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Tournament of Retribution II Entry


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12 replies to this topic  – Started by ThatGuyWithTheBricks , Jul 13 2010 01:42 AM

#1 ThatGuyWithTheBricks

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Posted 13 July 2010 - 01:42 AM

The following are excerpts from Captain Guy's log.

"June 15th: Today I had a bad case of the runs, so I had to use the toilet without thinking. When I finished evacuating my bowels, I noticed that there was no toilet paper, so I had to use the nearest paper source-a blue coat flag. Although it was hard and rigid, it was almost as if the feces was attracted to it! It was able to magnetize all of the excrement off of my gluteus! Haha, I guess you could cal it a 'poop-magnet!' But still, it got me interested in what ELSE one could do with a bluecoat flag."
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"June 17th: Today I was studying a bluecoat flag when General Armendariz ran into me. Unfortunately, he challenged me to a duel, but I didn't have my saber with me. So I did what any man would do, and swung the flag at his neck. He was so slow, he didn't have time to react, and I cut his head off in one clean stroke! Amazed at this discovery, I decided to try it out on my first mate, but it wouldn't work. My conclusions are that the skin of bluecoats are much softer, therefore easier to cut."
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"June 18th: Continuing my study of bluecoat flags, I set one on fire. And what do you know, it makes great firewood! It made for a huge, roaring fire!"
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"June 21st: I decided to take my research to the next level. I challenged three bluecoats to a battle armed only with one their flags. Of course, with my much superior skills, I killed them pretty fast. I also noticed that the flag makes a great shammy for cleaning up blood, too! I am growing increasingly interested in my study."
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"June 28th: I ran into a pathetic oaf named 'Dan the Brickman.' After beating his saber to the ground, I took a bluecoat flag and chopped off all his hair. He ran away wailing and blubbering: 'I'll have my revenge!' I can't really blame him though, I mean, what's a man without hair on his chin OR his head! Haha, a fool!"
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"(Date unknown) I decided to patent my product under the name Sham-Holy-Cow!™. My slogan is 'It cleans up all of your disgusting messes with ease!' It was an instant success! Many pirates gathered around to buy it. But it was a trap and I arrested all of them. Unfortunately, the Admiral Akbar impersonator I hired was sick, and I had no comic relief. That made me sad, so i slaughtered some bluecoats to ease my pain."
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"July 10th: I haven't been able to write in my log in awhile because I had to fend off annoying bluecoat attacks. Naturally, their casualties number three to four times ours. Anyways, I ran into that appalling transvestite, Fugazi, no doubt wearing women's clothing. I guess that's something that some bluecoats enjoy. I pitied him, so I killed him on the spot. I took his severed head and said 'Poor Yorick, I knew him well' even though I didn't. It seems that many people enjoy collecting the severed heads of their enemies, well so do I. Although, many put their heads in glass jars, I keep my collection on a rack, just like the Aztecs did."
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Yay for last minute entries! I hope you guys like!

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#2 Dan the Brickman

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Posted 13 July 2010 - 01:54 AM

Mwaaaaa!!!! I SHALL have my revenge!!!! :pir-hmpf_bad:

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#3 Commodore Hornbricker

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Posted 13 July 2010 - 02:03 AM

Very funny entry with another nice meaty story.  I find it very good to know that the Bluecoat flag is actually good for something.  I guess I can stop throwing them away when I come across them. Posted Image
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#4 Brig. Brick

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Posted 13 July 2010 - 05:24 AM

your stool on the floor like a small animal :pir-hmpf_bad: , you prefer not to attack with weapons, but with sticks :pir-sad2: ; you enjoy yourself with fire, as the cavemen... :pir-hmpf:  

I think that everyone will know what I just point it out!  :pir-hmpf_bad:
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#5 Admiral Croissant

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Posted 13 July 2010 - 10:04 AM

Yes, the flags are always on top of our list with survival tools :pir-sweet:
Nice comic! Good luck in the contest.
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#6 Capt. Thomas Foolery

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Posted 13 July 2010 - 05:48 PM

Well written story.  I really enjoyed the approach of finding a use for that useless flag.
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#7 Skalldyr

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Posted 13 July 2010 - 07:31 PM

Sooo cool....what an outstanding story. :thumbup: btw nice collection of heads!
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#8 ThatGuyWithTheBricks

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Posted 13 July 2010 - 08:30 PM

View PostSkalldyr, on 13 July 2010 - 07:31 PM, said:

Sooo cool....what an outstanding story. :thumbup: btw nice collection of heads!

Thanks, right now they're all wax except for Fugazi's and Armendariz's, but I have my plans...

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#9 General Redwater

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Posted 13 July 2010 - 08:31 PM

Great story! :thumbup:   Such a cheap inexpensive weapon, now I don't have to spend so much money on my troops!  You can sign me up for a few thousand of these Sham-Holy-Cows.
Good luck in the Contest! :pir-sweet:
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#10 TheCrimsonTrooper

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Posted 13 July 2010 - 10:18 PM

Great work!

Clearly a Bluecoat could not have sewn that flag, fo it was far too stif.  It almost seems as though the Bluecoats paint planks of wood to look like flags.
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#11 Big Cam

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Posted 13 July 2010 - 10:24 PM

Great entry, I've noticed stool has been a popular tool this time around.

#12 Fugazi

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Posted 14 July 2010 - 09:43 AM

Yay I died!!! :thumbup: I feel flattered! I'm a celebrity now! :pir-laugh:

Hmm well... I will have my revenge if I make it to the second round! :pir-angry: :pir-tongue:
Good comic though!
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#13 Big Cam

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Posted 23 July 2010 - 12:30 PM

Go to Classic-Pirates.com




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