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[Patriot720]

Vig. 31c

It was a foggy morning as a small fleet of imperial row boats entered the undisclosed location of Pirates Cove for a routine trade deal. Expecting a smooth transaction, little did the soldiers know that the pirate crew had been instructed otherwise...

This is My entry into the PTV contest-large division.
Any constructive feedback; positive or negative would be appreciated.
Thanks for looking!!

This post has been edited by SlyOwl: 14 November 2009 - 11:35 PM

[Zorro]

My opinion:
Looks like an average-to-good MOC IMHO. With some improvements you could boost this rating up.

Possible improvements:
1) Your entry has some irregularities in it, like some of the skeletons (flesh doesn't perish that fast, and if the flesh has been burned off the skeletons should be black) and the boat which has a sail that is a lot larger then the entrance to the cave. Also the gunsmoke coming out of one of the pirates' gun seems a bit overdone.

2) I would have turned around the rocks you implanted into your cave. Just don't take a pic from those other sides, after all your MOC is situated into the inside of the cove... There is still plenty of space for placing the barrels and chests.

3) You used quite a lot of standard faces. If you have more recent faces with the right expressions I suggest you use these.

Non-brick related advise:
1) Some of your grammar sounds a bit unusual. Especcialy the second sentence could be done better I think.

2) Remember that it is the first pic that will be judged. IMHO you have pics that are better suited, like picture 2 and 4 (if retaken with a slightly better angle).

This post has been edited by zorro3999: 28 October 2008 - 01:48 AM

[Erdbeereis]

Nice work on your entry!
The use of white flowers for gunsmoke is very creative and I really like the burning sail. It also has a very good rocky cove feel to it with the enclosed rocks and beach.

A few things you could improve:

1) I think it would be wise to make your first picture more of an overview of the whole thing, so it's easier to see all of it.

2) You probably don't have enough blue tiles to cover up all of the water, but if you do, that would make it look much better.

3) Where the water hits the rocks, randomly placing some white plates or tiles similar to what you did on the outside, would give a nice effect of waves.

4) I agree with Zorro that you've included a few too many skeletons, rather than normal bodies, but that's not a big deal.


Overall though, your entry is very good. It has many nice details and good action, plus some nice landscaping.
Nice work and I wish you good luck in the contest!

[pe668]

I kinda liked the first photo. My suggestion would be to flood fill the skull with another light, so you get beams of light coming through the gaps (Eye's and Nose) onto the MOC. This is happening already to a minor extent.

I agree with most of Zorro's comments. Skeleton's are deaths from the past. As for the faces, in my opinion, not every situtation do you need the high exagerated cartoon faces. There are so many uniqiue heads but few that are angry/scared. If they are the only heads everyone uses it makes the characters all look the same.

Overall a fine effort, I like it.

This post has been edited by pe668: 28 October 2008 - 02:18 AM

[General Armendariz]

Nice average entry I love the burning sail. Although it could use improvements...

What could be improved:

1. Give more gruesome and scared faces. That guy with his leg chopped of should be in pain.

2. Instead of skeletons show dead people they cant turn to skeletons that quick.

3. When the pirate shot the imperial guy don't make the gun shot curved, you cant curve a bullet.

Anyways nice job!

[Guss]

Quote

I kinda liked the first photo. My suggestion would be to flood fill the skull with another light, so you get beams of light coming through the gaps (Eye's and Nose) onto the MOC.

I totally agree with that !

that's a nice entry, there's a lot of cruelty in it, a lot of violence, a lot of blood! I'm sure that some improvement can be made, Zorro/Erdbeereis/General Armandariz said approximately what you need to improve it^^ I just have to say that if you don't have actual/more expressive face, that's sad but I think you have no choices :/

I also love the burning sail, I thought about put one in my entry too, but I chose to make it already half burnt(the boat was shot before the pirates attack , the villagers extinguished it before it burnt completely ) , I prefered like this, but now that I see yours, I have to say that it looks really great !

I also like how you did the smoke coming out of the gun, but I don't really understand.. how can they stay like this ? they're flowers ok, but what pieces did you use to make it stay horizontal ?

anyway, I like your entry, with some improvement , I'll love it ! Good luck for the contest xpatriot270x =^w^=

[Patriot720]

Thank you for all your help/ suggestions every one! I appreciate it a lot.

[Patriot720]

Hello, Xpatriot720X here again. I just wanted to make sure my enrty gets indexed. So if any mod sees this post could you please do so? thanks,
pat

[Legoking]

Opinion
I really like what I see in your MOC. The whole idea of a secret trade, but it does not go well and a big fight breaks out. What I really like about your MOC is that it has a lot of color in it and a very islandy effect to it. The boat that is burning with the sail is really good. About the sail, did you burn holes in it because it looks really good. I really like how you used white flowers as gun smoke. The battle is detailed with lots of blood. I also like how you added a giant skull to your MOC.

Possible Improvements

1) It would look much nicer if you put some blue tiles on the water. Also, you could put tiles on the dock and on the ground.

2) Change some of the minifig faces to what is going on in the scene because I see a lot of standard pirate faces.

3) Maybe you could have the cannon firing a cannon ball.

4) On the burning boat, I noticed that you have a skeleton. How can a person burn that fast. I would exchange the skeleton with a guard screaming.

Non-Brick Related

1) Your pictures can be no bigger than 640x480.

2) Since the first picture is the most important, I would retake it with an entire view of your whole MOC.

Overall- I like the idea of a secret pirate trade and than having a battle. I think you could improve your MOC by doing some of the stuff I recommended. Other than that, your MOC is pretty good. I wish you the best of luck!

LegoKing

My PTV Entry- Medium
My small PTV contest entry is coming soon!

[Patriot720]

LegoKing, on Oct 30 2008, 08:41 PM, said:

About the sail, did you burn holes in it because it looks really good.

yes actually i just burned a piece of cloth with a lighter

This post has been edited by xpatriot720x: 31 October 2008 - 02:06 AM

[Guss]

Quote

1) Your pictures can be no bigger than 640x480.

that's 800x600 ^^

Quote

2) Since the first picture is the most important, I would retake it with an entire view of your whole MOC.

I totally agree with that

Quote

yes actually i just burned a piece of cloth with a lighter

lol we had the same Idea ^^ I did the same in my entry !

This post has been edited by Guss: 31 October 2008 - 09:18 AM

[JimButcher]

Great entry, xpatriot720x!

What I like:
The best part about this MOC is the burned sails, which don't break the rules at all, very creative! That part also shows cruelty from the pirates. The little action scenes are cool too, and the skull "door" is great, especially since it's brick-built, and not the juniorized piece.

What could be improved:
It's hard to get an idea of how deep the water is, since it's only waist high on the wading people, but a boat can still float in that water. I would also add more blood, but that may be a personal preference.

Overall, a good entry, and I wish you good luck on the contest.

[Patriot720]

I don't really think that I have a great shot in this division with all of the obvious problems in my entry, but, at least I gave it my best shot.

This post has been edited by Patriot720: 30 November 2008 - 03:12 PM

[Dark Brickz]

i like it its not to bad if i say so my self. keep up the good work....