest sales channels for books. Namely, Amazon.com Third, there is no up front cost to publish. You don't even need to have a minimum amount to sell. They will only pay you if you make over $20 though. Fourth, if I want to have my book in more channels like libraries, other book stores, etc. it only costs $25 for one year. After that year is up, it goes back to being just Amazon. Fifth, I have the option of making it into a digital version. That costs $69 for one year to be up. Of course you can always go a different route. I've been in talks with a publisher directly about work on a LEGO related book. I got that invitation by contributing to write for The Brick Blogger. I don't make any money off of it, but it did get me noticed. I think a literary agent is still a good method to look into. I'm finding one of the hardest things to do is to get the word out to the right audience. Publishers and agents really help in doing this. However, with networking sites like Facebook that may be changing. I now have a Facebook page purely for my writing. You can find it at www.facebook.com/williamreed.writer That's where I plan to update the statis of my book, my next book, blogs and articles I write about LEGO, or anything else that even relates to my writing. That's probably the best place to ask direct questions about the process. Plus, I check it a bit more regularly than all the forums I've been on. ;) I hope that helps. Will

Woo Hoo! I'm now listed on Amazon! Check it out! HERE! Awesome! Will

Thanks, I'm just not sure what catagory it would fall under for MOCs? And if I made one would it be My Own Creation of My Own Creation? In other words a MOCMOC. :D Will

Hi all, I'm really excited that I got my first novel published. It's currently available throught CreateSpace here. In roughly 5-7 business days it'll be available on Amazon.com. I'm hoping this will turn into a nice way to suppliment my LEGO addiction. It will be greatly appreciate if everyone could be an enabler. :) And since I'm here, I give full permission to allow anyone who wants to make MOCs of The Cleric to do so. I only ask you direct them to where my book is sold. Thanks and happy building! Will