Toa Syaoran's Epic Review Topic

[Matsuoka Nui]

Got the next chapter up last night....:) But I had such a busy week though...:( In fact it was one of the worst weeks I had....

Yeah, you'll see more those fight scenes of the ELs soon, but not yet.

You'll love the next chapter (Act 10), because the location of Paradise will be revealed! The real name will be discovered in the next act, and I think you'll find it a bit surprise...yet maybe ironic because of the location itself.

[Lord-Koji]

A few problems I found were one translation seemed off. It had Kiina and Gresh in the Italian, yet nothing in the translation. Act 8 I think.

9 had a few gramatical problems I noticed.

But, enough of that.

The chapters have been good. The wedding and other Malum/Vorox scenes were good. It was a good way to handle the entire situation with the wedding.

As for Tajun and Tesara, I'm glad that things are getting bad between them. A battle is going to end up being a good plot for it, and I can't wait to see how this situation plays out, especially with the Ice Tribe as well.

[Matsuoka Nui]

Yeah, I had a rough week and I didn't want to fall behind on the story. I'll find the errors later, for now, I'm going to be really busy because I'll be leaving for my vacation soon.

[Lord-Koji]

Bota Magna? Interesting place for Paradise. And Lein lives? Interesting. Can't wait to see the war between the villages, that'll be good, I'm sure.

Though Gresh saying he's bored at the end, I think you could interpret that multiple ways. Most of them involving sex.

[Matsuoka Nui]

*laughs* Yeah, I figured that you'll notice.... :devil: :devil: as for that....it'll happen very soon....

I was going to put it in this chapter, but now, I have different plans...which is pushing that scene away...

Yeah, you'll be surprised how he lives....(like in a flashback spoiler.) and how life works in Bota Magna, in fact, I was not going to use that planet originally, but then seeing that we're not going to get any info. about it anytime soon, I decided to do it this way.

Edit: I updated the first post of this topic: I have some ideas for my next epic once I'm done with this one.

Edited December 15, 2009 by Toa Syaoran

[Lord-Koji]

Wasn't Gresh's a chain, not a necklace? Or did you mean a chain necklace? I thought it meant a weapon chain.

Anyway, the Erax cameo, the Certavus/Escalus relation, and Certavus's death are all nice to see. The civilization of Bota Magna is more interesting as you write more on it as well.

But...a root or tree that lets the planet live. If it's just Bota, it'll make sense. If you pull a RomeoxJuliet and make it support the entire world, and that they both end up dead to keep it alive...then I'll be annoyed. You do well now paying homage, but not copying too much. Copying an ending like that would be terrible. But we have yet to get that far, so I can't really say anything yet.

[Matsuoka Nui]

It's both...but it's more than just Bota or Bara....

Don't worry, the ending will be different than the one in RxJ. (the wings were only meant as a filler, I plan to have a different way for them to sacrifice....which I think you might find that interesting...I'll tell you that it has to do with all of the children, both dead and alive...)

for now...just get ready for that one scene.... :devil: :devil: :devil:

[Lord-Koji]

Don't worry, the ending will be different than the one in RxJ. (the wings were only meant as a filler, I plan to have a different way for them to sacrifice....which I think you might find that interesting...I'll tell you that it has to do with all of the children, both dead and alive...)

So they do sacrifice themselves it sounds like. Though, if you're going for Romeo and Juliet, then that does make sense that they would both die. I think the sacrifice thing is a bit too much like RxJ, sacrificing (possibly) to save their world.

[Matsuoka Nui]

But out of the O’ Great Barren comes two star-lovers

Who take their lives

Where their calamities will bring an end to the tribes’ strife

The answer is in this poem here...remember? The poem already revealed that the fact that they will both die. Seriously, what do you want me to say...? how they will die? no.....that is the biggest part of the story....

if I kept one of them alive, it would make no sense at all. Even if I did, the other one would still die.

[Lord-Koji]

I forgot that.

But no, I don't want to know anything. That was a problem you had with prior epics, telling me too much too soon. I'm just saying, the original play had no real sacrificing, at least not in the sense of vast importance (sure, it stopped the fighting, but really, overall it's not that important). The anime had them dying to save everyone. From "sacrifice", it sounds like the latter.

No problem with that, but people don't always get glorious deaths. Sometimes they just get cut down in the heat of battle. While poetically it has justice to give them some form of sacrifice, or proper, glorious death, it has no real baring in reality, and not always in great writing.

[Matsuoka Nui]

Yeah, but just because (for example) if Gresh or Kiina sacrifices his/her life, it does NOT mean they'll just grow wings like Juliet or Sakura! Like I said, you'll see what will happen when the time comes, in fact, I already planned it out and completed some outline. Seriously, how do you want them to die? Just have them stab themselves? No, that would be too basic and perhaps lame. Or do you rather have them live? I don't recall ANY RxJ adaptions where they live on.

Oh, and I'll be leaving soon, on the 22nd, so once I post Act 12, I might have time to do 13, maybe but then I'll be off.

[Lord-Koji]

Stabbing worked for the original. That's how Juliet kills herself.

And I know you write romanticism, more or less. When you break it down, that's what it is. I guess suicide like that isn't part of romanticism.

[Matsuoka Nui]

I guess so....even though it worked.....and yeah, that's true....I mean, I don't mind killing off characters but I guess stabbing isn't my taste yet....

Oh, I might not have time to release act 12 tomorrow. If I don't, expect it to be released this Saturday. Tomorrow, I'm awfully busy.

Edited December 18, 2009 by Toa Syaoran

[Lord-Koji]

If you want any ideas, or thoughts on whaat could happen, here's something:

As Tajun and Tesara go to war with each other, Gresh and Kiina try to stop the fighting, but accidentally get cut down by their own sides. The two armies resign themselves to their oncoming fates, and the Skrall wipe them out as they put up a meager defense.

Now that would be a good, tragic end to a Romeo and Juliet inspired story, especially since it doesn't give them overly glorious deaths.

[Matsuoka Nui]

........

I have nothing else to say, but.....I made my decision....and it's somewhat going to be interesting, if this plan works.

Well then, my departure date is the 22nd and I won't be back until the 31st. (Quite a BIG vacation)

[Lord-Koji]

Sounds like Gresh is finally going to get laid. Though it didn't seem like there was much from the end of last chapter involved at the start of this one. Or maybe I misread that area.

Nice to see how Ice will be involved in the upcoming war. I had been wondering on that.

[Matsuoka Nui]

Yeah, but the mature version doesn't have the last part of Lein and Barax, it continues the KxG obviously....=P I'll try to release that one tomorrow on DA. And on Monday, I'll be busy getting ready for my trip.

Good News: My parents will try to get a laptop and if I'm lucky, I can continue writing my epics on there.

[Lord-Koji]

I'll get to the DA versions when time permits and/or I actually remember them.

[Matsuoka Nui]

No place like....home?? *wakes up as if it was a dream* :tongue: Wow...after a week of no computer or internet access....I am back!! I'll start working on the 2nd half of the story soon...but I'm just really tired....it's been a long journey for me and my family.

Bad News: No laptop.....:( since the stupid airlines makes us carry very little things.....but hopefully I might get one now that I'm back.

[Lord-Koji]

Nice to see Erax getting involved in the storyline. The war is going to start soon, which sounds good, and Erax is going to help the Glatorian. Sounds like a good series of chapters coming up.

[Matsuoka Nui]

Yeah, something bad is about to happen during the war, and it's not just Bara Magna.

Anyway, I'll be quite busy for the next few weeks so I don't know how much chapters will be up at this time.

[Lord-Koji]

Glad you showed us more of the combat, that was great to see. And the Aqua Magna stuff is interesting with what's happening there.

One thing, the Skrall writing seemed off. It was almost too "kind". "Friends", for instance, probably wasn't the best word to use. It just felt off, the entire conversation in Roxtus.

[Matsuoka Nui]

??? *stares blankly* ???

Oh I see what you meant. At first I was confused by that "friends". But you're talking about what Kiina said. That shall be fixed asap.

[Lord-Koji]

Montague has returned, good. Interesting situation in Tesara.

Though, something that bugged me was that Kiina was called by her guise's name while in it. It probably should have been done this way, characters calling her by her disguised name, and "Kiina said/whatever". It makes it sound like her guise is another character entirely.

[Matsuoka Nui]

She won't be in her disguise for long, just Acts 15 and 16. (maybe a little bit in Act 17, but I can't say for sure) And keep in mind that it has to be a secret because the Skrall have an idea who the children are. Remember when they killed Ackar back in the prologue?

Which by the way, Act 16 is going to get a bit scary, and I don't mean by just physical violence, it'll be more like "psychological". Of course, I won't say what it is, but this idea that I thought of was from an old movie that I saw during my vacation.