Prison Mike

[Derek]

Ok, I have another Office vig. This one is based on the episode "The Convict". Michael finds out through corporate that there is an ex-convict that is a part of his staff, and he tries to figure out which of the new employees transfered from the Stamford branch went to prison. They narrow it down to the new guy, Martin, and after talking to him about his prison experience, the Dunder Mifflin employees think that prison is much better than work. In another one of his crazy "meetings", Michael tries to prove them wrong by introducing his "friend" Prison Mike...

Michael: All right everybody, there has been a lot of name calling against our office today. Corporate maligning, slurring, much of it coming from one of you, who claims that prison is better... than... here. And none of can say "Boo" because none of us have ever been to prison. Well, there's somebody I'd like you to meet.

Michael:Somebody else who has been to prison, who can tell you what it is really like [puts on bandanna]. I'm prison Mike! You know why they call me prison Mike?!

Angela: Do you really expect us to believe you're somebody else?

Michael: Do you really expect me to not push you up against the wall, beeyotch?! [employees protest] All right, hey, hey, hey, hey, that's just the way we talk in the clink. Been a lot of fun talk about prison today, but I am here to scare you straight. I AM HERE TO SCARE YOU STRAIIIGHT!! In prison you are somebody's female canine. Oh, and you. [points to Ryan] You, my friend, would be da belle of da ball. Don't drop the soap! Don't drop the soap!

Ryan: Michael, please. [Michael makes kissing noises]

Jim: Where... did you learn all of this?

Michael: Internet.

Jim: So, not prison.

Michael: And prison. Eh, fifty-fifty, both. Look, prison stinks, is what I'm saying. It's not like you can go home, and, recharge your batteries, and come back in the morning and, be with your friends, having fun in the office.

Jim: What'd you do, Prison Mike?

Michael: I stole. ... And I robbed. And I kidnapped... the... president's son. And held him for ransom.

Jim: That is... quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike.

Michael: And I nevah got caught, neither.

Jim: Well, you're... in... prison, but, mmhmm.

Michael: (...) You guys got it soft, and cushy! This place is freaking awesome! The people are awesome! Your boss is nice! Everyone seems to get along! People are tolerant! People who... have jumped to conclusions can redeem themselves! Nobody is nobody's female canine. I hope that this scared you. And from me, Prison Mike, to you, I just wanna thank you for listening to me. Letting me be a part of your life today. 'Cause you got a good life! You got a good life. A good life. [turns around, takes bandanna off] So. What do you think? It doesn't sound so great, does it?

Pam: Wow. Thank you. Um, that must have been hard for you to relive that. Both of you.

-darthperson

[Hewman]

Where are the dementors?

[Derek]

Haha! I didn't want to put in his whole speech and bore you people to death! But I should have put in a dememtor figure behind him!

[mania3]

Oh classic. Please, please keep these Office vigs up. They are hilarious! "Do you really expect me to not push you up against the wall, beeyotch?!"