Hiding a Moon

[vahkimetru]

Description: It's eight years since the events of Revenge of the Sith, and the half completed Death Star is becoming noticable to many systems, including Alderaan.

Also, with five Jedi on the loose, keeping the project secret will soon become a job for Boba Fett.

Alderaan will be taken if the five jedi cannot destroy Darth Vader's flagship before it reaches Alderaan.

Prologue

Darth Vader stood solemnly at the bridge of his Victory-Class Star Destroyer, the Purge. A small mouse droid skittered past him. Vader crushed the droid with his boot and turned around. He strode out of the bridge.

Vader took a turbolift to his meditation chamber. Vader sat down on the cushioning seat of his meditation chamber. A long mechanical arm reached down to Vader and removed his helmet. Vader pondered for a while, and then reached for the control panel of the meditation chamber.

Vader

[Sir Dillon]

I haven't read all of it yet, but what I did was pretty good.

One thing I might suggest though, is to sometimes use 'Him' or 'He' instead of Vader. Like in the below part:

Vader took a turbolift to his meditation chamber. Vader sat down on the cushioning seat of his meditation chamber. A long mechanical arm reached down to Vader and removed his helmet. Vader pondered for a while

I think it might read better if you'd switch a few of those 'Vader's with 'Him' or 'he'.

Keep up the nice work. :-)

[vahkimetru]

Thanks for the tip Dillion.

It took me a while to see how the Jedi will eventually become involved in the plot, but it will work out just fine. :closedeyes: