james dofine Posted May 4, 2008 Posted May 4, 2008 i have made a story about a droid army in the clone wars, i thought because all the clones are so cool because they have a story(clone wars cartoon, video games etc) but the droids did not have a story like delta squad or commander gree. so i made a story for the droids. it still need work because it is about the hole army and not about four droids or somthing, but this wil be in part III and IV. tell me what you think of it. site link part I: http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/56323 site link part II: http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/56334 Quote
Vaders_son Posted May 4, 2008 Posted May 4, 2008 Hey james dofine, nice little story you came up with Your setting is really cool, I like the droid camp best, with those huge mountains and all the stuff around Looking forward too see the coming parts of this story Best regards, Benny Quote
james dofine Posted May 4, 2008 Author Posted May 4, 2008 (edited) i need ideas for part three, does anyone what has to be in the next part? Edited May 4, 2008 by james dofine Quote
Asuka Posted May 4, 2008 Posted May 4, 2008 Hey, that´s a fine idea.... Although I´m no expert for the Expanded Universe, I do really think that there´s a lack of strong characters ( ) and stories within the ranks of that tin can army.... Your sceneries´re nice, and I think you added some very good humor to your story as well. I especially like your oh-so-well hidden and pretty explosive trap, and your noble and aloof storytelling ( "the republic fires at the incoming droid army, but the droids fire back." ). Hilarious! Perhaps you could start to introduce some interesting characters with your next chapter, just to make things a little more personal.... Quote
Vaders_son Posted May 4, 2008 Posted May 4, 2008 Perhaps you could start to introduce some interesting characters with your next chapter, just to make things a little more personal.... Yes, you could do that And, as the droids are going to ask for reenforcements, you could add some airsupport (if possible) or something like this. Also think about what the Clones could do after they defeated the droids in the last battle Benny Quote
General Zen Posted May 4, 2008 Posted May 4, 2008 Looks cool to me! I think it is interesting that you utilize the droid perspective. Keep up the good work! Quote
Oky Posted May 5, 2008 Posted May 5, 2008 Very cute story indeed! I PMed you two different ideas I had! Btw, We could use stories like this in the SW CW Comic Game! Why don't you join? Quote
Clonecommando007 Posted May 5, 2008 Posted May 5, 2008 This is a good try; and it seems you have some inspiration. However, I think you need to develope more of a plot. Create characters for your stories; not all units in the CIS are droids. Make a few trandoshans maybe; use the Orc heads. Give units personalities. More frames with direct speech text in them would be nice too. Quote
james dofine Posted May 5, 2008 Author Posted May 5, 2008 part III is made. it is not so super good but the in the next part there will be new charachters, just tell me what you think of it and tell me what you would like that has to come in part IV. site link III: http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/56438 Quote
Vaders_son Posted May 5, 2008 Posted May 5, 2008 This is really cool! I like your technic and idea of copying your troops to form a larger army And it really is HUGE! It would be soo awesome (and expensive ) to have such an army for real! Your texts are good as well, good mission, too. You could go a little bit more into detail on the character(s), because we only know little about him (them) now, nothing but his name and some of his past. And you should really think about joining the SW CW Comic Game you would be a great addition to it I feel Best regards, Benny Quote
Oky Posted May 5, 2008 Posted May 5, 2008 (edited) Very Good! Looks like you got my idea pitch just in time! Although you altered the climax, it came out pretty good, even better maybe! And I your technique! How did you make the transition from one copy to the other so seemlessly? I have only one remark, though: Your grammar. Yes, I know, this is not the most important thing here , but I'm just saying; just try not to put an "ing" after every verb, OK? I hope to see you in the comic game soon! Why don't you join too, vaders son? Looking forward to the next Part ON! Edited May 5, 2008 by Oky Wan Kenobi Quote
Vaders_son Posted May 5, 2008 Posted May 5, 2008 Why don't you join too, vaders son? I might just do so, still thinking about my character Quote
JimBee Posted May 7, 2008 Posted May 7, 2008 cool! i like how you use natural environments to add color to the story, and not use boring- old lego plates yes, your grammer could use some work, like "have founded"... that would make your creations a lot easier to understand and better to enjoy. and by the way, nice army. vaders son, in glad your considering about the comic game, the deadline has been extended. (yet again) Quote
james dofine Posted May 14, 2008 Author Posted May 14, 2008 part IV will be coming this month, this wil be a much better comic than to ones before. it will be take place on jabiim. i am working on a project to look like more accurate than the copies in part III. Quote
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