Adventurers: The Next Chapter

[Pdaitabird]

Baron von Barron had a spring in his step as he exited the little Northumbrian chapel.  Once a scheming pragmatist, he had become a man of faith during his eight-year stint in prison. Ample time for self-examination, coupled with news of a sickening political upheaval in his homeland, had left him contrite and repentant.  Now he was on his way to spend a pleasant Sunday afternoon visiting his old enemies and new friends Dr. Kilroy and Pippin Thunder.  The old Prussian felt truly blessed by their willingness to forgive him for past wrongs and help him start a new life in England. He only wished that Johnny Thunder were still alive; he would give anything to thank the man who had put him in prison and apologize for trying to have him killed all those years ago.

Pippin Thunder, née Pippin Reed, led her horse from the stable up the path by Dr. Kilroy's cottage. After Johnny's death, she and their son Jack had moved in to help care for the aging professor.  After all they had been through together, she felt it was the least she could do for her old friend. As she neared the house, she paused to mildly scold Jack and their neighbor Fred Rains; Jack for climbing on the woodpile with his toy sword, and Fred for tending Dr. Kilroy's garden on a Sunday. Pippin smiled. She couldn't really be upset with either of them. Jack took after his father. And Fred had been so good to them...he was becoming more of a father to Jack than Johnny ever was. Johnny had been a wonderful husband and father, but Jack was so young when Johnny's plane had gone down in the Channel that he barely remembered him. Fred wasn't so adventurous, but he was kind and dependable.  Pippin knew that was what Jack needed now.  As Dr. Kilroy rolled out to meet her, he pointed out their friend the baron approaching from the village. If only Johnny could see him now, she thought.

A wooded plateau offered a perfect vantage point for a clear shot. Johnny Thunder kept his sights centered on his target's signature pith helmet. It was bad enough that an assassination attempt had forced him to fake his death. He knew the baron was behind it, and he couldn't endanger his wife and son by coming out of hiding. But he had watched over his family from afar for the past seven years. He had worried when Baron von Barron was released from prison; even more when he had seen the baron talking to Dr. Kilroy in public. But now the villain was approaching their house, doubtless with some nefarious purpose in mind. As von Barron approached the gate and reached for something in his coat, Johnny steadied his grip on the rifle in preparation.  Before he could squeeze off a shot he saw with relief that it was only a pocketwatch.  Now Pippin and Dr. Kilroy were greeting the baron in a friendly embrace.  Johnny looked on from his secluded perch in bewilderment. He would do anything to protect Pippin and Jack, but only if he knew they were in danger. Pippin had always told him people could change, and now he was almost starting to believe it. He would keep the baron in his sights, just in case, but von Barron's seeming reform raised questions in Johnny's mind. If the baron's really changed, he mused, I could come back to my family. But what if his return sent the baron back to his old ways? It was too risky for now. Johnny resolved to just keep watching for a while.  Still, he would have to pay the baron a visit some time...

I hope you've enjoyed my take on a later chapter to the adventurers' saga. The scenes were a lot of fun to build!  Here's an overview of this section of the layout:

C&C welcome - thanks for reading!

Soli Deo Gloria

Edited March 19, 2020 by Pdaitabird

[Oky]

Thank you for sharing your take on the later life of the Adventurers. Unfortunately, I can't say I enjoyed it.

Both the MOC and the story leave a lot to be desired. The scenes look very simple with not many interesting building techniques. Then again, it's hard to judge them since we only see close ups of the MOC. A wide shot showing the entire scene would be helpful.

Regarding the story, as a big Adventurers fan it is almost painful to see one of my favorite Lego heroes portrayed as a bad father, animal abuser, and murderer. For Johnny to suddenly decide to shoot a seemingly reformed villain for no good reason other than a hunch that he might be up to no good is completely out of character. This could be forgivable if Johnny had a reason for crossing this line, like if he actually knew what the baron was planning (IF he is even planning anything) or if he found out that the assassination attempt that forced him into hiding was secretly ordered by the baron while he was in prison.

Saying that Jack was chasing the cat with a sword because he takes after his father implies that Johnny also liked to bother animals which seems out of character as well. Perhaps this could be changed to a more innocent, more adventurous act like performing a dangerous stunt such as jumping from a great height.

It is sad to see Pippin think of her presumed dead husband as a bad father, although I could see this being an interesting subplot. I assume it is because Johnny was always out adventuring instead of home to raise his child, but that's just me filling in the holes in the story. It would be nice to see this expanded on.

Overall, this feels more like an overly edgy beginning to a new chapter in Johnny Thunder's life than a fitting end, but there are enough interesting plot elements here to make it work with some improvements.

I hope you understand my criticisms and find them constructive.

Keep adventuring!

[Pdaitabird]

@Oky Thanks for the constructive criticism! It was definitely helpful in hopefully improving the story. I've edited the post to fill in some details and address some of the issues you mentioned. The story was originally about the idea that a misunderstanding can send a well-intentioned person down a tragic path. Now I've tried to add an opening for Johnny's potential return. As for the MOC, it's only filler for the back part of my railway layout using whatever parts I had left - even including the adventurers characters was something of an afterthought. Again, thank you for the constructive feedback - it is much appreciated!

[Oky]

@PdaitabirdThanks for taking my feedback into consideration. I do like the story much better now. However, now it feels a bit too open ended. I understand now what you were going for with the original version of the story and I think you could still keep that concept and finish the story by making a few more changes. I'd suggest changing it so that Johnny almost goes down that tragic path. For example, he could see the Baron approaching Pippin from the back with his hook, mistake it for an attack, and get ready to pull the trigger, but realizes at the last second that he is actually greeting her and is their friend now. Johnny would realize what a grave mistake he could have made and learn his lesson about people being able to change. That way you could still have the story be about how someone could make a tragic mistake, but in this case luckily didn't, thereby keeping Johnny's character intact. Just a thought.

And thanks for adding the wide shot. The MOC does look much better now that we can see all of it! And I'm impressed that you put so much thought into what is essentially just a filler in your layout.

[Pdaitabird]

@Oky Thanks for the additional feedback! You made some great suggestions that were really helpful...hopefully I'll continue the story with another build sometime.