16 replies to this topic

[Oky]

Vig. 45d
I have finally found the time to take some pics of my small entry and upload them! This is an entry that shows the brutality of a pirate attack while maintaining a sense of humor. Initially, it was supposed to be a simple house, but then it turned out much taller than expect, so I called it a tower. The pirates are pillaging the tower, leaving death, destruction, and despair!

An Overview:



NOTE: This is an updated version! Read on to see what changes I have made!

Ground Floor:

This pirate has stolen a chest with valuable content after cutting off the legs of the owner and is about to leave with it, while the owner is lying on the floor, bleeding to death. His face has already lost its color due to the blood loss.



1st Floor:

This poor devil has been locked into a room that the pirates have set on fire. Not a smart move by the pirates since there are still some of them in rooms above this one. Most of the room is burned down; the only remains are the victim's bones, the table that he was sitting at, and his golden goblet.

Click here to see a close up of this floor.

NOTE: I have changed the floor color from dark puple to dark red and added some more fire and ash spots to the floor. Also, I exchanged the quills with a goblet.

2nd Floor:

Here, a pirate bursts into a room which turns out to be someone's bathroom. The Briton who is bathing there is shocked!



NOTE: I didn't change much in this room since it was already received so well the first time around and any additions seemed somewhat too much. I only added some splashes of water on the floor to fill the emptiness of the floor and exchanged the pirate's clothes with those of the pirate from the Cannon Battle set.

3rd Floor:

In this scene, a pirate has climbed into the room through the balcony, dropped his gun, and is now chasing a young maiden with naughty intentions!



NOTE: I added a fruit bowl to the small table to add some more detail. I also covered the floor with white tiles and a red "carpet" to cover up the olive green color that some of you didn't like. And I included a weapon for the pirate.

4th Floor:

In the top most room, a Red-coat is trying to defend his wife and home against one of the pirates. The two engage in a duel, while the poor spouse watches in awe. She was so shocked when the pirate entered that she dropped her glass of milk, which is now spilling its contents over the floor.



NOTE: As you can see, the major change I have done to this room is to raise the ceiling and have a chandelier hanging from it. And to make the floor look less empty, I have added the spilling glass of milk.

The Roof:

On the roof of the tower, Captain Whitebeard and his first mate Smith have cornered an imperial soldier. Being the leaders of the pirate crew, they have reached the top of the tower first. Before the poor soldier can defend himself, the captain shoots him in the stomach. The soldier stumbles backwards and falls over the battlement, plummeting to his death. Oh the humanity!
The only witnesses of this event are a parrot and someone who is hiding in a barrel nearby.



The Exterior:

I have also tried to make the tower look good from the "outside" as well. Click here to see the exterior and get a better view of the blood that's squirting out of the shot soldier's stomach.

Click here for more pics!

Edited by SlyOwl, 15 November 2009 - 09:39 PM.

[JimButcher]

Great work so far, Oky Wan.

What I like:
The room with the bathing guy and the pirate running in is hilarious! I also like the ground floor (good blood), and the top floor with the duel. The room on fire is a nice addition, especially with the flames coming out of the window.

What could be improved:
The first and third floor... floors are quite vibrant, however, these really stick out in a negative way. I would suggest changing these to more neutral colors like brown or tan. I would also add more pirate cruelty, such as one tossing a person out the window from a higher floor.

Other than these things, this a great entry, so good luck!

[Oky]

JimButcher, on Nov 16 2008, 08:48 PM, said:

What could be improved:
The first and third floor... floors are quite vibrant, however, these really stick out in a negative way. I would suggest changing these to more neutral colors like brown or tan.

I thought that someone might bring this up. However there are two good reasons why I chose such floors:

• Each floor is supposed convey a different theme and mood. The color of the ground is meant to help to set that mood.
  
• These are the only 8x8 plates that I have available at the moment.

But I will take that suggestion in consideration when I redesign my entry.

JimButcher, on Nov 16 2008, 08:48 PM, said:

I would also add more pirate cruelty, such as one tossing a person out the window from a higher floor.

Good point. I was actually thinking about doing something exactly like that when building this, but for some reason I decided against it. But you are right, it would be a nice addition to this. Since this is supposed to be a tower now (and not a house), I could change the roof (which looks stupid and boring anyway) to a more castle-style tower roof when I redesign my entry. Then I could put a pirate and a falling civilian there like you said!

I hope that the pirate sets will come into a store near me before the contest is over so that I can have real Red-coats in my entry!

[Zorro]

My opinion:
An average to good MOC, could become a lot better with some improvements. I also like the guy in the bathtub!

Possible improvements:
1) Give the burned floor more black bricks, or make the floor black in its whole.

2) Try using the same color for all floors. Brown might be best. Although I can understand your 'mood reasoning'.

3) Mixing fleshies and yellow minifigs is quite daring, I don't know I would do that.

Non-brick related advise:
1) Seven pictures are too much, six is the maximum. Remove one before stating its ready.

2) Your pictures are too large.

Edited by zorro3999, 17 November 2008 - 01:44 PM.

[Skinny Boy]

Really great entry Oky Wan. Since i'm not looking for the constructive criticism award thing, I won't say much, but is that Bluebard on the 2nd floor? Maybe the floor colours of the top and bottom floors could be switched, they might work better with the walls.  

[Guss]

nice entry Oky Wan !

I see some way to improve it, In my opinions, the wooden wall shouldn't be below a stone wall, the stone wall can support the weight of the wooden one better than the wooden wall can carry the stone wall, just invert it^^  

the bathroom scene is hilarious, maybe add something on the floor can be nice, it looks a little "empty " to me...

apart from this, I see nothing that you can improve, maybe add a little cruelty, but there is enough for me^^

good job   , and good luck for the contest!

[Erdbeereis]

Nice work so far!
I like that it has lots of different scenes within one building.

Some improvements you could make are:

1) I think some black dots on the floor with all of the fire would look good, to look like scorchmarks.

2) In the floor with the bath, adding a little shelf with some different colors of translucent cones would be nice, to simulate shampoos.

3) I'm not sure I like the mixing of the yellows with the fleshies...

4) Your pictures need to be resized. The maximum is 800 x 600. You can also only have 6 pictures in your entry thread and you have 7.

5) The purple baseplate on the burning floor looks a bit out of place. Perhaps brown or black would be better.

========================================================================

Nice work! I think if you patch a few things up a bit, it will be fantastic!

Good luck in the contest!

[badboytje88]

I actually really like this one. It's different from all other enteries I've seen so far. I actually like the flesh face you used for the dying man. Looks like all the blood left his face after he lost so many blood due to his injuries.

I would recommend different colours for the floor, and I don't like teh exterior of the moc. It looks a little like the exterior of the first harry potter castles  

[Oky]

Thanks for all the great comments, guys!

zorro3999, on Nov 17 2008, 05:38 AM, said:

Try using the same color for all floors. Brown might be best. Although I can understand your 'mood reasoning'.

Looks like most of you don't like the colors of the floors. I'll try to recolor the whole a little so that it looks a little more unified.

Skinny Boy, on Nov 17 2008, 07:14 AM, said:

Is that Bluebard on the 2nd floor?

No. Any resemblance is pure coincidence.

Guss, on Nov 17 2008, 07:16 AM, said:

In my opinion, the wooden wall shouldn't be below a stone wall, the stone wall can support the weight of the wooden one better than the wooden wall can carry the stone wall, just invert it^^

Hm, I guess that makes sense. I'll consider that when recoloring my entry.

Guss, on Nov 17 2008, 07:16 AM, said:

the bathroom scene is hilarious, maybe add something on the floor can be nice, it looks a little "empty " to me...

M'kay... How about a little rubber ducky that fell out of the bathtub?

badboytje88, on Nov 17 2008, 12:17 PM, said:

I actually like the flesh face you used for the dying man. Looks like all the blood left his face after he lost so many blood due to his injuries.

That's exactly what I intended it to look like! Note how his hands are not fleshie! A daring move perhaps, but a logical one!


Thanks again, and keep the comments coming!

[oDDerFisken]

Nice entry. Good idea bout making a tower. This way you have made a really large MOC for the small category without breaking any rules.

The blood on the groundfloor is nice. I Always like lots of blood in these entries

The flames burning out of the window is a nice touch.

Possible improvements
Your multicoloured floors looks wierd   As suggested you should have only one (maybe two) colours for your floors. Even thoud you haven't got anymore 8x8 plates you could use 2 4x8 plates instead.

You've got too many pictures. 6 was the maximum. So I'd get rid of the last one where you see the outside of the tower.

How about a backgroundstory? Like why is the pirate raiding this tower? What is this tower? Who lives there?

This was overall.. now I'll take it from the bottom to the top

Ground floor: changes the hands of the dieing man to fleshcoloured if you have some.
What has the pirate killed the man with? Give the man a weapon.

1st floor: I'd put in a black skeleton instead of the white one (if you have one.. otherwise it's pretty difficult to do ). He's burned to death so I think his skeleton will be black.
The table with the inkpot is nice, but I'd put the inkpot with feather in another room. In a room that is burning the quills propably would have been burned at this time - the room is pretty heavy on fire.

2nd floor: hey.. there's nothing to say about this room except that it's funny

3rd floor: Some furniture would be good. Bigger furniture. Maybe you could put the inkpot in here!?
I'd also give the pirate a weapon or just a weapon on the floor/whereever that he has dropped so he can grip the girl with both hands. but an unarmed pirate is not a pirate. It could be in this room that pirate are about to throw someone out the window.

4th floor: Like the idea about the duel and the girl screaming. Maybe you could add a chandelier hanging from the roof. Would be a nice effect I think. And the room really needs some furniture of somekind but the floor is pretty filled already, so a chandelier might do the job.

Isn't it pretty stupid to set a room on fire when there sill people in rooms above it?.. But on the other hand.. it's pirates and I'm not really sure they think that much before setting fire on things.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Looking forward to see your improvements. Good luck with the contest.

Edited by oDDerFisken, 18 November 2008 - 06:25 PM.

[Oky]

Thank you, oDDerFisken! Those are some very reasonable suggestions you are giving me there!

oDDerFisken, on Nov 18 2008, 10:16 AM, said:

How about a background story? Like why is the pirate raiding this tower? What is this tower? Who lives there?

There's not much story to this. There is a tower, and pirates are pillaging/raiding it. The tower is probably in some fort somewhere in the Caribbean and is inhabited by Red-coats. The gang of pirates is part of a large group/crew of pirates who are pillaging the fort/village that the tower is in. They randomly decided to go into this particular building to look for valuables. Very simple.

oDDerFisken, on Nov 18 2008, 10:16 AM, said:

Ground floor: changes the hands of the dieing man to flesh-colored if you have some.
What has the pirate killed the man with? Give the man a weapon.

Well, I wasn't quite sure how the poor man got his legs amputated like that, so I wasn't sure what weapon to give the pirate, but I think a cutlass makes the most sense. A gun would have never done such damage. So, I will give the Pirate a cutlass.
I don't think I'll change the dying man, though. I didn't give him fleshie hands to avoid making him look like a fleshie fig amongst yellow figs. Instead, it's supposed to look like he used to be yellow, but that the color has left his face.

oDDerFisken, on Nov 18 2008, 10:16 AM, said:

1st floor: I'd put in a black skeleton instead of the white one (if you have one.. otherwise it's pretty difficult to do ). He's burned to death so I think his skeleton will be black.

You know, I was thinking about that, but then I decided against it for three reasons:

• A black skeleton wouldn't be very visible in a dark room like that.
  
• There are only two kinds of black skeleton heads: The one with the ghoulish red eyes from the new castle sets, and this one in black and with white eyes. Neither of those is very fitting for a pitiful victim of a cruel act.
  
• This victim is supposed to have fallen onto the table. The way his arms are spread out like that captures that feeling very well IMO. The black skeletons can't do that. They can only have their arms up or down. Both of those positions make them look quite stiff and unnatural.

But you're probably right about the ink pot. I was just trying to find something to put on the table, but that was obviously the wrong choice. I'll exchange it with a goblet. Will a pearl-gold one do? Or should it have a more burned-looking color?

oDDerFisken, on Nov 18 2008, 10:16 AM, said:

3rd floor: Some furniture would be good. Bigger furniture. Maybe you could put the inkpot in here!?
I'd also give the pirate a weapon or just a weapon on the floor/wherever that he has dropped so he can grip the girl with both hands. but an unarmed pirate is not a pirate.

Both are good ideas. I'll do that.

oDDerFisken, on Nov 18 2008, 10:16 AM, said:

4th floor: Like the idea about the duel and the girl screaming. Maybe you could add a chandelier hanging from the roof. Would be a nice effect I think. And the room really needs some furniture of some kind but the floor is pretty filled already, so a chandelier might do the job.

I don't see the necessity of more furniture, but if you think it will enhance the MOC, sure, I can put a chandelier in. There is a technique for making one that I have been wanting to try out anyway.

oDDerFisken, on Nov 18 2008, 10:16 AM, said:

Isn't it pretty stupid to set a room on fire when there sill people in rooms above it?.. But on the other hand.. it's pirates and I'm not really sure they think that much before setting fire on things.

I think you answered yourself there. Besides, I wanted it to look like the pirates are going through the tower from bottom to top. In the lower floors, you can see the damage they have caused and that one of them is already leaving, while in upper floors, you see pirates just entering rooms and engaging in fights.


Thank you for mentioning the problem about the pics, guys, I'll keep that in mind when I finalize my entry, but for now, I couldn't care less how large or many they are, so please stop commenting that.

Edited by Oky Wan Kenobi, 20 November 2008 - 12:26 PM.

[Legoking]

Opinion
I like your idea of a simple house being turned into a brutal battle field. One of many things that I like about your MOC is that you describe each level of your MOC with a sentence or two explaining what happened right there. On the ground floor, how you have a sneaky little pirate stealing a villagers treasure. I see that you used Anakin Skywalker's minifig face for the villager lying on the ground. Now that is a nice use of minifig face expressions. My two favorite levels are the second and third floors. I like the second floor because it shows the house burning. While on the third floor, you have a pirate disturbing someone’s bath. I like that you have added humor into your MOC. The last picture that shows the front of your MOC is really well done. It shows the fighting that is going on and the fire coming out of the house.

Possible Improvements

1) If you were to put tiles on all or some of the floors, it would look much nicer.

2) I would have the treasure chest open that the pirate is stealing to show what is inside of it.

Non-Brick Related

1) Your pictures can be no bigger than 800 x 600 pixels.

Overall- This is a terrific small PTV entry will lots of detail. I think the guy in the bathtub is hilarious. There is not much for me to recommend. I think this is my favorite small PTV contest entry so far. I wish you the best of luck!

LegoKing

[ComputerBug]

That is a really great module! :pir-blush: i hope you win there are many awesome details i love the burning room!! you are an awesome lego builder! :pir_laugh2:

P.S i added you as my friend! :pir-sweet:

[Oky]

Hi! I just wanted to let you guys know that I have made those changes that you have all been suggesting and posted updated pics! There are only six in this thread (as it is the rule), but I have provided a link for more. Also, this time I resized them, so I shouldn't have any problems anymore.
Right?

Please let me know what you think about the changes I have made.

computerbug, on Nov 22 2008, 01:07 PM, said:

That is a really great module! i hope you win there are many awesome details i love the burning room!! you are an awesome lego builder!

P.S i added you as my friend!

Thank you! I added you too.

[Erdbeereis]

That's so much better Oky Wan Kenobi!

My favorite addition has to be that great chandelier, it really adds a lot. Nice job with the water on the ground in the bath area as well.

The addition of the red and white carpet is perfect, and matches the room nicely. Lastly, the dark red floor of the burning room looks much better than the old purple one.

Great improvements!

[Guss]

yeah the improvement you did are really cool !

Quote

My favorite addition has to be that great chandelie

+1 !

great job on it ^^ (and thanks for having made what I said in my "possible improvements" speech ^^ )

Edited by Guss, 01 December 2008 - 05:26 PM.

[lego4ever]

Nice Work!  I like this because it is creative and like many mini scenes.  NICE.