Student Enrollment: Character and and Theme 1

[Brickington]

Here's the revised version:

1. Theme

You don't have to be strong to be brave.

2. Story Arc

There once was a poor farmer boy who dreamed of being a knight. He always wanted to be a knight in dashing armor like the ones in his grandfather’s stories. He wished he could practice his swordsmanship, but he had to work on the farm all day because his father was very sick. Thus, one day while Patrick was working in the fields near the main road to town, a mighty chariot was coming along. Patrick was very intrigued by this chariot that was very elegant. Then right before his eyes, a bear came running at the chariot and killed the single horse. Patrick ran right up to the scene, but he should have thought twice. Once he was close to the bear he didn't know what to do. The bear came running at him when a sword cut the bear in half. The owner of the sword, to Patrick’s amazement was King Phillip. King Phillip was a man of great stature. He admired Patrick for being brave enough to run to the scene. Patrick gave King Phillip a horse and some food. King Phillip thanked Patrick for his kindness and invited him to go to the Royal Knights recruitment which was in a couple days. Patrick immediately accepted the offer and couldn't wait to the day to come.

It was finally recruitment day for the imperial knights in the Kingdom. There was the General Socar who was picking out the knights and there was this tall, strong, and dashing knight. His name was Wellington. Socar considered Wellington as the best one there and that he would for sure make a great knight. Wellington had great sword skills and knew every move in the book, but it was just a matter of using them. Patrick was there too, but he was overwhelmed by all of the tall, strong knights. Everyone, especially Wellington made fun of him. They said that he was puny and pathetic and that he would never pass the test for becoming a knight. And Patrick believed them. He had a brave heart, but his swordsmanship didn’t match up to it. And although, they made fun of him, those knights weren’t his enemies, but instead supposed to be allies.

It was time to test the knights. Socar was a fair, but sometimes cruel man who made it really hard for a knight to pass. On one occasion, Patrick was put against Wellington. Patrick wanted to win so badly, but he didn’t know how to use a sword. Wellington made fun of him and said to Patrick, “What is a little, poor, and weak farm boy like you doing out here?” But Patrick tried to ignore him. Getting no reply, Wellington kicked Patrick to the ground. Socar stopped Wellington, but realized Patrick wasn’t a good swordsman.

In the Kingdom there have been recent attacks by thieves and it was becoming a problem. These thieves were horrible men who wanted everyone to be mad. Recruitment day was sunny and clear, until suddenly a band of thieves came out and attacked Socar, Wellington, the knights, and Patrick before Socar could decide who would become royal knights. Wellington ran away to the village where he found refuge in a cart full of hay. Socar was most surprised and felt that Patrick was going to be of no help. But he was wrong. Patrick learned to be a good horseman on farm and could relate well with horses. Thus, Patrick took the horses from the stable and told them to charge at the thieves. Patrick planned out a smart plan where the remaining knights and the horses would charge at once. With the sight of the horses running, the thieves ran away leaving Patrick, the knights, and Socar out in the field. Socar promoted Patrick as Head Knight of the Kingdom and made Wellington muck the stalls of horses. From that day on, a little farm boy became known as Patrick the Brave.

3. Character Transformations

Socar learned that it doesn't take a strong man to be brave and noble. He was wrong with believing Patrick was going to be of no help with fighting the thieves. He also learned that the cocky one is most times the wrong choice.

Wellington was very humbled in this story. He learned that just because he was popular and strong, doesn't mean the unpopular and small people are losers. He also noticed the rewards of being brave. Due to running away from a fight, Wellington received the job of mucking the stalls of the horses.

Patrick received a great reward in this story. But he to learned something. He learned that just because others say something, doesn't mean it's true. He learned to also have self-confidence.

4. Journey

All of our characters learned something today. Wellington went from being bold, cocky, and successful to weak, humble, and not-so successful Socar went from knowing everything to learning many things from someone he least expected. Patrick went from small, poor, and dis-respected to powerful, rich, and much respected.

Edited February 23, 2013 by Brickington

[Hinckley]

This is a really great start, Brickington. Sorry for the delay in feedback. I'll get to it within the next couple of days.

[Brickington]

This is a really great start, Brickington. Sorry for the delay in feedback. I'll get to it within the next couple of days.

Thanks, I am glad you have let me know.

[Hinckley]

I'm sorry to keep you waiting. I am currently swamped with work and other obligations. My first challenge to you, before I can be more specific, is to write an alternate ending to the story. It's very good where it's at and if it's the comic you want to eventually use, it's fine how it is. However, to help challenge your story-telling skills, here's a mini assignment. Take a little time and think about what would happen if your story was only half the story and your full story involved the three characters facing a new challenge. Write a quick paragraph or two about what the challenge they might face would be and how everyone would respond based on what they've learned. How could they grow further from there?

Nice work. Thanks for participating in my lesson. Apologies again for the delay in response.

[Brickington]

Here you go:

About a month later, everyone had changed their outlook. Socar was respecting everybody, no matter how small they were. Wellington was much more humble as a janitor. And Patrick now had self-confidence. Thus, one day in the town castle, Wellington was mopping the floors and he overheard some robbers talking about stealing from the town. A month ago, Wellington would have either ran or take up the challenge himself, but instead he told Patrick about. Patrick went to Socar and told him about it. Socar believed that they needed one more knight to help take down the robbers. Thus, Socar went out in to the town to look for one more worthy knight. There was a big man picking on farm boy, but the boy didn’t let it get to him. Socar picked the farm boy and took him back to the castle where Patrick, Wellington, and the farm boy got ready for battle. A month ago, Patrick would have never thought of fighting with robbers, but now he had self-confidence. The battle was an easy win and the town was now safe. And the world lived happily ever after…

[Hinckley]

Here's my concern about the whole story in general: the characters are archetypal. They can be referred to as "stock characters" or characters that we see very often. I happen to like the archetypes you've chosen to focus on, but to make them seem less generic, we need to be able to identify with them. Right now, they are somewhat two-dimensional. Wellington seems like a wimp but he takes the horses out and shows bravery. Wellington seems brave but he turns out to be a coward. Granted your synopsis doesn't show the whole story, but even from the quick write-up I would consider giving the characters a little more depth and room to grow. When you continue the story, it's still telling the same story. Why does Socar not work with Wellington on his bravery? Does Patrick have any skills to learn? Sure, he is brave, but the wimpy stable boy probably needs to learn how to swing a sword and perhaps Socar has chosen Wellington, an excellent swordsman to teach him. There's dynamic between the characters you've created and the interesting parts of the story are where the reader can see that dynamic.

I would like you to continue onto the next lesson.

However, in finishing that lesson please consider the following:

1. Your characters should have depth: example, let's see Patrick's weaknesses along with his bravery. Let's see how Socar treats the candidates for knighthood. Is he a good leader? Is he harsh? Is he confusing? Let's see Wellington's strengths before we see his cowardice.
   
2. The characters should have an interesting dynamic between them: Example, Do Patrick and Wellington have any connection or does Wellington just bully Patrick? If he does, I would suggest putting in at least one moment of connection.
   
3. How does the characters' depth and dynamic reflect the story's theme?
   

Remember, that you have a solid theme and that every characters journey is a reflection of that theme. In fleshing out the characters and giving them more depth and dynamic, it should continue to strengthen the story's theme.

[Brickington]

So did I pass this lesson and should I go on to lesson 2?

[Hinckley]

So did I pass this lesson and should I go on to lesson 2?

I would like you to continue onto the next lesson.

[Brickington]

So I didn't pass it? I thought they were two separate lessons?

[Hinckley]

Brickington, what are you reading??? What do you think I mean when I tell you to move on to the next lesson?

[Brickington]

Brickington, what are you reading??? What do you think I mean when I tell you to move on to the next lesson?

Sorry, I will move on to the lesson. Sorry for the dumb question. I didn't go to bed till 4 am last night, so I may be a little stupid. Got to go get me some 5 hour energy.