Sign in to follow this  
Matsuoka Nui

Toa Syaoran's Epic Review Topic

Recommended Posts

You'll see what will happen. The White Orb and the Orange Zamor Sphere will play a role as we get closer to the end of the battle.

In fact:

Chapter 10, the Chase begins as the Shadow Entities began their conquest and a race will begin...who will get to Averax Magna first? Find out tomorrow (11/6) when Chapter 10 is released.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

First off, "gather as much Matoran..." or something like that was a line. Much should be "many".

Still another exposition chapter, at the heart of it. Although, as things progress, it is becoming more interesting. Still, I think the final battle maybe should have been moved up a chapter, and the exposition should have been spread out to fewer chapters, like splitting this chapter into a few of the other ones, in order to actually get more into the heart of the story.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

thanks for the error....it's fixed now....lol....

anyway,

Chapter 11 starts the battle as Sakari, Syarix, and Syaoran make their way to the Averax Palace.

In fact, as a special treat...

IT'S GOING TO COME OUT TOMORROW! (Instead of Monday!!!) and Chapter 12 will be released on Sunday!!

Edited by Toa Syaoran

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel that you may have weighed the battle down with dialogue. I can see the importance of getting the point across with speech, but a bit more of a balance between combat and dialogue may have been better. But a good battle so far.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know it's not balanced enough, but then again, I need to get this story done ASAP. I probably should have taken more time, but I was in a hurry.

Once I release chapter 14, I will add that exclusive piece of that art (from deviantart) I made to show the revelation.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not to sound rude, but I don't really have much to say. More exposition, more combat. Although, it's nice to see Erax in battle. I still think you should have left his powers from the dropped Decade project in. I think that would have made him much more formidable and a much better warrior to keep the status quo of power more balanced. Or...maybe that would tip it towards their side. I don't know how powerful Garaxial's forces are, so I may be wrong.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am not sure how to reply this....but

next chapter, there will be some more old characters from Kingdoms of Paradise from other dimensions. Two of them are Aeran (Kenax City) and Elia (Mezai/Ati Country). They will appear in chapter 13 as well as in the epilogue.

as of Erax...

his fate in terms of his "gifted powers" gets revealed in the epilogue. But that doesn't mean that he cannot use them. He will use them soon, once I make an adjustment.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A point of advice. "Exclusive artwork" shouldn't already be uploaded to DA, in my opinion. It should probably be added as the chapter is, or something. But, as long as people don't know where to find it...

Anyway, onto the chapter itself. More combat, old faces (who I don't recall the origins of anymore), good chapter. Though, something I have noticed as of this chapter is that it feels like the Tsubasa characters have overstayed their welcome. Back when I first found out they were to appear, I thought it would be maybe three to five chapters or something to help them complete a mission, not actually partake in the final battle (but that makes sense, since that's when they appeared). To me it just doesn't feel right, but probably because that's not the way I'd write, that that's probably why it feels odd to me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You know why they have to stay......I already told you before.... :tongue:

And this "artwork" is going to be from majhost. You'll see what I mean about that tomorrow when I post it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So it's not the same as from DA? Well, I know why they have to, but I'm going to be quite honest, the external ties are starting to get annoying. But then again, it's assumed, for instance, that Doctor Who/Torchwood/Sarah Jane Adventures and Power Rangers take place in the same universe (despite not having any connections other than one instance from each medium towards the other). Personally, I see why you put the Tsubasa characters in, because you like them. It just doesn't make sense to me to meld universes like that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

.......I use majhost and brickshelf to upload smaller pics, avvys and banner designs..... :sceptic:

Originally, I had different names for Sakari and Syarix. However, I decide to "honor" them by giving them similar names because of their great relationship as friends. But I have originally planed Sakari's name to be "Sakari" unlike Syarix's.

Okay, this is the reason why...it's more than just being a fan of TRC. :sadnew:

When I realized that the clones were dead because of FWR's death; it was quite shocking...and sad because they did a great job in the 1st half of the story....when I also discovered that Tsubasa Chronicle was about to end, I decided that I should fuse Bionicle and Tsubasa together for a while just to make things interesting for both fans. I mean, after all, there's a lot of people writing Tsubasa Fanfics as well as Bionicle, so why not combine them together? What is so bad about them? Sure they're both from different universes, but I have always dreamed of having an epic of both sides together. Also, I only got into anime for the first time when I started last December and I've only been a fan of Tsubasa, xxxHolic, and CCS for several months now...and it was just not fair to have "Tsubasa" end already though it lasted for several years...just because I didn't know all of this "manga/anime". :cry_sad:

Look, you and I have different tastes in writing. I know that you like to write stories that I don't know about yet, like Oban Star Racers, Portal and Gekifury. What are they? I do not know, but I'm sure those stories are great too!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Neither the less

Obvious mistake.

Anyway, again, "exclusive picture" should be exclusive. I don't think putting it on DA a few days ago made it so.

Anyway, onto the chapter itself. The battle scenes were good. It was nice to see the Glatorian working and fighting like they were. The Zamor made more sense now, and it wasn't really deus ex machina.

The Tsubasa character involvement all flowed together well. My problem was that there was nothing about Mata Nui and Skralla. Or, can't they see outside and know what's happening? I don't remember if they can see outside the Vahi.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Obvious mistake.

Anyway, again, "exclusive picture" should be exclusive. I don't think putting it on DA a few days ago made it so.

Anyway, onto the chapter itself. The battle scenes were good. It was nice to see the Glatorian working and fighting like they were. The Zamor made more sense now, and it wasn't really deus ex machina.

The Tsubasa character involvement all flowed together well. My problem was that there was nothing about Mata Nui and Skralla. Or, can't they see outside and know what's happening? I don't remember if they can see outside the Vahi.

I'll fix that mistake...again...

Edit: As of that "term", the only reason why it's "exclusive" is that it's for those people who never heard of deviant art...until now...lol....: :tongue:

You'll find out about MN and S on the final chapter, their fate and what will happen to them, and no, they are not aware what is going on the outside. But they can feel the "senses" of who's nearby. However, as they stay in there, their powers will drain. That is why MN's Ignika was turning silver.

Edited by Toa Syaoran

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A long exposition that wrapped up both this and Tsubasa, more or less. Good job with that one. It's been a long and enjoyable read thus far. I'll be awaiting the epilogue, and closure.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, after 6 epics (from the PS Arc to this arc) total.....it's finally over! :tongue: That will be the FIRST and the LAST time I will ever write a series that huge, hopefully!

I do NOT know when the new story will come out. I have already made plans but I don't know when I'll start the story.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The memorial ceremony was brief, but it lasted for some time.

Ok, that just doesn't sound right. Brief is short, it can't be "some time" since that's usually used to mean a fairly long span of time.

Well, the epilogue wrapped it all up nicely. I can't speak much for it, since like a good epilogue, it wrapped things up very well. Although, lack of detail is something I happened to notice this time, like when they went to the temple. That was it. No explanations of things around them, what the statues looked like, etc.

By the way, continuing to type "Sakura/Tsubasa" or "Syaoran/Tsubasa" was annoying. I don't think you needed to do that every time. Just call them by "Sakura" and "Syaoran" and you should have no problems, especially since the clones never spoke as "Clone (insert name)", but rather as "Syarix" and "Sakari".

That's the advice I have for you, and the review that I formulated through it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, I figured it was annoying but I had to use them in order to not forget which character it was....:)

you'll see, when this epic is released on BZP, most of the errors will be improved....

Edit: Like I said before, I treat this website as my "Rough Draft" while BZP is like the "final copy" because the stories will be shown by younger audiences. Here, I just slap on the story asap, but I briefly check for common grammar mistakes.

Edited by Toa Syaoran

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How would you forget? And personally, I think even putting "Tsubasa" as a name in there did nothing for the story. They were called that for all of what, one panel in the manga? Even if Syaoran and Sakura are assumed names, it's what they went by for the entirety of the series. It's much better to simply used assumed names if those are more commonly used than the real names.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
How would you forget? And personally, I think even putting "Tsubasa" as a name in there did nothing for the story. They were called that for all of what, one panel in the manga? Even if Syaoran and Sakura are assumed names, it's what they went by for the entirety of the series. It's much better to simply used assumed names if those are more commonly used than the real names.

It's not the fact that I would forget, it's just to....*sigh* whatever....then again, there's A LOT of people that don't even read TRC.

Edit: There, did it, done! I even added a better description of the "statues".

Anyways, DESPITE any mistakes that I made.... :hmpf_bad: ..... what do you think of the journey itself? Was it more complicated than the journeys in PS?

Edited by Toa Syaoran

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You mean the dimension hoping journey? More complicated to follow, but I think less worlds, wasn't it? Well, both were good. I don't prefer one over the other.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In a way, but I'm saying for the entire trilogies themselves. (Like which of the two Arcs did you enjoy more?) Yeah, there were less dimensional hopping in the AM arc but there were A LOT of "time traveling" from one time period to the next.

But I'm so excited for the new epic. I'm working on the prologue....

expect for some murder and blood in the new story....because it's going to get a bit violent

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not sure what I enjoyed more. I'd have to reread a lot, and don't have the time to do that (hell, hardly have the time to write what I need to anymore now that I'm watching Garo and trying to catch up on Kamen Rider W).

Can't wait for the new one.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You'll like it, there's a bit of RxJ (I might even add some of the lines from the play, maybe) references but it'll be quite interesting.....maybe when I have time, I might do some drawings of that story.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The Epic: Link

Review here!

*By the way, I will be writing some words in Italian and maybe some old English. I will provide a "translation" to the words to clarify on what each word or phrase means.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've merged this review topic with the topic for your previous epic to save space. I can update the title for whatever review you're working on at the time. :classic:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.