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Toa Syaoran's Epic Review Topic


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#1 Matsuoka Nui

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Posted 11 August 2009 - 06:37 PM

Welcome to my Story Review Topic!



Here you can discuss any of my past and present writings of my epics that I wrote. For easy access, use the links below to find the story! Any updates and announcements are at the bottom of this post.

The History of My Fanfics.

Well then, I don't know where to start, but it all happened back in early 09' when I thought to myself, Why not have a female Skrall be a princess to her people? But of course, when I found out that the Female Skrall and the males lived separately, I thought that my epic would be screwed. However, I had the idea of using flashbacks to make up for why did both genders lived together. By the time I finished my first Bionicle Epic, "Princess Skralla", it was quite a hit so I changed the ending and decided to make a sequel, "The Rising Darkness" along with "The Great Plague". Once I was finished with that trilogy, it felt like as if something was not yet completed.

I realized the answer once I figured out when another favorite story that I liked, "Tsubasa: Reservior Chronicle", (author: CLAMP) was about to end too. So I thought to myself that I should make another trilogy and have MN and S have a child who must go on a journey to save Averax Magna. (hence, that's where I thought of the new title, Averax Magna Chronicles) However, when I found out that the C!Sakura ("C!" is a short cut of saying "Clone) and C!Syaoran died at the end of the battle against FWR, I decided to mix my Averax Magna Bionicle with some Tsubasa Fanfic where those two were reincarnated into "Sakari" and "Syarix", but had forgotten their past back in TRC. So once the epilogue was released, I started to figure out how should I get the survivors in TRC to meet up with my characters in AMC.

As of my latest epic, Petals in the Pond, I wanted the story to be based on the famous Shakespeare Play of "Romeo and Juliet" as well as the anime by Gonzo, "Romeo x Juliet".

Recently, the Decade Story has begun, with several new dimensions revealed as well as some old ones from AMC and PS.

Current Epics


*Decade: The Endless Journey- A Single Glatorian from the AMC/PS Timeline must prepare to go on a dangerous quest. His involvement in other worlds will determine the future for many; some for the better, others for worse. But a price must be paid in order to gain such privileges...how much can the future change? The possibilities are endless...

******

Completed Epics

*Averax Magna Trilogy

*Note that Averax Magna takes place after the Princess Skralla arc. Those three epics are out on bzpower.

~~~Book 1: Kingdoms of Paradise (The Story)

*Princess Sakari, daughter of Mata Nui and Skralla gets kidnapped by an old enemy who plans to take over the Spherus Magna of that reality. However, an everylasting journey is about to unleash as Sakari tries to find her way back home. Allied by Syarix, Belirax, and Agarax, a time paradox is about to unveil...

~~~Book 2: The Frozen Time (The Story)

*Betrayed! Sakari and her new friends are trapped in a time paradox as they must save Sakari's future by completing the tasks on a scroll. Guided by Surel, an ancient warrior who was betrayed by his own tribe, will the team be able to complete all tasks in this twisted reality?

~~~Book 3: A Final Wish (The Story)

*The Final Battle: As the team gets closer and closer to present time, another group of warriors arrive. However, a major secret of Sakari and Syarix is revealed in this shocking finale! But in order to save Averax Magna from falling into Garaxial's hands, sacrifices must be made as the future of Spherus Magna lies in Sakari's own hands.

*Petals in the Pond (The Story)

*A new dimension is unveiled as a pair of star crossed lovers must prepare to save their world from falling apart. With two tribes fighting for power, they forget that the evil Skrall are about to kill them all! Will Kiina and Gresh save their tribes' future? Or will the Skrall complete their plans and take over Bara Magna by blood and steel?

******

Future Epics

Okay, this list here are just some ideas for later on....

Golden Reign- Takes place between PS and AMC. It's the timeline when MN and S are rulers of Averax Magna before Sakari is born. The story stars from the moment where MN and S are announced "king and queen" up to Sakari's birth. I might also do some chapters that take place after AMC 3 ended, kinda like a "post-ending".


Announcements

To all of those that enjoy reading my Bionicle Fanfiction....

My future epic, Decade, will take place in many universes. Now, from what I've read in the other Bionicle threads, many of you want to see some old characters again....right? Now that Bionicle is somewhat "ending", (in terms of sets, I think the storyline is continued till 2011, right??) there are so many characters that could be useful for my new epic but I want to know who do you want to see.

I will post more information later about the "Decade" story and a map of where this Glatorian will be traveling to, but for now, tell me which character do you want and I'll try to make them appear in some universe that Erax will visit too.

Edited by Toa Syaoran, 17 February 2010 - 02:16 AM.

For the Team! - Rin Matsuoka


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#2 Lord-Koji

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Posted 20 August 2009 - 08:17 PM

First off, nice use of Erax.  I didn't think that's how he would appear, but it works.  A bit less mystique than I had been hoping for, I mean, with blatantly traveling away.  But I guess we never decided how that would work.  Works for me, though.

Now...I just have to mention this:

“This is…but a time paradox…” said one of the Great Beings, “You guys came from the future…right?”

I figured that a Great Being would have a more...I don't know, um...regal way of speaking, less friendly, more rigid.  I'm referring to "You guys came from the future...right?"  I think something along the lines of, "You travelers are not of this place.  You are not of this time, you are beyond it." would work.

Also:

“Cause I talked to your other self a while ago, Agarax. He agreed to the terms on going on a mission through various worlds,” replied the Great Being.

"Because" would probably work better.  "Cause" seems a bit informal, un-befitting of a Great Being.

“He has his Iron Wolves, which is by the way, a creation of ours. They will help you in your quest, along with him,” he answered.

"by the way" seems out of place.  Again, informal.


But, as of seven chapters in, its great.  It's nice to see some of the events from different perspectives, like the murder of Certavus.  I'll be awaiting more.
"The end justifies the means."
~Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli

"l'Homme n'est Rien l'Oeuvre Tout"
~Gustave Flaubert

#3 Matsuoka Nui

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Posted 20 August 2009 - 08:49 PM

View PostLord-Koji, on Aug 20 2009, 03:17 PM, said:

First off, nice use of Erax.  I didn't think that's how he would appear, but it works.  A bit less mystique than I had been hoping for, I mean, with blatantly traveling away.  But I guess we never decided how that would work.  Works for me, though.

Now...I just have to mention this:

“This is…but a time paradox…” said one of the Great Beings, “You guys came from the future…right?”

I figured that a Great Being would have a more...I don't know, um...regal way of speaking, less friendly, more rigid.  I'm referring to "You guys came from the future...right?"  I think something along the lines of, "You travelers are not of this place.  You are not of this time, you are beyond it." would work.

Also:

“Cause I talked to your other self a while ago, Agarax. He agreed to the terms on going on a mission through various worlds,” replied the Great Being.

"Because" would probably work better.  "Cause" seems a bit informal, un-befitting of a Great Being.

“He has his Iron Wolves, which is by the way, a creation of ours. They will help you in your quest, along with him,” he answered.

"by the way" seems out of place.  Again, informal.


But, as of seven chapters in, its great.  It's nice to see some of the events from different perspectives, like the murder of Certavus.  I'll be awaiting more.

When I decided to make the time paradox, I always wanted to explain about Certavus's death, his relationship with Skralla, and her first days on Spherus Magna...among other things...

For the Team! - Rin Matsuoka


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#4 Lord-Koji

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Posted 25 August 2009 - 05:27 PM

That was an interesting chapter.  Again, nice to see how some things in the original epics occured.
"The end justifies the means."
~Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli

"l'Homme n'est Rien l'Oeuvre Tout"
~Gustave Flaubert

#5 Matsuoka Nui

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Posted 25 August 2009 - 07:32 PM

Indeed, after all...the timeline of "Princess Skralla" and "Averax Magna" are cut off from each other.

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#6 Lord-Koji

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Posted 25 August 2009 - 08:03 PM

I think the
Spoiler
characters will be interesting to see.  I can't wait for them to come in.
"The end justifies the means."
~Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli

"l'Homme n'est Rien l'Oeuvre Tout"
~Gustave Flaubert

#7 Matsuoka Nui

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Posted 25 August 2009 - 08:10 PM

I know...

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#8 Lord-Koji

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Posted 04 September 2009 - 03:01 AM

Good chapter.  I'm really enjoying all the callbacks, like Tuma having what I assume is a Midak Skyblaster.
"The end justifies the means."
~Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli

"l'Homme n'est Rien l'Oeuvre Tout"
~Gustave Flaubert

#9 Matsuoka Nui

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Posted 04 September 2009 - 10:59 AM

View PostLord-Koji, on Sep 3 2009, 11:01 PM, said:

Good chapter.  I'm really enjoying all the callbacks, like Tuma having what I assume is a Midak Skyblaster.

It is...and I kinda forgot to add this info here...but here's the fate of the Midak Skyblaster....

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#10 Lord-Koji

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Posted 20 September 2009 - 08:39 PM

Interesting to see the coronation of Skralla, and the attack on Roxtus.  What still bugs me is that the Skrall used to be...good.  It's just a different idea, and one I'm not used to reading.  It always takes me time to get used to that, but its well executed, with Tuma going insane, as one character said, or something along those lines.
"The end justifies the means."
~Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli

"l'Homme n'est Rien l'Oeuvre Tout"
~Gustave Flaubert

#11 Matsuoka Nui

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Posted 20 September 2009 - 08:51 PM

View PostLord-Koji, on Sep 20 2009, 04:39 PM, said:

Interesting to see the coronation of Skralla, and the attack on Roxtus.  What still bugs me is that the Skrall used to be...good.  It's just a different idea, and one I'm not used to reading.  It always takes me time to get used to that, but its well executed, with Tuma going insane, as one character said, or something along those lines.

The Skrall were mostly good...was because of Skralla...she possess an amazing power that can bring even the most dirtiest Skrall into understanding...

For the Team! - Rin Matsuoka


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#12 Lord-Koji

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Posted 20 September 2009 - 08:52 PM

Oh, ok.  I understand that now.  It still seems odd, thinking about what the Skrall really are, and then, reading this.  But, you pulled it off quite well.
"The end justifies the means."
~Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli

"l'Homme n'est Rien l'Oeuvre Tout"
~Gustave Flaubert

#13 Matsuoka Nui

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Posted 26 September 2009 - 11:52 PM

It is a bit weird, yes, but to me that power reminds me of Sakura with her "good luck" abilities...;)

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#14 Lord-Koji

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Posted 27 September 2009 - 04:25 PM

Interesting idea.  It doesn't matter to me, for Decade, if you decide on any of that (although, I'm not going to lie, it is a bit cliched)
"The end justifies the means."
~Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli

"l'Homme n'est Rien l'Oeuvre Tout"
~Gustave Flaubert

#15 Matsuoka Nui

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Posted 01 October 2009 - 09:37 PM

I am having 2nd thoughts about that...but I feel bad if I don't put Erax in some relationship from his "homeland" or something...cause I'm sure he would want to know where he came from...tsk, tsk....:(

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#16 Lord-Koji

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Posted 01 October 2009 - 09:53 PM

Nice to see the involvement of the Sisters.  But, how was Skralla already a princess to them all?
"The end justifies the means."
~Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli

"l'Homme n'est Rien l'Oeuvre Tout"
~Gustave Flaubert

#17 Matsuoka Nui

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Posted 01 October 2009 - 10:00 PM

words travel far...so they already knew that Skralla became the princess already...even though they're not part of the Rock Tribe, yet...at least until after the rebellion...

For the Team! - Rin Matsuoka


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#18 Lord-Koji

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Posted 02 October 2009 - 01:17 AM

Ok, that makes more sense to me now.
"The end justifies the means."
~Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli

"l'Homme n'est Rien l'Oeuvre Tout"
~Gustave Flaubert

#19 Lord-Koji

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Posted 06 October 2009 - 10:13 PM

Double post, sorry.

I see you give mention to the Xanatos Gambit I told you about.  That wasn't expected, but just a small thing.

It was nice to see things in flashback form come full circle.  It begins to answer some questions, and that's always good.  As for the main two (I'm not going to botch their names), are they wearing helmets or anything?  I'm confused about the kiss and blush.
"The end justifies the means."
~Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli

"l'Homme n'est Rien l'Oeuvre Tout"
~Gustave Flaubert

#20 Matsuoka Nui

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Posted 06 October 2009 - 10:52 PM

View PostLord-Koji, on Oct 6 2009, 05:13 PM, said:

Double post, sorry.

I see you give mention to the Xanatos Gambit I told you about.  That wasn't expected, but just a small thing.

It was nice to see things in flashback form come full circle.  It begins to answer some questions, and that's always good.  As for the main two (I'm not going to botch their names), are they wearing helmets or anything?  I'm confused about the kiss and blush.

Well...that had to happen...for the sake of those "futures".....

Not really...Sakari only has her cloak and some clothing after visiting various worlds, Syarix does have some armor, but he doesn't use it all the time.

For the Team! - Rin Matsuoka


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#21 Lord-Koji

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Posted 07 October 2009 - 01:50 AM

Ok, thanks.  That makes more sense to me now.
"The end justifies the means."
~Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli

"l'Homme n'est Rien l'Oeuvre Tout"
~Gustave Flaubert

#22 Matsuoka Nui

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Posted 10 October 2009 - 09:48 PM

Okay...I think either Chapter 14 or 15 might be the last one before I start, "A Final Wish"....because I'm running out of ideas and the flow of the story is getting closer to present time...

For the Team! - Rin Matsuoka


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#23 Lord-Koji

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Posted 10 October 2009 - 09:51 PM

I can see that you could wrap it up that quickly, since we're what, at the day Skralla leaves?  A few days before?

Anyway, the Surel stuff was all interesting.  I never pictured Surel as the type of guy who would be involved like that, but, it adds to the enigma that his character has always been.

And with Belraix (sp) starting to die (or at least, that's how it sounded), things are going to get interesting soon, it sounds like.
"The end justifies the means."
~Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli

"l'Homme n'est Rien l'Oeuvre Tout"
~Gustave Flaubert

#24 Matsuoka Nui

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Posted 10 October 2009 - 09:55 PM

....I would tell you....who dies...but I certainly don't want to spoil the surprise =P

but yeah...this journey cannot last forever, and the final battle is about to begin...very soon...

and at first...chapter 12 was the day before Skralla left, and chapter 13 was on that day...

For the Team! - Rin Matsuoka


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#25 Lord-Koji

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Posted 10 October 2009 - 09:59 PM

Ok, the timeline is making more sense now, at least.

I'm sure the final battle will be interesting.  And, before I forget, I may not do the decade project, so...about Erax...the project may not go through.  I've kind of lost interest in it.
"The end justifies the means."
~Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli

"l'Homme n'est Rien l'Oeuvre Tout"
~Gustave Flaubert




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