11 replies to this topic

[Adam]

Vig. 33c
I'm still tinkering with parts of this creation, but I decided to post a WIP thread so that I could gain some potentially helpful advice.

Dance, lass!

Ever see one of those western movies where a gunslinger starts firing his guns at another person so that the start dancing? Well, that is what this creation is based upon. It depicts a pirate raid in which this scurvy dog has shot a sailer's arm and forcing a port maiden to dance.



From a different angle, we have a look at the shot sailor:



A scared villager has jumped into the water to avoid certain pain, taking his gun with him:



And now the cast:



My main concern (or, at least one of them) is the wall section:



It's supposed to be the side of an Inn/Tavern and I can't quite combine tan and brown to get a good looking wall. That's one of the multiple reasons why this is still a work in progress.

Thoughts and advice would be welcome!

Edited by SlyOwl, 14 November 2009 - 11:37 PM.

[JimButcher]

Very good entry, Adam.

What I like:
The wall is excellent, you portrayed the inn facade very well. The  dock is pretty good as well, and the concept is unique (in this contest) and pretty funny. The person jumping in the water is good, too.

What could be improved:
Some things that could be better, however, include the water. While it was a good idea, I don't think it really turned out to look like water. Perhaps remove most of the dark blue bricks to draw more attention to the clear ones, and rearrange the blue pieces so that they look more smooth. Also, the hat that you used for blood... like other sections of this MOC, it was a good idea, but it just doesn't look right used in this way. It looks too... solid. Perhaps change it with some trans-red pieces. Finally, the guy with the shot arm should be positioned differently, in my opinion, to look more injured. Maybe have him stumbling or caressing his arm in some way...?

Overall, a good start. You had some good ideas in there, but they would look better if you used them in a different scenario. Good luck!

[Erdbeereis]

I personally love the wall! It really captures the inn/tavern look you were going for.
The color choice is nice as well.

A few improvements you could make are:

1) The water doesn't look too great at the moment. I think it would look much better without the dark blue. Just plain blue would probably be much better.

2) I'm not a huge fan of the blood you have on the arm. I think if you want to keep the bloody arm, you should make the hand red as well and add some small red pieces around the arm on the ground.

Other than that, great entry! I think you have a good chance!

[Adam]

Thank you for the coments! I've decided to make the water blue with white plates around the swimming salior and and keep the wall the same. I think I'll have the shot sailor lying down with trans red studs instead. On second thought, maybe he should just be decapitated.

Edited by Adam, 17 October 2008 - 03:26 AM.

[Ye Olde Pirate]

Very creative. Where did you get the pirates head at?  It looks new.

[Erdbeereis]

The head is from the new Agents Gold hunt set.
It should appear in next year's new Pirate sets as well.

Your plans for the MOC sound good to me Adam!

[Captain Zuloo]

Very good Adam, but I see a few problems.
1. In this particular case a red bandana doesn't fit with the rest of the MOC as blood, so pehaps you could use red transparent plates?
2. The round plates in the water. They look to - weird. I don't know how to best describe it, but I don't think they really fit with the rest of the MOC.
3. The brown roof tiles, I think you should put a 1x8 tan plate in their place. I say this because then you can add a form of a sloped roof.

All in all though, make these improvements and you are well on the road to success.
Good luck!

[Guss]

that's a nice moc ^^ I don't really know what you can improve in it !  I like it ^^

[Zorro]

My opinion:
Good MOC, especcialy if you know it is a WIP.
You can make some improvements, listen to the many suggestions you receive(d), they might give you some (new) ideas. The theme is related to the PTV contest, so a    from me!

Possible improvements:
1) Put her entirely against the wall, with both her arms raised! Make it look like he is wanting more then just a dance...     

2) The bloody arm could be improved by putting some small red bricks around the guy, and put him into a more "humble" position. I would remove the red bandana: if it is blood it is unrealistic, and if he is supposed to wear it, give him a blue or black one, since the red one looks too much like blood.

3) I would replace the brown "cannonballs" by other brown bricks (standard 1x1 if needed), also I would continue the brown-brick line near the ground.

4) You used some blue pieces for the water that look way too dark.

5) The wooden musket would float, not sink.

Non-brick related advise:
1) Pic 1: try to show some of the pirate's face by changing the angle of your pic and perhaps rotating him a few degrees.

2) Some (very) minor spelling mistakes or typos like: "so that they start".


Looks great so far, and I am awaiting the finished version with great impatience!

Edited by zorro3999, 17 October 2008 - 10:22 PM.

[Adam]

zorro3999, on Oct 17 2008, 03:20 PM, said:

3) I would replace the brown "cannonballs" by other brown bricks (standard 1x1 if needed), also I would continue the brown-brick line near the ground.

*snip*

5) The wooden musket would float, not sink.

3) They're log bricks, generally used to indicate wood.

5) It still is floating- it's just in a slanted position.

But thanks for the advice!

Edited by Adam, 17 October 2008 - 10:30 PM.

[DarthPineapple]

I like the wall you created, however, the water turns out not that great.

[Legoking]

Opinion
I like your theme for your MOC, making a girl dance. Good expressions on all of the minifigs faces. The Inn wall you have created is good. It is funny how you see a villager trying to escape by diving into the water. I like how you only included the minifigs legs so you’re giving the effect that the villager is diving under water, nice thinking. The way you made your dock is nice. I see you made each brown tile a little uneven.

Possible Improvements

1) I really don't like how you created the water. Just make it one color of blue, instead of adding neon blue and having different colors of blue in your MOC.

2) The injured sailor's arm, if you are trying to have his arm be completely bloody, you should also have the hand red. Next to the sailor's arm, you should also put some blood next to him.

Overall- You have made a great MOC and your story fits you MOC very well. You have done very well Adam. One thing, you wall for your Inn is fine as it is because in the 1700's and 1800's, usually the color of Inns wall was brown and tan. I wish you the best of luck!

LegoKing