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[Lorentzen]

99a
Hi everybody. This is my very first attempt as an adult at creating a MOC. Even as a kid I didn't do this kind of LEGO building.

UPDATE: I've made some edits a few times, and this should be my final version, unless I get some really great advice or come up with a very cool new idea. So the following pictures show the final version of this MOC. Thanks for all the advice it has helped me very very much.
I hope you enjoy my entry for this competition.

The story:

After several years of hunting down pirates throughout the caribbean sea, the old Admiral has retired and he now enjoys his life with his wife.

Every saturday afternoon, the old Admiral's grandson Willie comes to visit him. And every time, Willie asks: "Please tell me a story Grandpa" for Willie loves to hear those stories of swashbuckling fearsome pirates, courageous soldiers and dangerous sharks roaming the sea.

Little Willie does not know, however, what lies under his feet...
The old Amiral may have been a good and just Admiral, serving his majesty for many many years but he, did however, always steal a tiny bit of treasure from the pirates he defeated, and saved that treasure for his retirement. This is what lies beneath the wooden planks in the old Admiral's living room, and he plans to give his beloved grandson what is left of that magnificent treasure, when he one day dies.

The attic that's full of hay to keep the house warm, hides something... a treasure map which the old Admiral plans to use in a few years time, when Willie is old enough to join him on his beloved Caribbean Clipper. The old Admiral has kept his uniform, bicorn and sword in his attic as well. Apparantly he's not ready to give up on his eventful past just yet.

The (updated for the third time) entry (The first editions can still be seen if you click on the link in the bottom of this post - in there are also some pictures that I've photoshopped to create the illusion of light in the trans yellow bricks)












More photos can be found here:
Tell me a story, Grandpa - PTVII - Small Entry

This post has been edited by SlyOwl: 02 December 2009 - 09:36 PM

[Big Cam]

very nice, I especially like the crooked boards on the insode of the room.

Good story too, the fact that the treasure is right beneith them totally reminds me of a picture from a book. Where the story is being tols and there is a bubble showing the treasure for the reader.

Excellent work!

[MetroiD]

Brilliant! I wouldn't even consider trying to apply any criticism to this entry - that would be useless, since it's obvious how you've gone to great lengths in order to achieve a perfect level of detail here. I would have absolutely loved to see a fireplace of sorts (since I, like most people, commonly associate those with storytelling to grandchildren), but there's not one single thing about this MOC that I don't like. Great job, one of my instant favourites in this category!

Edit: Links added

This post has been edited by TheOtters: 09 October 2009 - 03:08 PM

[Rick]

I agree, this looks awesome, without even considering its your first attempt. This will definitely will be a serious contender for winning in the small category.

[badboytje88]

Wow this is a very nice entry. A grandpa and his grandchild. I really like the tudor style house you made. All the jewels and gold in the basement is just plain awesome. The chandelier on the wall would look better if it was an other colour. It's black now, just like the wall. The only thing I think this MOC needs is a big comfty lazy chair for grandpa. You could seet grandpa in the chair and let the kid sit down in front of him. Great MOC!

~Badboy

[Tom Bricks]

Good job, I especially like how you did the outside, that's something usually missing from MOCs like this.

[MetroiD]

Tom Bricks, on Oct 10 2009, 12:12 AM, said:

I especially like how you did the outside, that's something usually missing from MOCs like this.

Good observation, Tom, I'll second that. While most MOCcers like to concentrate on details seen in the foreground, i.e. inside the structure, when building such models that are "split open", Lorentzen here has built a wonderful all-round creation which makes it even easier on the eyes.

Lorentzen, I wonder if you will be able to find the space to include a grandpa chair and/or a fireplace / any other additions... That would be quite a challenge, given the limitations of the small-sized entry. Would be absolutely brilliant if you could pull it off though!

[Lorentzen]

TheOtters, on Oct 9 2009, 09:34 PM, said:

Good observation, Tom, I'll second that. While most MOCcers like to concentrate on details seen in the foreground, i.e. inside the structure, when building such models that are "split open", Lorentzen here has built a wonderful all-round creation which makes it even easier on the eyes.

Lorentzen, I wonder if you will be able to find the space to include a grandpa chair and/or a fireplace / any other additions... That would be quite a challenge, given the limitations of the small-sized entry. Would be absolutely brilliant if you could pull it off though!

That would be very fun to try - I think I'll give it a go. I'll remove the table in front of the window and the tiny stool behind the boy. If I do that, it should be possible. Also the curtain I've made is actually a little too big, so I should be able to create some space and try to make a grandpa chair and a small fireplace.

Thank for all the nice comment so far, it means a lot considering it's my first time doing this

[The Alchemyst]

A really nice entry. I'm surprised it's your first attempt, because it's very professional. What's an "otium" though? I'm assuming it's a typo, but I don't know what it could be.

First off, the photograph is nice most of the time. The picture of the treasure has a lot of shadow, and the window picture is tilted. But the first pic was nicely photoshopped.

The interior is really nice. I like the use of arches; it gives a sense of openness and shows what's inside.The alternating dark brown and reddish brown tiling on the floor as well as the white and black on the walls gives a clean-cut look. The ceiling and the crooked boards nearby are really nice as well.

Although I don't know what the parrot is doing there, the windows and curtains were done very nicely; the latter looks realistic!

The minifigs are nice. The kid has that awfully large hat that gives the feeling that he's wearing his grandfather's hat, and the admiral himself looks old, but strong. The story between them is cute, to boot.

The treasure is piled nice and high, with various colors, some dull some shiny, and it really works well. It's simple and there's not much to say about it.

The roof texture is nice, but the length seems awkward. I'm not understanding what the gray studs dotting the place are though. Barnacles? If so they seem really strange to be that far up. I think another window could work nicely... maybe even in the high brown area.

The white and black was done perfectly, giving the old castle feel. The black is a little boring, minus the barnacles, but I don't think you could have done much more for an 8x8.

I'm really surprised this is a small entry. There's so much going on and detail everywhere. Definitely a strong contender.

Best of luck.

[-TA-]

[Lorentzen]

Hi guys

I'm working on a different chandelier for the interior of the house.

I've created a big comfortable Grandpa chair and a fireplace, which I will use instead of the table the small stool, and the plant. The space is indeed VERY limited on an 8x8 plate - which actually is only 8x7 because of the wall taking up 1 stud of space in the living room. (EDiT: The space is s of course limited to only 7x7 when I don't count the walls of the house.)

Otium is the danish word for retirement. I just thought that it was used in English too I'll edit my first post so it says "retirement" instead.

I'm thinking of making the roof a little longer, so it covers up a little more of the brown area at the top of the house. Lastly I'll maybe re-design a bit of the black bottom of the outside of the house. The grey round 1x1 bricks are supposed to represent small grey stones in the wall <- consider it as larger rocks surrounded by smaller rocks that have been painted with sturdy black tar. The small stones/rocks in the brown area at the top of the building should be changed into something else. The reason they're there are because there would be holes in the wall if I didn't put anything there. I just need to figure out what to place instead of them.

It's all because I wanted to present a MOC that was interesting from all sides - which makes it much harder because you can't always hide what's on the back side because there is no back side.

I think I'll be able to take new better pictures tomorrow. I'll make sure they aren't blurry, crooked or anything else

Once again thanks for the criticism - It helps a lot

This post has been edited by Lorentzen: 12 October 2009 - 08:47 PM

[Captain Dreadbrix]

An idea: adding a spider to the room's ceiling...

[Lorentzen]

I was thinking of it, but I don't have one. A brickbuilt one might be too big

[Derfel Cardarn]

Great idea, very original. Lovely build, you've captured the story well with a great use of bricks Havn't really got much wrong with this. Excellent work!

[martinsuper]

Ok, showing off that you have the merchant torso is always a LEGO pirate badge of honor. So using that torso for grandpa was a pretty cool idea. The loot in the basement reminded me a lot of the film second hand lions, where two old guys have a whole pile of cash hidden in the basement of the barn. That is a very cool idea to bring into a pirate MOC. You did a very good job of making the child look childish and the grandpa look mature. Sometime that is much harder to do in LEGO pirate than most people think.

I really enjoyed this one!

-martinsuper

[Lorentzen]

Hi guys

I decided to change some things in this MOC as per your excellent advice.

The only thing that was impossible to do, was to insert a nice cosy chair for Grandpa: There is simply no room for such luxury in the space of 7x7 studs

But instead I added a fireplace, a new chandelier and changed the curtains a little bit.

I also removed some grey round bricks at the very top of the outside of the house and changed the ceiling a little bit.

I added a black chimney, and finally I decided to make the attic more interesting by laying out some hay and placing two treasure maps there, even though there had been no mentioning of improving that specific area.

I just felt that it would make it more interesting to have more than two "layers" of story-telling in the MOC - so now there's something going on in the basement, the living room and on the attic, while I still managed to keep the MOC interesting from all angles also on the outside.

I'm quite happy with the changes, although I kind of miss the table in front of the window.