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#1 Zarkan


  • Greviously Renamed Gungan

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Posted 07 September 2007 - 12:21 AM

Some time ago, when I was batting around the idea of making my own Bionicle parody, I had an extremely weird dream that combined Bionicle with cooking and food – or at least I think that was what it was about (my dreams are totally random.). Regardless, I realized that it actually was a great idea, and soon I had several chapters of Chefonicle complete. Sadly, due to the rampant amount of pre-adolsecents on BZPower (which sadly takes away some from the mature members and awesome exclusives), my topic there hasn’t gotten many posts. Needless to say, after posting 3 chapters in a row with no response, I gave up. Now, I thought I’d try to see how the Bionicle fans here like it, since in this forum topics NEVER go without posts (unless they are pointless).

Don’t worry though: Chefonicle does not fall for the same boring pie, braklastavafeedme, and Burn Stuff lines that fill so many BZP comedies today. True, there’s some random humor, but it’s done in a “tasteful” way (no pun intended).

Gah, I’m rambling on! Forget it; here’s the extra long prologue to my “epic story.” ;-)



Six Cooks, One Yummy Future

In the time before suppertime, the Great Master Cook Motta-Suey came down to a barren island smack-dab in the middle of the Cola Sea. With one swipe of his mighty ladle, he caused plants and food of all kinds to sprout up on the land. Then, he gave this lush paradise to us, the Doughunga and Taraga. He watched over us, giving us rain, kitchenware, and all the Shop-and-Stop coupons we could ever want. All he asked was that we use our tools and skills to honor the six food groups. We named our island in his honor, and soon Motta-Suey (the island, that is) became a fine center of culinary arts, restaurants, and wonderful food.

Unfortunately, our luck went downhill from there. For, Motta-Suey had a brother, the evil Makooka, who happens to be the worst chef in the entire universe. His “food” is vile and repulsive, and corrupts the three virtures Motta-Suey gave us: Combination, Timer Responsibilty, and Future. Makooka knew that we would never bow to him, so he cast Motta-Suey into an eternal, chocolate-induced nap. He also sent his minions, the Rami, powerful creatures that project the terrible opposite of our good food.

But, we feared not, as our dreams of savory, munchy, juicy… er, saviors, have finally come true! Six great heroes, the Toes, have come to rid Motta-Suey from the menace of Makooka. They are great chiefs and mighty warriors, and each possess one of the 6 food groups:

Spicy Food (as in hot sauce)
Drinks (as in Gatorade and soda)
Candy (as in Airheads)
Frozen Food (as in ice cream and Popsicles)
Chocolate (as in Dirt)
Junk Food (as in food that only obese people with rocks in their heads would eat, namely chips)

Indeed, the Toes show great promise, but there are still dangers, even for them. Makooka is a trickster, and will try to bring them down the path of overheated broccoli and burnt lasagna. To thwart him, the Toes must collect the Kookii Masks of Power, great objects that will give them greater cooking skills, split second timing, extra creativity, and other qualities that will stop Makooka in his tracks. Only then will they be able to descend into his exploded kitchen deep below Motta-Suey, and restore peace, justice, and tasty treats to our lives.

Listen now, consumers, as we begin our tale... of the Chefonicle.

Book 1: Quest for the ‘Kook

Chapter 1: Tale of the Toes and Strange Hobos

On a frozen stretch of vanilla ice-cream, all is still. Small Rami called Brussals snooze quietly, and a gentle wind blows through the small patches of green beans and celery growing in the thin Dirt.

Unfortunately, this peaceful moment will not last for long, as a strange object floats onto the shore. It is a sherbet carton, to be precise, and no doubt it will not continue to stay still.


The carton’s lid explodes off, revealing parts of what looks like a cheap action figure. Slowly, they assemble themselves like tinker toys.

Strange figure: Ugh, my sleep wasn’t peaceful at all. Strange, I almost though I saw some sort of Anti-Chief in my dreams….

Strange figure: Ah, forget all of that for now. I am finally together, as one powerful chief! And I have a feeling that somebody on this strange world could use my exquisite skills.

The figure then noticed his mask for the first time. Round, with two strange eye-holes projecting out one side, it seemed to be radiating off some strange power. If our figure (who shall be called Kokapa from now on) had read the label on the inside of the mask, her would have realized that this was a Kookii Mask of Glasses, a powerful object that boosted the eyesight of anybody who normally had poor vision.

Just then, a rock came hurling through the air towards Kokapa. With one great swipe of his tool, a giant kitchen knife, the stone was no more.

Kokapa: Oh, great. Looks like the welcoming committee isn’t so welcoming. *waves toward boulder* Come on, I know you’re back there!

The small figure behind the rock immediately started to run away. Kokapa was indignant.

Kokapa: Hmph, don’t like visitors, do you? No matter: A quick blast of raspberry sorbet will bring you to your knees - literally.
Figure: Ahhhh! *Splat* Mmphgmph…
Kokapa: Interesting. I wasn’t sure that would work…. Looks like hunches are truth around these parts. :)

Kokapa walked towards the small figure, who had finally gotten his head free from the sorbet.

Kokapa: Let’s talk, chief. Who are you, and why do you feel the need to be so rude to your visitor?
Figure: AHHHHHH!!!!!
Kokapa: Wuss. Come on, I’m not gonna hurt you!
Figure: Ahhhh… Oh, you aren’t? Phew, I though the apocalypse was intimate for a second…. Um, what were you saying?
Kokapa: *grumbles* Okay, I better put it into small, easy words for those here who are hearing impaired *enters caveman pose* Who you? Why you rude?
Figure: My name’s Matormo. Actually, I usually go by “the coward” or “the mawa” or any other synonyms for “scaredy Mewaka.” I’m a Doughunga, like dough with a hunga. Frankly, I don’t even know what a hunga is, but that’s what I learned in Dough School….
Kokapa: Forget the pointless facts, doughhead!
Matormo: Oh yeah. Anyway, we’ve been all waiting for you. I believe this is the part where you go find the great masks….
Kokapa: We’ve? Masks? You’re speaking in plurals that have no meaning to me.
Matormo: …uh, well, I mean… oh Makooka, I knew I would blow it! Kokeepe’s right… I’m no good as a storyteller… Well, I’m afraid you’ll have to see Taraga Nunu… he’ll be able to explain it better.
Kokapa: Fine. *In head* Man, this dough guy has no gut. His tale sounds like he translated it from Japanese or something! Still, it sounds awfully familiar…. *Lightbulb goes over his head* Yeah, I saw it in my dreams! Looks like I’m here for a reason… maybe there’s a bigger problem here than cowardice… maybe a great anti-chef…. *Lightbulb lights up* Yeah, it all makes sense now!
Matormo: Cool! Can you tell me how you do that with the lightbulb?
Kokapa: ……Wha? Drat, you made me lose it!
Matormo: *blushes*

To be continued…

Edited by Grevious, 07 September 2007 - 12:21 AM.

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#2 Shine


  • Cousin It !!

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Posted 08 September 2007 - 02:26 AM

Heh, not bad. Certainly better than "liek zoMg gadunkka goez to kindergardun!!??!! :000" type of things that plague BZP.


Just then, a rock came hurling through the air towards Kokapa.
No. Meatball.

#3 Zarkan


  • Greviously Renamed Gungan

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Posted 08 September 2007 - 04:45 PM

Ah, finally! A post! Thanks, Shine, but let me say that I meant rock, as rocks in Chefonicle usually refer to rock candy or Pop Rocks, as you will find out soon.  ;-)


Kokapa followed Matormo for a long time. All around them, the vast ice cream mountains and sherbet valleys seemed to go on forever, and the Toe of Ice Cream quickly became impatient. Much to his dismay, Matormo tried to break the silence in a less than spectacular way.

Matormo: Um, ya like frost bunnies?
Kokapa: ….what?
Matormo: You know, the little pets that are so cute and loveable? I own a couple, well actually 15… everyone says I’m acting like a Gal-Dohunga…
Kokapa: No, I mean “what” as in “why did you even bother saying that?”
Matormo: ….
Kokapa: *sighs* Forget it… how about a more reasonable question: where are these confounded masks?
Matormo: Well, you have one already…
Kokapa: No dip, Sherlock!
Matormo: ….But the rest we lost a long time ago. They are either guarded by terrible Rami sent by Makooka, or hidden in dark and scary places, where only the ones with “big feet” or “the pitchfork of jubilee” can triumph.
Matormo: Hey, translating Taraga Nunu’s speech isn’t an easy job! I’m bound to make a mistake once in a while… anyway, he spoke of a mask of Shields he lost somewhere in the “trailer park of no return.
Kokapa: What in Icee’s is that supposed to mean?
Matormo: Beats me. Oh look, a dead end. I think there was a project to build a Popsicle bridge here… think it got canceled after that Mewka attack weakened the foundations…
Kokapa: No bigee. I will create my own. *starts shooting ice cream*
Matormo: I don’t think it works that way....
Kokapa: How would you know? You’re just a cowardly…. Duck!!!
Matormo: Duck? I knew I was cowardly, but…
Kokapa: No, duck, Matormo, duck!
Matormo: What duck? All I see is…

Before the hopelessly confused Matormo could finish his sentence, a large, half insect, half mouse rahi known as a Suey-Rata flew into the peak and smashed it into soft-serve ice cream. Naturally, this meant that Kokapa and Matormo had nowhere to stand, thus they began their great plunge to certain doom.

Matormo: I want my mommy!!!
Kokapa: Grab onto my hand, dunce!
Matormo: What hand? All I see is a dark tunnel with a light at the other end!
Kokapa: *sticks Matormo onto his back*

Hastily, Kokapa used his kitchen knife to channel a large stream of slushie onto the ground below them. The colorful mess brought them sliding safely down right to the feet of none other than Taraga Nunu.

Matormo: Yes, now I’m certain you’re the great Chef the Taraga have been jabbering on about for so long!
Kokapa: It took that long for you figure that out? *sighs* What was that thing that nearly turned you into mincemeat?
Matormo: We call them pests. Actually, their real name is Suey-Rata, but before Makooka took them over with his moldy Kookii, all they were was annoying. Now, they are stronger and smarter than the average 5 year old, which is pretty amazing considering that they one were…
Taraga Nunu: Boink Slap Zap Kaboom!
Kokapa: …huh?
Matormo: Oh, this is Taraga Nunu. He speaks in cartoon sound effects. Taraga, this is….
Nunu (Translated): What, you think I don’t know who he is? Foolish dunderhead… oh, when I was your age, Doughunga were so much brighter… ah, those were the days…
Kokapa: Okay, Taraga, how about you give me some answers?
Nunu (Translated): Well, for starters, your name is Kokapa. As you most certainly should know already, you wield the power of frozen food. You have quite the guts, unlike my feeble villager that you saved. You are my precious… whoops! Um, I mean the one I have rambled on about mindlessly for so long. This island, the tasty Motta-Suey, and the great ice cream mountains before us are your home – once the Douhunga learn not to run away from you in fear. You can surf the sherbet and Icee, unleash the soft serve ice cream wave, coat any object in cold delight with just a tap of your finger….
Kokapa: Good, good! However, I get the feeling that’s not enough.
Nunu (Translated): You catch on pretty quick.

Nunu quickly proceeded to make a ball of ice cream with his small hands, using it as an item for his object lesson.

Nunu (Translated): Our ice cream stands, our refrigerators, our very souls were once as tasty as the pure sugar of the old days. Then, when we though it couldn’t get any better, Motta-Suey’s neurotic brother came and ruined everything.

As quick as a flash, the wise Taraga squished the ice cream ball, splattering Kokapa in the process.

Kokapa: Hey, watch it!
Nunu (Translated): …The Makooka, who we call “the Kook,” rained down terrible cooking and bad luck on our lives. To triumph over his Rami, his power, and of course his bad cooking, you must collect the Kookii masks of power. The first is located high up in the….
Kokapa: Trailer park of no return?
Nunu (Translated): Actually, I was going to suggest the frozen slushie lake, but it could be there too. My memory isn’t what it used to be…
Kokapa: Great, more work for me.  

To be continued….

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#4 jifel


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Posted 09 September 2007 - 01:05 AM

pretty good, but maybe you should call the taraga taragon, like the seasoning/spice/whatever


#5 maiq the liar

maiq the liar

  • Youtube poopie!

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Posted 09 September 2007 - 02:28 AM

braklastavafeedme is the best spam you would find on BZpower...on another forum i'm a member of, on the other hand (gtaforums)...
"Somtimse when ur stone and drunk..." is the best that comes to mind at the moment.

Edited by maiq the liar, 09 September 2007 - 02:29 AM.

Are my dark ages over yet?
God, finally.

#6 Zarkan


  • Greviously Renamed Gungan

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Posted 12 September 2007 - 10:51 PM

Hm, Taragon. I kinda like it, but I've already used the word Taraga in so many chapters, so I don't think I'll use it. Thanks anyway!  ;-)


And, now, our story moves to an area on the other side of Motta-Suey, far away from Kokapa. This location happens to be a large beach made up of finely crushed graham cracker crumbs. Usually, this shore is deserted, but today does not fall under “usually”

Figure: Ugh, where am I? Wait, I know I saw this in my dreams… oh, don’t tell me I’ll still asleep… *pinches himself* Ow! Okay, so I’m not asleep. Hey, what’s that?

The strange figure hobbled towards what looked like a melted Tabasco sauce bottle. All that remained was a deformed pile of glass and a label. On it, the words “Extra Spicy flavor” and “Caution: Contains Toes” could be read.

Figure: Hm, footprints. Well, Watson, looks like we have a job to do!

The figure, whose name happened to be Takuka, followed the strangely warm footprints to a river of barbecue sauce and chicken wings.

Takuka: Ah, Too spicy to cross. Better turn back… Aieee!!

Takuka had just noticed the large glowing figure that apparently had created this strange flow. He was lean and sinew, and was holding a giant blowtorch in one hand.

Takuka: Got to get out of here before he burns me to a crisp!

So, Takuka ran as fast as his stubby legs could carry him all the way back to the beach. There, he met a female Dohunga named Macow, which set off a strange chain of events that I unfortunately can not tell you due to size restrictions by Logo Inc. Sorry, but it’s just not in the budget. I can tell you however, that Takuka’s quest featured, among others, diving into the Cola Sea, rescuing an entire village, witnessing a she-Toe defeat a rabid Tarrota, and flirting with the villagers who found Takuka to their liking. There was also an incident with a malfunctioning Easy-Bake-oven/grittle/walkie-talkie/telescope, but I’m afraid I don’t have any space left to describe it.

So, our story resumes after those strange events had taken place, when Takuka had once again followed the warm footprints on the beach into the charred lands. The spicy river had dried up, and the way was clear for our curious traveler.

Takuka: Ooh, look, a city! Kind of looks like Moridor, but I’m sure it’s safe.

Past the gateway into the dark city, Takuka entered a doorway and found a banana and candy apple red Dohunga examining a game of Risk: Motta-Suey Edition.

Jaja: Hm, and if we moved battalion 3 east to the river of….
Takuka: Hello?
Jaja: Oh, good morning, traveler! You look familiar…
Takuka: What are you doing?
Jaja: I am Jaja, captain of the Tac-Goro Spice Patrol, and I am currently surveying….

But, due to more space limitations, I must skip ahead to after Takuka had left Jaja’s office, and after he had entered the city, talked to Taraga Vookimah, and acquired a stale pretzel surfboard. I know, bummer, but all I am able to say is that Takuka learned quite a lot about his situation, but unfortunately had more questions than before he had even entered the room. Soon, Takuka was walking back to the beach yet another time, but this time, his curiosity forced him to take a detour into a seemingly never-ending forest of burnt buffalo wings. Obviously, this means that our poor traveler is lost.

Takuka: Man, I am so lost.

See what I mean? Anyway, Takuka eventually got the idea to mark each tree he passed with spicy mustard, and those markings lead him to an odd sight.

Takuka: Who is that? He looks like he got the job of helper for a hyptonizer act…
Figure: Do, Do, I must do, do….
Takuka: Ew… Are you okay, fella?
Figure: Do, do… I am Kapakap. If you are the Makooka, please go now.
Takuka: Um, is that supposed to be an insult? Because if so, then you’re….
Kapakap: You are not then. Taraga Vookimah says that something either is, or is not, never maybe. That is why I must do. He says there is do, or do not, but no try. I must choose between the two, so I will do or loose my reputation…
Takuka: If this guy even has a reputation at all… Um, thank you, whoever you are! *Runs off*
Kapakap: Do, do, I must do, do….

To be continued….

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