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CONTEST-LARGE! Jungle Cage! Dis is da place ye don't want


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15 replies to this topic  – Started by Lego12 , Oct 12 2008 01:30 AM

#1 Lego12

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 01:30 AM

Posted Image 24a
UPDATED!
WARNING! THERE IS LOTS OF GRUESOME STUFF IN THIS ENTRY! Hello! Last time I saw you, you guys said that my Jungle Cage was too small. Well I bring you the new bigger Jungle Cage!  It has a beach, an ocean, a cage, a rock mountain, a ton of gruesome stuff, and blood!  No story this time....it would be 50 pages long. Well, I hope you enjoy it!

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Overview of the Island.
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Boat with firing cannon.
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Cage with Indian stabbing guard, guy running and cutting off a guy's head, bird with wing cut off, burning horse, Pirate running towards cage, and skeleton falling out of the cage.
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Rock Mountain with guy getting hung, skeleton, horses, and plants.
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A Pirate shooting an Indian girl, a box filled with weapons and maps, and a guard you got his head and arms cut off.
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Behind the cage. Pirate Captain is burning bodies, heads, and wood. Pieces of the cage fell off, along with a skeleton.

I hope you like my entry. I spent all day building it. There are WAY more awesome, cool pictures in my Brickshelf, when moderated. I know it has lots of stuff in it, but that's how real wars are, jam-packed full of stuff and blood, just like my entry!

Comments, Suggestions, and Constructive Criticism is greatly appreciated!

Lego12 :shark:

Edited by SlyOwl, 05 November 2009 - 08:14 PM.

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#2 Erdbeereis

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 01:46 AM

This is certainly better than your original entry Lego12! It is plenty gruesome and not as crowded as before.

A few improvements you could make are:


1)The crashed plane is a very nice idea, but it's really not pirate related. so I don't think it fits in.

2) I think that you should remove those lime green pieces by the tree, as I don't think they have much purpose there.

3) The black pieces on the rocks don't fit in too well. I would change them to grey.

4) There doesn't seem to be a common theme throughout the MOC. For example you have Islanders, Pirates and townsfolk all battling each other for seemingly no reason. I would try to just focus on two groups of people fighting each other for simplicity.

5) Non-MOC related, I would advise not to use quite so many smileys in your post.

You have improved your previous entry quite a lot though! Good work!

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#3 Captain Zuloo

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 01:46 AM

Euch! Gruesome alright!
I like the bloke burning the "evidence" behind the cage, and I love the cannon smoke. Very imganative.
Now for the bad:

                         I don't like the bi-plane. It is out of period so far it would probably get you disqualified!
                        
                         The dinosaur tails (I think) that are stuck in the trees look very unrealistic. I would remove them and replace them with green whip pieces (not the new Indiana Jones curly one either)
          
                         I think that you went from one extreme to another. I said there was too little folage, and now it looks like Buckingham Palace Gardens! Waaaaay too colourful (yeah that's how us Aussies spell it - the right way) I think you need to think green a little more. It's a jungle, not a botanicle garden.

But none of these comments mean it is a bad MOC, as you are doing a fine job and I wish you the best of luck for the competition! :pir-classic:

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#4 Lego12

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 02:09 AM

Thanks! I will get rid of the dinosaur tails. I will take away some of the flowers. I will also get rid of the Bi-Plane. The theme, is that a guard, captured an islander on a secret Island and the Islanders got mad, so they fought! Then Pirates discovered the Island and fought. So it is pretty much Pirates versus Islanders, with two guards. As for the rock, I actually like the black, because it gives it more of a realistic look..most rocks aren't one color, right? I will take more, updated pictures tomorrow.

Lego12

Edited by lego12, 12 October 2008 - 02:10 AM.

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#5 Captain Zuloo

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 02:13 AM

View Postlego12, on Oct 12 2008, 11:09 AM, said:

Thanks! I will get rid of the dinosaur tails. I will take away some of the flowers. I will also get rid of the Bi-Plane. The theme, is that a guard, captured an islander on a secret Island and the Islanders got mad, so they fought! Then Pirates discovered the Island and fought. So it is pretty much Pirates versus Islanders, with two guards. As for the rock, I actually like the black, because it gives it more of a realistic look..most rocks aren't one color, right? I will take more, updated pictures tomorrow.

Lego12
I agree. Rocks are different shades, and their is only so much you can do with little plastic bricks. I look foward to tomorrow.

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#6 Zorro

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 02:22 AM

Quote

Thanks! I will get rid of the dinosaur tails. I will take away some of the flowers. I will also get rid of the Bi-Plane.

I think it's good to delete the airplane since that was out of place, but I must say you progressed a lot with this new MOC, keep building and learning and you will get there in no time!
Since I am well over bed time already, I will post my humble advise tomorrow.

I wish you the best of luck and much fun while building !

#7 Lego12

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 02:25 AM

Thanks for the comments! I have big plans for this! I am thinking of ways to make it better...it might take a while, though.....

Edited by Lego12, 12 October 2008 - 08:31 PM.

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#8 Thomas B.

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 03:41 AM

There weren't planes in the 1600s! There isn't a much blood as before it seems. The boat with the cannon should be removed. You will most likely be disqualified if you leave that plane in there! The stuff hanging off the tree is strange. Where's the sand on the water?

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#9 Razzer

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 10:18 AM

View PostThomas B., on Oct 12 2008, 04:41 AM, said:

...The boat with the cannon should be removed...
I actually quite like the boat and cannon, the firing effect is magnificent! Good luck with the contest lego12!
EDIT: Not actually sure how that massive cannon ball fits in though :/

Edited by Razzer, 12 October 2008 - 10:20 AM.

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#10 Guss

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 11:07 AM

ahah nice ^^ now that's quite bigger, I don't know if the plane is allowed, but it seems that it s crashed here for a while( the pilot turned to a skeleton ^^ ) , I also likeyour shooting canon and the guy that makes corpses burns ^^  :thumbup:
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#11 Mister Phes

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 05:53 PM

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Well Lego12, I must say you're either very brave or quite foolish to include a plane where the aim is to build a creation set in somewhere in 16th-17th centuries.  Let us pray the voters embrace it lovingly!

#12 Lego12

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 08:31 PM

Thanks you guys! There are UPDATED pictures! Mister Phes...it was late when I was building and I was just building and somehow I added the Bi-Plane. Then after I saw what I posted I was asking myself: What in the hell was I thinking? The Bi-Plane is GONE!  I actually like the boat and cannon. I like it very much! There isn't as much blood as before...pfft! That is a lie! You aren't looking at the pictures are you? Pay very close attention.

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#13 Erdbeereis

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 08:54 PM

That's much better. It doesn't seem so strange now.

Nice improvement!

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#14 Guss

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 09:14 PM

ahh my little plane ! put it back :P( joking^^ ) it look nice now !
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#15 Zorro

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 10:46 PM

My opinion:

This creation is a lot better then your first version.
You have made serious progress, I think we all can come to that conclusion.
I am very glad you removed the plane (enough about that now, a mistake is a mistake and it has been corrected quite fast so no point in reminding the poor fella')

Possible improvements:

1) You used "basic" baseplates, maybe you could "brick" it a bit, to add (eg.) shores, sand and shallow water.

2) There are still some disturbing (out of time) elements to be found, like the large clock lying around.

3) The fires/blood coming out of the sceleton horse, I don't really think it is that realistical. A sceleton doesn't bleed or burn anymore since it has no more flesh.

4) Some of your minifigs aren't moving as good as they could: add beter movement to them and see to it that their faces are the best ones you have (some are OK, but IMHO not all of them). Also, I would give some of the bald guys a hat or hair, too many baldies make it look unfinished, use bald heads wisely and to your advantage.

(MINOR) There is, on some places like where the horses stand, too many clutter, see what you do the next time you work on it, there also shouldn't be like 20 totaly different colors in 10x10 dots...
I await to comment to this untill you made the improvements you say you are working on.

(MINOR) So many different kinds of trees can't all grow in one place :imperialguard_commander1: .

(MINOR) There are some brown rocks, maybe these would look better if they were gray. Now they look like piles of sand.

Non-brick related advise:

1) I found some minor spelling mistakes, try to correct them using a dictionnary or an online translation tool.
eg. "THERE IS LOTS OF"   IMHO Better would be there are loads of/ there are a lot of...

2) I would try to add some kind of a short story, just for fun and to increase chanches of winning.


But I like the improvements you made to this MOC. I await the next update with great hope!
Don't worry if my list seems a bit long, that is mainly because your MOC is so huge. I am certain you WILL get there :thumbup: .

Edited by zorro3999, 12 October 2008 - 10:50 PM.


#16 Legoking

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Posted 13 October 2008 - 05:50 PM

Opinion
Nice MOC! I like the whole island effect. I can see from the first picture that there is a lot of detail. The last time I have looked at your MOC, there was a crashed bi-plane. I see you have taken that out and have replaced it with a pirate on a boat with a cannon. Nice improvement Lego12! I like how you made your MOC very bloody and gory. In the water you have sharks eating people and as we come onto land, you have the Islanders fighting the pirates. I like how you made Rock mountain and the islander getting hung. I see there are lots of plants on your island. The cage with the indian trying to stab the guard, very nice. I like the monkey that is standing ontop of the tower holding an islander head and a pirate flag. He has chosen the right side to fight on. Behind the cage, I like how the pirate is burning the bodies so there will be no witnesses.

Possible Improvements

1) I see that there a so many different trees in one place. Try to have most of the trees the same kind.

2) For the blue base plates, I don't really like how you connected them. Either put blue tiles over all the blue base plates or don't connect them, just push them together.

3) For your Rock Mountain, you have black pieces, I would change them to grey instead.

4) I think you should take away those neon light green pieces by the water because they don't really fit your MOC very well.

5) Try to have your pictures 640x480 next time.

Minor- Some pieces are dusty like the inside of the red cannoe, try cleaning them.

Minor- In the beggining, you say there is  no time for a story. I think you atleast need a plot overview of what is going on or how this  fight began.

Overall- I think this is a very good example of a gory entry. I few more improvements to go until this is a wonderful MOC. Until then, I wish you the best of luck!

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