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Shadows

EB News Presents: Galactic Paranoia ... The Dirty Truth

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Welcome to another exciting episode of EB News Presents! I'm your host, Imperial Shadows, and tonight is going to be a very different episode of EB News, as we're actually going to present ... news! Yes, that's right, an actual news broadcast!

EB News: We Bring You the Real News ... Whenever We Feel Like it!™

Tonight, we're going inside a secret military operation to expose corruption, murder, and other nasty things that I won't spoil by telling you now. Let's get started!

It has recently come to the attention of the EB News Team that Rebel and Imperial forces are in negotiations to bring peace to the galaxy, but can they even bring peace to their own ranks? It doesn't seem like it.

Apparently, in the course of the negotiations, both sides have come to the conclusion that there are spies in their ranks, and are actively voting to kill these spies, despite having no evidence as to their identities. Yes, that's right, they're simply guessing who might be a spy and then murdering them in cold blood. Don't believe me? We've managed to tap into the internal security cams and captur one such murder, that of Ivy Shadowspark. From what we've been able to determine, Miss Shadowspark was a loyal and brave member of the team who, at one time, dated none other than the painting of Luke Skywalker. She also had fabulous hair.

How could they make a mistake like this? How could they condemn this noble and incredibly hot woman clearly in her prime?

Now, here is the shocking footage. Sadly, the audio track was unusable but we were able to assemble what we hope is a reasonably accurate transcript that will appear below the footage. I will also add comments to describe the action.

As the footage begins, it's obvious that Miss Shadowspark was awakened in the middle of the night by a knock at her door. She rises and prepares to answer.

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Ivy Shadowspark: I'll be right there, I'm just putting on my ... um ... I'll be right there!

At this point, she moves to her wig stand and puts it on. Who knew that fabulous hair was a wig?

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Ivy Shadowspark: I'm almost decent, one more second!

Miss Shadowspark goes to the door, but is cautious.

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Ivy Shadowspark: Who is it?

Unidentified voice: I brought you a birthday gift, I'd really like to give it to you!

Ivy Shadowspark: A gift? For me? YAY!

As she opens the door, she recognises the visitor, but we are unable to see who it is. She invites him in, thinking it's a friendly visit.

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Ivy Shadowspark: Oh, do come in, it's so nice of you to stop by.

Unidentified Voice: Just turn around and I'll give you your surprise.

Ivy Shadowspark: OK!

Poor Ivy, unable to see what the man had behind his back, turns to await her 'surprise'.

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Unidentified Voice: Hold still!

Ivy Shadowspark: I'm so excited! You all are so great to get me something special for my birthday! I can't believe it!

Unidentified Voice: Uh huh. Happy birthday!

This next scene is pretty disturbing. I would suggest that our more sensitive viewers look away.

Unidentified Voice: Do you remember when the commander said we had to catch the spies or heads would roll?

Ivy Shadowspark: Yeah. But how do you roll a head? I never got that. :wacko:

Unidentified Voice: You'll get it now. :skull:

The axe comes down quickly, Ivy's head bounces to the floor, her body still frozen in place momentarily.

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You can see the grimacing expression on her face as she realises that the gift isn't anything she'd want.

This next part even disturbed me, but I'll let you be the judge of it.

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Unidentified Voice: Wow, she was pretty hot in this outfit. It's so lonely out here on this mission...

At this point, the unidentified murderer covers the security camera. We are unable to accurately say what happened after that, we'll leave it to your twisted imaginations. :wacko:

So there you have it, the death of Ivy Shadowspark, and an inside look at the type of corruption that surrounds these 'peace' proceedings.

With a peace like that, maybe we'd be better off with war. :hmpf_bad:

Thank you for joining me for this very important episode. If we are able to gather any more inside footage, we'll be sure to share it right here, but don't count on it, it's a lot of effort. :laugh:

I'm Imperial Shadows, and you're not. Goodnight!

*camera fades*

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Who would of known. How interesting. Thanks for doing what must be done, humiliating yourself by showing your embarasing death. Well done :classic:

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Who would of known. How interesting. Thanks for doing what must be done, humiliating yourself by showing your embarasing death. Well done :classic:

Hey, I interviewed myself once, I might as well be the first alternate personality guest and first death also. :laugh:

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Geez, I thought whom is the next in line for the interview. :tongue:

This is really very unexpected, now should we indexed this as part of ImperialShadows' chroncles within our EB News index? :laugh:

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...I might as well be the first alternate personality guest...

I thought you were reserving that spot for me... :cry_sad:

Please be quiet.

Why?

Because if you do, I'll invite you to this castle I'm visiting later in the year. :wink:

Nice job Shadows, very comical in a sadistic and twisted way. :laugh:

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Woah. I noticed what chaos is wreaked here, and I must say I gotta get me in on that action.

Stauder.

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