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Talon Karrde

PTV contest entry: Large

23 posts in this topic

thindexedgif.gif Vig. 30d

Ok, it's not that large, but it wouldn't fit in the medium category so...

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Basically, Port Culver was a small imperial island fort/port in the caribbean, it's golden beaches crowned by a volcanic ring, capped by a defensive wall, this fortunate natural defense had made it almost impregnable from Pirate attacks, but not these guys... They anchored on a night as black as their hearts, and waited for dawn to come. As the sun rose they lowered the longboats and splashed their way towards unsuspecting Culver, up the beach they swarmed, multitudes, bringing ladders and death. Culver was doomed, the small garrison of imperial troops rushed to arms, hopeless in the knowledge of their inferior numbers. Women cried and babies screamed, men were powerless, the town was still, awaiting death.

Mocpages page (more pictures)

Edited by SlyOwl

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very nice! I love the "smooth" look of it^^ I love that you put a background to it too, well, I love it ^^ :pir-wub:

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Nice work, very smoothly build! :thumbup:

It kinda makes me think of D-day...

Splendid work, I can't any problem with it whatsoever also I agree with Captain greem hair that this is a very smooth and clean cut MOC. :pir_laugh2:

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This entry for the contest is very nice. It has good minifigures and its very smooth. Everything is great, but some things could be improved. This is a gruesome contest! Where's all the cruel stuff! I want to see some blood and skeletons! Include some blood or skeletons and that would improve you chance of winning. BTW, if you added some more pictures in your post I would be able to see the entry better and make better comments. There are a lot of details in there that are very nice, including the stairs using the jail-cell windows, the rocks, the ocean, the beach, and behind the rocks, (the fort). If you make some improvements, your entry could turn out to be a really good entry!

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Nice work, very smoothly build! :thumbup:

It kinda makes me think of D-day...

I agree, the classic beach landing.

Good work the spanish helmets, sota go with the redcoat figures, i never noticed that before.

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This is a great entry Talon Karrde!

Your SNOT work is superb and it's very nice how you made the sloping rocks. The use of those fence pieces as a ladder is very clever as well.

1 or 2 minor improvements you could make are:

1) I really would like to see some more pictures in the post, as you can have up to six and I feel this would give a better impression of your nice entry.

2) Where the water meets the sand, instead of having a solid white layer, interspersing white with blue plates with give it a more random and thus, natural feel.

That said, I really do love your entry, as it combines nice SNOT with good design and a bit of humor mixed in. Great work!

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My opinion:

Your MOC certainly pleases me, Talon Karrde, I love the ladders and the minifigs look great. So does the fort and the pirate sloops :thumbup: .

Possible improvements:

1) I think the beach looks to flat. Maybe you could add some rocks or height differences, and I also agree with Erdbeereis1' second point about the waterline.

2) One thing that disturbs me a bit, is the fact both soldiers on the wall have the same face.

3) The cannonpost looks a bit useless: it hasn't got any (more?) cannonballs and it seems it can collapse at any given minute now...why did you give it such a weakened wooden platform, and how did they get that cannon up there? :pir_laugh2:

Then again, it doesn't show its weakness from the front, so maybe you really should consider taking a pic from that angle. With this pic, the cannon nearly doesn't show at all...(also see N-b advise point 1)

4) Little details: as adding a brown flagpole (imperial flag) instead of the grey one to make it look more realistic. And I would have added at least one pirate pushing one of the sloops on land.

Non-brick related advise:

1) As said, try to add more pictures to your thread. Off course only the first one counts, but it is easier for the "judges" and it might attract more attention.

2) I think a photo taken from the waterside might look better. As stated above this pic doesn't show everything as good as is possible. And you should always use the best pic for judging. Did you try taking a pic from this direction?

3) Texts and stories are easier to read if some space is left between the sentences.

Also you used some unusual words. eg. "the town was still", better would be "the town was silent". But this is only a minor issue... :pir-wink:

Edited by zorro3999

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Also you used some unusual words. eg. "the town was still", better would be "the town was silent". But this is only a minor issue... :pir-wink:

This is actually often said in books and the like so I don't think it's a problem.

Sorry Zorro, I just feel like picking on you a bit.:pir-tongue:

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Dang! Nice one. And it reminds me of D-Day too, when I think about it. I bet that story would have scored an A in English too.

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Opinion

I like your whole idea of pirates invading a fort in the middle of the night, smart thinking. You have used good minifig face expressions. I like how you put ladders on the pirate boats so the pirates could climb up the wall. The water and sand are well created. I like how you have your wall, but rocks extend from it making your MOC look even better. I like how you mixed the colors of the rocks and made them: light gray, gray, and dark gray. In the water, I like how you have pirates swimming towards land to attack the Imperial Armada.

Possible Improvements

1) You could possibly make the beach a brick higher than the water level so it is easier to distinguish.

2) On the wall on the Imperial Armada's side, you could give those guns and add a cannon or two.

3) On the beach and water, you could put some crabs crawling on the beach and some sharks in the water chasing the pirates.

4) You could add some more blood to your MOC. Maybe by the soldier that has just been shot.

Non-Brick Related

1) You could add some more pictures to your topic because all the pictures in your MOC pages cannot be graded. You have to pick the six best pictures and post them in your topic.

2) Your pictures can be no bigger than 640x480.

3) You always look over what you write because I can see that there are a lot of grammar mistakes.

Overall- This is a great large contest entry and can see you have put a lot of time and effort into your MOC. You have some very minor improvements to do on your MOC. Other than that, it is great. I wish you the best of luck!

LegoKing

My Moc Page

My PTV Entry- Medium

My Brickshelf

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Thanks for the feedback people, i don't think i have any chance in this category (i've seen previews of Sir Nadroj's entry) so i'm throwing my main effort into the other categories, did i mention that this was my first pirate MOC ever?!

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That is your godgiven right off course, but remember the other 2 prizes for this category are also awesome!

Well done for a first one!

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I always love SNOT sand/water! I do have a few critiques, though:

1. The rock wall looks too flat on both sides; I suggest integrating slopes to give it a more rock-y look. This might mean widening the whole creation, but I think it would be worth it.

2. The scared woman looks out-of-place to me. It doesn't look like she's running; if she is supposed to stand in shock, then shouldn't she be looking at the pirates?

3. Is the fort British or French? I can't tell based on the soldier's clothing. If they're British, then the morions just don't look right to me.

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I like the improvements that you have made. They are very nice. Keep up the good work!

LegoKing

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Is the fort British or French?

I thought i made it fairly clear... (from the flag) that they are, "imperial" i thought this was a fairly standard lego system pirates faction. The woman is scared, she is not out of place, what else could i do with her? The rocks on the side are flat because it is a kind of cross section, i had envisaged a wide curved bay with a dock etc but do you see that blue? That's ALL the blue i have (i know shocking :p) but hey... Thanks for the feedback but this has already been dismantled.

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Hey Talon Karrde - you don't happen to the same TalonCard who was collaborating on the Guide to the Pirate Mini-Figures?

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Looks great, I love the...clean look of it, which is one of the great effects of SNOT, so well done. Yes it is small for the large category, but still looks great, I love how the ridged wall is more of a barrier, very versitile looks great! Well done!

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Nice work, TalonKarrde.

What I like:

The rock formation at the foot of the wall is very good, I can really see how the waves formed them. Your minifig head choices are great, and good use of what you had. The action is really well displayed as well. :thumbup:

What could be improved:

Not much, really, but I would definitely throw in some cruelty for the pirates. Perhaps one slitting a guard's throat?

A great MOC, TalonKarrde, and I wish you luck on the contest! :pir-classic:

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