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Flux


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#1 Nuju Metru

Nuju Metru

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Posted 09 August 2009 - 02:24 AM

Flux


...The dark-clad being had no control whatsoever over the immense power surging through his body. Currents of electricity seemed to flow over every nerve and fiber in his black and silver armored form, shocking his essence. The hunched figure twitched slightly about his clawed fingers and ludicrously huge, toothy mouth, spasmodically transitioning between a pearly ear-to-ear grin into a grimace of pain. Glowing, crimson eyes blinked rapidly in their deep sockets, erratically igniting with a ruby flash that lit up his chrome-colored face. The effort of standing with such prodigious forces amok inside was too much, and he collapsed to his knees, his ragged, shadowy mantle being blow upward by a wind with no apparent source.

It was a bizarre feeling, no doubt, but what he found even more disconcerting than the oddities occurring inside him were the inexplicable ones that were taking place before his glowing ruby eyes. As he looked down at his sharp hands which had been resting on the floor, he noticed that there was no floor. Glancing around, he realized that there wasn't even a room anymore.

Instead, the being found himself surrounded by a constantly morphing field of electricity, a roughly spherical cage of constantly in flux, looping in and out of one another in a web of phosphorescence. He was forced to squint against the luminous, multicolored currents for a few instants, but then became accustomed to the brightness, and stood.

“Where am I?" He pondered aloud, despite the fact that nobody was there to listen to. "Maybe I'm dead. I sure hope not. If this is death, then there isn't actually a better place to go to. This is boring. I don't like boring things. What isn't boring is collecting things. Like the heads of my enemies." This concept seemed to entertain him, and he started to pace excitedly within the confined bubble, which sat alone in a sea of endless darkness.

However, the being wasn't given much time to consider how he would decapitate the heads of his adversaries and mount them upon some wall. As he raised a foot, the rush of omnipotent power flowed throughout his form again in massive volts, and the cyclone of wind again raised his shabby cloak. Still in mid-stride, his features slowly evolved into an openmouthed visage of perplexity. He cautiously lowered his heightened three-toed claw towards the bottom of the orb of energy. When it made contact with the oddly solid tendrils to no strange effect, the dark creature heaved a sigh of apparent relief. And in another instant, he was gone.

~~~

His next step fell upon sandy turf. The billions of miniscule particles gave way easily beneath his talon-like feet. The creature looked around, trying to gain any useful information about this alien location, but saw nothing but sand, identical to that upon which he stood, going out as far as the eye could see in all directions. There was no end to it. A cloudless blue sky arced overhead, and at the pinnacle of its dome was a blazing, broiling sun, unleashing its full fury upon the desert below.

“Oh, another strange place," the being commented as he took in his desolate surroundings. “Good. There was just nothing to do inside that bright bubble. Things here look much more promising."

As he rotated his gaze about again, the figure's attention was caught upon a small, barely noticeable speck of darkness which rose slightly above the horizon.

“See? Much more promising," he said, and without further hesitation, set off towards the distant point at a brisk pace, taking long strides, and counting them jubilantly as he went, a bone-white smile fixed to his mouth. “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven..."

~~~

Exactly five-thousand, eight-hundred and twenty-three numbers later, the being was crawling on all fours. His head bowed down towards the ground, his mouth hoarse and parched, he continued to inch his way forward, each movement an agony.

“Five-thousand, eight-hundred thirty, five-thousand eight-hundred thirty-one... How much further can it be?" He paused his movement with this rhetorical question, so as not to upset his delicate tally by taking unaccounted-for steps. “Better check..."

The creature raised his head from the earth, the armor of his neck crackling in protest to being moved from its former angle. His eyes swooped upwards, and found themselves resting upon the bark of a green tree. He took a quick glance at the rest of the oasis, and spotted more shady trees, pools of clean water, and odd, spiky fruit plants. His elastically expressive face assumed an open-mouthed stare of wonder. Forgetting the exhaustion he had felt only moments ago, the entity sprang forth from his knees with a surprising speed, and threw his arms around the trunk of the topiary in a rough bear-hug, giggling gleefully.

~~~

After about forty-five minutes, one could find the black-armored being sitting in a relaxed manner, his back resting against the coarse surface of a tree, appreciating the cool shade, and the fresh water a blessing to his hoarse throat. Having deduced that the spiny, greenish fruit that grew on the prickly-looking bushes was inedible (he could still feel lacerations given by the fruit's barbed protrusions stinging in his mouth), he was left with nothing to eat.

"I was hungry," the creature complained, throwing one of the bush's yields into the distance to his right. His scarlet eyes followed the fruit's flight, watching it spin through the air. “But I'm still thirsty!"

Bending to the side in order to lap more water from the pool beside him, a loud explosion, which came from roughly the area where he had thrown the uneatable fruit, made him halt his downward motion, wincing at the sharp Crack! However, after recovering from the shock, he did not continue in his attempt to drink. Something odd in the pool's reflection caused him to pause. There, in the undisturbed, glassy surface of the puddle, was his face. But something about it had changed.

His chrome-toned chin, which had before ended in a definitive curve, now concluded in a strange, asymmetrical outline. Something was lodged onto his jaw-line. The new, odd shape was of a golden hue and the area where it met the former bottom of the face was a mess of gold-and-silver, with fading tendrils of both materials scouting their ways through the other color, creating a roughly blended effect. The end result made it appear as though the previously separate item had been hastily welded to the entity's lower face.

“I wonder what that... could..." the creature puzzled. However, before his sentence fully manifested itself, a brief flash of memory cut into his mind, and faded the words that had yet to come...

...As a wall of liquid silver rose before his eyes, the dark being turned hastily on his clawed heel and tried to evade the breaking wave. A golden mask glittered upon his face, catching the artificial light from above. The figure ran back towards the now-closing portal, from which he had come, but too late; when he reached the point in space it had occupied, the dimensional doorway had already closed itself, leaving in its place nothing but emptiness. With a cry of despair, he clawed at his skull, turning desperately, irrationally searching for a way of escape, his frenzied eyes darting to and fro.

He looked forward, and saw the roaring shadow of the wave grew on the floor before his eyes, spreading until the illumination from the chamber's ceiling was cut off, and the whole floor in darkness. The being gaped open-mouthed, searching for the voice to scream. And the next moment, the oncoming flood engulfed him.


~~~

“Ah yes." The entity spoke as him memory faded out. “It's the mask. That's why I've been so... mobile... of late." He massaged his warped chin with a lone finger. “Maybe it'll be my ticket out of here, too."

His verbal thoughts were interrupted, however, by a myriad horde of sounds bombarding him from the distance. A score of creatures, oddly short in height, were rushing forward over the dunes around the oasis, waving various weapons, and letting loose jeering war-cries. All of the attackers wore armor of similar icy hues, and their eyes glinted with pale blue light. Confusion broke out across the black-caped-being's countenance, but he continued to sit against the tree-trunk, his neck turning to see that he was being surrounded.

Within a few more moments, the party of short warriors had created a circle around the recliner and his rough tree, all of them looking angry and slightly perplexed. The being enclosed in this hostile ring stood, dusted himself off, and looked down at these strange little beings, rather amused.

“And who might you people be? I don't think we've ever met..." With this, the speaker stuck out a hand to be shaken. However, the one he had offered it to simply stared, his expression unchanged. The attempted greeting having failed, its giver dropped his outstretched arm dejectedly. “Oh, I guess you don't know that... Um..."

However, one of the warriors stepped forward, and spoke. “We understand you, intruder. That does not mean that we will acknowledge your greeting. You have trespassed on this oasis, which belongs to our people, and is not for simply waltzing into. Leave now, whoever you are, or I shall make you leave forcefully."

Oh, no... The darkly armored creature thought to himself, as he listened. These Matoran sure are territorial...  Better think up some excuse. He puffed out his chest, and said in his most important-sounding voice, "You cannot make me leave here! For I am... ah... Toa Vezon. I'm the Toa of... of... Anarchy!" His tone of self-centeredness deteriorated slightly as he struggled with the lie, but returned stronger than before as he concluded.

“Toa?" The leader of the matoran-resembling beings asked, perplexed. “What is a Toa?"

This moment of hesitation was all that the cloaked figure needed, and he jumped over the heads of his to-be-capturers, running back out into the desert. The familiar wind and surge of power engulfed him as he ran, and the next moment, he had vanished entirely.

~~~


Thanks for reading. All your commentary is much appreciated. =)

-Nuju Metru

Edited by Nuju Metru, 09 August 2009 - 05:53 AM.

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#2 Zarkan

Zarkan

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Posted 10 August 2009 - 02:32 AM

Excellent short story, Nuju Metru. It's easy to determine the identity of the protagonist almost immediately, but I don't think you were really aiming to keep it a secret anyway. The description of the Olmak's powers is very vivid, and I like how you you sprinkled all the details about Vezon's appearance through the story, instead of just gicving all the info right at the start. Also, the former seventh Piraka continues to be hilarious (at least to me), and you've captured his personality very well.  :thumbup:

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#3 Nuju Metru

Nuju Metru

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Posted 10 August 2009 - 03:52 AM

View PostGrevious, on Aug 9 2009, 07:32 PM, said:

Excellent short story, Nuju Metru. It's easy to determine the identity of the protagonist almost immediately, but I don't think you were really aiming to keep it a secret anyway. The description of the Olmak's powers is very vivid, and I like how you you sprinkled all the details about Vezon's appearance through the story, instead of just gicving all the info right at the start. Also, the former seventh Piraka continues to be hilarious (at least to me), and you've captured his personality very well.  :thumbup:

Yeah, I meant to make Vezon instantly recognizable, without naming him. Even after he had referred to himself as "Vezon, Toa of Anarchy," I still kept up with just calling him "the being" or whatever.

Thank you! :)

-Nuju Metru

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#4 Toa Velox

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Posted 13 August 2009 - 10:13 PM

Well, uh, I already gave that super long reply on BZP, so I'll just summarize my thoughts here using bullet points. :P

-It's definitely one of the best stories I've read.

-Your description was magnificent.

-Your using of Vezon was supurb. You were able to make him insane and give a comedic tone to the story without making it too unrealistic or just plain stupid. Many people often create things that just, to be frank, sound quite stupid. And yet, even the hugging of the tree, or counting his steps was extremely well done, IMO.

-The plot was well thought-out.

-The title was excellent. As I said in my longer review on BZP, a title is perhaps the most important thing in a story. It makes someone click the topic in the first place. It grabs the reader's attention. And this title was about as eye-grabbing as a title can be. Just seeing the word "Flux" [which, I'm sure most people don't even know what it means] is enough to make one want to click the topic.

-As I said before, you described Vezon and his personality perfectly. Insane characters are quite fun to write about, aren't they?

Anyway, enough of that. Well done again. ^^

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"Gotham needs its true hero -- And I let that murdering psychopath blast him half to hell." -- The Dark Knight

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#5 Nuju Metru

Nuju Metru

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 01:27 AM

View PostToa Velox, on Aug 13 2009, 03:13 PM, said:

Well, uh, I already gave that super long reply on BZP, so I'll just summarize my thoughts here using bullet points. :P

-It's definitely one of the best stories I've read.

-Your description was magnificent.

-Your using of Vezon was supurb. You were able to make him insane and give a comedic tone to the story without making it too unrealistic or just plain stupid. Many people often create things that just, to be frank, sound quite stupid. And yet, even the hugging of the tree, or counting his steps was extremely well done, IMO.

-The plot was well thought-out.

-The title was excellent. As I said in my longer review on BZP, a title is perhaps the most important thing in a story. It makes someone click the topic in the first place. It grabs the reader's attention. And this title was about as eye-grabbing as a title can be. Just seeing the word "Flux" [which, I'm sure most people don't even know what it means] is enough to make one want to click the topic.

-As I said before, you described Vezon and his personality perfectly. Insane characters are quite fun to write about, aren't they?

Anyway, enough of that. Well done again. ^^

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-Thanks, V. ^^

-Yes, I found it very entertaining to write about Vezon... He's such a funny, distinctive character, and it was just a blast to capture his personality... glad I succeeded in that aspect.

-Well, this SS sure had more plot then my usual writing, which in general HAVE no plot.

-Like I said before, I think you underestimate peoples' vocabulary. :P

-Nuju Metru

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