Kai NRG

The Worthless Steering Wheel [MOC and Story]

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The Worthless Steering Wheel

by Isaiah D. (not me)

It all began with the rascally Horse Guards. Yes, I do declare, though I be one of them, the Intergalactic Horse Guards are always getting in the way of those trying to make an honest living. Well, as I said, it all started off when the Horse Guards came marching into town, spacesuits a-glittering, freeze rays and helmets shining in the morning light. I might as well say at once that I am, or was, at any rate, the master and owner of a decent size pawn shop – which some have most basely insinuated to consist entirely of stolen goods – in the recesses of the dark and narrow streets of Yavario. As a matter of course, it was not long until the newcomers, having finished their illustrious parade, began to look around for souvenirs and the like, and my entrepreneurial enterprise was not behind in serving its customers. After I had outrageously ripped off two or three Horse Guards, in marched their captain, demanding what sort of things were to be found there.

“I’ll say, sir,” I replied with a superb semblance of profound respect, “there isn’t much you can’t find in this my shop. Do these rock-shower shielding umbrellas interest you? Or maybe these gold detecting leather boots which-”

“Playing dumb, master thief?” he asked, leaping onto the table and grabbing my collar, “you know I want that steering wheel you stole off my spaceship last week while I was parked on the third moon of Satudzu...”

“The moon of Sa-what-su?” I queried. “Well, I’ll tell you what. I don’t have it but I could get it for... seven hundred?”

“Very funny. I'll tell you what. Get me that steering wheel before tomorrow or else,” and he uttered a shrill whistle which instantly brought in two or three Horse Guards.

“Come on,” I replied, “there’s got to be some sort of deal we can work out here.”

Before I could finish my proposal, a loud and shrill half meow half Indian war-hoop rang out. The faces of the Horse Guards and their captain blanched and they began to fumble with their weapons.

“El Gatto!” the captain whispered in a terror stricken undertone. “I only hope he hasn’t come for that steering wheel.”

I leaped up and clicked the button on the wall which opened a hidden safe, from which I pulled out the steering wheel. “Well,” I declared, “two thousand now or forever hold your vehicle steering wheel-less.”

“Wait a second,” replied the astonished captain, “didn’t you say seven hundred a minute ago?”

El Gatto strode into the shop. His eyes scanned the Horse Guards and their captain, and then rested on the steering wheel in my hands.

“Neat looking steerin' whel,” he yowled, “I could one o' those about now.” He winked at the captain, and began to walk towards me, while the Horse Guards could do nothing but gaze on in horror. I, however, was too fast for him. Pressing a button in the side of the wall, my five wheeled double motorcycle flew out and I leapt onto it with the steering wheel in my hand, while I crashed through the door of my shop. But this time, El Gatto was quicker than I, and he snatched it out of my hand and tore off in the other direction.

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I turned back to the confounded Horse Guards. "Hey," their captain called to me, "I say, if you would agree to return me my steering wheel, I'll give you in the mean time the full power of a Horse Guard."

"A Horse Guard colonel?" I inquired.

"I was thinking more like a private," he replied, ''but I could change that to a lieutenant."

"A Colonel." I responded.

"Captain?"

"Colonel."

"Senior captain?"

"Senior Marshall."

"Deal. Oh, wait a second, did you just say Marshall?"

"A deal's a deal. And, I better be going." And with a wink I drove off after the thieving Gatto.

I sped along the direction he had gone, thinking about that steering wheel. To tell the truth, I had no idea that it was at all important when I had borrowed it, but had had some sort off feeling in my gut telling me it would be a good idea. And now, voila! I had suddenly become a Horse Guard senior Marshall, and was chasing the notorious Gatto for a steering wheel which in all probability contained some secret of tremendous import.

However, all too soon I came to the great divide - the place the road split in two, where, I knew, it would not come back together until I had rounded the entire planet. Had he gone left, or right - that was the question. So much depended on my taking the correct turn - the sweat began to pour down my face, and I slowly skidded to a halt at the juncture. The sign pointed to the left, but, for that matter, it always did. That pointed to the fact that El Gatto had gone to the right, for he would naturally suppose I would go the other way. However, being the notorious villain he is, he would clearly know that I knew his game and would go to the right, and would therefore take the left himself. But I had noted as he escaped that he was driving a Honda - a Japanese car. He would therefore have obviously taken the right, as the Japanese cars disdain following signs.

The fact is, I was so entirely mixed up in my thoughts and impressed with the gravity of the situation, that I failed to notice the loud honking behind me, and the voice of El Gatto as he yowled out, "I don't have all day, ya know! Go one way or to'der already!"

The ultimate decision was before me, but I had made my choice, and was sure it was a wise one. I sped off to the right... and El Gatto, behind me, went to the left. Nevertheless, before he had gone far I saw his car across the divide and discovered, to my horror, that I had taken the wrong path.

There was now no help for it - so I hit the gas and punched the transform button, changing my motorcycle into- a submarine?! I hit it again. It was now a boat.

"Come on, come on!" There, I flew over the divide, barely missing being dashed to pieces against the wall on the opposite side. El Gatto was in my sights. I hit the missile launcher - and blew his car to smithereens. Unfortunately, however, just before it departed to kingdoms come, El Gatto flipped on the autopilot, and dashed out with the steering wheel. I turned on the disguise mode and changed the plane into a tractor.

"Need a lift, sir?" I inquired.

He looked at me suspiciously, and muttered under his breath, "everyone here looks so similar, it is impossible to find out who is who." Then, in a louder tone, "Alrighty bumpkin.''

At this I was highly offended, but wisely concealed it for the time. ''Where are we headed?" the Gatto demanded. I hit the autopilot, turned on the taser beams across the doors, and replied calmly, ''to the Horse Guard barracks, of course. That is, you are going there, I shall borrow this steering wheel from you and say goodbye." And with a wink I jumped out the back door with a parachute on, forgetting in the excitement that I was in a tractor with taser beams crossing the doors.

Well, it didn’t feel very good. But I had the steering wheel. At that second the Intergalactic Horse Guard captain's spaceship - he had been trying to catch up all this time - zipped over me, and I grasped the exhaust pipe as it passed and flipped myself up into the passenger's seat. I noticed just then that we were in the same ship I had taken the steering wheel from in the first place, and that we were about to crash into the tractor. I slammed the wheel into place and swerved just in time to miss it - and instead smashed the ship to pieces on a tree next to the road.

"Thanks!" declared the captain, "that was close."

I'm afraid all that was left of the wreck was the steering wheel. "So," I queried, full of expectancy, "the deal is still on. Three thousand for it?"

The captain looked pensive. "Sounds like a good deal, but all my money was in the ship you just smashed. I've got a great deal for you though - you may keep it yourself."

Epilogue:

So, instead of the three thousand I was hoping for, I ended up instead with a worthless steering wheel - you will remember that the ship it once drove was destroyed by the tree - and a senior Marshall's position in the Intergalactic Horse Guards. To this day, however, they have done nothing worthy of notice.

The Build:

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Overview:

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I built this MOC specifically for the above story. Had a lot of fun with all the little gimmicks (cluttered shops are so my thing!) and I hope you enjoyed it! If you read the story, thank you! And even if not, thanks for looking! Constructive criticism and comments are always appreciated!

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