The MVP from both sides gets a Soldier's Fort set! You get one vote (for each side) so pick who you think represented their side the best!
Hopefully I got all the posts and the players...let me know if I missed any!
A Redcoat officer arrives in a small port bringing important news to the local population.
Ladies and gentlemen, gather round! As part of the governor's new Make Useless Captured Blucoats Useful Act, or as you probably know it the UCBUA, the Redcoat army has discovered a new technology using captured bluecoats.
The new technology is quite simple to use. First harness a captured bluecoat to your carriage or wagon. Next simply hold a Redcoat flag or any other Redcoat paraphernalia. As you know the bluecoats are so scared of any Redcoat item they run the opposite direction. By using the bluecoats naturally born with retreating ability, your wagons get pulled every time. Oh, I think I forgot to mention the reverse feature. If you put the flag on a pole and extend it over the bluecoats then they pull the wagon backwards. And if you want to park the wagon or stop it, then hold a flag in front of them and another flag behind them. As an extra precaution be sure to keep a whip handy in case the bluecoats start to stray off the road. Watch as I demonstrate.
Would a volunteer like to try the new technology? You in the green hat why don't you give it a try?
It seems like the local population is enjoying the new technology.
THE FALL OF THE BLUECOATS!
At Fort Aspiration a redcoat officer is about to hang a stankin bluecoat.
After receiving instructions from Paul Cantu the redcoat officer is ready to go.
After easily sneaking into bluecoat HQ the redcoat officer quickly receives a mission from Captain Green Hair. The redcoat officer is assigned to paint a portrait of General Armendariz. General Armendariz recently peed on numerous redcoat soldiers so the bluecoat army has decided to reward him with a new uniform and a portrait. The portrait will be on display to the public and then moved to the governor's mansion.
A day later the ceremony has begun!
Captain Green Hair unvails the painting...
An argument breaks out among the bluecoat leaders.
Captain Green Hair:" General Armendariz you no longer can be a general, the troops won't take you seriously!"
General Armendariz: " All the good artists were supposed to have arrived on your latest ship but you had to drop that giant anchor and now we can't dig it out of the sand so the ship can't come!"
Stash: " Why don't I take over for both of you guys until the tension goes down."
Captai Green Hair: " Yeah that's a great idea. Half of our army is already being used to cut square ammo for that cannon of yours!"
General Armendariz: "Yeah and you giant pirate friend destroyed two of our most prosperous cities!"
The redcoats recieve the signal and attack!
After picking up the pieces of the former bluecoat leaders the redcoat officer transports them to Enchanted Island.
After the fall of the bluecoats there were bluecoat flags and uniforms everywhere. The towns people were overwhelmed by all of the ugly flags and uniforms so they had to come up with innovative ways of ridding themselves of the bluecoat flags.
The bluecoat flag serves as a wonderful tool for house training a puppy.
The smaller flags also serve as great toliet paper.
Why get your floors dirty when you can simply wipe your feet off on a bluecoat flag?
One of the easiest ways to warm your house in the winter is to simply burn the bluecoat flags and uniforms.
After we all hade to notice, that the bluecoats love to sneak into bedrooms instead of fighting like a man, it is time to give them a lesson.
The Bluecoats tried in several attempts to get hold of the street to the harbor, but our brave Redcoats defended it. Then they Blue's took their finest engineers and scientiest and developed a new weapon - the half automatic Nordenfelt machine gun.
But Redcoat HQ knew that they would be coming and send their brandnew special unit: TUEV (Team for unnecessary and extrem violence) and ordered them to ambush the ambush in the most brutal way.
They prepared a street barrier and waited....
Lead by General Armor Homophil Hornblower (phhht...), the squad tumbled down the street -slightly intoxicated and sexual frustrated...
TUEV waited above their heads for the perfect moment ....
and then, suddenly to start the party. Yelling "We are red, we are white we are Lego dynamite!" throwing all kind of explosives into the canyon:
Almost the whole squad was wiped out immeadetly as the explosives detonated and send a red wet rain of body parts all over the scenery.
General Hornblower, brave as usual, coordinated the attack from the behind (phhht...) and cut of extremities of fleeing soldiers to keep up the morale.
To mop up, the TUEV used some real sophisticated weapons:
Finally, General Hornblower was stabbed from the back (phhht...) and another guy was literally stumped into the ground.
The only survivor, Sergeant Doofus B. Hind, didn't get the whole picture and proceeded to fight the fake soldiers - where he encountered something called booby trap which ended his life and released him from the long and ugly nights in General Hornblowers private rooms.
So, why did the Bluecoats step into this trap?
Beside their obvious stupidity, the TUEV -members were unvisible for them - just because...
.. they are females!
Mrs. Eastwick, Callsign "Whitch" , shown here with her jetpack. Specialist for silent kills,
Mrs. Trixie Lewis, Callsign "Trigger", Grandma of Mr. Isaac Newton Lewis and Inventor of some later family owned weapon creations,
Ms. Annastasia Bolika, Callsign "Boom", Specialist for explosives and pure physical force. The survival rate of people teasing her because of her little beard is under 2%, so beware..
Ecologic Patrol boat
Opposite the the bluecoated scum, Redcoat HQ were investigating how we could use those millions and millions of prisoners we took. The Research and Developmant found an animal which shared our aims - to get rid of the blue pest: The big white (ok, nearly white) shark. For motivational reasons, a Bluecoat Soldier was cleaned and after his allergic reaction to soap diminished, we used him as a bait for our new prototype of an C-SAR Patrol Boat for the TUEV.
Unfortunetaly, driven by his pure hate against the bluecoats, the shark snapped a little peace of the bluecoat. He got ill and to prevent further harm, we stopped this project and now working on other prototypes.
Although this project didn't work out, it is good to know that even sharks don't like Bluecoats. Yeah -but who does it anyway, beside themselves...
After reading the sign, the bluecoats were so exited about the party, they immeadetly went for it. Everybody.
Because of their very special navigation abilities, the have to hold hands to not get lost ...
The party was arranged to meet all the bluecoat needs: Snails, snakes and rats as much as you can eat, cheap wine, Export Beer,
and high level cultural programm - for bluecoats
As we forseen it, things went wild.
At the moment the Admiral declared his deep love to a fish, the showgirls sneaked away..
Some bluecoats gave the snails guts back to mother nature,
Sergeant Doofus had too much from everything and couldn't move one inch.
The General and the Captain doing something - eh, eh - very special fun, while another Bluecoat - eh, errrr- holds a Wiener.
At this moment, TUEV attacked to whipe out this perverted scum.
While the Admiral suffocated from a French Kiss with a Hering and another soldier died from aspirating snail guts, "Whitch" performed her first Bluecoat Sushi,
Boom made a Schaschlik from a guy who said something about her - normally nearly invisible - beard and used him to smash another big mouth.
Finally, Trigger used her newly developed flamethrower to stop the ill-minded and totally perverted officers from their strange and unnatural behavior. And she cooked the guy with the -err, eeer - Wiener in his hands..
The crew of the HMS Destiny got bored by destroying one bluecoat wooden sailing barrel after the other from a safe distance or of counting how many bullets their armor can repell, so the wanted to do some training with there SECRET WEAPONS (Tamdatamdam!).
Because the made enough prisonsers and collected them on further notice on a small island, they decided to do game -a deadly game- called Rat Race. They put two of those bluecoat darwinist creatures on a row boat and told them to get away. Even under normal circumstances any kind of physical activity is a deadly thread for those lazy bastards, under stress they have enourmos problems at the brain/muscle coordination skills - and we will have enough to laugh about.
Captain Admundson, although willing to motivate his crew didn't like all this new high tech stuff. He discusses it with the glorious leader of the light marine infantry, Colonel Ironbeard.
"I'm pretty sure nothing of this Abakadabra will enlighten me..."
"Sir, I'm sure it will"
"I bet it won't"
"You bet . I'm in. 20?"
"Sir, at first we let Mylady Leia shoot it out. We have a new Browning Long Distance Rifle and she would like to try."
(Shouting to the Top Mast: "Ok, get'em, Mylady"
Unfortunatly, Mylady isn't real good at shooting.
"Damn it. But you can't be good looking and good shooting. Ok, then its time for our first new weapon: The swimming bomb. The name is strange, I'll guess there make a better one in the next years. FIRE !"
"and here it goes..."
"Wasn't that fun, Sir?"
"Hmm. Not really. Next one."
"You will like that - we call it Bluecoat Barbecue Decivce. FIRE! (and I mean it)"
"Sarge. the wimp jumped out of the boat - could you please take care of him?"
"It will be a pleasure...."
"Sir - you really enjoyed this one, didn't you?"
"Could be better. There is too less suffering."
"Then you will like this one:"
"We call it the"Red-o-zap-Turbo Gun". We had to train two of our most capable seaman for it. "
"What does this thing do?"
Sir, would you please pay some attention to those boats over there..."
"Wow - thats great. There is no greater punishment then this! You really got me - here is your money..."
Edited by Commodore Hornbricker, 25 September 2009 - 11:27 PM.