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BIONICLE: Rewritten


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#1 Lord Admiral Helden Ravensdorn

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Posted 26 January 2007 - 02:12 PM

OK, first things first - I wasnt quite sure where to put this, so I put it here with the rest of the BIONICLE stuff.

This is a project I am working on when I get time to write on it. The point is to take some of the core happenings, characters, items and events of the official BIONICLE universe and pretty much completely re-mix them into more or less a "mythology". You will find no Makuta species here, no hundreds of islands, no Brotherhood of Makuta or Dark Hunter organizations; no Piraka or Barraki. It is meant to compound a far smaller amount of Toa into a tale that links throughout; Happenings from the earliest days having effects on happenings thousands of years later, references to the MNOLG in the Metru Nui saga and soforth.

I am far from done writing this, but as I do believe at least one person here wanted to see what "my 'Verse" was like and how it was better then Gregs "3,000 Toa and more uber-powerful beings then you can shake a stick at" 'Verse, I decided to post it and keep it updated as I go.

Thankyou for your time reading this, and I hope you enjoy it.

Key:

Avotaka - Takanuva
Nomir Dorn - Axonn
Naladwor - Brutaka
Vamati Kastyrn - Vezon
Valan - Hagah

----- Begin ----

In the Time before Time existed the Three Planes of Existence; Ao, the Mortal World as we know it, Smi, the Void, and Ayu, the Heavens. Before life walked the lands of Ao or malicious entitys stalked the depths of the Void, the Atua, the First Cycle of the Great Beings of the Eight Elements, existed in the Heavens. They were to shape the future of all three Planes, and their names were put simply thus:

Ta, Atua of Fire
Ko, Atua of Winter
Le, Atua of Air
Onu, Atua of Earth
Ga, Atua of Water
Po, Atua of Stone
Kra, Atua of Night
Avo, Atua of Light

Throughout time uncounted, from the seeds of their essences would descend Atau, or Second Cycle and from them the Auta, or Third Cycle - the Auta.
Though the power of the subsequent Cycles decreased, their numbers populated Ayu as they basked in the immortal paradise that was the melting pot of the Eight Elements of Life.

It was then that the Atua turned their attention to the Mortal World. Lifeless and barren it lay and to their minds it was simply a bit of clay to be shaped by their whim. From nothing came the fire of Ta, given shape thereafter by the stone of Po, condensed into fertile matter by Onu. Combining their power, Kra and Avo brought both light and dark to the world. Upon this barren and shapeless land, Ga and Le wrought their power, turning it into a ripe land. To chill the land and prepare for its rebirth came Ko, bringing winter and frost.

With the World created, from above there were sent two Atau; Papu and Rangi. They were to further shape the world, as Rangi used his divine powers to raise a great continent from the seas, the landmass known as Ao. Papu gave life to the Skies and created the first Sparks of Life, which would later develop into the people of the Tohunga and the creatures known as the Rahi.

As life arose upon the land, one being was chosen to descend and lead these knew peoples, the peoples they, those beings of the Heavens, had created. His name was Mata-Nui.

Through Papu and Rangi, several Atau and Auta were allowed to be reborn and descend to the mortal world and onto Ao. They were to foster and protect the fledgling population, leading them into their future. The first of those to descend in this manner were the Order of Mata-Nui:

Atau Mata-Nui, Great Spirit of Life and Light and the Master Namer of All Things, "The Greatest of Us"
The greatest, wisest being, set to lead the Tohunga into the future.

The Order of Mata-Nui:

Atau Keetongu, Master of Thought and Nature, "The Silent".
A mind without compare, Keetongu was the greatest thinker of all the beings on Mata-Nui, forever pondering the ways of the world. He created "The Seeking", an incomprehensivly large collection of coded prophecies and knowlage for the Tohunga, and was the founder Ko-Metrus first "Colleges of Thought".

Auta Nomir Dorn, Master Doorkeepr, Lord of Earth and Fire, "The Brave"
A wise being and a bold warrior, Nomir lived a life of action, always appearing when the Tohunga needed him most to overcome any obstacle.

Auta Naladwor, Master of Sky and Water, "The Sly"
An accomplished warrior, Naladwor was known as the Brother of Nomir. He was rarely seen, his persona and motives as deep and fathomless as the sky and water themselves.


The lords of Ayo realised that as life developed and evolved, threats would arise to challenge their children. To develop ways to protect and defend the Tohunga came the Brotherhood of Makuta shortly thereafter.

The Brotherhood of Makuta:

Atau Makuta, Great Being of Darkness and Power
Skilled in the lore taught by Kra, Makuta was an imposing and grim being.

Auta Vamati Kastyrn, Master of Night and Swamp, "The Corrupt"
An evil and twisted being, many of the other Great Beings begrudged Makutas choice. Vamati Kastyrn was second to none at the art of destruction and murder, and was known as a dangerous sociopath. Mata-Nui made sure Makuta kept him on a short leash.

To aid both his own cause and the cause of Makuta, Mata-Nui worked a great ritual. Sculpted from the power of Ao and shaped by Mata-Nui's own strength and will came the first Toa, known as the Valan. To lead them Mata-Nui imbued a sacred suit of armor forged by his own hand with the essance of Avo, creating the Toa that would be known as Avotaka.


Norik, Toa of Fire - "The Wise"
Leader of the Valan, and the closest to Mata-Nui. Noriks knowlege and wisdom were second only to Mata-Nui himself.

Gaaki, Toa of Water - "The Intrepid"
A fiesty and independant Toa, Gaaki was the one to apply herself to the greatest tasks in feats of mind and strength.

Pouks, Toa of Stone - "The Ranger"
Of all the Valan, Pouks was the greatest beast tamer and was most knowlegable in the habitats and enviroments of the Island.

Kualas, Toa of Ice - "The Birdkin"
Always talking with the creatures of the wild, none were more familiar with the fauna of the Island then Kualas.

Bomonga, Toa of Earth - "The Silent"
One of the greatest Trappers of the Island, Bomonga was a quiet and reserved Toa, and none but Keetongu himself were more skilled in the ways of the Mind.

Iruini, Toa of Air - "The Chameleon"
With his fun and playful persona, Iruini spent most of his time teaching the Tohunga of the many crafts they could use to further their civilization.

Avotaka, Toa of Light - "The Avatar of the Sun God"
A quiet and reserved Toa, Avotaka often spent his time among the matoran, teaching them the ways of Mata-Nui.


For each of the Valan, Mata-Nui forged, with his own hand, a Mask of Power. These Masks were unlike any mask that came afterword; they had minds of their own, and did not so much simply serve their bearer as they did assist them. They and the Toa who bore them could be thought of as partners. They were the Kanohi Raupatu, the Masks of

Ruhia - Mask of Unity -  Worn by Kualas and later Nokama
Will link the minds of the bearer and those around him/her into one joint mind, bringing perfect harmony to their thoughts and actions.

Kaore - Mask of Duty - Worn by Pouks and later Vakama
Will aid or, in the case of those less skilled, possess the body of its bearer, keeping the bearer in line with his duty and assissting if anything threatens his/her ability to do his/her duty.
Was protected by the Barraki Gatekeeper Kororia in the depths of the Pit.

Aranga - Mask of Destiny - Worn by Norik and later, Lhikan and Jala.
As with the Kaore, may temporarily posses the body of a bearer in order to help them fulfill their destiny. Mostly, will give mental counsul and advice to keep the bearer and those around him/her aimed at their destiny.

Aki - Mask of Valor - Worn by Ga'aki and later Toa Kaita Akamai
Perhaps the most aggresive of all the Purakau, will act as a counterpart to its bearer during battle or at times when great leadership is needed. The Aki inspires its bearer and those around them to unthinkable acts of bravery and selflessness. It is also worn by the Toa Kaita.

Rua - Mask of Wisdom - worn by Bomonga and later Dume as well as Toa Kaita Wairuha
Perhaps the most integral of all the Purakau, the Rua expands its users knowlage base. No side of an argument is left undwelled upon, nothing is overlooked - the Rau helps the bearer process information and make decisions upon it. Was thought lost when it dissapeared into the Void with Dume, but was later rediscovered when the Toa Kaita Wairuha was merged.

Hoari
Little is known of the Hoari, other then that it was worn by Iruini and later Nidhiki. It was lost when Nidhiki was banished to the Void, and, from his later facial construction, is thought of as having become one with Nidhiki. Its power was never revealed to the other Toa, and may not have had any powers visible by others. Nomatter what, it is lost, and its power with it.

It is known that each of these masks had their own minds, their own personalities, and, on the rare occasion they possed the bodies of their bearers, their own voices.  (Authors note: I hope to go into much more detail about them later on. No, the Hoari does NOT get revealed. Ever.)

#2 Zarkan

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Posted 26 January 2007 - 09:06 PM

Interesting....

Quote

You will find no Makuta species here, no hundreds of islands, no Brotherhood of Makuta or Dark Hunter organizations; no Piraka or Barraki.

Sadly, I throughly apreciate the Brotherhood of Makuta, the Dark Hunters, and the Piraka and Barraki, as well as all the new islands, so I'm sorry to say that taking those things out of Bionicle would make it less interesting for me.

Another thing: What's with 8 elements? Seriously, making night an element (and a GOOD sided one at that), really doesn't work for me. (Yet, I know it doesn't have to, since this is your story)

Final thing: What's with all the name changes? I know you aparently don't like the old names, but frankly, the ones you made up sound even less Bionicle like.  :-/

Actually, it's good so far, but changing the names and the way the whole Bionicle mythos works just doesn't feel right. Maybe it's because of my mostly-loyalty to GregF (which I don't think always earns you the name UBER LOYAL FAN), and maybe it's because I really like the storyline, even as of now. But, I don't blame you for doing this. You're just rewriting the Bioncle universe to your standards, instead of only talking about how TLC and Greg F have supposedly runied bionicle. Good, since taking action is the best thing to to when you have a complaint but can't get it registered.  ;-)

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#3 Lord Admiral Helden Ravensdorn

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Posted 26 January 2007 - 10:12 PM

I know the name changes dont sound "bionicleish", but the difference is is that they dont suck. Axonn weilds a big axe, thus, he gets his name. AX-onn. Brutaka has a lot of brute force, thus, BRUT-taka. Itts just LAME.

I didnt like the name Vezon, so I used Vamati instead. Lastly, I wanted to differentiate my Takanuva from the official Takanuva, and thus named him Avotaka.

Furthermore, I never said darkness was a "good" element. As far as the Atua go, its just another element. Just about any element can be put to evil ends without it being evil itself. Lastly, I did the eight elements thing to provide some solid basis for a lot of the mythos - there are no lasers here. All powers that arent mask power or the like are based off one of the eight elements.

Lastly, I dont concider it "changing" it so much as "writing it". If you recall, no real basis for the creation of the BIONICLE universe has been set down thus far.

I guess most of my views on it revolve around how I think it should be "epic". The Makuta from 2001 was an "epic" bad guy. Having him as your rank-and-file uber villian with hundreds of others of equal power is just irritating to me. Basically, with where Greg has taken BIONICLE, it just makes me wonder; what the hell was the point of the first 5 years of Bionicle?

Thanx for reading, though ^_^

EDIT: One more word on the Elements thing. No one element is evil or good, here. They're just elements. Furthermore, you'll be happy to know that I will be using Krakua as a Toa of Darkness ^_^

#4 dillthepill

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Posted 26 January 2007 - 11:30 PM

Wow that took me long to read.  :-P

That was good, but I would prefer a couple of jokes every once in awhile. That was supposed to be a story, wasn't it? :-P

#5 Lord Admiral Helden Ravensdorn

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Posted 26 January 2007 - 11:38 PM

Actually, it was meant to be more of a work-in-progress mythology more'n anything else....

#6 Zarkan

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 12:08 AM

View PostLord Admiral Helden Ravensdorn, on Jan 26 2007, 10:12 PM, said:

I know the name changes dont sound "bionicleish", but the difference is is that they dont suck. Axonn weilds a big axe, thus, he gets his name. AX-onn. Brutaka has a lot of brute force, thus, BRUT-taka. Itts just LAME.

Furthermore, I never said darkness was a "good" element. As far as the Atua go, its just another element. Just about any element can be put to evil ends without it being evil itself. Lastly, I did the eight elements thing to provide some solid basis for a lot of the mythos - there are no lasers here. All powers that arent mask power or the like are based off one of the eight elements.

EDIT: One more word on the Elements thing. No one element is evil or good, here. They're just elements. Furthermore, you'll be happy to know that I will be using Krakua as a Toa of Darkness ^_^

Honestly, I don't think names like Axonn and Brutaka are lame, because when you think about it, they do have a perfectly logical explination.

I mean, every real name on earth has a meaning. Mark, for example, means "warlike," and Beth means "house." In the same way, every bionicle name probably has a meaning in the offical universe. Vezon, for example, is known to mean "double."

As for names like Axonn and Brutaka, they are comparable to names like Charity and Justice, in that they take the name meaning one step further and make it instantly reconizable. Axonn probably was named that because the great beings gave him an axe when they created him. Brutaka was named so because he was created with a "force first" kind of outlook on keeping justice.

In that sense, IMO, names like that are not "lame," just different, and that's why I find nothing wrong with them.  ;-)

Another thing: in the offical Bionicle universe, the 6 main elements usually are only used to describe Toa, Turaga, and Matoran (Bohrok are one exception). But more importantly, Darkness, or "Shadow," are only used to characterize evil beings. Toa can not have darkness as an element, therefore a "Toa of Darkness," like your Krakua, would really be an oxymoron.

But, since this is your version of the story, feel free to disregard this if you want.  ;-)

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#7 Zaktan of the Shadows

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 01:05 AM

The names are even more hard to remember than the original ones. I really like Vezons new name though...

I wish you kept the Piraka and Barraki but i'd say its okay. The Toa sound cool.

-ZotS


#8 Lord Admiral Helden Ravensdorn

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 02:13 AM

I despise the Piraka sets, and I plan on using Ehlek, Takadox, Carapar and possibly Kalmah as Fell Seekers, which is what I decided to call the Dark Hunters. Same meaning, but sounds cooler. Furthermore, the Fell Seekers are all creations of Makutas whim and power, as opposed to a rival organization. To smooth out some discrepancies before I write more, Makuta and what remained of the Fell Seekers were banished to the Void by the Valan but at the cost of Avotakas sacrifice when he threw himself into the portal to seal it (A cookie to whoever can guess what inspired that little bit of plot). The only way to bring them back is to summon them from the void - which is not an easy process. The only Fell Seekers that couldnt be banished were those tied to Elements - the only one I have thought of so far is a daemonic earth being represented by Toa Nuparu.  Nidhiki was a Toa who fell from grace and was banished to the void by Lhikan. Trust me, I have a LOT more detail thought out about this, but I need to put it to screen properly.

Furthermore, I am keeping it at 5 sets of Toa overall - no more, no less.

1: Valan (renamed from Hagah because Hagah made me think of Haggis)
Norik, Iruini, Pouks, Bomonga, Koulus, Ga'aki

2: Amaja
Lhikan, Dume, Nidhiki

3: Metru
Vakama, Nokama, Whenua, Nuju, Matau, Onewa

4: Inika (renamed from Mata or Olda)
Tahu, Gali, Onua, Kopaka, Lewa, Pohatu

5: Elda
Avotaka, Krakua

"Another thing: in the offical Bionicle universe, the 6 main elements usually are only used to describe Toa, Turaga, and Matoran (Bohrok are one exception). But more importantly, Darkness, or "Shadow," are only used to characterize evil beings. Toa can not have darkness as an element, therefore a "Toa of Darkness," like your Krakua, would really be an oxymoron."

This IS true, but, as I said, I decided to base this 'Verse on the 8 primary elements. When you think about it, if one could manipulate elements, they could be put to use by good or evil beings. Having "darkness" be the only evil element is kind of cliche, really. Plus, the only two really powerful opponents are the Fell Seekers and the Toa - so there arent bajillions of other people that need to be described :P

Anyway, I have no real plans as of yet for Krakua, other then making him a background or rarely seen character. I may leave him out entirely - if Mata-Nui had to imbue a forged suit of armor with the essance of Avo, then who would do the same for Kra?

- Helden

#9 Zaktan of the Shadows

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 03:17 AM

Fell Seekers... nice name.

Oh and the void is based off the pit and Valan is Botar! I get a cookie!  :-D

-ZotS


#10 Lord Admiral Helden Ravensdorn

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 03:23 AM

Actually, you dont get a cookie :P You get one of yoru cookies taken away.

the Void is as Makuta described it in MNOLG I - "the pit" is a place I am currently thinking of exploring with my Metru Nui saga, and it would not involve water.

Valan is actually the replacement of Hagah, because, as I said, Hagah makes me think of Haggis. So, "Toa Valan"

#11 optimus-convoy

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 08:18 AM

Interesting read,

I like this twist of the Bionicle mythology so far. *y*
- I will not use this sig for shamless self promotion. - ;-)

#12 Lord Thrawn

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 01:52 PM

The way Avotaka sacrifices himself is kind of like how Buffy jumped into the thing in that episode.  I know so little because we were made to watch it in Religious Studies of all things.

I don't like some of the names, but I think the Toa sound good.  Finally a strong female who's not all peacy.

#13 Lord Admiral Helden Ravensdorn

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Posted 28 January 2007 - 06:50 PM

@Thrawn - No, its not from Buffy :)

@All: Just added a wee bit.

#14 Darkness Falls

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Posted 28 January 2007 - 07:55 PM

No offense, but I'd reveal information slowly about the storyline, or at least in some kind of timeline form. Organize it with some kind of text-colored form, maybe? You've got a lot of info here, but perhaps dedicate one post to characters only, because the info all together seems overwhelming.

You've got an interesting story here, and you haven't conformed to any of the original storyline, which is good, but it also alienates the readers from the characters. If you came in here expecting Bionicle, you're getting a whole new take upon the world. "Rewritten" is a good choice of words.

#15 Lord Admiral Helden Ravensdorn

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Posted 28 January 2007 - 11:04 PM

Erg.

Thats because I havnt finished it yet, and I am releasing it as I write it. In all honesty, these Toa here, the Valan? Yeah. I'ma never even going to build sets for them :P They're strictly background - but they play an immense roll in BIONICLE's past. What I have here so far is the very beggining of it all - As you may notice, Makuta has yet to even cast his spell on Mata-Nui. The world is still being forged, so to speak.

This take on the BIONICLE universe WILL have Metru-Nui, and a heavily modified version of the 2004-2005 years.

It WILL have Mata-Nui and the (mostly) unaltered 2001-2003 years.

I have plans for a Voya-Nui, but I have yet to lay anything in stone.

I cant really dedicate different posts to different subjects, as its more of a history or mythology then a story, really. Its meant to be read straight through - though I will eventually work up a bio for each individual character, from Keetongu to Piruk.

#16 Lord Admiral Helden Ravensdorn

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Posted 02 February 2007 - 06:22 AM

Another thing I would like to clear up: My 'Verse here DOES have Violence, and a fair bit of it. The difference is is that unlike the current official 'Verse, I do my best to play it and portray it in an origional and interesting way. We have Toa weilding vast elemental powers here doing battle against twisted Fell Seekers using Kirau "magic".  I try to think in the most epic way possible. What is cooler: A villian picking up a Toa of Ice and ramming him head-first into a wall, or a villian throwing an arc of electricity at him which he nimbly dodges. As the Ice Toa prepares to return fire, the arc meant for him smashes a building to rubble before arcing back up and flying at the Ice Toa again - and so the battle continues.  I put far more thought into my battles then simple "hack and slash", and try to take advantage of all of the combatants various powers and abilities.




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