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MKJoshA

[SoNE Episode VII] Focus

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See the rest of the story:

Season 1

Season 2

Junker's Fee

Welcome to Fondor

Fondor City Nightlife

Many Bothans Died... Well At Least One

Fixing to Clear the Mind

Thermal Detonator Pot-Pie

After I passed the diner it was a short walk to the recruitment office. I told the desk clerk that I wanted to sign up as a Stormtrooper. The clerk took my name and handed me a clip board. After I had finished filling out the 18 pages of questions I handed it back to the clerk who ushered me into a back waiting area.

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I sat down in the drab room and kept telling myself that I was doing the right thing. Every time I had tried to be a force for good on my own I had ended up hurting people. Yeoman lost his leg. My brother lost his life. And what about all the innocent stormtroopers I had killed along the way? When would the violence end?

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As I stewed in my thoughts an officer and a stormtrooper entered the waiting area.

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“Josh, is it?” asked the officer. “I’m Commander Relve and I’ll be overseeing your trial.”

I looked at him for a moment sure that I had just misunderstood him.

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“We’ve been trying to track you down since that incident on Cloud City. How nice of you to just walk into our offices and turn yourself in. Once the clerk entered your name in the system I was altered to your presence. I’m glad you stuck around long enough for me to personally capture you.”

I knew that I was trapped. What a fool I had been! I looked toward the door but saw that it was sealed.

“Alright, you have me. Now what are you going to do with me?” I asked.

“As I said, I will be in charge of your trial. Immediately after will be your execution” Commander Relve responded.

“A wonderful justice system you have here” I answered.

“Oh yes,” he continued, “we make sure that all those who break Imperial law face the swiftest of justice.”

With that he waved his hand and the trooper took me around the corner and motioned me up the ladder to the 2nd floor.

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I climbed hoping to be able to make a break for it when I got to the landing but I immediately found another trooper waiting for me. He motioned me into my cell and sealed the door behind me.

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The cell had to be one of the smallest the Empire had on Fondor. I could barely turn around in it. I sat on my bed and started to rethink through my choice. As I mused I felt something in my pocket.

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I felt around and pulled out a yellow focusing crystal. I stared at it and started to remember a story from my past…

In The Past

Growing up in Corellia I used to play with a kid named Zack. His father was a farmer who worked hard just to put food on their table. We were sitting in a tree watching his father work on their meiloorun patch. As we had since my father gave it to me, we were debating the origins of my focusing crystal.

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“I tell you!” Zack exclaimed. “It’s got to be from a lightsaber!”

“Don’t you know that the Jedi have been extinct for years?” I responded.

“That’s just what the Empire says” Zack answered. “My dad tells me that there are some still some out there, protecting the weak and defending justice!”

“It’s far more likely that it’s from a mining laser” was my reply. “There are many mining companies on Corellia.”

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We continued to debate my crystals origins when two stormtroopers stopped Zack’s dad.

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They talked to him for a short while before motioning him away from the farm and down the road.

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We jumped down and ran towards the troopers.

“Wait!” shouted Zack. “Where are you taking my dad!?”

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“Is this the son?” the trooper asked into his helmet. After getting an answer he said, “Alright, you’re going to have to come with us.”

“Why?” I asked. “What has Zack done?”

“His father has been convicted of treason against the Empire” the trooper answered. “And because of his father’s treason, his son is under arrest also.”

“Zack’s family are just simple farmers!” I said. “They haven’t done anything worth arresting them over! Let them go!”

“I can’t go against my orders” the trooper replied. “I have to follow what my commanding officer tells me to do.”

“But what has Zack done?” I pleaded. “He hasn’t done anything against you! Let him go!”

The trooper thought for a moment. He looked at his sergeant taking Zack’s father away and then looked back at us boys.

“Alright,” he said. “I can’t do anything for your friend’s dad. But I won’t mention in my report that we found his son. If you can, help him get off this planet. That’s all I can do.”

With that he turned and walked away. Zack turned and started crying, knowing he would probably never see his dad again. All I could do was let him know I was there. I had little else I could comfort him with.

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The Present

All those memories came rushing back to me as I looked at the crystal.

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I put it back in my pocket and thought about my dilemma. Obviously the first thing I needed to do was get out of here. But almost as obvious was that I was mistaken when I thought I needed to sign up with the Empire to do good. Maybe there were some good men behind the Stormtrooper masks. But they weren’t under their own authority. They had to obey orders. If I wanted to stand for justice, then I couldn’t be shackled by the evil that existed in the Empire. But I also didn’t want to kill people needlessly. This was something I was going to have to think about more.

OoC: For all of you who were hoping that I was switching to the Empire, I'm sorry to disappoint you but I'm a Rebel through and through! :grin: I never meant for people to think I was switching sides, but I'm afraid my character's story twist combined with my awesome new title caused much confusion. However, I'm never one to shy away from using confusion to my advantage :wink:

A couple more pictures:

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Lots more can be seen on my flickr.

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Very nice builds and story. I especially like the past scene. Great details there! I'm also looking forward to learning how you'll escape.

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This reminds me of Spaceballs: "Now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb." (Sorry, not implying you are dumb!)

First I have to say that tractor rocks. It just looks so right. Even if it was operated by someone guilty of treason! The past scene is great, though I have to say that I've never seen quite such a perfect path on any farm I've been on. :wink: I understand wanting to break up the color scheme some but that flat path stands out a bit. Maybe if it wasn't grey?

The story is very good and pulls you in. I like the waiting room chairs in the character scene, they fit very well. I get the need to have the crystal as part of the story, but the lack of any security search does seem a bit far fetched. I'll have to mention to my superiors about the poor training of our troopers at that prison.

Overall a solid build and entry.

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Love the snot pathway, farm and tree scene. Great story with the warm and fuzzy vibe. Although that last bit is all lies, we are do gooders - the masses just dont realise whats good for them :p.

Tractor is nice but feels a little sci fi than star wars due to the size and similarity to a real world tractor perhaps.

The ooc bit is a :( .

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Very nice builds and story. I especially like the past scene. Great details there! I'm also looking forward to learning how you'll escape.

Thank you Dapper!

This reminds me of Spaceballs: "Now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb." (Sorry, not implying you are dumb!)

First I have to say that tractor rocks. It just looks so right. Even if it was operated by someone guilty of treason! The past scene is great, though I have to say that I've never seen quite such a perfect path on any farm I've been on. :wink: I understand wanting to break up the color scheme some but that flat path stands out a bit. Maybe if it wasn't grey?

The story is very good and pulls you in. I like the waiting room chairs in the character scene, they fit very well. I get the need to have the crystal as part of the story, but the lack of any security search does seem a bit far fetched. I'll have to mention to my superiors about the poor training of our troopers at that prison.

Overall a solid build and entry.

Thanks for your feedback! I'm glad you liked the tractor and chairs :grin: The path is meant to be a road that goes along the farm's borders. The other side is just a field with trees. I tried to get the effect of dirt spilling out the road along it's edges so that it wouldn't look perfect. Guess I have some work to do there still :laugh: The lack of searching by the Imperials is a story flaw I admit, but one that I needed to make it work. Good job in catching it :wink:

Love the snot pathway, farm and tree scene. Great story with the warm and fuzzy vibe. Although that last bit is all lies, we are do gooders - the masses just dont realise whats good for them :p.

Tractor is nice but feels a little sci fi than star wars due to the size and similarity to a real world tractor perhaps.

The ooc bit is a :( .

Unfortunately I don't have enough imagination to invent a brand new tractor like vehicle for the SW universe :grin: That's something I depend on Lucas and Abrams for. My wife thought it looked too much like a real tractor too :look:

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Very nice work, MKJoshA! I really like the mix between SNOT and um ... SOT, trees and the tractor looks great to me. The clean present scene is nice too. And ofcourse, as always, great story!

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Wait, I thought I'd commented? Obviously not... Anyway, great build (as always), and nice story, even if it isn't in our favour...well I guess it is, we have you captive... :wink: ... :wacko:

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Oh, the rebels are alive :laugh: .

And here i can also say the same!

Good work on the scenes with nice details and an great stroy!

markus

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Very nice work, MKJoshA! I really like the mix between SNOT and um ... SOT, trees and the tractor looks great to me. The clean present scene is nice too. And ofcourse, as always, great story!

Thanks Monty!

Those trees are great. They give it a unique feel. Glad to see your guy is locked up as he should be.

I'm glad you like the trees. I was nervous about how they'd be received since most of the SW builds don't have foliage in them.

Wait, I thought I'd commented? Obviously not... Anyway, great build (as always), and nice story, even if it isn't in our favour...well I guess it is, we have you captive... :wink: ... :wacko:

Ha! Thanks Tyrus!

Oh, the rebels are alive :laugh: .

And here i can also say the same!

Good work on the scenes with nice details and an great stroy!

markus

Alive and kicking! You can't get rid of us!

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:oh: That story... Totally unexpected, and yet, when your read it, so natural! That's true genius. And yet so typical you. You really are a great writer.

And a great builder as well! Let's begin with the present scene. To be honest, your builds tend not to be, while good, unimpressive at first sight. I don't really know why though. Maybe it's the lack of contrast and color? Anyway, on closer inspection, I'm always overwhelmed by all the clever and beautiful things you put in there. I don't know if a lot of people noticed it, but that ceiling you have there is exquisite. It's so smooth... no antistuds whatsoever: that really helps to make us forget we're watching a LEGO creation and transport us into a sterile Imperial 'office'. I'm really glad you thought of that ceiling, as it gives your MOC that much extra quality. The inclusion of the lamps/smoke detectors ( :tongue: ) is nice as well, although they might be a bit too close to each other.

The layout of the building is interesting as well. You really have a lot of angles, giving the impression you have a pretty big building in such a tight space: well thought out! The ladder is a bit awkward in such an establishment, but the space didn't give you a lot of options. Remember though that such elements aren't really necessary, so if you can't make it work perfectly, you might just as well omit it and replace it with something more interesting (a security gate, for instance). And while the fact of having a ladder feels a bit weird, it's quite interesting: the way you made the top with those rounded railings really is quite inventive. It's so clear you make the most of the room you have.

With that limited space, I also found it interesting that you chose to build another cell without ever mentioning it. I'm sure the person next to you will appear in some sequel though :wink: . The doors look pretty impressive though. It's nice to see you reused that technique from your Ep. V build, and I think it fits better here. Another thing I really like is that hexagonal hole in the wall on the second floor. You could just have built a plain wall there, but now it is more interesting and more logical. It gives you the opportunity for in-universe photography as well. I really like that you're trying to do that, but it isn't perfect yet. Photography-wise, there are some pictures that show a little border of the creation that could have easily been cropped off to distract us less. Build-wise, I would get rid of those single studs you use to hold your minifigs. You could easily replace them with regular tiles when they're not occupied. Getting rid of those funny bumps would increase the realism even further.

I noticed there are a lot of big elements in your build. You have a lot of long horizontal lines going on, and a lot of plain walls. So to make your buildings more interesting, you could consider adding in some vertical elements here and there, to break it up more. They don't have to be prominent, as that would create chaotic detailing, but they could be very subtle. You could use the inside of panel pieces, for instance, to get some nice ridges. Or you could consciously put the tile-ridge to good use. These elements give everything some more texture, and they help to give the impression that the entire build is to scale with the minifig (in real life, there are quite some details too, you can't depict all of them of course, but to make your creations more believable, try making the environment look more complex, even if it is an Imperial office). And more of those fancy chairs and fountains please :classic: . Don't be afraid to decorate a place that is supposed to be simple: if you have a corridor with not a single object/door in it, then what is that corridor for?

And that was only the present scene! I like it as well. Again, it has some interesting features. Using apples as crop, for example is very inspired! The road is very nice as well, and I see what effect you were going for. But... right now, it all looks like loose dirt. That doesn't occur very much, and would never get on a road like that without anyone removing it. I think vegetation would have looked better. I've seldom seen a tree grow in plain ground as well. There are always other plants nearby. And if you don't have enough plant pieces, consider the following option: since the trees are supposed to be cultivated, depict them like that. There could be a border around each one, maybe with some monitoring equipment. That would give more of a scifi feel to your rural build. The trees themselves look quite sparse to be of practical value though. And they can't be young, given their thick trunks. You could use plain plates as foliage as well.

The tractor itself is quite nice: it brings some more color to the scene. If possible, it might be better to avoid all grey whatsoever though, as it would stand out even more. While it looks cute, I'm missing the function a bit. That smokestack for instance... the key to making a new vehicle is to make it feel familiar, but still make it look functional. It's good to mimic our tractors, but only if you give it a new twist and make it look plausible. So that smokestack could be assigned a different function: maybe it contains an array of sensors. And you already have repulsors, now you need something that specifically looks like it can do something agriculturally. I can only say: be creative! Furthermore, it would help if you didn't put the tractor at the edge of the scene, but in the middle. Then you get a before and after effect, and can see what it does. Because now, it only looks as if it will crush the crops.

The thing with these comments is that I always sound like nothing is good to me. I hope that by now you've experienced that is not true. Just to say that road is awesome, and that I really like the poles separating the road from the field.

I already said how much I like the story. Not (exclusively) because you end up in prison, but also because of the interesting symbolism. The focusing crystal is an interesting choice. To me, it shows that you can no longer be as random as a blaster. No, you're like the more elegant, more efficient lightsaber. A weapon mainly used to defend. A weapon used by the peacekeepers of all time, the jedi. Amazing parallels you're drawing there! Then can even the small plot holes be overlooked (like why Josh even signed up under his own name, and the Imperials are actually counting on that). I'm really excited for the continuation!

And in the meantime, don't be sad to be in prison. You're not alone. Who knows, you might even meet me there...

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...The thing with these comments is that I always sound like nothing is good to me. I hope that by now you've experienced that is not true. Just to say that road is awesome, and that I really like the poles separating the road from the field....

And in the meantime, don't be sad to be in prison. You're not alone. Who knows, you might even meet me there...

Wow! You have outdone yourself with your comments this time! Thank you for all your feedback. I wish I had time to answer it all, but I don't :grin: Just know that it has all been well received.

I'm looking forward to continuing my story as well. Unfortunately the GoH contest has been keeping me too busy :grin:

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Cool story, looking forward how you get out of there :)

And some neat building techniques with snot floor and wall Greebles, well done !

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Bah - just when I thought you were coming over to the Right Side :classic:

Great builds and story though - the Imperial Base looks spot-on and you do a great job on the little details. I also like your use of the apples in the 'past' scene.

Thanks for leading an awesome episode, too! I really enjoyed this one and I think it gave people a chance to tell their stories in a fun way.

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Cool story, looking forward how you get out of there :)

And some neat building techniques with snot floor and wall Greebles, well done !

Thanks Disco!

Bah - just when I thought you were coming over to the Right Side :classic:

Great builds and story though - the Imperial Base looks spot-on and you do a great job on the little details. I also like your use of the apples in the 'past' scene.

Thanks for leading an awesome episode, too! I really enjoyed this one and I think it gave people a chance to tell their stories in a fun way.

I'm glad you like my entry and the contest! However, it was Bob that lead this contest not me :blush: . So he should get the credit for it :classic:

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