languages Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 *devil* (Its the closest thing to a Red Nose) As all Brits know its Comic Relief today and I think we should celebrate by posting our faviourite jokes here. I will start this off by saying my faviourite: What do do Ducks smoke? QUAK! :-D :-D *devil* So Enjoy Today!! *devil* Quote
xwingyoda Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 One of the worst joke (by worst I mean stupid and bad ;) ) 2 stupid guys are stopped at a red light. One says to the other: hey its green!!! The other replies: I don't know, a frog!!! Hilarious :D >-| No stone throwing on this one guys :P Quote
Vader Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Be very proud to be British Because: Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke. Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters. Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage. Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink. NOT TO MENTION... 3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue. 142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts. 58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. 31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in. 19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate. British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents. 101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet. 18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth. A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth. 8 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars. And finally......... In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet. RULE BRITANNIA!! Quote
xwingyoda Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Yeah Brits rule, They are the english speaking Belgians :-D :P Quote
jonfett Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Here is another terrible joke for Red Nose Day.. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Is this some kind of joke?"! :-D Jon. Quote
yoda601 Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 *wacko* I can't think of any jokes... But jon, that one was great! :-D Hmm... Quote
Brickmaster Posted March 22, 2005 Posted March 22, 2005 A blonde walks into a bar...she says ouch.... just think a little if u dont get it.....but not too hard...... Quote
xwingyoda Posted March 22, 2005 Posted March 22, 2005 How many blonds do you need to make a chocolate cake? 7 in total: 1 to read the recepe and 6 to peel the M & Ms....... :-D Quote
Athos Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Quote Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance... Sadly, that's not only in Britain. Its that way here in the U.S. as well. *wacko* Steve Quote
xwingyoda Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 I just read a really funny story today: LONDON, England (AP) -- A grandmother stopped an intruder from entering her home by lobbing a heavy garden gnome at him, police said Friday. Read more here : http://edition.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/europe/0...e.ap/index.html Only in the UK gnomes are usefull :-D Quote
Wolf04 Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 "Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke." Na, that sounds more like our southern "friend", the US. The fatigs (fat pigs) (new breed of humans only in US that eat McDonalds each day for breakfast, lunch, dinner and their exercise program only includes Playstation game). I'm serious...they're like "Ummm, tha looks good...I'll have 2 triple hamburgers, 2 extra-large fries and to lose weight....3 DIET Pepsi." Quote
jonfett Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 On yodas gnome-throwing-Grandma story.. Quote I went back into the kitchen and found a rolling pin in case he came down. I didn't want to break another gnome. Thats classic! :D Jon. Quote
xwingyoda Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 jonfett said: On yodas gnome-throwing-Grandma story.. Quote I went back into the kitchen and found a rolling pin in case he came down. I didn't want to break another gnome. Thats classic! :D Jon. True, preserve the gnomes at all cost :-D Quote
The Middleman Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 Wolf04 said: "Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke."Na, that sounds more like our southern "friend", the US. The fatigs (fat pigs) (new breed of humans only in US that eat McDonalds each day for breakfast, lunch, dinner and their exercise program only includes Playstation game). I'm serious...they're like "Ummm, tha looks good...I'll have 2 triple hamburgers, 2 extra-large fries and to lose weight....3 DIET Pepsi." We're not ALL like that, you know. Quote
xwingyoda Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 Bloody Jay said: Wolf04 said: "Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke."Na, that sounds more like our southern "friend", the US. The fatigs (fat pigs) (new breed of humans only in US that eat McDonalds each day for breakfast, lunch, dinner and their exercise program only includes Playstation game). I'm serious...they're like "Ummm, tha looks good...I'll have 2 triple hamburgers, 2 extra-large fries and to lose weight....3 DIET Pepsi." We're not ALL like that, you know. Excuse our Sheperd, he is lost and cannot find his ways. Thankfully, we are not all US dislikers ;) (and for me, far from it ;) ) Quote
The Middleman Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 Oh, most of us are, of course, just as most of us support Bush (bah). Still, don't generalize. ;) Quote
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