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Peanuts´ Adventure Comic


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#1 Peanuts

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Posted 01 November 2010 - 05:55 PM

This is the first time I really made a Comic, I´m not quite sure about the theme, but I classify it as an adventure Comic. I´m not good about names, so it still has no, but maybe I´ll change this one.
The Comic is about 6 adventurers, who try to find a treasure in the desert. The whole plot will be revealed during the Comic.
The Characters are Shaun, the leader, Bob, the driver, Phil, the cook, Jordan, a former soldier who serves as security, and Rod and Paulie, the workers.
It starts with Bob and the introduction.
Part one consists of 34 pictures, part two will have 38, part three is still about to be done. Others might take longer time.

Part 1: Robert-The Transporter
Part 2: Jordan-The Thaiphoon
Part 3: Shaun-The Adventurer
Part 4: Phil-The Cook, The Goose

Please read it and tell me what you think.
Questions are also welcome.

Edited by Peanuts, 05 June 2011 - 03:04 PM.

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#2 Randal

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Posted 02 November 2010 - 05:02 AM

Heh. I saw "Peanuts" and "Comic" and thought "What's a Charlie Brown comic doing in the Lego Adventures forum.?"

But now I have it in proper perspective.

You asked for a critique, so here goes:

I think a little bit is lost in translation, but I'm not going to knock your dialog, as your English is better than my Deutsch. Some of the juxtaposition is a bit puzzling, but that could be a byproduct of me having a hard time following along. I would suggest using straight white for the dialog if you're going to string bits of it together with such thin lines. The green gets lost in the background and confused me a bit there too.

In the future, you might like to experiment with a graphics editing program and putting a few panels together on one page, cropping each to focus on the action that is telling your story. One thing I sometimes do is get close up head shots for dialog said by someone who is important to the scene, but not a focus of the action in the panel.

While I've been building Lego longer than I've been making comics, I've been making (and reading) comics for a very long time, so I take these things seriously. But I'm not going to rip you to shreds, this was an honest effort and not too bad. It just needs some clean up in the translation department, as far as I can tell. ;)

Edited by Randal, 02 November 2010 - 05:49 AM.

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#3 Flare

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Posted 04 November 2010 - 04:07 PM

Interesting, you obviously spent a lot of time and effort into this but I had a difficult time following the story line and the conversation... I'd take the good advice from Randal. :wink:
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#4 Once In A Lifetime

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Posted 05 November 2010 - 11:35 PM

View PostRandal, on 02 November 2010 - 05:02 AM, said:

Heh. I saw "Peanuts" and "Comic" and thought "What's a Charlie Brown comic doing in the Lego Adventures forum.?"

Hahaha, that's what I thought too. Anyways, that's a very cool comic you have made, but I do have to agree with the above two. I cannot wait until the next :tongue: .

Edited by Once In A Lifetime, 06 November 2010 - 12:23 AM.

Quote

Take my hand this one last time
Face the world before us The Warrior Inside
In a lifetime of disaster it's a battle to the end
Final stand my life must carry on, and forever, this time

#5 Peanuts

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Posted 21 November 2010 - 02:10 AM

View PostRandal, on 02 November 2010 - 05:02 AM, said:

Heh. I saw "Peanuts" and "Comic" and thought "What's a Charlie Brown comic doing in the Lego Adventures forum.?"

But now I have it in proper perspective.

You asked for a critique, so here goes:

I think a little bit is lost in translation, but I'm not going to knock your dialog, as your English is better than my Deutsch. Some of the juxtaposition is a bit puzzling, but that could be a byproduct of me having a hard time following along. I would suggest using straight white for the dialog if you're going to string bits of it together with such thin lines. The green gets lost in the background and confused me a bit there too.

In the future, you might like to experiment with a graphics editing program and putting a few panels together on one page, cropping each to focus on the action that is telling your story. One thing I sometimes do is get close up head shots for dialog said by someone who is important to the scene, but not a focus of the action in the panel.

While I've been building Lego longer than I've been making comics, I've been making (and reading) comics for a very long time, so I take these things seriously. But I'm not going to rip you to shreds, this was an honest effort and not too bad. It just needs some clean up in the translation department, as far as I can tell. ;)

Thank you for your comments, I'm sorry I didn't answer earlier.
I also apologize for the confusion with my name, I didn't realize the similarity when I wrote this one. :blush:
I'm doing the best I can on the language, I admit it's not perfect, but I hope you understand better next time. I'll try the best I can anyways.
By "straight white" you mean for speech bubbles and connectin lines, do I get that right? I see that the green is not a good choice, I am trying red for the next one, while there ain't much red in the background. I'm not sure about white...I'll see.

I'll try to focus a bit more next time, I'm just working on it.

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#6 Peppermint_M

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Posted 21 November 2010 - 10:12 PM

Hi, I'm just going to move this across to the Brick Flicks and Comics section. With all the excitement about new sets I must have missed this thread.

Remember, a place for everything and everything in it's place: comics going to the aforementioned forum.  :thumbup:

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#7 Peanuts

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Posted 11 December 2010 - 09:45 PM

Sorry for the delay, but part two is done now. I tried to use your suggestions, hope you'll like it.

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I'm playing as Katalina Lombard, Rocket Scientist, in Tammo's Sunset Mafia
Henry Sicariul, Level Eight Rogue
22 Years old Male Human
Power: 17 Health: 15/15 (14+1) Gold: 0
Inventory: Rapier of Sem (WP 9), 2 Potions, Bedroll, Vial of Poison, Telescope, Fire Bomb, Smelling Salts


#8 Peanuts

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Posted 05 March 2011 - 11:49 PM

Sorry for delay and double-post, but I've finally finished part 3 after long time :blush:.

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I'm playing as Katalina Lombard, Rocket Scientist, in Tammo's Sunset Mafia
Henry Sicariul, Level Eight Rogue
22 Years old Male Human
Power: 17 Health: 15/15 (14+1) Gold: 0
Inventory: Rapier of Sem (WP 9), 2 Potions, Bedroll, Vial of Poison, Telescope, Fire Bomb, Smelling Salts


#9 Dan the Brickman

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Posted 06 March 2011 - 10:52 PM

I like how you made the scene with Jordan shooting the cans.

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#10 Peanuts

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Posted 05 June 2011 - 03:06 PM

Part 4 is finally up. It's shorter than the other three ones and part five won't be much linger, as I suppose. Sorry for the delay, I'll really try to be faster with the next one. :wink:
Enjoy!

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I'm playing as Katalina Lombard, Rocket Scientist, in Tammo's Sunset Mafia
Henry Sicariul, Level Eight Rogue
22 Years old Male Human
Power: 17 Health: 15/15 (14+1) Gold: 0
Inventory: Rapier of Sem (WP 9), 2 Potions, Bedroll, Vial of Poison, Telescope, Fire Bomb, Smelling Salts




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