188 replies to this topic

[Etzel]

To Sir Leo Aragon, Knight in Heroica


Sir Leo,
I'm writing to you because of a horrible Z-mail I just got. You remember that greenskin you were in company with when assisting me in Tanco? Well get this, the useless High Priestess accepted him to be a Paladin! A greenskin as a Paladin! I'm so angry I can hardly write! Promise me that you will do everything in your power to counteract that filth.
I know I can count on you Leo, I saw it immediately when we first met. You are young and virile, and not bad-looking too. I hope to see you soon again, maybe we can have a glass of wine and go watch an arena game together?
Yours,
Algert Kapriel

I've got Z-mail!

[Sandy]

Scubacarrot, on 14 February 2012 - 10:25 PM, said:

Dear Scheherazade,

I can explain, Knifk was hungry, so we had some roasted pigs, Sorry about that, but you weren't around, and as an orc, you must KNOW how hungry a full grown orc can get! I honestly don't know anything about the chicken wings, but I did see a ghostly fellow around the fryer at one point, why are these even on my tab? A vat of Grapes, really? What would I do with a vat of grapes? Try to make my own wine? Honestly, I tried that in prison, and it did not turn out so well!

The alcoholic beverages were mine, I am sorry. I am short on cash, is there another way I can... make it up for you?

Truly yours,

Guts Holla, Shooter of kneecaps.

"I've got Z-mail!"

Dear Guts,

I am willing to forgive your insolence this once, if you learn these simple rules by heart:

1) Never ask me about my past. I will tell you the story if you prove to be worthy.

2) Never ask me about the Veterans. You will learn enough about them in time if you stick with Heroica.

3) Never ask me to serve you. I am a free orc, not your slave.

Capiche?
~Scheherazade

Khorne, on 14 February 2012 - 10:12 PM, said:

How about we turn this into a three-man archeology expedition, eh? You know, the team reunited for old times sake, heh heh.

Drake!!!

You just have to ruin everything, don't you!

*tear stains*
~B

[Tamamono]

Dear De'kra,

It's very difficult to explain. At least with humans (and elves and dwarves and most animal species), everyone has two parents, a mother (the female) and a father (the male). Now, they might not always have two parents to take care of them, but there are always two parents to begin with. This also has to do with the difference between males and females.

Obviously, it was different for you when you were a child (please tell me you know what a child is). As they say, 'it takes a village to raise a child', and apparently, a village raised you. That could explain why you have much better morals than most people in Eubric - you were raised well.

I suppose the 'plague' could be rendered void if the difference vanished, but then there would be no more humans. The difference and the 'Love Plague' both exist so that there will be more humans. We'll speak more on this when you get back to the Hall, okay?

Your Friend,
Tomas

[Tanma]

OOC: you okay Tomas, you seem sweaty...
IC: De'kra caught the next letter with a twirl, and read the message;

Tamamono, on 14 February 2012 - 10:39 PM, said:

Dear De'kra,

It's very difficult to explain. At least with humans (and elves and dwarves and most animal species), everyone has two parents, a mother (the female) and a father (the male). Now, they might not always have two parents to take care of them, but there are always two parents to begin with. This also has to do with the difference between males and females.

Obviously, it was different for you when you were a child (please tell me you know what a child is). As they say, 'it takes a village to raise a child', and apparently, a village raised you. That could explain why you have much better morals than most people in Eubric - you were raised well.

I suppose the 'plague' could be rendered void if the difference vanished, but then there would be no more humans. The difference and the 'Love Plague' both exist so that there will be more humans. We'll speak more on this when you get back to the Hall, okay?

Your Friend,
Tomas

After a pause he replied;

Alright, I can wait. I just want to know because when I was traveling to the Hall in order to join, I got confused between male and female a lot. Appearantly people here are much more hostile if you confuse male and female than if you confuse fire villager and ice villager. And those two types really don't get along. Ice villagers are usually cold, calm, and cautious, while fire villagers tend to be impulsive, quick to anger, and aggressive. Their personalities rarely mix.

If you mean a young entity, then yes I know what a child is. I don't think I ever saw one though, as the villagers live for a while. The oldest one was over 100,000 years old, and he has a long time left. But new villagers are made often enough, though for the longest time no one knew how. They did find out eventually, and although it was surprising it wasn't as disturbing as half the stuff going on then. I forgot about those other things though. I would tell you now, but I don't know how safe this method of communication is, and I get the feeling that the people of this city won't like it.

With that De'kra sent the message and moved on.

[Bioniclover]

Scubacarrot, on 14 February 2012 - 10:25 PM, said:

Dear Scheherazade,

I can explain, Knifk was hungry, so we had some roasted pigs, Sorry about that, but you weren't around, and as an orc, you must KNOW how hungry a full grown orc can get! I honestly don't know anything about the chicken wings, but I did see a ghostly fellow around the fryer at one point, why are these even on my tab? A vat of Grapes, really? What would I do with a vat of grapes? Try to make my own wine? Honestly, I tried that in prison, and it did not turn out so well!

The alcoholic beverages were mine, I am sorry. I am short on cash, is there another way I can... make it up for you?

Truly yours,

Guts Holla, Shooter of kneecaps.

"I've got Z-mail!"

Peering over Guts' shoulder as he writes a magic pink letter, Knifk angrily protests the accusation, but the letter has already vanished. He snatches the pen and parchment from the older rogue and scribbles a letter in Orcish -

Scheherazade,
I can assure you that this man is a lying bastard and I have eaten no roast pigs at the hall, although I have enjoyed some of your excellent ale. Ale aside, I hope you understand that this man has framed me for a crime which I did not commit, and he most certainly ate all three pigs himself. I bid you good day, fair maiden.

Sir Knifk

"Knifk has Z-mail!"

Edited by Bioniclover, 14 February 2012 - 10:54 PM.

[Peppermint_M]

Sandy, on 14 February 2012 - 10:38 PM, said:

Drake!!!

You just have to ruin everything, don't you!

*tear stains*
~B

My dear simian, we shall ignore this interloper. Now, onto the celebrations no? *smoch*

Khorne, on 14 February 2012 - 10:12 PM, said:

How about we turn this into a three-man archeology expedition, eh? You know, the team reunited for old times sake, heh heh.

"I've got Z-mail!"

You know my opinions Drake!

[K-Nut]

TheBoyWonder, on 14 February 2012 - 08:29 PM, said:

Dear Althior Emorith,

I hear you have every gem, and are one of the greatest current heroes. I just saw you portrait, and that you were trying to kill some Brobric Elves.

Can you do me a favour and send me one of there dead heads? I want to spit on it, cut it up and throw its brains into a bush and set fire to it.

The Brobric Elf Hating Brobric Elf, Leo Aragon

I have the most ZMail

Who the hell are you? Is this a love letter?

• Dear Alexis,
  
  A day doesn't pass that I have not thought of you. I hope you are alright without me. Wait for me my love, and don't touch my almond cookies!
  
  Althior.
  
  
• Dear Abraxas,
  
  If this reaches you, I'll be rolling on the floor laughing. I wonder how that stinky Ziegfried basement is. Probably smells like Zelda.
  
  Your worst enemy and eventual murderer, Althior.
  
  
• Dear She-Aura,
  
  Where are you?!?!
  
  Finnegan

[Scubacarrot]

Sandy, on 14 February 2012 - 10:38 PM, said:

Dear Guts,

I am willing to forgive your insolence this once, if you learn these simple rules by heart:

1) Never ask me about my past. I will tell you the story if you prove to be worthy.

2) Never ask me about the Veterans. You will learn enough about them in time if you stick with Heroica.

3) Never ask me to serve you. I am a free orc, not your slave.

Capiche?
~Scheherazade

Dear Scheherazade,

You seem to have misunderstood, I was by no means asking you to serve me, I was merely requesting a bottle of wine, from you, as an equal.
Believe me if I know what it means to be enslaved, at the mercy of another being, without freedom...
It is something I have endured, but have promised myself to oppose. Scheherazade, I see you not as a servant or a person of less importance, quite the opposite in fact! I shudder at the thought what would happen to Heroica if you were not there! Bar fights would be common, Quarrels about gold would dominate the Hall, the whole thing would emerge into a state of chaos!

But I am rambling,

Yours truly,

Guts Holla, trash talker extraordinairre.

"I've got Z-mail!"

[Palathadric]

Flipz, on 14 February 2012 - 09:45 PM, said:

Arthur recieves the note. His face becomes .  He quickly scribbles down a reply, mutters something, and hands it to Valentine.  "Here.  Make sure this gets back to the monk.  Don't read it.  Actually, go ahead, here's a second copy for you to snoop through."

The message simply reads:

Spoiler

I prepared
Explosive Runes
this morning.

OOC: QM's take note!

OOC:
Option 1: Valentine, snooping through the copy, meets with the desired result and hence cannot deliver the message to Monk Pretzel, rendering the monk free from any such letters.

Option 2: Valentine delivers the letter to the monk. The monk upon seeing his first response to his z-mail eagerly tears at the envelope. "I've got Z——" he shouts, but never finishes his sentence for his eye lay hold on the contents of the letter.

Option 3: Receiving the letter, and expecting more to come, he signs the name "Arthur" on the letter. That way, when the flood of letters come in he can remember to send everyone "Thank You" notes...or whatever. Just as he finishes signing and before he can quite look at the letter, he exclaims to Valetine, "I've got Z-mail!"
Poof. Letter gone.

Study the different possiblities and take time to vote for the likliest outcome.

[K-Nut]

• Haldor,
  
  How have you been my friend? I owe you one for setting me up with Alexis. A drink once we're back at the hall, perhaps?
  
  Althior.
  
  
• Dear Alexis
  
  I know this is my second note, but I love you!
  
  Althior

[Tamamono]

Tanma, on 14 February 2012 - 10:52 PM, said:

OOC: you okay Tomas, you seem sweaty...

OOC: Poor Tomas!

Quote

Alright, I can wait. I just want to know because when I was traveling to the Hall in order to join, I got confused between male and female a lot. Appearantly people here are much more hostile if you confuse male and female than if you confuse fire villager and ice villager. And those two types really don't get along. Ice villagers are usually cold, calm, and cautious, while fire villagers tend to be impulsive, quick to anger, and aggressive. Their personalities rarely mix.

If you mean a young entity, then yes I know what a child is. I don't think I ever saw one though, as the villagers live for a while. The oldest one was over 100,000 years old, and he has a long time left. But new villagers are made often enough, though for the longest time no one knew how. They did find out eventually, and although it was surprising it wasn't as disturbing as half the stuff going on then. I forgot about those other things though. I would tell you now, but I don't know how safe this method of communication is, and I get the feeling that the people of this city won't like it.

With that De'kra sent the message and moved on.

Dear De'kra,

It's usually not all that hard to tell the difference between males and females. I think the most important thing is to be observant and keep your ears open. Always listen very carefully to how people address one another. If someone says 'SHE is...' or 'HE is...', then you can easily be sure of his/her gender.

Just how are new villagers made where you come from? Obviously, they're not made the traditional human way...

Your Friend,
Tomas

[Tanma]

Tamamono, on 14 February 2012 - 11:18 PM, said:

Dear De'kra,

It's usually not all that hard to tell the difference between males and females. I think the most important thing is to be observant and keep your ears open. Always listen very carefully to how people address one another. If someone says 'SHE is...' or 'HE is...', then you can easily be sure of his/her gender.

Just how are new villagers made where you come from? Obviously, they're not made the traditional human way...

Your Friend,
Tomas

I will try to remember that. It's just easier with the villagers, they are color coded. Fire villagers are red and orange, and ice villagers are white; so it is easier to tell them apart. And all the types that are called "she" have at least one shade of blue. But if a person if a different color here, the odds are that they are a different species, like Orcs and humans.

I am afraid I also would rather say this in person, as people might be looking at the letters before we get them. I would prefer this not be known, as the people of Eubric don't inspire that much trust.

[The Legonater]

Dyric Rone seeked cash. He heard of a system called Ethereal Letters. Now Dyric Rone can get cash in one of the most rogue-ly way possible!

Dear_____ (he blank carbon copied the letter to all heroes and several others, so just add your name to the blank spot. He also ripped this off from a monk he never met, but don't tell anyone that.)

Ello, mates! I'm Rone, you may or may not have heard of me. I was a bit of a strategist in my day. I'm also good at motivation. You say you've been facing losses? Good thing you ran into me.

Heroes, look at your men. Now back at me. Now back to your men, now back at me. Sadly, they aren't me, but if they stopped using that pathetic training manual and listened to Mr. Rone for a bit, he could look like he's me. Look down, now back at me. You're on a training floor with the amasing soldier your men could look like. What's in your hand, back at me. I have it, it's a hand with two things you love. Look again, the things are now weapons. Anything is possible when you men look like soldiers and not ladies!

I'm on a fat horse.

From your inspiration, Dyric Rone

I've got Z-mail!

Edited by The Legonater, 14 February 2012 - 11:50 PM.

[Scorpiox]

Haldor was about to smash his rod down on the head of Rebel Y, but once again a sweet-smelling pink envelope flutters to the ground. He grimaces at the rebel, before slowly picking up the letter. Hoping Ameli had replied to his second letter, Haldor opened the letter and began to read. But alas, it was just his friend Althior inquireing. He muttered an apology to the rebel who taps his wrist inpatiently, and Haldor quickly scribbled a reply.

Dear Althior,

Thank you for the leter, it is apreciated. I am doing wel, despite the fact that I seem to be in the midle of a war. There was some scare and I though I had lost Jess, but she returned safe and sound. Some things hapened and we changed to the corect syde. There is brutal conflict and we are cutting it close. But thank you for yor consern. As I right that rebel is eyeing me nasytily. Why does every quest I enter end up in us changing sides?

Wat about yoo? How is everything in the fort, not run into many giant seege engines I hope. Make shure yoo keep out them Elves! I hope al is wel with Alexis, I think yoo too are very much alike. If there is anything yoo wish to share with me, any problems or bad things that you are worried or embarased about, I am here too help yoo. And yes I think I damn wel wil need a drink after al this.

Jess is wel and looking just as good as before.

Best of luck, Haldor

Haldor shouts out 'I have Z-Mail!', causing the rebels to look at him as though he is insane. Haldor watches as the envelope vanishes,  and notes some confused looks, and goes back to smashing in Rebel Y's skull.

Tha bad spelling is intentional, as Haldor was never taught to write, he had to pick up things here and there from acient Norse scrolls.

[K-Nut]

• Haldor,
  
  I guess I'll repay you by teaching you some spelling and grammar lessons, how does that sound? I actually have myself an apprentice now, so I have a lot to do back at the hall! Glad to hear you and Jess are alright. I look forward to seeing you again! Here's a small grenade I found for you to shove in the rebel's face. Oops! I dropped it in the river.
  
  Althior.

[The Legonater]

Dyric Rone heard about people sending letters to random people they'd never seen. He wanted to do the same. He heard of a system called Ethereal Letters. Now Dyric can send letters to anyone he wants!

Dear Leo

Did you hear? I'm a Bwobwic Human

Oh, BTW.



Have a nice day!

Your semi-loveable jerk and rogue, Dyric Rone

I HAVE Z-MAIL! Oh snap, a rebel.

OOC: I couldn't resist

[Zepher]

Dearest Zoot,
See you soon.
-Wren

"I have Z-Mail.  Have fun delivering that, dear."

[The Legonater]

Zepher, on 15 February 2012 - 12:10 AM, said:

Dearest Zoot,
See you soon.
-Wren

"I have Z-Mail.  Have fun delivering that, dear."

Dyric Rone wanted to talk to one of those most deadlies enemies known to man. He heard of a system called Ethereal Letters. Now he can talk to all the enemies he wants! And probably get himslef killed

Dear, Wren,

It's your favorite rogue!
Just between you and me, what is this all about?

From, Dyric Rone

I have Z-Mail! Whacks Rebel

[K-Nut]

• Leo,
  
  I've heard you've been hitting on a few of the female heroes here (don't ask me how I know, I just do ), and I'm here to tell you. If you lay one move on my Alexis, I will kill you. No joke, I shall send you to your grave. Think twice before doing that, will you?
  
  Have a good day!
  
  Althior Emorith.
  
  
• Alexis,
  
  I still love you! Tell me if that Leo fella' hits on you, we'll have a hell of a time after he does.
  
  Althior

[Zepher]

The Legonater, on 15 February 2012 - 12:14 AM, said:

Dear, Wren,

It's your favorite rogue!
Just between you and me, what is this all about?

From, Dyric Rone

Hello Coward!
Let me answer your question with another question!  Where?
Love Always,
Lady Wren

Edited by Zepher, 15 February 2012 - 12:50 AM.

[The Legonater]

Zepher, on 15 February 2012 - 12:50 AM, said:

Hello Coward!
Let me answer your question with another question!  Where?
Love Always,
Lady Wren

Dyric lifts his magic pen to write one more letter.

Dear Eyric Rone.

Hello, brother. It's me. How are you? Are you well? It's been ages since we've talked.
I've heard that our old friend in the military is still alive! That's great.
I've also heard that Duplovia is considering a treaty with Drelfin? The enemy? I'm not sure whether to be enraged or delighted.
I'm coming back as soon as possible, brother. I am.

From, Dyric Rone

...I have Z-Mail.

[Masked Builder]

K-nut, on 14 February 2012 - 10:56 PM, said:

• Dear Alexis,
  
  A day doesn't pass that I have not thought of you. I hope you are alright without me. Wait for me my love, and don't touch my almond cookies!
  
  Althior.

Alexis jumps a Phoenix appears next to her with a letter in a pouch on it's leg.  She replies on the back of the letter.
Dearest Althior,

I am doing okay, our quest has finished and we are almost back to the hall now.  I hope you finish your quest soon.  Don't worry, I won't eat any of them.  I'll try to keep Ocven out of them too.

Lots of Love,
Alexis

Alexis gives her note to the phoenix and says "I have Z-mail."

K-nut, on 14 February 2012 - 11:15 PM, said:

• Dear Alexis
  
  I know this is my second note, but I love you!
  
  Althior

After getting the first note off a few minutes pass and then it reappears with another.  She opens it and reads the message, then begins her reply.

Althior,

I love you too.  I wish to see you soon!

Love,
Alexis

K-nut, on 15 February 2012 - 12:33 AM, said:

• Alexis,
  
  I still love you! Tell me if that Leo fella' hits on you, we'll have a hell of a time after he does.
  
  Althior

Alexis sighs as another note appears next to her with the bird.  I shall keep that in mind.  But please, try to limit the number of letters you send me.

Love,
Alexis

K-nut, on 14 February 2012 - 10:56 PM, said:

• Dear She-Aura,
  
  Where are you?!?!
  
  Finnegan

I am waiting for the right bearer to receive a gem.

Sadie

[K-Nut]

Masked Builder, on 15 February 2012 - 01:49 AM, said:

I am waiting for the right bearer to receive a diamond.

Sadie

• Sadie,
  
  
  
  Finnegan.
  
  
  
• Alexis,
  
  I'm sorry I sent so many notes, I just miss you so much! Quest, huh? How'd it go? I hope you killed a monster or two. My Quest is going well, though I may never use my Aquamarine again, and Finnegan made me drink Dragon's blood!
  
  Hey! You didn't have it labeled! It looked just like that Grand Tonic!
  
  The Dragon Blood was blue! Oh, I forgot you were colorblind.
  
  Hope to see you soon, Althior,

[Masked Builder]

K-nut, on 15 February 2012 - 02:00 AM, said:

• Sadie,
  
  
  
  Finnegan.

Finnegan,

Do you have any thing other than bother Althior?

Sadie

K-nut, on 15 February 2012 - 02:00 AM, said:

• Alexis,
  
  I'm sorry I sent so many notes, I just miss you so much! Quest, huh? How'd it go? I hope you killed a monster or two. My Quest is going well, though I may never use my Aquamarine again, and Finnegan made me drink Dragon's blood!
  
  Hey! You didn't have it labeled! It looked just like that Grand Tonic!
  
  The Dragon Blood was blue! Oh, I forgot you were colorblind.
  
  Hope to see you soon, Althior,[/i]

Althior,
It's alright Althior, it was just a reminder.  Our quest went very well, though one of the brothers got away, oh and I completly ran out of Ether.  I'll tell you about the whole quest one night when we're both in the hall.

Dragon blood?!  That's revolting.  Smack him for me would you?  How's your quest going?  What's it like to defend a fortress?

Love,
Alexis

[K-Nut]

Masked Builder, on 15 February 2012 - 02:06 AM, said:

Finnegan,

Do you have any thing other than bother Althior?

Sadie

• Sadie,
  
  Of course! I have natural talents, such as psychology and riding a unicycle!
  
  Finnegan

Masked Builder, on 15 February 2012 - 02:06 AM, said:

Althior,
It's alright Althior, it was just a reminder.  Our quest went very well, though one of the brothers got away, oh and I completly ran out of Ether.  I'll tell you about the whole quest one night when we're both in the hall.

Dragon blood?!  That's revolting.  Smack him for me would you?  How's your quest going?  What's it like to defend a fortress?

Love,
Alexis

• Alexis,
  
  I will, after I take out a few of these elves right now. Though they are trying to kill us, they respect our personal lives, allowing us to write these letters. It's going well, and I somehow got an apprentice out of it. It's a bit never racking defending a fortress in all honesty. I've gotten some spices blown up in my face, and a horse stuck in a wall! (Don't ask how, it's a long story,) Have you gotten any new gems on your quest yet?
  
  Althior