Saqqara, Egypt, 1936....
After days of wandering through the hot and shimmering desert, the group finally catch a glimpse of a wide canyon and .... what is that? A large and foreboding statue! Could this be what they have been searching for all this time? Could this be the long forgotten statue of the great god IMHOTEP?
Unable to contain their excitement and enthusiasm, the group rush to find a way down. An ancient, rickety ropebridge affords them access ...
... and soon everyone has reached the canyon floor.
As the last member of the group places their foot on the ground, a fearsome sandstorm blows in.
The wind blows and the sand whips around them obscuring their view, but leaving them unscathed, as if they are protected by a magical force. At the height of the storm an unspecified number of dark-robed figures can just about be made out in front of the grand statue, and faint but ominous chanting can be heard above the roar of the wind.
The earth rumbles and tremors, and distant rockfall can be heard, the chanting becomes more urgent and eager until...
"I AM AWAKENED!"
A great voice booms across the canyon and echoes all around the mostly terrified group.
There is a sense of movement, as if people are re-joining the group.
Soon after, the wind dies down and the sand gently wafts away leaving the air as bright and clear as it had been not that long ago.
In the clear air the group look around themselves, confused. The ropebridge which had been their only access is destroyed, but there's a bright camp visible with signs of movement. Resigned to needing to find somewhere to rest, the group wander over to the pair of figures.
"Oh for....... It's only gone and happened again. Why can't they just leave the damn statue alone? "
"I'll put the kettle on; we're clearly going to need more tea. "
The group wander over, in hopes of finding some answers to the strange goings-on, and possibly some breakfast.
"Well, I'm Ossie, and this is Is. You'd best introduce yourselves and check you're all here..."
We will say this once and once only. The characters were written before assigning players, and before assigning alignments. All assignments are entirely random. Information here is for fun; any assumptions are made at your own risk.
The Great God IMHOTEP (NPC)
Do not upset him. Address him correctly or face the consequences. You have been warned.
The Guardians – Ossie and Is (Rufus and Pandora - NPCs)
They are a young couple who appear to live as hermits in the middle of the Egyptian desert. Whilst not unwelcoming to the expedition party, they still very much value their “alone time” for….. playing scrabble and whatnot.
Sheila Suxsumb - Played by Tamamono
Sheila is a curator at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York city and is a world - renowned expert in ancient Egyptian artefacts. A hard-nosed New Yorker, and a woman flying high in a man’s world, Sheila speaks as she finds and gets what she wants. She’s tentatively starting a relationship with her assistant, Johnson, but she’s not ready to take his Cox yet.
Johnson Cox - Played by Cecilie
Johnson is Ms Suxsumb’s assistant from the New York Met and he himself is becoming well know in the field of translation and interpretation of hieroglyphs. He hails originally from the deep south, Louisiana to be exact, and so tends to be more laid back than his boss from the Big Apple. He’s just starting a relationship with his boss, Sheila, and one day hopes to make her Suxsumb-Cox.
Ophelia Balls - Played by fhomess
Ophelia is a member of the Royal Geographic Society in London, and is present on this expedition as a Mineralogist. She is a shy and retiring, somewhat sweet girl, know to be very studious in her nature. She produces report after report on clays and crystals, that while being completely ahead of their time in research, sadly no-one ever reads.
Hans Gubernaculum - Played by
Hans is a Professor of Egyptology at the Aegyptisches Museum in Berlin. He is one of the leading lights in ancient Egyptian architecture and has previously discovered numerous fruitful sites for archaeological digs. Unexpectedly he is exact and precise in all that he does, and he abhors sloppiness and untidiness.
Melaena Stools - Played by CallMePie
Melaena is a poet who has accompanied the party in hopes of finding inspiration for her flowery and insipid verses. She is forever an optimist, and her lack of creative skill is surpassed only by her complete absence of insight into her own inability to produce anything displaying a mote of talent. She is a friendly and happy person who believes people adore her and her poems.
Mellifluous Murgatroyd - Played by Scubacarrot
Mellifluous is a journalist for the Edinburgh Times, here to report first hand on the great discoveries that may be made during the expedition. She’s sweet, yet determined, and often uses her honeyed words to get her own way. Her articles are often more sensational than they are factual, and thus they garner a lot of attention worldwide.
Jennifer Taylor - Played by Sandy
Jenny is a seasoned explorer and treasure hunter. She travels the world in search of artefacts to sell on to museums for the highest price possible. When she heard about this expedition, she knew she had to be a part of it. She has a shapely figure and often uses this to her advantage. She has treasure in her chest.
Nicholas Hoare - Played by Fugazi
Nicholas is a young man with a bit of family wealth behind him who fancies himself as an adventurer. Despite being socially awkward, his dream was to join the expedition, find some valuable artefacts and return home with enough stories of derring-do to impress the girls. One day, one of them might listen...
Penelope Farago - Played by Waterbrick Down
Penny is a serious scholar of Egyptian art who originates from Pisa in Italy, but currently works at the Musée du Louvre in Paris. She is passionate about art, and Egyptian art in particular, and has devoted much of her life to its study and appreciation. Despite her serious nature, she dresses somewhat flamboyantly and is known to be very descriptive in her language.
Betty Swallocks - Played by TinyPies
Betty thought she was going on holiday to the south of France, but somehow ended up here. She has no idea what archaeology even means, let alone where Egypt is. She often gets confused or muddles things up and wanders around in her own little world.
Roger Goodenarde - Played by Professor Flitwick
Roger is really just here for a bally good time, what, what. He’s an ineffectual ex-army Captain who had to give up the soldier’s life after taking a bullet in the knee. In the army he was known to be rather oblivious to all going on around him and despite thinking he was entirely in control of his regiment, in fact his long-suffering Lieutenant had to devote considerable effort to ensure the Captain didn’t mistakenly tap his pipe out on an unexploded bomb.
Patrick Fitzwilliam - Played by def
Patrick is well renowned for his ability to organise expeditions and he was the natural choice when the leading lights of Egyptology declared an interest in exploring this part of the desert. Having organised so many expeditions before, he is rugged, dashing and masterful, and knows how to get his hands on the things he needs, by whatever means necessary.
William Fitzpatrick - Played by CorneliusMurdock
It would be foolish to venture into the wilds of the desert without someone who knows how to handle the business end of a weapon. That someone is William Fitzpatrick; skilled as a big game hunter, he’s here to tackle any aggressive creatures of the desert, or handle trouble with the locals. He’s loud, brash and aggressive, but on Friday nights he might have been spotted in the Pink Pussycat Club in Berlin wearing not much more than a feather boa and a pair of high-heels.
Hugh Janus - Played by Eskallon
Hugh is the long-suffering Lieutenant who served under Captain Goodenarde. A military career composed of numerous close shaves thanks to his Captain’s ineptitude have wrought this poor man’s nerves, leaving him a gibbering shell of his former self. Where Captain Goodenarde goes, Lieutenant Janus knows he must follow. And be on the lookout for trouble.
Aloysius - Played by ADHO15
Aloysius is a camel. A talking camel. No, really, they exist. Aloysius has been carting other people’s stuff around the desert for more years than he can remember, but it gets him out into the fresh air and allows him to meet people and show off his collection of hats. He doesn’t usually let on that he’s a talking camel, but in these unusual circumstances he has no choice but to speak up and make himself heard.
Gordon Bennett - Played by KielDaMan
Gordon is the engineer of the group and works hard to keep any and all of the transported equipment finely tuned. He’s found the best way to fine tune machinery is to cover it in oil and then hit it a lot. As a result he, and everything around him, tends to end up messy. This isn’t helped by his tendency to be a little “oily” with the ladies and has earned him a slapped face on a number of occasions.
Toulouse Leplot - Played by WhiteFang
Toulouse is Ms Farago’s assistant from the Musee du Louvre and is almost as passionate about art as she is. He would be considerably more passionate about it if she didn’t keep sending him out for croissants and cream cakes every few hours. He works hard and spends his time relaxing by playing the violin. Unfortunately his boss’s opinion of his violin playing is that a strangled cat would be more musical and so he has not brought his violin with him. As a result, he is often tense and somewhat irritable.
Percy Pantwitter - Played by Rick
Percy is also a well known scholar of Egyptology at the Aegyptisches Museum in Berlin, and is forever in the shadow of the great Hans Gubernaculum. He is a petty man who delights in small victories, for instance snagging the last sausage at breakfast, but he is devoted to his studies and always strives to better himself.
Father Thomas “Tomato” Thomson - Played by Ricecracker
Fr Thomas Thomson is a missionary minister who has been called “Tomato” since a young age thanks to his shock of bright red hair and the unimaginative way his parents named him. Apparently, this doesn’t bother him, and he will protest as much often and repeatedly to anyone who’ll listen. He accompanies the group in the hopes of preaching and converting others to his faith.
Mehmet Attabar - Played by Hinckley
Mehmet is an expert cook and knows how to make the supplies last a long way. His signature dish, Spicy Scorpion Fritters has fast become a favourite of the group’s, probably because they think it’s chicken. Like most cooks, he’s a big jolly man, often seen with a cleaver in his hand.
Ishaq Ettaq - Played by Wuntin
Ishaq is a suave and cool guy, who’s dealt with explorers on a number of occasions in other parts of his Egypt. He’s a warm and friendly person, but he sure knows how to squeeze the most cash out of these crazy Westerners. That said, he’ll do anything for the right price.
Mustafa Nidia - Played by Brickdoctor
Mustafa is a beaurocrat from the Egyptian Ministry for the Interior. He usually sits behind a desk in an air-conditioned office filling out forms. He is here to oversee the expedition, at least that’s how he sees it. The rest of the group view him as officious and self-important and little more than a pen-pusher. His job is to ensure that no artefacts are removed from the dig without the correct accompanying documentation. In triplicate.
Ahmed Apu - Played by Zepher
Ahmed is an adolescent from the local village who is looking for some honest work. He’s happy to fetch and carry for the good rates that Ishaq Ettaq has secured for the locals. He carries heavy loads with ease, and wonders why on earth this lot can’t just carry it themselves. He’s happy to be part of such a colourful group of people, despite his inexplicable hatred of the colour pink.
Nadir Zenith - Played by JimButcher
Nadir is a very serious man. He takes his responsibilities seriously, including mucking out the camel. He is depressingly pessimistic about everything around him, and has the most irritating habit of always referring to himself in the third person.
Apologies to anyone we haven't picked. Thank you for your interest and enthusiasm! With 24 slots, we couldn't pick everyone
Day One - Everything Happens for a Reason
Day Two - Dude... you got... Tomato on you
Day Three - Use of Weapons
Day Four - Your mother warned you there'd be days like these...
Day Five - Without a Paddle
Day Six - Unlucky for Some
Day Seven - On Thin Ice
Conclusion - We Swallow Gods
*Disclaimer Any resemblances to characters, real or fictional, or Ancient Egyptians, living, dead, or undead, are purely coincidental.