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Matsuoka Nui

Toa Syaoran's Epic Review Topic

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I mean, from a readers perspective, out of dialogue it should say "Kiina" not "Akara" (or whatever it is, I think I misspelled it). Like, "Kiina said" instead of "Akara said" (again, not sure if that's the right name).

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I guess that makes sense now, thanks for the clarification. I'll make the changes in the next act and I'll later revise Act 15.

Edited by Toa Syaoran

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A fitting end for Tuma, I thought. It sounds good that Kiina was the one to defeat him, if you're paying homage that deeply into Romeo x Juliet, that she's the fiercer fighter/the one who fights more in the storyline.

And it's also interesting to see the Lords at least working together...to an extent.

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Yeah, I saw "The Birds" during my vacation, (well most of it) and that was one CREEPY movie :oh: , so I thought about using several birds in Bara Magna to attack the Skrall in Roxtus. But I plan to use more birds later on as we get closer to the end. In fact, as I was writing Act 16, I was "laughing" sinisterly about the birds attacking the village; it felt like as if I was about to go insane. :tongue:

I didn't see the Great Battle in RxJ yet, but I saw some confrontation pictures of Juliet and Lord Montague in some music video. I wasn't expecting that K vs. T to be like J vs. LM, but then I guess it does remind you about that, but I threw the birds in there to finish him off.

I doubt you'll answer this but does Juliet kill Lord Montague in the anime? If it's not her, don't tell me.

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I didn't mean it equated to Juliet killing Montague, but more as to that Juliet fought more than Romeo did, and was more competent. I mean, it's nice to see that since Kiina's the one fighting Tuma, it keeps a link towards Juliet's fighting prowess, more or less.

And I won't say anything about Montague.

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Okay, I'll be a bit busy this week. I don't know if I'll be able to release Act 17 before Weds. or Thurs.

btw, I found out who killed LM. Is "M" on drugs or what? He acts just like Vezon after he killed LM.

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I was kinda surprised when I found out that Tybalt was Romeo's older brother, unlike the Shakespeare play where he's related to the Capulets.

I have some titles for my next epic about Erax.

"Tales of the Traveler"

"Decade: The Endless Journey"

"Untold Destiny"

which of the three sound best?

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Well, this particular Montague family is Capulet, with Lord Montague being born of a Capulet man and a prostitute, which makes Romeo part Capulet, thus making Tybalt a Capulet as well.

Decade.

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I figured that you would go for that one. :wink:

To be honest, I can't wait till I start that epic; I'm going to introduce some new worlds while I'll have him to revisit some old ones too.

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So, the Skrall maze design means something deeper. It may have been said already, but I don't remember. Spirit Certavus, nice. Good flashbacks, nice to see more into Kiina's past than just hearing about it.

Good chapter. How many more do you plan?

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A little bit more, you'll know when the story will end. Instead of a number, I'll call it "L'atto Finale" (The Final Act) along with a title and subtitle.

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it was like three times the size of the other keys that she held.
He was all sweaty from this strange dream. Was it really true?

Those don't read with proper grammar, "it was about three times...", "He was covered in sweat from..."

Anyway, the battle is still going? Ok. The fate of Certavus was good to see, it was nice to see how the process actually went. And the Sisters, good to see them. But since when can those three fly? And Erax's personality, by the way, I've enjoyed thus far.

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Tsk, grammar issues. My brain is like "dead". =P Oh well, there's always revision.

The battle is somewhat going but it's disturbed by the "earthquake" that's affecting the whole planet. I don't know if I'll have them still fight or not. If you read my latest journal on DA, there are some spoilers.

The power of flight is part of the "children's" ability. The Children (besides K and G) have several powers and abilities, but some of them only know about it. You'll see more of those powers later on as we get closer to the end of the story. Obviously for Erax, his powers were granted from his travels.

Edit: Okay, those issues are fixed.

Edited by Toa Syaoran

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Several Vorox and Zesk emerged from the sand, lining up into a massive pack. Malum and Starax went to the front line and went into and exodus to the Creep Canyon. As they evacuate, the nest behind them shook and eventually rocketed to the skies.

Exodus means escape, but doesn't work here. "went to the front line and into the exodus of Creep Canyon" could work, however.

Anyway, good. Possible romance is nice to get hinted upon. Lords in combat, always nice to see. I see that the only ones fighting are Capulet and Montague, guess that's appropriate for the names, and probably the only ones hating each other.

So, what did she do to Kiina's sword? Put it in her staff? I didn't quite catch that.

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Grr...another typo, I was rushing to finish the story last night. I must have not paid attention.

Their names were always Montague and Capulet, hadn't you noticed since the beginning?

As of the weapons, she attached the ends of it, so it's like a gigantic staff/sword weapon.

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Nothing, I was mistaken for something else. Anyway, now that I'm not as busy anymore, I'll try to get this story done, hopefully before February. And maybe I'll take a small break so I can figure out how the Decade story will work.

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I must say, this had an idea I once had almost a year ago, when I began Chronicles.

Evil Certavus.

I love it. The love interests with (can't think of how to spell their names, sorry) ended well. The birds, great again. I was hoping Belirax would have a lot more damage, not dead, but scarred, like missing eye, etc. But all in all, that was a good way to go about it.

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Believe me, things are going to get interesting....;)

But I already told you earlier (elsewhere) why the birds are attacking....;) That will get revealed soon though.

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It's nice to have this new perspective on the Vulcanus massacre/whatever it's actually called. It was interesting to read more in depth into it.

One thing I just noticed, her name is Akara(I think) in her disguise. "Aka" means "red" in Japanese, which I found amusing, since she's "Blue Savior".

And yet more information on Certavus as the "big bad". Love it.

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Yess!! 500th post....!! :D :D anyway....

Wow...that's totally ironic....lol! XD! Not to mention that Juliet has red theme on her clothes....XD Too bad her fake name wasn't Akara (as her's is Odin). But that's neat though...I'll have to study Japanese sometime.

Yeah, I needed something to fill in this chapter, that's why I called this "Fire and Water" to represent the former AxK (kinda, not really) prior to Ackar's death. (though it's obvious that Kiina never told him about her feelings)

Edited by Toa Syaoran

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22:

The only one I have time for two right now, since I have my own epic to write, I can't do them all in one sitting.

thronax

Gresh has air powers? Did he ever use those? Shouldn't it be jungle?

Anyway, good chapter. I liked the combat between the Jungle warriors and the illusions. Still think Certavus should have kept them around longer for the battle, so he could keep the fight going, and take care of the newcomers.

23:

Cross worlds? More dimension hopping, or literally, go to other planets? If the former, I see that's your big theme as a writer (I personally use Tokusatsu elements, and more human elements, such as the entire theme of Double, police work) for BIONICLE.

The birds soar their way down, attacking the group.

Soared.

Stepping up the language for situations with Ackar's "bastard". Nice job with that, didn't think you wanted to use that word for EB.

was all sweaty

"was covered in sweat" should be used, or something like that, "all sweaty" is not the way to write a scene.

Good job, nice battle against Certavus. Really shows his power as the part of the planet, or however you would describe the situation. The final battle sides are well set, and I'm sure this will go well, in terms of a read. I'm just hoping for no deus ex machina ending to defeat Certavus.

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Well...Ackar was REALLY mad when he found out...

I don't know if I mentioned it, but Gresh has two of those powers; both air and jungle. There's not much of a reason specifically other than just want him to be different and unique unlike the other characters or counterparts.

As of that separate world....have you heard this term "center of the earth?" That's the "chamber" (not really) FAR below the maze, it's not really crossing worlds, but it's one within another.

It's like Karda Nui and Southern Continent in the MU if you want to compare them.

SC= Maze Valley (Bara Magna surface)

KN= Triangle Core. (Planet's Core)

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That's not what I meant. Certavus mentions he'll conquer other worlds, or something along those lines. Does that literally mean worlds, as in planets, or dimensions, since you like dimension hopping?

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