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#1 Nightmare

Nightmare

    Posts: 376
    Joined: 20-August 08
    Member: 3779

Posted 07 June 2009 - 06:12 PM

Well, today in a spree of boredom, I've written a little story about the first time Ackar has a confidence problem. While is not the first time I write an epic (I have one about the MU "sleeping" in my PC) is the first time I post it online, and I want, if possible, to hear your criticism, what would you change, and well, if there's any grammar problem out there, tell me too  :classic: . So there it goes:

Chapter 1: Fall of the mighty



Ackar was about to enter the Arena. He was going to represent Vulcanus in Tesara to decide who would own a considerable amount of Thornax plants in the area between the Skrall River, the Dunes of Treason and the city of Atero. The Jungle Tribe had just decided who would fight for them, as both Glatorian were not available for the last three days, so he didn’t know who his opponent would be.
The doors opened as Tarduk said his name to the attending public. He grabbed his Flame Sword and Thornax Launcher, and entered the Arena.

“And now, representing our village will be our prime Glatorian, Vastus, who has just arrived from Iconox!”

The green Glatorian entered as his tribe acclaimed him. As always, he was carrying his Venom Spear, although he couldn’t use the paralyzing venom. Vastus and Ackar stepped to the center of the Arena. As both choked their weapons in friendly mode, both said:

“Fight with honor and let the better win.”

The fight started. Vastus made a quick movement and tried to hurt him in the leg with the lower part of his weapon, failing as Ackar blocked it with his sword. After that, Ackar raised his weapon and attacked him in the right arm. Vastus yelled, then spun over himself and hit him in the back. Ackar fell to the ground, dropping his weapons in the process, and didn’t move. Vastus was really afraid. Immediately, he dropped his Venom Spear, heading to aid Ackar.

“Ackar! Can you hear me? Are you okay?”

Ackar didn’t respond anything. It was like his mind wasn’t there. Crotesius and Tarduk went to his aid, too. Obviously, he was alive, breathing, with his eyes wide open. Vastus tried again:

“Ackar, can you hear me?”

Ackar nodded. Vastus gave him his hand to help him rise. Some minutes later, it was decided that Tesara would own the plants, but seeing the incident that occurred, the Jungle Tribe would sell those Thornax for a cheaper price to Vulcanus.
As the night fell, Ackar and Crotesius decided to pass it there, leaving at morning.

“Don’t worry, Raanu will understand. You cannot always win, that would be unfair for the rest of Glatorian, wouldn’t it?” said the Cendox pilot, trying to cheer him up.

“Yes but still…”

“Still?” asked Crotesius

“Doesn’t matter, I’ll talk to Raanu tomorrow when we arrive home.” replied while looking at the green village.

To be continued…

Edited by Nightmare, 07 June 2009 - 08:34 PM.


#2 sai

sai

    Posts: 4
    Joined: 08-June 09
    Member: 6323

Posted 08 June 2009 - 12:53 AM

That's what I call an epic story. :thumbup:  :classic:




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