WIP CONTEST-LARGE

[Lego12]

I decided to show you my entry for the Eurobricks Pirate Contest, Pillage the Village. This is a small war scene. I even have a story prepared!

Jungle Cage....

Two old soldiers have found an Islander in the jungle and they captured him and in-prisoned him in their armoured jail-cage! So three more Islanders came to rescue him! (Including King Kahuka!) King Kahuka sneaked up behind a soldier and stabbed him in the chest! His partner wasn't happy... Then Pirates came into the jungle and they saw some fighting going on...so they joined! One Pirate was climbing up the tower and one of the soldiers happened to throw back his axe thing... Another Pirate shot the girl Islander.... The evil Pirate girl killed a little boy who was a young Islander and the monkey ripped out his skeleton and ripped of his head....he is actually going to burn it... The Captain Pirate is actually burning the armoured jail-cage.... :pir-skull: The Islander in the cage is trying to escape, so he stabbed his spear through the chain, the chain didn't even move.... The bird, over by the boy Islander, is eating his leftovers... The Captain Pirate also stripped one of the Islanders and burned him alive.... There are also left-over skeletons from when the soldiers forgot to feed the prisoners.....they always forgot....I keep telling them to feed them but, nooo, they don't listen......

Overall image from the front.

Left side...with boy Islander and girl Islander.

Right side.....with burned and stripped Islander...there's also a head from a Pirate...

King Kahuka stabbing Soldier. Monkey with Islander head. Soldier who accidentally cut-off Pirates head.

Cage with screaming Islander. Spear through chain....and Captain Pirate.

Jungle cage from the back.

Thanks for reading and looking at my entry for the Pillage the Village contest! Comments, suggestions, and constructive critism is greatly appreciated!

Lego12

Edited October 7, 2008 by lego12

[Snake...SNAKE...SNAAAAKE?!]

this is a little too gory for... oh wait, it's you!

[CPT. Jr]

This is a very interesting piece. It depicts alot of savegry, done by the savages/islanders, and is a very busy and active scene. I think that it is almost to busy to be able to take it all in for the full affect, but thats just me. Good job though.

[Trexxen]

Well, since this is a WIP you have plenty of time to add to this MOC - but sometimes things are too full to add anymore. I like this MOC, but even with your brilliant story (and man, it's good - but I have to wonder, where did the monkey get its steroids? Seriously, pulling the skeleton OUT of the boy's body? O_o ), I honestly have no clue what's going on except that people are dying, and there's lots of blood. This MOC suffers from trying to cram a little too much action onto a tiny space.

Since this is the "large" portion of the competition, go wild with how much base you use! You don't HAVE to make it 16x16, go large! I'd say that if you doubled the size (32x32), you'd end up with a much more effective MOC. Add some foliage to one side - the islanders had to come from somewhere - and a beach on the other, maybe even with a small boat (or a section of large boat) coming ashore! The only thing wrong with this entry (the guard tower is great, I especially like the caged islander!) is that there's just not enough room for all your great ideas. Expand a bit, use the expansion to add some landscaping, and then you've got an amazing MOC on your hands!

~Trexxen

[Captain Zuloo]

This is very good, although a tad unrealistic. If I were you, I would add some more greenery - it's supposed to be a jungle so it needs more trees etc. Another improvement you could make is maybe make i a little less crowded. On the whole though, a very good MOC and good luck in the comp!

[Lego12]

Thank you all for your kind words! Trexxen I will take you advice and make a beach with an ocean and a canoe! I will aslo make a better jungle by adding rocks and trees/plants and grass! I will make it even better! I am inspired!

Lego12

[Captain Zuloo]

Thank you all for your kind words! Trexxen I will take you advice and make a beach with an ocean and a canoe! I will aslo make a better jungle by adding rocks and trees/plants and grass! I will make it even better! I am inspired!

Lego12

Goody! I look foward to seeing the finnished result.

[Snake...SNAKE...SNAAAAKE?!]

Me too!

[Erdbeereis]

This is certainly plenty gruesome!

A few bits of advice:

1) As this is your large entry, make it bigger! Perhaps make an ocean and a beach, as this will also make the MOC a bit less cluttered.

2) On the tower, you could make it a bit larger and that way you'll be able to add more detail and make it look overall better.

3) Once it's larger, you should maybe add a few more plants and animals.

4) If you make a beach or ocean, you could make a small boat of imperials trying to keep the peace.

I think this will turn out to be a very good entry!

[WhiteFang]

Hey Lego12,

Nice to see your first entry in the PTV contest. Since this is the WIP entry, I am very sure you will have more surprising add-ons for us to admire. Meanwhile, let me go around your entry and evaluate accordingly. Your entry certainly has attained the objective of PTV, which is cruelty and savage killing in the jungle. Rampage can be seen from the top of the building to the ground. Indeed, it's gruelsome.

However, it will be nice if you improved and makes it look much outstanding among the rest. How to do so? Get a 32x32 green baseplate and build your jungle with that scale since this entry is meant to submit to "Large Divison". Add more trees, foilages, into your landscape to illustrate the jungle feeling. Take a look at Brickster's Jungle Adventure for some inspiration.

At the start, I had mentioned that you have done well for your savage slaughter, but the overall feeling makes the viewer giddy at the same time. This entry does not give me a focal point for my eyes to orientate from a certain direction such as top left to top right. It looks messy. I will advice you to create "vivid killing scenes" of your brutal slaughter such as focusing a few islanders which is putting up a futile struggle against its attackers. The black tower, in the midst could modify into a treetop house by using brown bricks and foilage to create a guard post and prison cage. This is just a suggestion of mine, to improve its appearence and blend it into your jungle concept.

Keep it up. I am looking forward to your completed entry.

WhiteFang

[Zorro]

My opinion:

Your MOC looks good but cluthered, it's too "busy" for the scale you have build it on, as suggested I would build it on a larger baseplate.

Your "gore-factor" is high enough, without doubt .

Make some improvements to your WIP and I think you should stand a chanche against others.

Possible improvements:

1) A larger baseplate, at least 32x32, would improve this a lot, but see you don't fill it up as heavily as you have done now, or you will need to expand again.

2) Is it because it is too crowded or is it because your MOC lack details and realism, I don't know, I only know most deaths people are dying on only seem clear to me after reading the story at least twice. After making the necessary changes to improve point 1, I would take this in consideration and see what you could do about it. Also make the story clearer to read (see minor points b)

3) Add some motion to your minifigs, some are just standing there looking stiff as a surfplank. I am referring to the ones on the ground especcialy, and even the one that is swing into the air doesn't seem to be moving his legs much.

The monkey does better on this point.

4) I would, as Erdbeereis suggests, make the tower a bit larger (broader, perhaps higher?), this in relation to points 1 and 2.

5) Adding a few more details like plants and jungle trees would be good on a larger baseplate (and only on a larger one !), but see you don't "action-load" these, because of the clutter, and don't overdo it.

6) What about adding some color to your birdie? Like giving it black wings? Have you experimented with it? If yes, I will shut up .

And a few minor things you should take in consideration:

a) Watch the number of smilies you use, some MODS/ADMINS/members don't like it.

b) When telling a medium-sized story like that, use some alineas to make it more pleasant to read.

You can still change those things by editing your entry, or by posting an adapted one.

Have fun with the competition and I wish you the best of luck !

Edited October 7, 2008 by zorro3999

[oDDerFisken]

Nice entry lego 12. It's diffinitely and evil side of the pirates life. So for that part it's very good.

But in my opinion there are way to many minifigs in your MOC. To it's size anyways. I suggest you either make the MOC bigger or reomve some of the skeletons and minifigs.

I also think you should make some more vegetation. Some trees and shrubberies. You've already got the animals I see. And i think you bird is very good.

So in short: to busy MOC, and some more "jungle-stuff" would be good. But very bloody and evil entry

Good luck with the contest.

[Guss]

ahah ! that's a really good entry, gory gory !! I it , and as oDDerFisken, I really like your yellow bird, and I also Like the monkey with a pirate head in his hand! funny ^^

[Lego12]

Thanks everybody! I will currently re-build the Jungle Cage on Saturday (I have to wait for my baseplates to arrive) and I will totally blow your minds! :P

EDIT: Apparently I'm the Gore Master....

Edited October 7, 2008 by lego12

[Thomas B.]

Trust me... you're not the gore master... Just wait for me! Muhahaha! As said before, put it on a 32x32. Junglization is needed, as well as a screaming face . You young chap, you have much to learn. A much larger tower is of upmost importance. Zorro always beats me to it, but I completely agree with him and would say what he said.

[Legoking]

Nice pirate contest entry lego12. Lots of things to talk about. I see you used detail to the extreme and also looks like you spent lots of time creating your MOC. The story that you wrote goes great with the pictures. I like the tower you made. It is mostly black. The cage at the bottom of the tower is great. The spear that is stuck through the cage door is perfect. Also, you chained the cage door shut so the islander can't get out. Nice touch! The expression on the islanders face that is in the cage fits his part in the scene. The battle on the ground is very bloody with lots of dead islanders, skeletons and pirates. I like the parrot on the ground. Nice addition! There is quite a fire on the ground too. Towards the top of the tower, dead skeletons are poping out and I like the that the tower has lots of fire on it. On the top, the king islander is stabbing a pirate, nice. I also like the monkey that is carrying the pirates head. I like it very much.

Possible Improvements

1) Since this is a Large-Contest entry, you should probably make your MOC a little bit bigger.

2) You could make the base plate a litte bit bigger, so your battle on the ground would not be so crowded.

3) You could also make your tower a little bit higher and wider.

4) Maybe you could add some water or a beach to your MOC, just to have it.

Overall- This is a great entry. Your entry is very gory and bloody. I like that. You have followed the rules for the contest and I congratulate you for that.

I wish you the best of luck!

LegoKing

[Lego12]

...........and I'm done! I just finished building the updated version!

And guess what? It is WAY bigger! It has an Ocean! It has a beach! It has a cage! It has a mini rock mountain! It has WAY more GOREY stuff! It is VERY GRUESOME! Hahaha! I will post pictures tomorrow!

Lego12

Edited October 11, 2008 by lego12