danwojo913 Posted July 27, 2009 (edited) This is my entry for the current BS01 contest to write a short story about the Core War. Since BZPower's down, I put it on here for now to get critcism and/or reviews. Personally, I thought this was pretty good, so I might do a short story about what was happening in the 100,000+ thousand years between this story and what's going on now. Please excuse the big spaces between lines, I wrote it originally in HTML code, and it might not have converted well into forum code. Secrets of the Lords Surel sighed as he looked up the mountain and saw how far he still had to go. How long had he been climbing? A day? A month? Why was he climbing, anyway? "Oh, yes," he remembered. "That pathetic war over a little puddle." He started climbing again, but the intense snowstorm prevented him from seeing the dark figure above him, or hearing the Thornax whistling down to greet him. *** Certavus surveyed the scene around him. Forces from both the Water Tribe and Ice Tribe were clashing on the edge of the Ice Tribe's domain. The Ice Tribe was defending their spring of a new substance, while the Water Tribe was simply trying to surround the Ice Tribe's domain completely. The battlefield was so vast that Certavus couldn't tell who was winning or losing, but he did know the battle would not end pretty. As he turned, a sword came down heavily, narrowly missing his head, but the young warrior just behind him was not so lucky. Certavus retaliated at Tarix with his blade, but Tarix was never hit, thanks to quick action by Kiina. "Thanks, Kiina," shouted Tarix as he took aim at Certavus with his Thornax launcher. However, that Thornax never hit Certavus, as the sight of someone falling from the nearby mountaintop stunned everyone. *** Malum watched the falling figure from afar, wondering what genius would climb up the tallest mountain on Spherus Magna anyway, when he suddenly heard a voice in his mind, a distinctly female voice. "There's another spring." As Malum pondered how he knew that, it suddenly occurred to him that the spring was in the Ice Lord's domain. Meaning even if the Fire Lord won over the known spring, the Ice Tribe would still have their own. Malum turned and began running for the Fire Lord's fortress, wondering how he would react when he heard the news of another spring. He was so intent on his journey that he never noticed the hooded figure step out from behind a rock. And he didn't notice the grim smile on the face of that figure. *** Surel watched the dark figure hit the ground below, with a sense of amusement that a Jungle warrior had attempted to knock him off his own turf. Suddenly, Surel heard a female voice in his mind, one that sounded raspy and malicious. "How would those green freaks even know about the Ice Tribe's hunt for another spring, let alone be able to get up there before you and attempt an ambush?" Troubled, Surel turned to continue on his journey, when he realized that his struggle with the poor Tesaran had taken him nearly to the top. "This day just gets better and better," he thought. *** Vastus moved quietly, for fear of being sensed by the vicious Iron Wolves who stalked through this area of the White Quartz Mountains, when he suddenly heard a scream from above. Vastus quickly looked up, and wished he didn't see what he did. A fellow warrior from the Jungle domain, falling from the mountaintops, presumably knocked down in a battle. As Vastus watched in horror, frozen by shock and unable to help the poor soul, he crashed into the ground. The snow around him was never disturbed again. *** Certavus just barely escaped with his life. Taken by shock at the falling figure, Tarix and Kiina had been stalled just long enough for Certavus to throw a blade at Kiina and wound her, then while Tarix was distracted, Certavus made his escape. As Certavus approached the Ice Lord's fortress, he was suddenly filled with fear. Fear for the other tribes. The mysterious substance that had sparked this war, dubbed by the Elemental Lords as "energized protodermis", had strange properties, being able to transform some beings and destroy others, as shown from experiments so far. For much of the war, the Ice Lord had been in control of the single source of energized protodermis, and while the other armies had been focusing on taking the one known source, the Ice Tribe had been secretly searching for another source, one that could be kept a complete secret. But somehow, that secret had escaped the Ice Lord's fortress, and the Water Lord had dispatched Kiina and Tarix to infiltrate the domain of Ice and halt all progress towards finding another source. Certavus had no doubt the other tribes, if they didn't already know, would find out soon. Certavus was so deep in thought that he never noticed he was right outside the Ice Lord's throne room. "Enter." boomed the voice of the Ice Lord. Certavus was still scared every time he came here, because the Ice Lord always seemed to know when someone was outside. Certavus opened the door, and the second the Ice Lord saw him, he knew it was a bad day. Certavus wasn't dead yet. "I assume you returned because you have news about the secret of our mission escaping." "I do, my Lord." He cleared his throat. "The Water Tribe has dispatched warriors to halt our progress in finding another source, and earlier today, a figure was seen falling from the same mountain where Surel was dispatched to. I saw Strakk running towards the being's landing point, but he landed in a point where Iron Wolves often roam, so if it was Surel falling, I doubt there's much left of him." "Hmm...Anything else?" "Yes, sir. I would like permission to track down whoever or whatever leaked our secret." "Permission granted, Certavus." "Thank you, my Lord." *** The volcano rumbled as the Fire Lord punched through a wall. "WHAT?!" "T-the Ice Tribe may have found another source of energized protodermis, and I would like permission to go up that mountain and find them." Malum said, hiding his fear of the Fire Lord's famed rage. "And how do you know this?" "I, um... heard a voice in my head that... told me." "Bah. If it will get you out of my sight, then go up this mountain and find this other source. If you can prove there's another source, come back here with a vial of it, and I'll make you my highest ranking general. When you find nothing, don't even bother coming back here." "Y-yes, my lord." *** Surel looked around. Nothing. He cleared away some snow. Nothing. "Might as well go back down, then," he said sadly. Surel turned, when he saw a beam of energy shoot up into the sky, originating from the area where the first source was. "Oh my." The beam started angling towards Surel, and as it got closer, he realized what it was. It was energized protodermis. About fifty feet away from Surel, the beam froze. It then gathered together into a floating mass of energized protodermis right in front of Surel. Four appendages shot out, forming recognizable arms and legs. Then a fifth shot out the top, and formed into a head. "That's not something you see every day," Surel thought in astonishment. Then it spoke. "You have come searching for the substance that has sparked a war on this planet. I have come to warn you that you must not. Any further experimenting with this substance could destroy the planet entirely." "Excuse me, but I do believe we're not acquainted yet. I'm Surel, who might you be?" "I am the substance, the "energized protodermis," which is actually my being, my mass, my essence. I am life. And you must-" The entity suddenly exploded, pieces of him narrowly missing Surel. He looked at where the being once floated, but someone else was standing where the energized protodermis once was. It was cloaked, with wisps of energy floating from an outstretched arm. It removed its hood, revealing itself to be vaguely familiar, and yet alien at the same time. When it spoke, Surel realized it was a female, or as close to a female as this thing could get. "And now, Surel, you must die." *** Vastus saw the beam of...something, and immediately knew that it had something to do with his comrade from the Jungle tribe falling off the mountain. Someone yelled behind him, and he turned to the last people he'd think to see together. Malum, Certavus, and Tarix ran up to him, and they weren't fighting, so that was a good sign. "What's going on?" Vastus asked. "That." Tarix pointed, and Vastus turned and saw Surel and a strange hooded figure tumbling down the mountain, wrestling with each other. Everyone could tell Surel was losing. As they reached the bottom of the mountain, the hooded figure started to glow, and a sudden explosion of energy blew Surel away from it and into the mountain, creating a large pit in the slope. The other warriors ran up and surrounded the figure. "Who are you?" Malum demanded, more fire in his voice than the Fire Lord - on a bad day. "Ah, Malum. I take it you got my message?" The voice was in their minds, and Malum realized it was the same female he had heard before. "You!" he yelled angrily. She removed her hood, revealing herself to be... a Skrall. A female Skrall. "Malum, why are you angry at me? I helped you, I informed you of the Ice Tribe's plans." "Wait, you did that?!" Certavus asked in disbelief. "What?!" Vastus asked. "Yes, myself and my comrades, we have been running this war from the beginning. We were the ones who uncovered the energized protodermis in the first place, for the Ice Tribe to find. We leaked its existence to the other tribes, causing a war. Of course, we were aware that energized protodermis is dangerous to the existence of the planet of Spherus Magna, so when the living essence of energized protodermis tried to warn Surel of the planet's inevitable destruction, naturally we had to intervene." "T-That's impossible! Who do you think you are?" Certavus asked. "We are the Sisters of the Skrall, and I am their leader. And as we speak, the Fire Lord is about to seize control of the spring of energized protodermis, and with the ideas we planted in his head, Spherus Magna has about 10 minutes to live." Shocked, the four warriors, leaving Surel and the female Skrall, ran in the direction of the Fire Lord's fortress, hoping against all odds they would be able to stop the end. "W-why are you doing this?" Surel said weakly, still stuck in the mountainside. "For fun. Also, since your life will be ruined anyway and it's too late to stop the end, I've decided to let you live. Have a nice day, Surel." The female Skrall smiled, and walked away, leaving Surel alone. A lone Iron Wolf walked up to him, and began to eat away at the snow trapping him. More walked up, and soon, Surel was free, though badly weakened. "Thank you." He said to the Iron Wolves. Strangely, the normally vicious wolves acted with compassion towards him, and led him to a hidden cave in the side of a mountain. Though Surel did not know it at the time, he had just made the best friends of his life. *** Bursting through the door of the Fire Lord's fortress, Malum, Tarix, Certavus, and Vastus watched in shock as the Fire Lord, laughing like a mad man, dropped a vial of energized protodermis into a pit in the middle of his throne room. They were too late. The ground shook. Walls collapsed. Outside, there was the sound of a volcano erupting. Running outside, the four warriors saw a sight that would haunt them for the rest of their existences. The planet was splitting, and they could literally see chunks of the planet flying away. After what seemed like an eternity, the shaking stopped, but nothing was the same, nor would it ever be the same. Spherus Magna was destroyed. Strangely, life went on. The war, now ended since everyone knew the dangers of energized protodermis, had left the Elemental Lords fighting amongst themselves in the most remote parts of their new world. Their armies, now meaningless, went on to become Glatorian, part of the new system the tribes used to survive. Surel was assumed dead by everyone, and with energized protodermis now out of their lives, the tribes lived peacefully. Of course, nothing good lasts long. Edited July 27, 2009 by danwojo913 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Avohkahs' Sparks Posted July 27, 2009 It is a very good idea you've got here, and the most original by far. However, the story is a bit scattered, and the characters do not seem to match their normal personalities. I think you should do the story partially revolving around one character, and partially revolving around the female Skrall. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
danwojo913 Posted July 27, 2009 It is a very good idea you've got here, and the most original by far. However, the story is a bit scattered, and the characters do not seem to match their normal personalities. I think you should do the story partially revolving around one character, and partially revolving around the female Skrall. Thanks. :) I tried to make the story kind of like the 2007 movie Transformers, where the three separate plots came together at the end, so it may be a bit scattered at the beginning, but that's because I'm trying to show how the war had everyone doing different things, but then certain events brought them all together. But how did the characters not match their original personalities? They may have been different, but they're in the middle of a war, and there's still 100,000 years for things to change in them, but I thought I kept it pretty close. And for the partially revolving thing, I thought of the story as mostly revolving around Surel, seeing as he kind of caused the story, knocking the guy down, searching for another spring, bringing the female Skrall down to the bottom of the mountain, etc. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Avohkahs' Sparks Posted July 27, 2009 Would you mind reading and reviewing my story Treachery Peak? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
