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20 replies to this topic  – Started by LuxorV , Oct 13 2008 08:19 AM

#1 LuxorV

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Posted 13 October 2008 - 08:19 AM

Posted Image Vig. 25b
I had to think for a bit to build this: first of all, I had this idea of a basement based upon an image I saw on BS; then, it needed a top; and finally, it needed a scene to be acted into it.

So, let's imagine:


Pirates are coming from the sea. They decide to pillage the nearest village. But it's just a small one. What a bad luck: only peasants here.

And an Inn...

To save his life and the lives of his loved ones, one of the folks tells the pirates about a secret treasure hidden in the Inn.

"The Innkeeper. He has the key" - he says.

Hunger of gold and jewels is stronger (just a little bit) than hunger of blood in these pirates. So they storm the Inn and capture the Innkeeper for asking.

"What I want you to know before we start" - says the Captain - "is that I get a really bad temper when people make me ask twice. So, where is the treasure?"

The Innkeper says: "I can grant you there's no treasure here. It's just that ruffian peasant. He wants to save his life, and throws me in instead!"

"That was a bad idea you had, Innkeper." - says the Captain, with a cold grin on his face. Then, to his men: "bring in the chains!"

After a short work, and a lot of screaming and whining, the Innkeper capitulated.

"You see, it wasn't that difficult, after all." - grins the Captain, with golden sparkles in his eyes, while his fellow pirate goes down the rope to get the treasure...

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Thanks for reading :pir-sweet:


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#2 Guss

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Posted 13 October 2008 - 08:47 AM

I really like it ^^ it looks niiice , and the story behind is cool too , 10/10 !
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#3 Captain Zuloo

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Posted 13 October 2008 - 12:44 PM

Great story. These are like real pirates - not LEGO ones. I can't imagine a LEGO person being so mean! :pir_laugh2:

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#4 Zorro

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Posted 13 October 2008 - 04:35 PM

My opinion:

Yes, I like this MOC too, I think he has chosen the right colors and bricks and the subject is cruel and realistic.

Possible improvements:

1) I would make the Captain (or pirate) and the Innkeeper look like they have some kind of conversation, and maybe the Innkeeper could be struggling to get loose.

2) Who is the armed guy downstairs? Is he one of the pirates? A villager? Did he use that rope to get down there or is he going to rescue the Innkeeper?Please tell something about him, or even better: make it obvious who he is or what he is doing in the MOC.

3) To get more color in the scene: adding a lamp to the roof could do the trick. If you think you like that, at least.

Non-brick related advise:

1) You made quite some typos and/or spelling mistakes I'm afraid.
eg. "To save his lafe..." should be "To save his life..."
eg.2 treasure

2) You might want to leave some more space between some of your sentences, to give it a better and less cluthered look.


Keep this up, please build more MOCs like this whether it is for the PTV contest or not. This one is great!

#5 Captain Zuloo

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Posted 13 October 2008 - 05:18 PM

View Postzorro3999, on Oct 14 2008, 01:35 AM, said:

3) To get more color in the scene: adding a lamp to the roof could do the trick. If you think you like that, at least.
I agree. A lantern would be nice. Fill in the open space in the roof. Perhaps replace that brown 1x1 cylinder with a 1x1 brick with a stud on the side? Your call as you are the builder, but that's my opinion.
Good luck! :pir-classic:

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#6 Legoking

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Posted 13 October 2008 - 06:09 PM

Opinion
I really like your MOC and how you fit all of this into a small entry. Great use of dialogue in your story description. There are some very good details in your MOC. Now this is a first, I have not yet seen a Indian minifig included in a pirate entry yet, nice use of minifigs! On the second level, I like how a pirate is hanging a villiger. On the first floor, it looks like to me that this is some sort of chamber. Any way, you have used a lot of detail down in the chamber. The dead skeleton to the spilled treasure on the ground. Very well done LuxorV!

Possible Improvements

1) You could possibly add a desk that had been knocked over by the pirate since your MOC is an Inn.

2) I am not really sure which side the Indian guy is on, pirates or villagers?

Non-Brick Related

1) I noticed that there were a few minor grammar mistakes like, "What a bad luck: only peasants here." You could say, What bad luck, there are only peasants here.

Overall- This is a very detailed MOC and looks like you put a lot of effort into it. When you have edited your MOC, I think it will look great! I wish you the best of luck!

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Edited by LegoKing, 13 October 2008 - 06:39 PM.

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#7 JimBee

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Posted 13 October 2008 - 06:12 PM

Great MOC, LuxorV!

What I like:

The whole thing is great, and I like the wooden textures. The chain, hanged innkeeper, and pole are all very good, as well as the arches and slants on the ceilings.

What could be improved:

Like Zorro said, a little more color would be nice in this entry. It looks a little dull, so maybe some food or a lantern would work well. Also, the rope is positioned a little strangely, maybe you want to make it so that it looks like it's more secure? The building also looks just a little unstable, but no big deal.

But overall, good entry, and really shows the cruelty of pirates. Good luck! :pir-classic:

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#8 LuxorV

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Posted 13 October 2008 - 06:12 PM

Thanks people for your comments and critics.

Thanks to zorro3999 for pointing out those typos... I had to write it in a hurry before getting to work :pir-blush:  I hope I corrected them all now.

I also added more space between sentences and a few words to explain who is the guy in the basement.

As for brick improvements, I prefer to leave it as it is. I like your suggestions, but I like to leave my entries as they're at the moment I post them... :pir-wink:


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#9 Adam

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Posted 13 October 2008 - 06:19 PM

Nice creation, but there are some improvements that I have noticed:

1. The pirate should be facing the innkeeper. That way, it looks like they're speaking do each other.

2. The second pirate (it was mentioned in the story, guys, pay more attention!) should be hanging on to the rope so that it looks like he just came down.

3. The roof could use a little work- I suggest extending the wall (perhaps replacing it with a door) and adding sloped pieces so that the roof isn't out of place.

4. The crate that holds the treasure might look better as a standard chest.


Other than that, great work! Now, get back to decal making! :tongue:

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#10 Captain Zuloo

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Posted 13 October 2008 - 06:23 PM

View PostAdam, on Oct 14 2008, 03:19 AM, said:

2. The second pirate (it was mentioned in the story, guys, pay more attention!) should be hanging on to the rope so that it looks like he just came down.
"while his fellow pirate goes down the rope to get the treasure..." This would be what you are reffering to?

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#11 Adam

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Posted 13 October 2008 - 06:24 PM

View PostCaptain Zuloo, on Oct 13 2008, 10:23 AM, said:

"while his fellow pirate goes down the rope to get the treasure..." This would be what you are reffering to?
Yes. There are only three figures, and it would appear that he is the pirate climbing down the rope. That is why I suggested him holding on to the rope.

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#12 Zorro

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Posted 13 October 2008 - 06:26 PM

View PostCaptain Zuloo, on Oct 13 2008, 08:23 PM, said:

"while his fellow pirate goes down the rope to get the treasure..." This would be what you are reffering to?
That would be it, weird I didn't notice it...well, this maybe points out it was a good thing to make some improvements to the story text.

GOOD MOC, LuxorV !!!

#13 Captain Zuloo

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Posted 13 October 2008 - 06:28 PM

View Postzorro3999, on Oct 14 2008, 03:26 AM, said:

That would be it, weird I didn't notice it because I'm a do-do. :pir_wacko:
Aw zorro, dont beat yourself that much. It's only because I'm so much cooler than you that I noticed.

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#14 Zorro

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Posted 13 October 2008 - 07:34 PM

View PostCaptain Zuloo, on Oct 13 2008, 08:28 PM, said:

Aw zorro, dont beat yourself that much. It's only because I'm so much cooler than you that I noticed.

OK, THAT'S IT, I AM FED UP WITH YA PIRATY MANNERS, Captain Zuloo, I SUDDENLY SWEAR, in the name of my father, mother and the HOLY GOD, that YOU :jollyroger:  (ya minifig that is) will play an important role in my very first MOC/picture !!! PREPARE FOR SOME REAL CRUELTY !!!  :pir-skull:

:pir-hmpf_bad:  :cannon:  :pir-vader:

Currently I am thinking off:limbs that are extracted, a head being sliced into very thin slices, hands and other projections that are cut off and a torso that will be pierced by a very large and unusual object... (all without anesthetic)

TO THE STAFF: suggestion for next contest/MOC: "The brutal death of Captain Zuloo ('s minifig)" :pir-laugh:  :pir_laugh2:

Edited by zorro3999, 13 October 2008 - 07:51 PM.


#15 Erdbeereis

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Posted 13 October 2008 - 09:39 PM

You have done very well with your entry LuxorV!
I really like the colors you have used, as they give a nice old time feel to the MOC. The story you included with the MOC adds a lot as well.
My favorite part of it though has to be the window you've made with the fence-like pieces. That looks amazing.

The only thing I would suggest is to perhaps cover a few studs with tiles to give it a smoother look. But that's not a big deal at all.

Very nice work LuxorV!

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#16 LuxorV

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Posted 14 October 2008 - 08:27 AM

Thanks again for your comments and advices. I may not use them in this creation, but I'll keep them in mind for the future :pir-wink:

View Postzorro3999, on Oct 13 2008, 08:26 PM, said:

That would be it, weird I didn't notice it...well, this maybe points out it was a good thing to make some improvements to the story text.
Well, that's because:

View PostLuxorV, on Oct 13 2008, 08:12 PM, said:

I also added more space between sentences and a few words to explain who is the guy in the basement.


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#17 Cpt. Willabee

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Posted 16 October 2008 - 10:30 PM

Very good, I hope mine comes out at least half as good as that! :pir-classic:

#18 LuxorV

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Posted 17 October 2008 - 08:38 AM

You're too kind, Cpt. Willabee :pir-blush:

I wish you the best of luck :thumbup:


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#19 Captain Zuloo

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Posted 17 October 2008 - 09:00 AM

View PostLuxorV, on Oct 17 2008, 05:38 PM, said:

You're too kind, Cpt. Willabee :pir-blush:
I notice he didn't say that about my entry! Grumble grumble. :pir_laugh2:

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#20 LuxorV

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Posted 18 October 2008 - 04:23 PM

View PostCaptain Zuloo, on Oct 17 2008, 11:00 AM, said:

I notice he didn't say that about my entry! Grumble grumble. :pir_laugh2:
Well, that's between you Captains. I bet he was just being nice to a hunble civilian :pir_laugh2:


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#21 DarthPineapple

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Posted 18 October 2008 - 04:39 PM

That's a nice one, one of the best I've seen. I like the pirate with the dwarves beard.




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