"How Pirates End Up Married" by Brad Travis via Email
Posted 04 July 2011 - 04:31 AM
Posted 05 July 2011 - 01:29 AM
That's a lot of action you've got there in your entry and kudos to you for including the ill-fortuned Admiral Norrington (as I will always remember him) since I don't recall his mention in any of the other stories.
I'm not sure if you did a word count, but you've got almost 200 more words to spare; why not write some more? You could probably expand your ideas and add even more plot to your Pirate skirmish. Also, if you do decide to add more words, try spacing out the sentences more, it's just a suggestion to make it easier to read.
Also, do you plan on submitting a picture as well? I'd love to see what Fill looks like :)
As I tell everyone, these are just suggestions not to be taken to heart in any way. Good Luck!
Posted 07 July 2011 - 07:12 PM
If Brad gets a chance to read this, I'd be very happy to comment again on a revised version and give more detailed suggestions.
Good luck in the contest!
Check out my profile & blog entries at The Brick Blogger
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My Husband's first novel, The Cleric, is published and available on Amazon (both print & Kindle ebook)! It's a humoristic tale of moderate adventure with a dash of romance.
Posted 07 July 2011 - 07:28 PM
I'd suggest to get a bigger punchline, after the chaos of the battle subsides they all get up and one shouts "I'm Phill this time!"
Afterall, there's not that many females to go around in the LEGO pirate world.
Hope this helps.
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