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Commodore Hornbricker

Vote for the Tournament REDCOAT MVP

Vote for the Redcoat MVP! (most valuable player)   36 members have voted

  1. 1. Who did the best job representing the Redcoats?

    • Jansued
      9
    • Paul cantu
      4
    • Joey Lock
      18
    • Commodore Hornbricker
      2
    • nintha
      2
    • Hound Knight
      1
    • Skipper 24
      0
    • Sir Wellington
      2
    • Lt. Col. Thok
      1
    • Lego-Warlord_8
      0
    • Tinn-man
      1
    • Talon Karrde
      0

Please sign in or register to vote in this poll.

22 posts in this topic

Hopefully you were entertained by the players creativity. Here is your chance to pick the one player from the Redcoat side who you thought was the most entertaining. Just remember the Tournament of Retribution wasn't a building contest. It was a contest to poke fun at/insult/humilate and violate the other side.

The MVP from both sides gets a Soldier's Fort set! You get one vote (for each side) so pick who you think represented their side the best!

Hopefully I got all the posts and the players...let me know if I missed any!

Paul cantu

#1

A Redcoat officer arrives in a small port bringing important news to the local population.

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Ladies and gentlemen, gather round! As part of the governor's new Make Useless Captured Blucoats Useful Act, or as you probably know it the UCBUA, the Redcoat army has discovered a new technology using captured bluecoats.

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The new technology is quite simple to use. First harness a captured bluecoat to your carriage or wagon. Next simply hold a Redcoat flag or any other Redcoat paraphernalia. As you know the bluecoats are so scared of any Redcoat item they run the opposite direction. By using the bluecoats naturally born with retreating ability, your wagons get pulled every time. Oh, I think I forgot to mention the reverse feature. If you put the flag on a pole and extend it over the bluecoats then they pull the wagon backwards. And if you want to park the wagon or stop it, then hold a flag in front of them and another flag behind them. As an extra precaution be sure to keep a whip handy in case the bluecoats start to stray off the road. Watch as I demonstrate.

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Would a volunteer like to try the new technology? You in the green hat why don't you give it a try?

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It seems like the local population is enjoying the new technology.

#2

THE FALL OF THE BLUECOATS!

At Fort Aspiration a redcoat officer is about to hang a stankin bluecoat.

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After receiving instructions from Paul Cantu the redcoat officer is ready to go.

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edit: I

After easily sneaking into bluecoat HQ the redcoat officer quickly receives a mission from Captain Green Hair. The redcoat officer is assigned to paint a portrait of General Armendariz. General Armendariz recently peed on numerous redcoat soldiers so the bluecoat army has decided to reward him with a new uniform and a portrait. The portrait will be on display to the public and then moved to the governor's mansion.

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A day later the ceremony has begun!

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Meanwhile....

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Captain Green Hair unvails the painting...

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An argument breaks out among the bluecoat leaders.

Captain Green Hair:" General Armendariz you no longer can be a general, the troops won't take you seriously!"

General Armendariz: " All the good artists were supposed to have arrived on your latest ship but you had to drop that giant anchor and now we can't dig it out of the sand so the ship can't come!"

Stash: " Why don't I take over for both of you guys until the tension goes down."

Captai Green Hair: " Yeah that's a great idea. Half of our army is already being used to cut square ammo for that cannon of yours!"

General Armendariz: "Yeah and you giant pirate friend destroyed two of our most prosperous cities!"

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The redcoats recieve the signal and attack!

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After picking up the pieces of the former bluecoat leaders the redcoat officer transports them to Enchanted Island.

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Later

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#3

After the fall of the bluecoats there were bluecoat flags and uniforms everywhere. The towns people were overwhelmed by all of the ugly flags and uniforms so they had to come up with innovative ways of ridding themselves of the bluecoat flags.

The bluecoat flag serves as a wonderful tool for house training a puppy.

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The smaller flags also serve as great toliet paper.

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Why get your floors dirty when you can simply wipe your feet off on a bluecoat flag?

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One of the easiest ways to warm your house in the winter is to simply burn the bluecoat flags and uniforms.

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Jansued

#1

Ambush!

After we all hade to notice, that the bluecoats love to sneak into bedrooms instead of fighting like a man, it is time to give them a lesson.

The Bluecoats tried in several attempts to get hold of the street to the harbor, but our brave Redcoats defended it. Then they Blue's took their finest engineers and scientiest and developed a new weapon - the half automatic Nordenfelt machine gun.

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But Redcoat HQ knew that they would be coming and send their brandnew special unit: TUEV (Team for unnecessary and extrem violence) and ordered them to ambush the ambush in the most brutal way.

They prepared a street barrier and waited....

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Lead by General Armor Homophil Hornblower (phhht...), the squad tumbled down the street -slightly intoxicated and sexual frustrated...

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TUEV waited above their heads for the perfect moment ....

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and then, suddenly to start the party. Yelling "We are red, we are white we are Lego dynamite!" throwing all kind of explosives into the canyon:

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Almost the whole squad was wiped out immeadetly as the explosives detonated and send a red wet rain of body parts all over the scenery.

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General Hornblower, brave as usual, coordinated the attack from the behind (phhht...) and cut of extremities of fleeing soldiers to keep up the morale.

To mop up, the TUEV used some real sophisticated weapons:

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Finally, General Hornblower was stabbed from the back (phhht...) and another guy was literally stumped into the ground.

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The only survivor, Sergeant Doofus B. Hind, didn't get the whole picture and proceeded to fight the fake soldiers - where he encountered something called booby trap which ended his life and released him from the long and ugly nights in General Hornblowers private rooms.

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So, why did the Bluecoats step into this trap?

Beside their obvious stupidity, the TUEV -members were unvisible for them - just because...

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.. they are females!

Mrs. Eastwick, Callsign "Whitch" , shown here with her jetpack. Specialist for silent kills,

Mrs. Trixie Lewis, Callsign "Trigger", Grandma of Mr. Isaac Newton Lewis and Inventor of some later family owned weapon creations,

Ms. Annastasia Bolika, Callsign "Boom", Specialist for explosives and pure physical force. The survival rate of people teasing her because of her little beard is under 2%, so beware..

#2

Ecologic Patrol boat

Opposite the the bluecoated scum, Redcoat HQ were investigating how we could use those millions and millions of prisoners we took. The Research and Developmant found an animal which shared our aims - to get rid of the blue pest: The big white (ok, nearly white) shark. For motivational reasons, a Bluecoat Soldier was cleaned and after his allergic reaction to soap diminished, we used him as a bait for our new prototype of an C-SAR Patrol Boat for the TUEV.

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Unfortunetaly, driven by his pure hate against the bluecoats, the shark snapped a little peace of the bluecoat. He got ill and to prevent further harm, we stopped this project and now working on other prototypes.

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Although this project didn't work out, it is good to know that even sharks don't like Bluecoats. Yeah -but who does it anyway, beside themselves...

#3

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After reading the sign, the bluecoats were so exited about the party, they immeadetly went for it. Everybody.

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Because of their very special navigation abilities, the have to hold hands to not get lost ...

The party was arranged to meet all the bluecoat needs: Snails, snakes and rats as much as you can eat, cheap wine, Export Beer,

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and high level cultural programm - for bluecoats

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As we forseen it, things went wild.

At the moment the Admiral declared his deep love to a fish, the showgirls sneaked away..

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Some bluecoats gave the snails guts back to mother nature,

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Sergeant Doofus had too much from everything and couldn't move one inch.

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The General and the Captain doing something - eh, eh - very special fun, while another Bluecoat - eh, errrr- holds a Wiener.

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At this moment, TUEV attacked to whipe out this perverted scum.

While the Admiral suffocated from a French Kiss with a Hering and another soldier died from aspirating snail guts, "Whitch" performed her first Bluecoat Sushi,

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Boom made a Schaschlik from a guy who said something about her - normally nearly invisible - beard and used him to smash another big mouth.

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Finally, Trigger used her newly developed flamethrower to stop the ill-minded and totally perverted officers from their strange and unnatural behavior. And she cooked the guy with the -err, eeer - Wiener in his hands..

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#4

RAT RACE

The crew of the HMS Destiny got bored by destroying one bluecoat wooden sailing barrel after the other from a safe distance or of counting how many bullets their armor can repell, so the wanted to do some training with there SECRET WEAPONS (Tamdatamdam!).

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Because the made enough prisonsers and collected them on further notice on a small island, they decided to do game -a deadly game- called Rat Race. They put two of those bluecoat darwinist creatures on a row boat and told them to get away. Even under normal circumstances any kind of physical activity is a deadly thread for those lazy bastards, under stress they have enourmos problems at the brain/muscle coordination skills - and we will have enough to laugh about.

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Captain Admundson, although willing to motivate his crew didn't like all this new high tech stuff. He discusses it with the glorious leader of the light marine infantry, Colonel Ironbeard.

"I'm pretty sure nothing of this Abakadabra will enlighten me..."

"Sir, I'm sure it will"

"I bet it won't"

"You bet . I'm in. 20?"

"Thats fine..."

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"Sir, at first we let Mylady Leia shoot it out. We have a new Browning Long Distance Rifle and she would like to try."

(Shouting to the Top Mast: "Ok, get'em, Mylady"

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Unfortunatly, Mylady isn't real good at shooting.

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"Damn it. But you can't be good looking and good shooting. Ok, then its time for our first new weapon: The swimming bomb. The name is strange, I'll guess there make a better one in the next years. FIRE !"

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"and here it goes..."

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KABLOOOM!

"Wasn't that fun, Sir?"

"Hmm. Not really. Next one."

"You will like that - we call it Bluecoat Barbecue Decivce. FIRE! (and I mean it)"

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"Sarge. the wimp jumped out of the boat - could you please take care of him?"

"It will be a pleasure...."

"Sir - you really enjoyed this one, didn't you?"

"Could be better. There is too less suffering."

"Then you will like this one:"

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"We call it the"Red-o-zap-Turbo Gun". We had to train two of our most capable seaman for it. "

"What does this thing do?"

Sir, would you please pay some attention to those boats over there..."

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"FIRE !"

Z-Z-Z-ZAAP

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"Wow - thats great. There is no greater punishment then this! You really got me - here is your money..."

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Edited by Commodore Hornbricker

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Skipper 24

#1

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#2

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#3

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"a Cameo Post by Jansued":

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Sir Wellington

#1

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#2

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Napoleon meeting his early death.

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Lt. Col. Thok

#1

Four score and seventeen years ago, a barrage of buffoonish bluecoats (lead by a certain Captain with flamboyantly coloured hair) were blundering along the coast of Bluecoatia when they saw a group of Redcoatistan ships on the horizon. Being the sick bluecoats they are, they mooned the ships. Thus, we redcoats had to go and give them a damn good whacking, which we did with gusto. Following the battle, many prisoners were still left (cowards, naturally), including said Captain, so a conference was held between the Commodore, the Colonel and the Admiral.

Commodore: What shall we do with the scum?

Admiral: Let's burn their uniforms!

Commodore: Let's hang them!

Admiral: Let's get the heavy cavalry to pull them to bits!

Commodore: Let's Shave their Captain! What do you think, Thok?

Thok: Here's my idea...

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Let's do all of the above!

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A bluecoat torn to pieces.

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"I told you that you were going too fast!"

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Bluecoat: Harder! Harder!

Redcoat: Perv...

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"This is more fun than roasting marshmallows!"

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"And thus you see, my good Captain No Hair, Redcoats always triumph."

"MERDE!!

Joey Lock

#1

Captains Log 73:

We encountered a Shipwreck and found a suspicious barrel. We have left to intercept.

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#2

Martin and his Girlfriend are having a Picnic.

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Moral of the story is, don't act wise and mature to people who are younger and do not under estimate them during the tournament of retribution. Or the above will happen. And you really don’t want to end up like that “thing” in the barrel do you?

#3

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#4

One day Blackmoor was showering in his Fort.

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Lt.Colonel Thok was commanding a small patrol and they came across a old tunnel in the mountain.

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They were tired and needed some rest so they decided to enter the tunnel.

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Some men slept, others ate, athough some did...Buisness.

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However, When Blackmoor constructed the Fort upon a Old abandoned Fort, his builders didn't sort out the plumbing to well.

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Blackmoor was covered in "buisness".

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Then he realised that he was using a Redcoat towel.

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And thats when he realised that the abandoned fort that his Fortress was built on was originally a Redcoat fort.

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Edited by Commodore Hornbricker

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Commodore Hornbricker

#1

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#2

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#3

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Lego_Warlord_8

#1

A bunch of shipwrecked Redcoats, who have really gone native , fond some recently shipwrecked blue coats. The Redcoats follow a sacred ritual called Pooja! Wherein, the victim has a choice, death by Pooja, or Pooja. Pooja simply causes temporary pain, while death by pooja kills the victim. In case you didn't know, Pooja and death by pooja is the act of shoving a sharp stick or rod up a person's behind. At least that is what the natives call it. This, BTW, was inspired by the 'death by pooja' joke. Don't look it up, it's quite crud.

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Poor fellow, he shouldn't have chosen death by pooja...

Hound Knight

#1

DEADLIEST WARRIOR

Francis Marion vs Capitan Blackmoor...

Who...

Is...

DEADLIEST?

The courageous guerrilla leader of the American Revolution faces off with Napoleon's notorious shipyard pirate in a battle of epic proportions.

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Here we see the Deadliest Warrior team gathering test data that the computer whiz will input into the computer, which will run 1000 battles and decide who is the Deadliest Warrior!

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"Right now, I gotta give it to the Swamp Fox."

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^ The slow-motion replay shows Marion's attack in all it's gory detail.

nintha

#1

The over view, the Raging Redcoats Regiment snuck into a blue coat hut at night and switched all the cloaths with dresses.

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Redcoat view, Col. Nintha is hiding behind bushes to see the blue coat in the dress.

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#2

Ok so this is an overview of the Raging Redcoats Regiment's tank.(sorry its blurry)

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So here is a view of the drunk blue coat leader runing away with his male prostitute and a blue coat being ran over by the tank.

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So here are the Redcoats who man the tank.(I only had one official redcoat so I had to make some with sharpies. hope they look ok)

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Tinn-man

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A redcoat soldier ties a bluecoat to a ball and chain, and drops him into the water. Of course, that's not nearly violent enough, so the redcoat adds a box of angry redcoat snakes to attack the bluecoat. If that isn't painful, I don't know what is

Talon Karrde

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Drunkenness had increasingly become a problem in the Bluecoat ranks. Who can blame them with all the victories the Glorious Redcoats have been winning of late? So, the fiendishly clever undercover redcoats division have decided to take advantage of this situation...

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That's all of them for the Redcoats!

Edited by Commodore Hornbricker

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Isn't everyone going to vote for themselves? :pir-sceptic:

I won't, Don't worry.

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It seems a bit like you are trying to influence the judges (I could be wrong), that wouldn't be very fair. Anyway, I think I liked the first one of Jansued the most, but it's very hard to choose.

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I think only Bluecoat laddies may vote in this poll.

There will be a poll for the Reddies to vote soon I think. :pir-wink:

Red's come first, after the Bluecoats. Always. :pir-sweet:

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Very entertaining all round, and some great building skills displayed! :pir-wub:

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Oops! Forigive me for the previous post :pir_laugh2: When I posted it there was still only the redcoat voting thread XD

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Yes you did! Congratulations mate! :pir-sweet:

I hope somebody is around to close those voting threads now.

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Yes you did! Congratulations mate! :pir-sweet:

I hope somebody is around to close those voting threads now.

Woo! I finally get one 2009 Pirate Set! I still need to buy them all :pir_laugh2:

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Excellent job Joey! Congratulations. I got your information. As soon as I hear from Captain Green Hair with his I'll head on over to the post office.

Thanks again to everyone you participated as a player, judge, moderator and spectator. I had a lot of fun. Start saving up your ideas for next years Tournament!

This thread should be closed. Thanks

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Congrats Joey. Now go buy the rest of the line. :pir_laugh2:

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And now you have an appropriate title as well. :pir-wink:

Thanks for the Title! :thumbup:

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