Don’t worry though: Chefonicle does not fall for the same boring pie, braklastavafeedme, and Burn Stuff lines that fill so many BZP comedies today. True, there’s some random humor, but it’s done in a “tasteful” way (no pun intended).
Gah, I’m rambling on! Forget it; here’s the extra long prologue to my “epic story.” ;-)
Six Cooks, One Yummy Future
In the time before suppertime, the Great Master Cook Motta-Suey came down to a barren island smack-dab in the middle of the Cola Sea. With one swipe of his mighty ladle, he caused plants and food of all kinds to sprout up on the land. Then, he gave this lush paradise to us, the Doughunga and Taraga. He watched over us, giving us rain, kitchenware, and all the Shop-and-Stop coupons we could ever want. All he asked was that we use our tools and skills to honor the six food groups. We named our island in his honor, and soon Motta-Suey (the island, that is) became a fine center of culinary arts, restaurants, and wonderful food.
Unfortunately, our luck went downhill from there. For, Motta-Suey had a brother, the evil Makooka, who happens to be the worst chef in the entire universe. His “food” is vile and repulsive, and corrupts the three virtures Motta-Suey gave us: Combination, Timer Responsibilty, and Future. Makooka knew that we would never bow to him, so he cast Motta-Suey into an eternal, chocolate-induced nap. He also sent his minions, the Rami, powerful creatures that project the terrible opposite of our good food.
But, we feared not, as our dreams of savory, munchy, juicy… er, saviors, have finally come true! Six great heroes, the Toes, have come to rid Motta-Suey from the menace of Makooka. They are great chiefs and mighty warriors, and each possess one of the 6 food groups:
Spicy Food (as in hot sauce)
Drinks (as in Gatorade and soda)
Candy (as in Airheads)
Frozen Food (as in ice cream and Popsicles)
Chocolate (as in Dirt)
Junk Food (as in food that only obese people with rocks in their heads would eat, namely chips)
Indeed, the Toes show great promise, but there are still dangers, even for them. Makooka is a trickster, and will try to bring them down the path of overheated broccoli and burnt lasagna. To thwart him, the Toes must collect the Kookii Masks of Power, great objects that will give them greater cooking skills, split second timing, extra creativity, and other qualities that will stop Makooka in his tracks. Only then will they be able to descend into his exploded kitchen deep below Motta-Suey, and restore peace, justice, and tasty treats to our lives.
Listen now, consumers, as we begin our tale... of the Chefonicle.
Book 1: Quest for the ‘Kook
Chapter 1: Tale of the Toes and Strange Hobos
On a frozen stretch of vanilla ice-cream, all is still. Small Rami called Brussals snooze quietly, and a gentle wind blows through the small patches of green beans and celery growing in the thin Dirt.
Unfortunately, this peaceful moment will not last for long, as a strange object floats onto the shore. It is a sherbet carton, to be precise, and no doubt it will not continue to stay still.
The carton’s lid explodes off, revealing parts of what looks like a cheap action figure. Slowly, they assemble themselves like tinker toys.
Strange figure: Ugh, my sleep wasn’t peaceful at all. Strange, I almost though I saw some sort of Anti-Chief in my dreams….
Strange figure: Ah, forget all of that for now. I am finally together, as one powerful chief! And I have a feeling that somebody on this strange world could use my exquisite skills.
The figure then noticed his mask for the first time. Round, with two strange eye-holes projecting out one side, it seemed to be radiating off some strange power. If our figure (who shall be called Kokapa from now on) had read the label on the inside of the mask, her would have realized that this was a Kookii Mask of Glasses, a powerful object that boosted the eyesight of anybody who normally had poor vision.
Just then, a rock came hurling through the air towards Kokapa. With one great swipe of his tool, a giant kitchen knife, the stone was no more.
Kokapa: Oh, great. Looks like the welcoming committee isn’t so welcoming. *waves toward boulder* Come on, I know you’re back there!
The small figure behind the rock immediately started to run away. Kokapa was indignant.
Kokapa: Hmph, don’t like visitors, do you? No matter: A quick blast of raspberry sorbet will bring you to your knees - literally.
Figure: Ahhhh! *Splat* Mmphgmph…
Kokapa: Interesting. I wasn’t sure that would work…. Looks like hunches are truth around these parts. :)
Kokapa walked towards the small figure, who had finally gotten his head free from the sorbet.
Kokapa: Let’s talk, chief. Who are you, and why do you feel the need to be so rude to your visitor?
Kokapa: Wuss. Come on, I’m not gonna hurt you!
Figure: Ahhhh… Oh, you aren’t? Phew, I though the apocalypse was intimate for a second…. Um, what were you saying?
Kokapa: *grumbles* Okay, I better put it into small, easy words for those here who are hearing impaired *enters caveman pose* Who you? Why you rude?
Figure: My name’s Matormo. Actually, I usually go by “the coward” or “the mawa” or any other synonyms for “scaredy Mewaka.” I’m a Doughunga, like dough with a hunga. Frankly, I don’t even know what a hunga is, but that’s what I learned in Dough School….
Kokapa: Forget the pointless facts, doughhead!
Matormo: Oh yeah. Anyway, we’ve been all waiting for you. I believe this is the part where you go find the great masks….
Kokapa: We’ve? Masks? You’re speaking in plurals that have no meaning to me.
Matormo: …uh, well, I mean… oh Makooka, I knew I would blow it! Kokeepe’s right… I’m no good as a storyteller… Well, I’m afraid you’ll have to see Taraga Nunu… he’ll be able to explain it better.
Kokapa: Fine. *In head* Man, this dough guy has no gut. His tale sounds like he translated it from Japanese or something! Still, it sounds awfully familiar…. *Lightbulb goes over his head* Yeah, I saw it in my dreams! Looks like I’m here for a reason… maybe there’s a bigger problem here than cowardice… maybe a great anti-chef…. *Lightbulb lights up* Yeah, it all makes sense now!
Matormo: Cool! Can you tell me how you do that with the lightbulb?
Kokapa: ……Wha? Drat, you made me lose it!
To be continued…
Edited by Grevious, 07 September 2007 - 12:21 AM.